And the Saga Continues...

Ok well, this isn't really a saga, but you know how I wrote a few months ago about that teacher that kept pestering me about getting a new document camera that we so affectionately call an "Elmo"? Yeah...so the following is a true story...

We got four new ones in and the computer tech (we'll call her Mrs. B) told me who all they go to. (I know you are thinking to yourself, "Why is the computer tech telling the librarian who to take the tech carts to?" That is another boring story in and of itself.) Anyways, so inevitably, this teacher, the persistent annoying one, Mrs. A is supposed to get one, as well as a few other teachers. I decided to deliver Mrs. A's new document camera/projector cart last cause I was really hoping she would be gone and I could just leave it in her room. She wasn't. She was there...talking with another teacher. I open up her door and say, "Hey, I have your new projector and stuff.", and start coming in.

Mrs. A jumps up and says, "What? Me? Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
Me: Yep
Mrs. A continues to jump...and run...and jump all over the room. "Oh my gosh! It's a Christmas miracle! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! Oh my kids are gonna be so excited! Oh I'm so excited! It's Christmas! Santa came ya'll!" Mind you, she is literally jumping and hopping all over the place this whole time and she just keeps repeating all this stuff over and over and over again.
Then she does a superman dive onto a row of student desks and proceeds to roll over shaking and kicking her legs.
By this time I have made it past her into the room and really just want to get the old cart out of there as well as myself but I can't stop watching her act like someone who just won the Showcase Showdown on The Price Is Right...neither can the other teacher. We're just staring at her and I feel the whole time like her excitement should be contagious or something and I try to smile, really I do but the whole thing just makes me uncomfortable and I just want to escape and leave.
So I'm standing on the other side of the room trying to clean her stuff off the old cart so I can get the you know what out of there and she comes over to help and I end up getting hugged. Well then I feel even more uncomfortable because you should feel happy when someone hugs you, but I just got more annoyed. I mean, this whole idea of her getting new stuff wasn't mine. So I told her, "Uh...this wasn't my doing you know. You really need to thank Mrs. B. It was all her. Thank HER."
"Oh I will! Oh, I'm just so happy! When my kids come in tomorrow morning, I'm gonna say, 'Look you guys! Santa is real! He came!' And if you guys hear screams and hollers comin' down the hall, you know it's comin' from them!"
Right...your students could care less. Because this machine does the EXACT SAME JOB as the old one did. They aren't going to scream and holler. The only reason a kid would scream and holler would be because THEY got something and if they got a document camera and projector, they definitely wouldn't scream. If they got a Wii or an X-Box, they might scream. But they don't care about new educational materials.
Ok...rant over. She got her new stuff just like she wanted. She better treat it like it was her first born child...I'm just sayin'.

Sometimes Things Don't Turn Out Like You'd Expect...

So today I decided to get out the Christmas stuff and decorate...

Instead:

I found out that my Christmas tree is crooked and I can't get it to stand up straight, so I gave up halfway through decorating and my living room is a disaster...and it will probably stay that way for a while.

I went looking for an extension cord and found all these things I had been missing...

Like:

My diploma for my master's degree.
An extra pillowcase to replace the one that was stolen a year ago.
A Christmas card from one of my students a few years ago that kind of made me tear up.
And yes, amazingly enough I did find an extension cord.

I pulled out my camera today and looked through the pictures to see what I had on there and found this video:

She's not normally like this, but when she's mad at me, she lets me know...and usually I make fun of her or yell right back. I think by the time I had pulled out the camera the hissing had stopped and she had calmed down enough to only growl.

And everything else I did today was boring...not that all that stuff previous wasn't boring, but well, you know.

No Words...

I just wanna know how American Apparel even stays in business selling crap like this. Do people really buy this? Why? Why would they do that? If this is fashionable, consider me...I don't know...whatever the opposite of fashionable is...unfashionable? Whatever.

Maybe...I Should Try This?

Please don't show this to PETA. Please don't hate me. Squirrels are evil. If you don't believe me, read my post from about a year ago... click here. You guys remember that? I do. And the stinking squirrels have already started bombing Millie and myself with pecans. I'm not lying. They don't just let them drop. They are thrown at us! There is a definite sound difference with the amount of force the pecans hit the deck with. Then Millie looks up at me with this look on her face like, "Holy crap! That was CLOSE!" It's ridiculous. Anyways, good idea? What do you think? My dad sent me this video...I have to give him credit. He's always got good ideas. He tried out for Jeopardy once...it's true.

A Day In The Life

So in my job as an elementary school librarian, I deal with two sets of people: students and teachers. Believe it or not, they both give me equal amounts of grief and laughs. Here is a sampling of what I dealt with today:

In our school, every classroom is fortunate enough to have a document camera and projector to use while teaching. It wasn't always so. It used to be that each grade level had one until last year when we got some newer ones, but of course, some teachers got left with the older ones. No one really complains about it. They're just grateful to have one. Well, except for one teacher. She was a sub at our school last year, and a new teacher this year and just so happened to end up with one of the old ones (which really isn't old, it's brand new...I took it straight out of the box). But since she was around last year, she knows about the new ones (which incidentally work exactly like the old ones...they do the EXACT same thing). So at the beginning of the year, I take everyone their Elmo (that's what the document cameras are called). Then a few days later, she comes to me and says,
"When am I gonna get an Elmo?"
"You have one. I put it in your classroom. It's on a cart..."
"Oh! That thing? I didn't even know what that was. I thought that since I'm new I get one of the new ones."
"Nope, sorry. The teacher that had that room last year had an old one, so you get an old one too."
"You mean I can't get an Elmo?"
"You have one. It does the exact same thing and works just as well. It just looks different."
And you can see how the rest of the conversation went: "I'm not gonna get a new one?" "No." etc...

Then a few months ago she claimed that she might need a new Elmo because the projector was overheating (it's brand spankin' new, I pulled the projector straight out of the box too). I went down to look at it and it worked just fine so I told her to call the HelpDesk and they could come fiddle with it.

Today she comes to tell me that some of the prongs are missing on a plug and all she really needs is a new Elmo (do you see the pattern here folks?). And then she goes on to tell me how she can't teach at all with that thing and how it is so confusing and frustrating and, "All I want is an Elmo!"
Once again..."You have an Elmo."
"Oh! Can you just come down and take a look at it for me? I can't even plug anything in...I just don't know what to do. There's cords everywhere..." blah blah blah.
So I'm thinking this cord problem is the cord that plugs into the Elmo and she tried to break it so she could get a new one. I tell her I have plenty of extra cords and I'll bring down a replacement.
I get down there and yep, there are cords everywhere! Everything is unplugged from the power strip, the power strip is unplugged from the cart, and the cord from the cart is unplugged from the wall.
I ask her what is wrong with the cord (as I'm looking at the one plugged into the Elmo) and she says, "Oh no, not that one. This one." And she shows me the cord from the cart...a three prong cord where the bottom prong has been broken off. Then she tells me how she wasn't sure if it would work if she plugged it into the wall and how she hasn't touched it for a week.

Seriously? How many times do I have to tell people! If something isn't working, check to make sure it's plugged in!!!!!! It's like twice a month I have to go down to someone's classroom and plug something in for them. Ugh!

So we plug everything back in (or really, I plug everything back in because all of those cords are really just too confusing for her) and guess what? It works just fine! But then she starts pushing all these buttons asking me "which one does this need to be on" and so on. I got it back to the right setting and told her to leave it there...we'll see if she does. I swear that woman is going to break everything on that cart, including the cart itself, just to get a document camera that looks like everyone else's.

How are people so technologically defunct that they can't figure out how to plug something into a power strip and then plug it in to the wall and therefore think it must be broken and they need a new one? I just don't get it....

I Almost Died Tonight

Seriously. I almost had a heart attack. In fact, maybe I did have heart attack. I do tend to recover from illnesses quickly. Anyways, here's what happened:

On my way to bed, I decide to do a quick OCD facebook/email/blog check before going to sleep and when I walked into the office, there was this scratching noise. My first thought was that it was a mouse or a rat, that's how loud it was. Wrong! It was the world's biggest water roach crawling around on the giant pile of papers and junk I have yet to file away. So, naturally I screamed and ran for the bug spray (please note, I also grabbed the fly swatter...what I was going to do with the fly swatter, I have no idea because there is no way in H.E.double hockey sticks that I would EVER get that close to a giant oversized bug). Well, then it disappeared, but I could hear it...scratching and scratching...*shiver*

What happened after that I will skim over very quickly because it really was traumatizing:

It crawled across the floor, under the chair leg, up the bookcase, fell down, and ran under the desk where it FINALLY stopped and died.
Note: I sprayed it with probably a quarter of the bottle of bug spray...I mean, the carpet is still wet.
Another note: I could only scream and spray for a period of 30 seconds at a time and then I had to go out in the hall and hyperventilate and scream and cry.

