Sunday, May 11, 2008

A Mother's Day Conversation with Ben

At church today, red roses were handed out to all of the women in the congregation. It is one of the most uncomfortable things for a single woman sitting by herself to have to sit through. I have been in single's wards for so long that I forgot about this family ward tradition. I got my rose, smiled, said thank you, etc... After church, I'm getting out of my car and walking to the gate of my apartment and the following conversation happens:

Note: all words in parenthesis were said only in my head

Note #2: I am paraphrasing most of it b/c I don't have the ability to recall all words ever spoken to me.


Ben: Hey!

I look up to see Ben standing at his balcony with a glass of wine in his hand (Oh...great! This is going to be so good for my blog!)

Me: Hello.

Ben: You have a flower! Is that a rose?

Me: Yep.

Ben: I bet you got that at church today didn't you? Because it is Mother's Day.

Me: Yes, and I got a hug to go with it. (He seems a little tipsy...hmmm.)

Ben: How many children do you have?

Me: None.

Ben: So you're not a mother but you still got a flower.

Me: I'm a potential mother.

Ben: Yes, and you have a mother and she became a mother when she had you.
(Nod, nod)
You know, I've got a yellow rose up here.
And I have this friend who is a lady and a neighbor and we talk a lot. And she tells me that she doesn't celebrate Mother's Day and she doesn't even believe in it.
(This story is going to get weird...and fast.)
So I bought her a yellow rose because red means love and it's not about that with us. She's from Texas so I thought a yellow rose would be nice and I wrote this really nice card to her about Mother's Day being about appreciating others...
(I really hope he gave HER the rose and is not trying to pawn it off on someone else...he probably didn't, otherwise he wouldn't be drinking wine and talking to strangers...oh, that is so sad.)
...I have a daughter that I don't talk to anymore but she is a mother and my mother is dead, my grandmother is dead so I thought you know, I am going to have a glass of wine and enjoy this beautiful day...
(Oh,, no, no...please do not invite me up there to your creepy apartment) I invited my friend to come over this morning since she said she didn't have anything going on today and suddenly when I called her this morning, she has plans
(Smart woman!)
Blah, blah, blah, blah...more stuff about appreciating others...
(if he asks me if I want to come up there and have that rose, I have no excuse except "Stranger Danger!" What am I going to say?)
So I wrapped the rose in plastic and have it up here so it won't wilt...
(time for exit strategy #42)
...and I am just going to hold on to it for now and just enjoy this day and honor all of the mothers and potential mothers
(as he toasts to me with his wine glass).

Me: Well, thank you. I...

Ben: You are the teacher right? You live just downstairs?
(Shoot! Exit strategy #43...quick!)

Me: Yes, it was nice talk...

Ben: How is it going? Do you enjoy it?
(This poor man just wants someone to talk to. It's Mother's Day and not only does he have no family to celebrate it with, but no friends either.)

Me: It's great. I love it! Only three weeks left.

Ben: Yeah, I've got years.

Me: Huh?

Ben: I just quit my job driving and I decided to go into oceanography.
(Then you need to move far, far away! :)

Me: Well, good for you! I hope it all works out for you.

Ben: You know, I was watching you walk across the parking lot and you looked so glum, but you had that flower...
(Okay buddy, time to go) I thought I would say something to you.

Me: Thank you! It was nice talking to you.
(start walking away now so he can't start another conversation)
I'll see you later!

Ben: Bye!

But now I have to leave so I can go over to my mom's house for Mother's Day...I really hope he's gone inside.


Erika said...

I'm a fairly recent blog-stalker, so this is my first introduction to Ben...I assume he's one of your reasons to move! As Janette would say, "He must have OTHER talents."...I hope. Good use of Exit Strategies!

WhiteEyebrows said...

Do you need a taser, just in case? I'll bet I could get