Oh my gosh! Gasp! I just had an awful thought! Okay, you know when you half fall asleep and sometimes your mind dreams something but you are still half awake so you kind of think it's true? Like, sometimes I think that my friends are there and they are talking about me (not bad or anything) and I want to talk to them, but I can't make myself wake up and the more I try, the harder it is so I have to let myself completely relax and then jerk myself awake. And then of course I realize that no one is there and it was all in my head. Well, this morning, I was sleeping and I thought there was a bug crawling around in my hair. I mean, I could hear it buzzing and could feel it crawling on my head but I was so struck with fear that I couldn't move. Finally I jerked myself awake by flailing my arms at my head (I know, very amusing right?) but alas, there was no bug anywhere.

But what if it was this giant roach? I mean, they crawl pretty fast. And who knows how long it's been in the house? And...ok...I gotta stop. Why can't I ever have a normal experience with these things? Last time, one dropped from the ceiling while I was in the shower. Now it's crawling on my head in my sleep and making creepy scratching noises.

I hate roaches. I hate them with all the fiery passion of my heart! And I know they serve a purpose in the great plan of nature and decomposition and junk, but really, do they have to be so friggin' big? And their legs are so nasty and long! Ugh! Okay, I gotta stop. I'm done.

I Have Discovered...

...that for some reason I don't enjoy blogging as much as I used to...I don't know why, maybe it's just a phase.

...that many of the pictures I have from middle school through high school I only kept because they had boys that I had crushes on in them. Yes, I was kind of a stalker as a teenager. No, it never went beyond random out of focus pictures that I snapped quickly or that I got someone else to snap for me.

...my cat uses my giant purse as a bed more than I ever used it as a purse...I'm just not cut out for big bags, sorry, I'm a small purse kind of gal.

...my house will probably smell like old lady forever.

...someone must have been praying for me cause I got a helper today for my Sunbeams class...seriously, I felt this huge burden lifted off my shoulders.

...I frickin' heart Matt Kearney! No, he's not my boyfriend or anything (although that would be nice), he's a singer and I downloaded his newest CD and it's guuuuuuuud! It's so good that I stayed up way later than I should last night just so I could listen to it...again.

...I like riding bikes WAY better than I ever liked running.

...that I need to let go of a lot of little things that I like to make into big things and I need to focus on some more important things. Vague, I know...

Reason #637 why I can't wait for Sept. 9th!

A Letter To...Well, Maybe You

Dear all you people who put your profile pic on facebook as that Obama Joker Face picture,

I understand that you are trying to make a statement that you don't like Obama and what he is doing, but I am begging you, please put up a picture of you! I know you don't look like Obama as the Joker. It creeps me out every time you post something (and inevitably, you all do...frequently) and I have to see that picture. It looks worse than the Heath Ledger (may he rest in peace) Joker. Scarier in fact. And that is just what you are going for isn't it? Isn't there a better way to get your point across than to oog me out like that? If anyone else decides to do this, I will click the "Hide" button so I don't have to see you anymore and then none of your anti-Obama propoganda will reach my eyes. Okay, let's compromise. How about replacing his head with the cartoon Joker face? Same point gets across, but not as creepy. Deal? Deal.

Your facebook friend forever (or until I delete you...or you delete me),
Rhia

Not One Of My Better Ideas

Well, as you all know, I love my blog...I love it even more when people read it. And the more people that read it, the more I love it. So I thought it would be a good idea to import my blog onto facebook as a note. That way, it's like one stop shopping. Sounds like a good idea right? Wrong! At least, wrong for me anyways. Some of my fb friends just don't get it. They don't get my humor and/or sarcasm and/or whininess that comes out on my blog posts because I haven't talked to them in...well...years. And let's face it, some people just don't get it period. For instance, in the post previous to this one, I wrote about my experience at Home Depot yesterday to which one of my fb friends replied:

"The women's lib movement caused this and other occurances like this. Plus did you ask them for help?"

Well, this comment irked me, so I replied:

"Ummm...I wasn't a part of the women's lib movement thanks. Nor do I think that people not being courteous to other people was caused by women wanting to be treated as people and not accessories. My problem wasn't that they didn't offer to help, it was that they stood there and waited until I didn't need it anymore to offer. It could have been a woman and I would have felt the same way."

Maybe I should have been a little nicer, but...well...I really don't care about what this person thinks of me.

Okay, and speaking of which, where have all the fun people on fb gone? I am completely bored by all the status updates about really sweet husbands and family trips and babies and how tired so and so is or what they ate for lunch...etc... Not that I don't care about all that stuff, but can't we be a little more creative? Facebook used to be fun...now it's just mundane.

I think I'm a little grumpy...maybe I should go take a nap...or read my scriptures...or something.

P.S. I have removed my blog from importing into my notes on fb...sorry, no more one stop shopping people! :(

I Really Hate It When...

...you are standing there at Home Depot in front of a shelf of hard to reach 60 lb. bags of cement and there are two grown men standing 5 ft. away from you who don't offer to help until they see you about to fall over under the weight of something that weighs half as much as you. "No, I don't need your help...anymore, I've got it...thanks."

You Know...

...sometimes a girl doesn't want to be pushed away, she wants to be pursued.

...sometimes a girl doesn't want to make you feel bad, but wants to make you feel happy again.

...sometimes a girl doesn't want you to let go, she wants you to hold on real tight.

...sometimes a girl doesn't want you to back off, but wants you to step up.

I mean, I'm just sayin'.

So...

...if you know anyone in Montana or South Dakota, could you please tell them to click on my blog? Cause those are the only two white spots left on my google analytics map for the U.S. (and of course it's driving me nuts!)

Also, if you know anyone in Serbia, Ukraine, Lithuania, or Latvia, asking them to click on my bloggie would be cool too. Then I could have all of Europe.

Wow...it's like I'm playing Risk or something huh?

This is what it's like for me...

to watch a perfectly good book made into a movie.



Okay, let me explain. Everyone has seen The Never Ending Story. (If you haven't then I do not suggest you watch it as an adult for the first time because you'll just think it is stupid. You have to watch it with childish innocence to grasp the wonderfulness of it. Sorry, you just missed out...sucks to be you.) Okay, so everyone has seen this movie. You just watched a 6 minute rendition of all the events with none of the feeling or emotion behind them. If someone doesn't know the story already, and they see that, they are only more confused. If someone does know the story, they watch this and then laugh because it is cheesy and well, funny. This is how I felt after watching Twilight (just as an example). Catherine Hardwick, I felt like you took all the story out of Twilight and just showed me cheesy clips of the highlights. There I said it. And even though C.H. isn't directing New Moon, she set the precedent and it's going to be just as bad. But I will still go see it cause there are hot...hawt werewolves in it.

I'm Totally Doing This!

When I get married, I'm doing something like this, but not this exactly cause it's not cool to copy (just ask your 3rd grade teacher).

Just know that whatever happens at my wedding is going to be F-U-N!!!!!!!!!! (cause I think traditional mushy wedding stuff is boring...sorry)

Do You Ever Get That Feeling?

Okay, so most of you know that I had been talking to an old friend of mine that I had thought was going to be more than just a friend. In the end it turned out that he got really "busy" all of a sudden and didn't have the time to talk to me anymore and I was just left wondering... That is another story for another day though. Here's the thing. He lives in Missouri and was going to come visit in July and had purchased tickets for us to go see Coldplay. And yes, you can just guess...nothing...nada...zilch. Do I feel pathetic? Yes. Everyone has their own reasons why they think he didn't come, but again, that is another blog entirely. So the point is, it didn't happen.

Do you ever get that feeling like you were supposed to get to do something that you didn't get to? For instance, here, Coldplay. I was really excited about going. I was really looking forward to it. But it didn't happen. It's something close to regret but it's not regret entirely...what is it? Ugh! It's driving me nuts!

So I woke up tonight from this dream...I was going to the Coldplay concert with some friends and I had two tickets reserved but when I got there I found out they weren't reserved for me and had been sold to someone else. I was so disappointed (is that the feeling? just plain disappointment?) that I had to wait outside the stadium (or wherever) for my friends. Then after the concert, everyone comes out telling me how great it was and that I should have stuck around because they were letting people in for $1.50. They had tried to call me to tell me but I left my phone in the car and was too busy pouting that I didn't get to go. And I missed it...

(insert giant pouty/sad/mad face here...and I mean GIANT!)

So now I have this regretful/disappointed/I missed out on something truly great feeling that I can't get rid of. And I hate it. Hmmm....maybe this is HF trying to tell me something. Like if I don't stop missing someone who obviously doesn't miss me, I am going to miss out on something truly great...I'll let you know how that turns out...

But I really really really really wanted to go see Coldplay! Grrrrr.......

Top 10 Reasons Why I Need (NEED!) an iPhone (in no particular order...)

1. Someone called my phone "old school" the other day...it's barely two years old.

2. The hinge for the "flip" part of the flip phone is broken, so...yeah.

3. Cracked screen around the edges from sitting on my phone.

4. Crack on the keypad from sitting on my phone.

5. The sticker on the middle button (you know, the one that has all the shortcuts so you don't have to go through menu all the time) came off, like, a year ago. I have no idea what happens if you push the left or right side...

6. It's got dirt stuck in little crevaces from sweat and make-up that I can't get to, and it grosses me out.

7. The camera function is useless as I can take pictures but I can't do anything with them.

8. It takes forever to send a text message because I don't have a full keypad and I'm not talented enough to be able to use the word guessing function (see? I don't even know what it's called!)

9. I have a hard time hearing people as their voices are either muffled or too low, so I end up messing with the volume ALL the time and then missing half of whatever story someone is telling me.

10. It makes this sad little squeak when I open my phone, like it's saying, "Please! Just stop!"

See? I NEED an iPhone! I have to wait till August 15 though...cause AT&T said they can offer me a "discounted iPhone upgrade at a higher price". Does anyone else understand this? I don't, but whatever...

What A Crazy Random Happenstance!

Here my friends you will find the story of the most intersting and exciting thing that has happened to me all...summer...long. :)


This is the story of how Aibi saved my life.

So as the ENTIRE world knows, Tuesday night was the premier of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (actually Wednesday at 12:01, but whatever). Of course being the nerdy nerd that I am, I got tickets to go with a few of my friends a couple of weeks ago. Sadly Aibi didn't find out until it was too late and when she tried to get tickets to go with us, it was sold out. Boo! Hiss!
Well, Tuesday night came and I drive to the theater. I go to retrieve my ticket but the machine isn't accepting my card or my confirmation number so I go to the girl at the ticket counter. I hand her my paper and she says, "Oh, this is for a different theater." WHAT? "It's too late to try and buy a ticket huh?", I say. "Yeah...we are completely sold out. You can try to see if anyone has an extra ticket that they want to sell." I bet you can guess how incredibly easy that was going to be... Can you imagine how bummed I was to have waited the entire summer for this one event only to find out that I actually can't go? (Insert sad pouty face here that is trying really hard to look like it doesn't care...cause that's what my face looked like). So I shuffled off back to my car while everyone else was swarming into the theater and thought "Well, I guess I'll just go home...cause I'm not going to go see it by myself."
On my way home I thought maybe they would refund my $10.50 if I called the theater and gave them my confirmation number. So I did but they told me I would have to come to the theater. Ok. It's not like I had big plans...anymore. Maybe someone else would find joy in being able to see the midnight showing. When I pull into the theater though I notice that there aren't as many cars as I expected.

I feel I should pause here and explain the differences of the two theaters. The one I thought I had tickets for, the first theater, was on Legacy and 75 (for those not familiar with DFW demographics...it's a nice area). The second theater, the one where I had my ticket was on Spring Valley and 75...aka "the ghetto". When I realize where I am, I understand why there aren't so many cars...kids (most kids) from the ghetto aren't going to go to a midnight showing of Harry Potter. Yeah, they'll see it, but they aren't foaming at the mouth to see it the MINUTE it comes out.

Okay, so I go up to the girl at the ticket counter and ask, "Is the midnight show sold out?" and she gives me this look like "Yeah right" and says, "Uh...no." So I tell her to hold on a minute before she refunds me my money and I call...AIBI! Cause remember? She couldn't get tickets to go with us. I'm standing there thinking, "I am so smart! I am going to make Aibi so happy that she can go now!" Right. Because Aibi has no other friends besides ME...uh huh. (Please feel free to roll your eyes as I realize how self-centered I am...)
So I call her and leave her a message telling her where I am and how it is her good fortune that the show isn't sold out. Then she calls me back and tells me, "Um...I'm already at that theater." "What? Really?" (I think she's joking with me). "Yeah, and I'm looking right at you." And there is Aibi...with another friend of hers. The whole time I thought she was sitting at home...sad...but no, she just called someone else and got them to go with her. And now it was Aibi who made it possible for me to go.

Cheesy huh? But it's true you guys! It's like one of those stories where someone loses their CTR ring and then prays to find it and they do!

Ok...you can all go throw up now, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Aibi saved my life...the end.

So...

...this is what writer's block feels like huh?

blah! :(

10 Minutes of My Life I Will Never Get Back...

The other day I had to run a few errands and stopped by the bookstore where I used to work and ran into The Most Awkward Person I Know. For short, we'll call this person AG (Awkward Girl). Fortunately for you, you have a choice whether or not to lose 10 minutes (or less) of your life reading this blog post. For me, there was no escape. Let me set the stage for you by sharing the last conversation I had with AG before I quit the bookstore before sharing this special awkward moment.

AG had been away at school in Arizona and had come back for Christmas, so I hadn't seen her in at least 4 (blessed) months. Here is our convo...

Me: Hi AG, how are you?
AG: Good. How are you?
Me: I'm good.
AG: Are you dating any hot guys?
Me: Ummm...no.
AG: Are there any hot guys in your ward?
Me: I go to a family ward...so, no.
AG: Oh, I thought you went to a single's ward.
Me: I've been in a family ward for the past year.
AG: Well when was the last time you went on a date?
Me: Uhhh...a while.
AG: Like how long?
Me: (as I give her my best teacher voice/look that says "shut-up now if you know what's good for you") It's been a while.
The end.

Here is the convo we had on Saturday...please remember it has been 6 months since I have seen or talked to AG. I'm standing there looking at something and she is lurking nearby. I know I have to say something to her, and honestly I have blocked out our last convo so it doesn't occur to me that this is going to go south the minute she opens her mouth.

Me: Hi AG, how are you?
AG: Good. I was dating this guy and he asked me to marry him but I said no...obviously.
Me: Oh...okay.
AG: Well, I've been in Arizona for the past year. I don't know if you knew that or not. Yeah, I'm so over him.
Me: Well...good.
AG: I'm going to BYU Idaho in the fall, cause there was nothing for me in Arizona...I mean like NO guys.
Me: Huh...(thinking: How in the heck did she get into BYU? I couldn't even get into BYU with a 3.5 GPA 12 years ago!)
AG: He asked me to marry him like four times. Are you dating anybody?
Me: Well-
AG: -Oh my gosh, you should totally get a hair weave.
Me: I'm not getting a hair weave.
AG: Oh, if I had only known about hair weaves before, I would have cut my hair short a LONG time ago. All my friends tell me I look so hot and I tell them they should get a hair weave and then they say, "Oh my gosh, no!"
Me: Oh...uh-huh...well, I found what I came for...gotta go! Bye!

So, I'm sure most of you can figure out who this person is. I don't care if you do. I don't care if you judge me for writing this blog post. I just had to get it off my chest...and it feels good. :)

Really? Really.

Normally I would leave any and all fashion topics up to Bombshell Maigen because she does a much better job at it than I ever could, but I just had to share my thoughts about The Sash. Who knows, she may have already blogged about it and it will look like I'm trying to be like her. Well, I am. Every girl can use a little bit more fashion knowledge in their life...especially if they think The Sash (cleverly designed by American Apparel) is something they should purchase and wear. Ok, here are my thoughts:

First: You can take The Sash and use it as a giant bowtie!

Second: You can take The Sash and use it as a flower waist belt!

Third: You can pretend like you are a snake charmer or a fortunate cancer patient with hair and wear it as a turban!

Fourth: You can use it to tie onto your purse so you have the appearance of being messy!

Fifth: You can put it on your hat so that everyone sees it, but you will have some tough competition at the Kentucky Derby I'm afraid.

Sixth: You can wear it as a skinny belt to accentuate your all too skinny and all too tight pants.

Seventh: You can look as ridiculous as this poor girl right here:

I think I will put The Sash in the same category as American Apparel's The Sack and also The Snuggie.

This Makes Me Happy...

Did you know that the sequel to Night at the Museum beat the Terminator Salvation movie this weekend? This really makes me happy. Now don't get me wrong...I love the Terminator movies (don't judge), but I really like it when kids movies beat out the blow up movies. This means that more families are spending time together than apart.

And that is all I have to say. The end.

I'm Losing It....

I used to joke around with my old roomie Emily when she would say she was going to Wal-Mart and would ask me if I needed her to get me anything. I would say, "Yes, please get me a brain...i've lost mine."

So, Em...if you happen to go to Wal-Mart, could you see if they have any in stock? Seriously. This is me:

I think, "Oh, I need to send so and so an e-mail." So I walk the ten steps to my desk and sit down and then think, "Why did I come over here?"

or

The other day there were some kids in the library working on a project. I was sitting at the circ desk and apparently staring off into space when a kid asked me,
"Miss Johnson...is this what you do all day?"
"What? Stare off into space?"
"Yeah"
"No, I do actually work sometimes."

or

Yesterday I went to the post office. I sold another of my textbooks and needed to mail it. I usually print off the paper with all the details and stick it in the book so the buyer has a receipt of some sort. Well, I get the postage all done up and I'm talking to myself the entire time (never a good sign, but thank goodness I was alone). I was concentrating so hard on focusing on what I was doing that I stuck the receipt with the address in the book and put it in the envelope and sealed it up. Then I realized that I didn't write the address down. It was sealed inside a blank envelope. I had to call my BFF and ask her to look it up for me.

or

A million other situations just like those....

Oh! Okay, here's a funny story that has nothing to do with anything in the world. So I went to Target last night and was sitting in the car trying to write down a list so I could be focused inside Target. As I'm sitting there, this car pulls up and parks next to me. The guy gets out and goes around to each of his four doors and pulls on the handle like 5 times each to make sure each and every door is firmly closed and locked. And then he did my favorite OCD thing. He pulled on the last door handle several times in a row, paused for a second and then pulled on it again. And it reminded me of this teacher I used to work with that did the same thing. She would lock her classroom door, pull on the handle, unlock it, open it, close it, lock it again, pull on the handle, walk away, come back and double check the handle again.

Well, at least I'm not that crazy right?

So...Maybe I Should Get A Dog...

I'm just thinking about it. Really...just thinking. See, I went over to my parent's house earlier this week and they have taken in this really adorable dog that just kind of wandered up to their front door a few months ago. His name is Chester and here is what he looks like:



Of course he's a little fatter now. This was taken about a month or so ago and it breaks my heart but you can see his ribs in this pic. Anyways, so that's the first reason...I've fallen in love with my parents dog.

The second reason is that I was doing dishes this morning and I looked out the window and noticed that the back gate was open...hmmm... I don't ever leave the gate open...so I went out there to close it and as I was coming back towards the house, I noticed that one of the side gates was open. I was kind of weirded out by this. Cause Millie was meowing like crazy and would stop the other night. It could be that I just left the gates open after mowing the yard the other day but it could also mean that someone cut through my yard and decided it would be extra creepy to leave the gates open so that I would know they did it.

Are you totally creeped out now? Yeah...I guess if I had a million dollars I would move my house, yard and all, to a really nice neighborhood that you have to have a secret code to get into.

No...no I wouldn't do that. Then I would have to deal with an HOA...I'd much rather have people cutting through my yard than an HOA.

Okay so maybe I should just get a dog. What do you think Millie would think about that?

J.J. WTF?

Seriously? That's how you're gonna leave Lost for this season? I am SO GLAD this show has only one more season! I friggin' heart it but it totally stresses me out. And I don't know if I can handle another Lost season finale. Earlier this evening I could barely stand up straight cause I was so sleepy...now I'm wide awake.

J.J. let's just talk okay? Let's just get things out in the open.

First: That's how you're going to bring back Rose and Bernard and even the dumb dog Vincent? What, did people start writing in griping how you just completely dropped them from the show and let us "assume" they were killed in the flaming arrow attack so you had to appease them with the whole, "This is how we want to retire." bit? That was SO not part of the story and obviously thrown in there at the last minute.

Second: Kate is a plague on every man she comes in contact with. And Juliet is the martyr. This is how it goes:
Kate: I love you. No I don't. I've always been on your side. Ummm...we're not ACTUALLY together. So you're saying you want to make it so we never met? Why?
Juliet: You'll always love Kate more than me so now I will go kill myself to save you.
Ugggghhhh!!!!!

Third: I knew it was preposterous that Locke would come back to life! I knew it! And I also picked up on the fact that Locke had turned from bumbling sad and pathetic man to Mr. I'm so confident I'm going to march right up to Jacob and kill him. I knew it! Good move J.J.

Fourth: I kinda wanna go back and watch Jack and Sawyer duke it out again...is that wrong? :)

Fifth: The cabin on fire. Did anyone else catch the fact that even though they just threw a few (like 3) bottles of fire in the old moldy musty cabin in the middle of a rainforest type jungle that it went up like a huge ball of fire? I mean, even if you doused the entire cabin with gasoline, it wouldn't burn like that. It was kinda ridiculous.

Sixth: Maybe Miles was right about doing nothing....

Seventh: Of all the ways for Sayid to go, you pick "He got shot by a Dharma guy that missed every other target he aimed for." C'mon! It's Sayid! He's a friggin' assassin for crying out loud! Shot...blah! Well...okay it wasn't just a random guy...it was Ben's dad. But still Ben's dad is a drunkard. So...he got shot by a drunkard...blah!

Eighth: Jack didn't cry. :( I like to see Jack cry...it makes me giggle.

Ninth: Too many dramatic pauses.

Tenth: I can't wait till 2010. Why do I have to wait till 2010? Can you just give me a little sneak peak? Please? I'll be your best friend! *sigh* Fine!

Just For You...Because You Are My Friends

This is for all my friends...cause they've been there for me like no other this week...and last week...and well, all the time.

This is gross...

I don't know why, but the thought of this really grosses me out....

Things I Really Really Really Can't Stand

1. Forward chain letters/e-mails. "If you don't send this out to 5,000 of your closest friends immediately, you will be hit by a bus tomorrow!" I just want to say thank you to the person who sent it to me because they obviously are wishing that I get hit by a bus...love you too!

2. Being ignored. I don't ask for attention all the time. Usually I'm pretty quiet. But there are certain people that I just want to scream at, "Hello!! I'm right here!"

3. Going to Wal-Mart on the weekends. It never fails that the ginormous lady who can't stand on her own without the support of the cart is always standing in front of something I need. And when I say "Excuse me", she looks at me like I just asked her to move the entire store by blinking.

4. Staring. Didn't your mother ever tell you it was rude to stare? Mrs. N. has taken over my library with flower arrangements for this special A-Honor Roll breakfast we are having this week. That's fine. I have no problem with that since I am testing (the best never rest right?) this week. But when I walk into the library, why do you have to just stare at me like I don't have permission to be in there? Don't stare at me...I don't like it.

5. When teachers bring their class in the library and then get on to them because they are taking too much time. My favorite is when they say things like, "Hurry up! We've got more important things to do!". Thaaaaaaaaaaanks....so much.

6. The gripey one: You know, that one person you work with that just HAS to gripe about everything. You duck or hide or suddently get real busy when you see her coming. She says to me today, "Who paid for all these flower arrangements?! It better not be from the &%@# school budget cause I'm out of paper and they won't get me anymore!"


*sigh*..........I'm just cranky today cause I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Booo!!!!

Apparently...

...I collect things with bridges on them. Did you know that? I didn't either. My brother told me a few weeks ago that if you have more than four of something, that means you collect it and apparently I have more than four pictures of bridges. Then I started thinking of other things I am a collector of and here's what I came up with:

candy wrappers
half empty water bottles
books I have started to read but haven't finished
phone chargers to phones I don't have anymore
pictures in frames I have been meaning to put up somewhere but haven't found the spot
pictures I have been meaning to put in frames but haven't found the right frames
spare pillows
college textbooks that "I might use someday"
church bags
wristbands
dead bugs in the light fixtures (still haven't cleaned those out...)

And that's all I can think of for now...

Movie Clip Wednesday...A Little Early :)

Yes my friends, that is Seth Green. Raise your hand if you knew he was the little brother in Can't Buy Me Love. Anyone? Anyone?

My favorite quote: "Cards with the tards!"

It's Here!

I'm not calling it the swine flu...it sounds stupid. Like I'm trying to be hoity toity or something. I'm going to call it the pig flu. It flows doesn't it? Kind of like the disease itself. Just so you know, we're all going to get it. It's inevitable. Obama says there is no need to panic or be alarmed, but I say otherwise. One school in my district has already closed down for the week because two kids had the pig flu. That sends alarm bells going off all over the place!

What if I get sick? (which I will) I don't have a doctor. I never get sick. I don't even know where my insurance card is. Even if I had a doctor, what if he got sick? What if everyone got sick? Nobody would be there to take care of anybody. We'd all be too sick. Who would be there to pass out the Tamiflu? Obama? Yeah, right! He'll be playing golf while his "people" discuss the situation. Grrrrr...

My stomach hurts. I think I might die.

I knew it would come to this. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

I don't want the pig flu. I don't know where my SARS mask is anymore either. Oh, this is not good.

I don't even have a roommate to hold my hair back while I puke in the toilet. Then again, I don't have enough hair to hold back. I think I'm okay on that one. But still, I don't want to throw up. I hate throwing up.

Oh dear...this is not good at all...

How To Inflict Pain On Yourself Without Moving a Muscle

The answer? Go to a Single Adult Conference. You don't even have to attend the whole thing. One day will do plenty. Half a day actually would be sufficient. Not that I want to inflict pain upon my readers, but just so you will understand, here are a few highlights:

1. We sat for basically 9 hours. Yes, 9 hours. That's not a typo. We listened to the welcome speaker for an hour. Ate lunch for an hour. Had workshops (a.k.a. listened to speakers) for four hours. Listened to the Texas Boys Choir (the entertainment portion of the evening) for an hour. And then listened to our keynote speaker for an hour. My whole body ached after that.

2. It was freezing...FREEZING! You know that time of year when it stops being nice and cool and starts to get warm? The time of year we are in now for instance. And then they program the A/C to come on because it's so warm outside. And then it turns freezing cold inside and you have to go outside to warm up. There is just no happy medium...it's either too hot because the A/C is not on or too cold because it is.

3. Erica, Jen, and I were the youngest people there by at least 20 years. Okay, okay. There were a few other people our age but not many. And by not many I mean like 3 or 4 others. I counted 2 people knitting, 1 person in the first aid room (when you know there will be old people coming, I guess you have to be prepared with a first aid room...all we did was sit though, so I have no idea what this woman did to constitute needing to lie down on a cot with a blanket covering her), 8,348,357 barrettes, 200 women, and 10 men.

4. Going back to a familiar place from my young adult/youth years is just an invitation for awkward moments. Life is messy and it never turns out how you thought it would back then. What are you supposed to say when an old friend that you haven't seen or talked to in years announces to you that she has recently divorced her second husband? "Uhhhh...errr....ummm...okay."

5. Questions. I have so many questions. Why do miraculous events and inspiring stories only happen in Utah? Why were all of our speakers from Utah? (Okay, not all but most) Why is there a married couple assigned to preside over the single adults? Why didn't I realize it wasn't going to get any better? Why did they come in and take away the soft cushy chairs and replace them with the hard metal chairs for the last hour of the conference?

6. The overall theme of the conference was something about being of good cheer. Every talk was geared toward someone who is going through a really difficult time in their life and designed to lift them up. It's not a bad topic...for one or two of the talks, not for all of them. I couldn't even pay attention anymore at the end. I kind of wanted to stand up and scream, "I'm fine! I'm happy! Can we talk about something else now?" But then I realized that the majority of the people there needed that even though I didn't.

Anyways, I won't bore you to death with the details but I do need to commend my comrades who endured to the end with me by presenting them with two very special awards:

Erica gets the award for being the youngest person in attendance, for staying awake the whole time, and for making me laugh at inappropriate things in church.

Jen gets the award for being the most positive, taking notes and sharing them with me *wink*, and for sharing her blanket with me so I didn't turn into a human popsicle.

And now for my favorite quote of the day yesterday:
"Did you ever think you would find yourself at a single's conference surrounded by old people wrapped up in a camping blanket?" - Erica

Way Cool Movie Clip Wednesdays...According To Me

I am hereby declaring Wednesdays as Way Cool Movie Clip Wednesdays...According To Me. I decided this as I randomly thought of this clip today:




My favorite quote of all time: "Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them."

This is why I love my job...

Today was a great day in the red and yellow world of Library Land. This might not be funny or even interesting to you all, but it sure was to me. Here's what happened...

1) I have 3 sixth grade boys that I sort of tutor in reading three days a week. Lately I have just been letting them pick a book and then they read it to me and we talk about it. They really like that a lot better than me picking the books. Anyways, one of the kids picked a book about animal babies and decided to read the page about possums. Yuck! Do you all remember Peter the Possum? Well he/she is back and I discovered today that they can have like 50 babies at one time. Of course they don't all live because there aren't enough *ahem* "feeding stations" for all the babies, but still. So I tell this boy about Peter Possum that lives under my deck and he just kind of stares at me. Whatever. While I'm reading with another of the boys, he is whispering and giggling with the other boy. Before they leave I asked him what they were over there whispering and giggling about and he tells me, "We were just trying to figure out how you could get rid of your possum. Can't you call animal control or something?" After I explained how animal control was just going to give me a cage and let me catch it myself (which is not a desirable option for me), the boys suggested that I could just get my own cage and catch it and keep it as a pet. Ureka! Why didn't I think of that?!

2. Sometimes when I pass kids in the hall, they like to ask me things like, "Did I turn in all of my books?" or "What do I have checked out?" Like I'm some kind of walking database since I'm the librarian. Today, a third grader stopped me in the hall to tell me he really liked The Lightning Thief that I had suggested for him and that he is almost done with it. "Really? Wow! That's great." "Yeah," he says, "I'm on chapter 2." Mmmhhhmmm. You'll have that finished in NO TIME! :)

3. One of the fourth graders that I have in book club tells me that she wrote a book for her teacher. I don't doubt it. She's a very gifted and ambitious child. As she was telling me about it, she also told me things that were going to happen in the second and third book in this series. I asked her how many books are going to be in the series and she says, "Ten". And I'm not lying, she's got each one mapped out as to what is going to happen in the story. That's like more than Harry Potter or The Work and The Glory. And this kid is in the fourth grade!

4. This one was my favorite today and made me laugh the most. Another one of my fourth graders was chatting with me and some of the other students while we were waiting for the rest of our book club to show up. Last week we didn't meet because I had a meeting to go to and of course they asked me if it was fun and I told them how incredibly boring it was and how I would have much rather been with them (which was all true). She then told me something which I immediately forgot and then asked her again. (That's happening a lot lately...I think I have some kind of information overload or something). So she just gives me the look like, "Ms. Johnson! I just told you that!" and I say, "I'm sorry, my memory isn't so good lately." To which she replies, "Maybe it was that meeting you went to."

One of these days...

...Millie will die. Not that I'm looking forward to it or anything, but it's just going to happen someday and I know that. When that happens, I will be free to get another pet. I've thought about getting a dog, but I'm kinda nervous about that. I mean, I'm a cat person...we all know that. I think I have finally decided what I want. I want two cats like this:

Two Cats @ Yahoo! Video

Before and After

Sometimes in life you get a chance to get a good before and after picture of little things that happen...or big things that happen. Well, it just so happens that I got some good ones and I'd like to share them with you.

First, I got my trees trimmed in my yard. The ginormous tree in the front took them a little while to do because, well, it really needed it. My entire yard was filled with branches. It was insane. So I stood on my porch and watched because it was absolutely fascinating (and the highlight of my day up until that point) and I took a before and after picture of one part of my tree. I kind of wish I had taken a before and after pic of the entire tree, but it just didn't turn out that way.

Before:

After:

My tree is soooooo much happier. And so am I knowing that none of those branches are going to destroy my house or yard or someone else's house. :)

Also this weekend, I went to Scarborough Fair with some friends. If you have never been to a Renassaince fair, I highly suggest going...at least once. It's full of people who like to dress up and like to cause a ruckus. And most of the time they are highly inappropriate which just adds to the merriment. As we were walking around, we spotted this guy dressed up as a gladiator/guard/something and suddenly he picks up this woman and almost throws her over his shoulder. My friend Daryl thought it would be fun if gladiator guy did that to me and he took a picture. I'm a good sport and thought it would be a fun photo op, so I said okay. We approached gladiator guy and I asked him if I could get my picture taken with him and he gruffly agreed and smashed me up against him in a friendly hug (a.k.a. death grip). I smiled and Daryl took the picture. At this point, I was really kind of frightened what this gladiator guy might do to me if he picked me up. I mean, he was s-t-r-o-n-g. I didn't want to break a rib or anything, but Daryl really wanted a funny picture so he asked if we could take just one more. So this time gladiator guy grabs my butt. Lovely!!!!! I said, "Hey! Watch it!" Gladiator guy just laughed and told me a decent woman would have slapped him. Ha ha ha. So anyways, here is a before and after picture:

Before he grabbed my butt:

After he grabbed my butt:

I hope you all enjoyed this evenings festivities!

Let's Just Get This Over And Done With

Last month started a season that comes around every so often. It brings with it new beginnings and a chance to start a new fresh part of your life. No, not Spring! Blah blah blah! Why would I blog about Spring? I'm talking about Wedding Season. I have already attended a reception, a wedding/reception, and a bridal shower so far this season. The two weeks after Valentine's Day, 5 people that I knew got engaged. Not just acquaintences, but people that I talk to on a regular basis. Now I know everything I'm about to say is going to come out sounding cynical and bitter, but I'm really not. I really am happy for my friends and family members who get married and I do want to be there as a witness of their special day, but each time the thought runs through my head, "Let's just get this over and done with already." I'm not talking about the wedding itself or even all the traditional festivities that go along with it. I'm talking about the part where people walk up to you and say things like, "You're next!", or "Sooooooo...how are things going? Anything...NEW????", or "We'll be doing this for you pretty soon.", or my favorite "I can't wait for YOU to get married." I'm not lying, it seriously makes me want to swing a shovel at their head...even if it's my closest family member. Instead I just give clipped one word answers and annoyed looks. I'm not sure if it has the same effect. But don't worry, I won't hit anyone with a shovel...they usually aren't available at weddings. Anyways, it's not that they are trying to be mean or anything. I know that. They do it out of love blah blah blah because they want me to be happy blah blah blah. So, just a word of advice for everyone, from the smug marrieds to the singletons, don't pester people about their relationship status. I mean, after I have just spilled my guts to you about how I bought a house, finished my master's degree, and took a trip to Forks, Washington, don't you think I would have mentioned my really hot super nice boyfriend if I had one? C'mon! Aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

Okay, that's all. Loveyoubye. :)

*sigh*

I just haven't felt like blogging. Don't hate me okay? And don't leave my blog for good. One day I'll have something truly remarkable to blog about and then you'll be sad you missed it.

Wow, I really think highly of myself don't I? Geesh!

One of them days

So lately I have been having a string of days that I like to call "I keep doing stuff but nothing gets done" days. I make my nice pretty and/or messy list (sometimes I like to make a really sloppy list so then when I accomplish things on it I feel like I get double points for organizing things...weird, I know), and then as I start to do things on the list, I realize that every time I take a step in the direction of accomplishment, I really end up giving myself something else to remember and do. Here's an example:

My sister and her family are coming into town this weekend. I ask her what groceries I need to have since she's bringing the two little ones with her. She gives me a few specifics (like milk and bananas) and just some general stuff. So I decide to be all super prepared and go to the store on Saturday and I get all sorts of stuff. But then I realize that if I buy milk and/or bananas on Saturday, they're going to be bad by the time they get here this weekend. So now instead of making just one trip to the store, I will have to make two trips. I didn't really accomplish anything.

Here's another example: I got new windows (yay!). The Home Depot guy stops by my house the other day with this form for me to fill out because the city of Garland gives you a one time credit on your utility bill if you get energy efficient windows (which I did). So I sit down to fill it out but realize I don't have all the information. I call HD guy to ask him what to put down and he tells me I have to call a different person to get that info. Again, I didn't accomplish anything because I still have to call somebody to finish the paperwork.

Aaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate everything!!!!!!!!!

It makes me completely unmotivated to do anything because I know I'm just going to have to re-do it again later. Blah!

Everything is wrong. The end.

P.S. Please don't tell me that things will get better soon or any of that nonsense. It'll make me want to throw up. Just scream really loud that everything is wrong with me okay? Thanks.

A Funny New Kitty Video...Enjoy!

Happy Spring Break!

I know all of you out there do not get to enjoy the magnificence and wonder that is Spring Break and I know you might be wondering to yourself what one does during this blessed time of the year. Well, I don't know about all of the other educators out there, but here is a list of all the things I plan to do this week:

clean out and organize my garage
sleep in
get caught up on my DVR
pet the cat
read a book that I chose
shop
dust my bookshelves
play an 84 song marathon on Rock Band
take my car to the shop
plant some flowers
buy or make another bookshelf for all the books I just bought
figure out why the garage door switch isn't working
cut off a dead branch from the tree in the front yard
go see a movie
get all the dead bugs out of the light fixtures
find some new chairs for my new table
take naps

There. Sounds thrilling doesn't it? I know, I lead an extremely exciting life. Please, don't be jealous. :)

A poem about me...well almost

Books to the Ceiling

Books to the ceiling, books to the sky.
My piles of books are a mile high.
How I love them!
How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.

By Arnold Lobel

America's Future

So the other day I wasted two hours of my life and watched Idiocracy with Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph. Sadly, the logic behind the movie is pretty dead on. If you haven't ever seen it or heard of it, I'll give you a brief overview:

A lazy army guy and a prostitute are put in cryo-tanks as an experiment to see if they really work. Funding for the project is pulled and they end up staying in the pods for 500 years. When they come out, the world is full of idiots and intelligence is extinct (being that all the intelligent people have decided to wait to have kids and all of the idiots do nothing but reproduce). Luke Wilson then by default is the smartest man on earth and is hired by the President to fix all their problems, number one being that they can't get any plants to grow because they are watering them with gatorade instead of water because gatorade has electrolytes.

There. One minute of your life wasted is MUCH better than two hours right? Anyways, the only part of the movie I actually found amusing was the following clip. Don't worry, it'll only be 12 more seconds of your life...

I Googled Me

My friend Emily posted a blog where you google yourself with various adjectives such as "Emily likes" or "Emily says" and then you write what comes up. My name isn't as common as Emily, so I was curious as to what would come up.

There are lots of Rhia's out there in the world. Here's a list in no particular order of the other Rhia's in cyberspace:

A Goth Girl who is a self proclaimed Psychotic Albino Rhia

A Labyrinth watching, Dune reading, David Bowie listening Gypsy Rhia

A Skanky Spears fan Rhia

A fictional land in an anime book called Rhia

An extremely religious Rhia

An Exclusive, Independent Female Escort and Courtesan Rhia (I won't post a link to that...)

A Dungeons and Dragons player Rhia

A vampire lioness crossed with a tiger Rhia (the pic is extremely similar to Simba and Scar in The Lion King...)

I'm not googling myself anymore...

Do I Really Look That Gullible?

So tonight I had to make a quick trip to Target. I went in, got the few things I needed, spent less than $20, and left. I was very proud of myself. As I was walking out, someone calls out, "Hey! Come here!" Naturally my curiosity got the better of me and I looked for who was yelling out and who they were yelling at. It was a guy standing about ten feet away from me calling to...you guessed it...me.

Okay, before I continue, I know you are saying to yourself, "Oh, Rhia...please tell me you did not go over to this guy...when are you ever gonna learn?" But I instantly thought that maybe he needed some help or something. I mean, he was just standing there (in a lit area full of people walking in and out of the store) like he needed...something. And it's just not in my nature to be a total b**** to a stranger for no reason...well, most of the time.

So I walk over to...we'll call him Jason (my apologies to any Jason's out there who are reading, it's not that he reminded me of you, it's just that he looked like a Jason), and he seems very eager to talk to me. He's literally jumping up and down. He introduces himself and says he's from California and that he's part of a contest (I instantly think of reality TV stardom...don't laugh...you would too), and then asks me where I'm from. I still have this confused look on my face because I'm trying to figure out what Jason needs, and I say, "Uh...I'm from here." He looks geniunely surprised at this and then proceeds to go into his schpeel about how he's in this program that helps him build confidence and in a contest to earn points and how it saves kids from cancer and how he's trying to win a trip to Jamaica and how he had come outside to smoke a cigarette but then saw me and decided to wait as he tucks his ciggy behind his ear. And then he asks me, "Do you like benches?" and invites me to come sit on the bench with him to talk and then says, "You're not married are you?"

Jason stops to take a breath and I'm able to get one word out:

"WHAT?"

I thought he needed help! I thought I was going to be a part of a new reality TV show! I thought at the very least he was doing some sort of scavenger hunt with a church group!

As he is jump/skipping and waving me over to the bench I tell him I can't stay to talk to him on the bench and that I've got to go. Immediately he's back in front of me and says, "It's okay, we can stand and talk." and then pulls out these laminated cards from his man purse/zipper bag thingy and asks me to look at the point totals and if I was going to purchase a magazine what magazine would I buy...

I interrupted him at this point and tell him, "I'm not going to buy anything." and hand his card back. But he won't take it. Instead he sticks another in my hand along with the first one and says, "Oh, I'm not asking you to buy anything, but if you buy one of these magazines then you can help the kids..."

Interruption: "I just told you I'm not buying anything and I really have to go." I'm trying to hand him his cards back but he won't take them! And then he says, "Just two minutes! Two seconds!" I stare at him and count...one one thousand, two one thousand.

And then Happy ADHD Jason changes instantly into Jaded Distant Mad Jason and he says, "Fine, never mind." and snatches his cards back as he turns away from me.

I wanted to laugh out loud but instead I just walked away and said, "Okay thanks!" and he mumbled after me, "I don't know why you're thanking me! You wouldn't even listen."

And now I will get on my soap box:

I said thank you because I didn't choose to annoy people with my multiple personality disorder in order to build confidence. I built my confidence by being polite to people and earning their respect in return.

It shocks me everytime that A) there are companies that train their employees to acost people in shopping center parking lots, be extremely annoying and weird, and lie in order to sell magazine subscriptions, and B) that people do it.

Are you really from California? No. You said that because the weather is nice. If it was rainy, you'd say you were from Washington. If it was windy, you'd say you were from Chicago.

Is there really a trip to Jamaica for you? No. You said that because you want me to feel like I'm doing something for you personally.

Am I really helping to save kids with cancer? No. Organizations that donate all (or even some) of their money to starving kids in Africa or whatever don't get all pissy when you won't give them money. They are CHARITABLE which means they are giving and kind and not in it for the money.

Are you trying to get me to buy something? Yes. Even though you told me you weren't, you flat out asked me. Even after I told you I'm not going to buy anything, you asked me to buy something.

Will this really build your confidence? No. I can't think of anyone that would buy a magazine subscription from someone as they are leaving a store. I mean, they're leaving...they're done buying things.

And the whole win a trip/save the kids routine? Ugh! Do people really fall for that anymore?

So really, do I look the type? Do I look like I would fall for someone's stupid song and dance and give them money? Cause I've heard all this junk before (obviously). What is it about me that makes people think I'll fall for it? Be honest because seriously, this guy needed his ciggy and he wouldn't have postponed it if he didn't think it would be beneficial.

It's like Jack is my boyfriend or something...

Don't we look great together? It's like it was meant to be...*sigh*

Oh, and Kate, you better watch your back girl! Mmmm-hmmmm.

Pets...

Pets are important. In my opinion, everyone needs one. They are companions and comforters. There are more pets in this world than humans (at least I think so...) And so, I will share my thoughts about pets with you all...don't hate me.

Pets and kids:
Kids should have pets. They teach them about responsibility, love, empathy, selflessness, kindness, and did I mention responsibility? They also teach kids about death and loss, which is morbid but an important lesson in life. I'm not saying your house has to be a zoo. Just give your kids the opportunity to experience having a pet. Yeah, pets are messy, but so are kids...get over it.

Pets and cloning:
People who clone their pets are selfish. The cloning process itself isn't cruel, it's the fact that you would spend thousands of dollars so you can have your dead dog back when that money could have been used to give other puppies that are alive and suffering right now a good safe home.

Pets and adults:
Okay adults...pets are not substitutes for children. Dressing them up is not okay. Birthday parties...not okay. I call my kitty my baby but she doesn't get treated like a human. Although, taking care of a dog can teach you a lot about taking care of a kid. Hmmmmm....might have to rethink this theory. Just don't dress up your dog and throw birthday parties for them. It's disturbing.

Dogs vs. Cats:
When you get a dog, most of the time they come do a home visit and sometimes have a probationary period to see how well you bond with the dog. Why don't they do that with cats? Or fish? I'm just sayin' that a lot of fishy lives might have been saved if Petco had done a home visit on me. But really, cats get neglected and abused just as much as dogs. Doesn't anyone care about the kitties of the world and the homes they are sent to?

Kittens and Puppies vs. Cats and Dogs
Someday when Millie dies, I'll get another pet but I have decided that I don't want a kitten or a puppy...no matter how cute they are. I want a grown up animal. Maybe I'll kick myself later for this, but everybody wants the kittens and puppies and it makes me feel sorry for the grown up animals that never get adopted. :( Plus, I've had a grown cat for 11 years now and a kitten might drive me nuts.

Me and Dogs:
Not everyone should get a dog. I know I am not and would not be a good dog owner. I never have been. It's something I learned a long time ago that makes me feel sad in my heart. I would like the companionship and love of a dog but I could never return it. It makes me feel like a horrible person so I just tell everyone I don't like dogs.

Regardless of the animal, I am a sucker. It breaks my heart to see animals sad or in pain. Animal movies always make me cry. I never could make it through Benji. I was a bawling baby after the first 10 minutes. And The Fox and the Hound? I had to stop it halfway through so I could pull myself together. My Dog Skip...you would have thought I was having a mental breakdown at the end. It's ridiculous.

Uh-oh...am I really the crazy librarian cat lady? This is like, the 20th post about animals. Maybe I should get out more....

How Children Entertain Themselves At My House

Back in December, a couple of friends of mine (Emily and Matt...both avid readers of the blog) came to visit and brought me a present. They gave me...wait for it...a librarian action figure.* Who knew such things existed?!

Well, from the minute I opened it up, it has been displayed in my living room and is not only a funny conversation starter but apparently also a very engaging toy for children. Emily and Matt's son Will played with it constantly while they were here.

Now if you can remember back to your youth when you actually played with action figures, you will remember that getting them to stand on their own was a bit of a balancing act. It makes sense because obviously action figures are meant for action...not standing. And thus, my librarian spends most of her time lying on her side because if I do get her to stand on her own, she just falls down anyway. Not to mention all the books and the cart that she came with are constantly in a pile as well.

Well, Sunday my family had dinner at my house and after they left, this is what I found:

Somebody (probably one of my nephews) had put the cart and all the books back together and positioned the librarian in a perfect pose. It just made me giggle.

*I, in no way, shape, or form resemble the librarian action figure...just so that's clear. I'm much much cuter!

Did I Mention...?

...that I hate Britney Spears? I mean seriously hate her. Okay, maybe not her personally since I don't know her personally but maybe just everything she stands for. Hmmm...that sounds like the same thing doesn't it?

Regardless, here are my reasons for my intense feelings toward Skanky Spears:

1) Every single song of hers I have ever heard is about sex. The older she gets, the more explicit they get.

2) Watching her videos is like watching porn. Not that I would know what watching porn is like but I know the definition of porn and that is what I see when I watch a Skanky Spears video.

3) She can't sing. It's just moaning. If she does know how to sing, nobody knows because she groans and moans through every one of her "songs".

4) Everyone is so complacent about her lack of moral values. Her most recent song doesn't say the F-bomb as it's title, it spells it...so that makes it okay right? And you know as long as you don't actually call it masturbation, it's okay too. We'll just describe it.

5) How'd you grow your hair back so fast Skanky? Not even a year ago you had a completely shaved bald head.

6) Girlfriend is messed up! She's got some serious crazy/psycho issues that were going on and all anybody did was feed the fire by plastering her issues all over the TV, internet, and radio. Now all of a sudden she's fine and back to doing the same old things she did before she got knocked up. Seriously Skanko, grow up and deal with your issues. Don't hide behind your sluttiness. Take a lesson from Madonna at least. I don't care if you suddenly adopt a British accent and think you are better than everyone else. When Madonna quit the pointy boob phase, she quit.

And that's all I can think of for now. Anyone else wanna take a jab?

I Like My Bubble

So this morning I was driving to work and I heard a story on the radio about this woman who had a chimpanzee for a pet. Yesterday the chimp attacked the owner's friend and started eating her. Disturbed? Yeah, so was I.

If you've heard about this story and have heard the 911 call, you are probably just as disturbed as I am right now. It's scary.

This lady treated this chimp like a child of her own (it eats people food at the dinner table, goes for rides in the car, looks at pics on the internet, and channel surfs with the remote). Then one day he was acting weird so she gives him Xanax and then right in front of her he attacks her friend and she has to go at the chimp with a butcher knife and shovel to get him off her. The chimp escaped and found a police car, and got in and the police officer ended up shooting the chimp.

But could you imagine? Your pet attacks your friend and then begins to eat her right in front of you?

...This is why I like the bubble that I live in...cause I don't want to imagine that.

And I know, chimps are wild animals and aren't really the kind of animal you should keep for a pet. That's not what this post is about. It's about the fact that I like my nice clean and tidy life and even though I know someday I might have to go through some horrible tragedy, for now I would like to enjoy my bubble where my kitty is nice to me and is happy to see me. She actually sat on my lap last night and stayed there for about an hour. I've had that cat for 11 years and not once has she ever sat in my lap voluntarily. It's a big step.

Anyways, I just thought I would take a moment to express my gratefulness for the absence of horror in my life. :)

Kittens

Here is a really really funny video passed on from my friend Dr. Findley.

Jamal the Pizza Guy

I have to admit, today was a day of excellent customer service. Yes folks, let this day go down in history as the one day that Rhia was not completely hacked off and fed up after having to make a few calls and dealing with stupid customer service people. It started when I called Progressive about my insurance. The guy on the other end a) spoke English, b) was not just cordial, but friendly and chatty as well, and c) said it was his pleasure to help me out today (and he actually did help me...whoa right?) I...was...speechless.

It then continued as I was doing my taxes and didn't have some 10-blah blah form from my bank and had to call and ask them about it. Did you know that you can go online and download most of that stuff? Hallelujah technology! Anyways, the lady I talked to a) spoke English, b) didn't treat me like an imbecile, and c) was able to actually help me without transfering me to another person. It...was...lovely.

Then I was going to be all Martha Stewart-y and actually cook dinner. Well, until I realized the steamed vegetables meal in a bag thingy I bought had shrimp in it. *yuck* Then I said "To heck with Martha! I'm ordering pizza!"

Okay, let me stop and describe the scenery for you before I go on so you will understand what happened next:

First, I'm in my jammies cause I'm doing taxes and everyone knows that when you sit down and do your taxes, jammies are the dress code. I'm wearing a shirt that says "WHAT?" on it...it's not a shirt I wear out in public for obvious reasons (I don't want random people staring at my chest and thinking I have an attitude...simple).

Second, at a get together Friday night at my casa, Amy's cardboard cut-out of Legolas and Gimli ended up in my dining room.

So I order pizza and Jamal the Pizza Guy shows up. The first thing he says to me is "What. What!" with a little giggle as he points to my shirt (like it's the funniest shirt he's ever seen). Nice. Then after we do the whole pizza/receipt/pen juggle and exchange, he asks, "Hey are you a Lord of the Rings fan?"

Me: "Uh....ummm....I...oh! No, I had a party at my house this weekend and that ended up here."

Jamal: "Right! You don't gotta be 'shamed girl! It's okay. Everybody gotta like somethin' right?"

Me: "Uh...right. Okay, thanks! Bye!"

Yep...true story...all of it.

Honey, You Are Dilluded

I'm talking about the crazy lady who decided that being a 33 year-old single mom with 6 kids wasn't quite cutting it when it came to her dream of being a mother. She denies she's being selfish. Really?

She said, "I know I'll be able to afford them when I'm done with my schooling." Oh, right. And what is she going to school for? To be a counselor. THAT makes a lot of money. And don't you worry, you'll have PLENTY of time to spend with your 14 kids, 8 of which have a high chance of having some sort of special need. If you wanted to finish your schooling, why couldn't you wait to have them until you were done?

The Today show reported that she holds each infant for 45 minutes each day. Let's see, 8 x 45= 360, and if you sleep 8 hours a day (which is about 4 times as much sleep as new mothers with one child get), that leaves a little over 10 hours left in the day...roughly. *insert sarcastic voice here* Yes, 45 minutes a day is more than enough time to hold your babies...once a day.

She said, "All I wanted was children. I wanted to be a mom. That's all I ever wanted in my life. I love my children." Hey, I'm not doubting that she loves her children. I just find it odd that in her response to accusations of selfishness, she declares what SHE wants...three times.

She said, "That was always a dream of mine, to have a large family, and I just longed for certain connections and attachments with another person that I really lacked, I believe, growing up." Who cares about how neglected those babies are going to feel growing up as long as YOU have the connections you feel you need.

And then, don't even get me started on this quote I came across today:

"I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby." - Barack Obama

Heaven forbid your daughters will have to receive punishment if they make a mistake. And punished with a baby? Wouldn't you feel just great if you knew that you were your mother's punishment?

Grrrrr.......

Happy 1 Year Anniversary!

Can you believe that after one year and 120 posts, you are still reading my blog? Me too! So since it has been a year and since I really don't have anything to blog about (really...I'm pretty boring as of late and have no interesting stories or thoughts to share), I thought it might be fun to visit some of my favorites and let you vote on which ones you liked the most. Who knows, maybe my favorites are your favorites too...


Why I Love Old People


It's The Crazy Cat Lady

Ummm...That Picture Is Crooked

What A Girl Wants

A Mother's Day Conversation With Ben

A Little Sumpin' For Ya

I know that is a lot to choose from, but I had to pick out of 119 of them people! It was hard!

And I hereby solemnly swear to look for the funny things in life so that I'll have something to blog about real real soon. The end...for now.

An Unfinished Post

About a year and a half ago when I first got on facebook, I thought "Hey, wouldn't it be neat if some of my friends from high school were on here? It sure would be neat to see what they are up to." So I did a search...and found nothing. "Oh well." I thought. "They probably all have lives full of husbands and wives and children and Saturday soccer games. They aren't going to waste their time on something like facebook. Not to mention, this is Red Oak we're talking about." And then I went on my merry way in ignorant bliss...

Then this summer I had a friend request from someone I went to high school with and was so excited when I found several others in our school/church/friend group as well. So I friend requested all of them and have been keeping tabs on them (a.k.a. stalking) ever since. Once again I thought it would be neat to see if anyone else from Red Oak High '94 was on facebook...and once again found nothing.

Then tonight I was doing my weekly random stalking and came across someone that I knew from high school but more than likely doesn't remember me. I didn't friend request her...why should I? We never were friends, just acquaintances. But going through her friend list I found so many other people from high school...people that I know of but never really knew and I'm sure who won't remember me. There was practically my entire high school class on facebook and I didn't even know. I looked at tons of people and only friend requested about 4 that I thought might actually remember me. And as I was looking at these people and thinking, "Wow. I never knew that about her/him!" I realized that not much has changed since high school. I'm on the outside looking in completely fascinated with their lives and doing more observing than interacting.

And then I realized that a lot of things HAVE changed in the past 15 years. I grew up for one thing...and so did they. Just looking at thier pictures I realized that they looked like grown-ups...not like the teenagers I remember them as. For another thing, I learned how to talk to people and interact with them. That may sound stupid, but I was extremely shy and very unsure of myself as a teenager. I don't think I ever held a conversation with anyone that lasted more than 5 minutes. Now sometimes you can't get me to shut-up (hence the blog).

Anyways, I don't really know the point I'm trying to make and I don't know that any of this means anything to any of you but since I've typed all of this I guess I'll go ahead and post it. Maybe later I'll think of an actual point to make and I'll amend this post. For now though, it's late and I'm going to bed.

This Is Why I Don't Love My Job

Testing....need I say more?

Yes. I do.

I hate it. It sucks. It's boring. And it makes me sleepy. I listened to almost 40 different kids today read the same three stories over...and over...and over...and over again. No amount of M&Ms could keep me alert. My mind was listening and my hand was marking their mistakes, but my eyes would not stay open. It was horrible and just plain cruel. I know those kids probably think I'm possessed or something with my eyes rolling back and my mumbling words.

*sigh* Not that anybody cares or anyone can do anything about it but I just had to gripe....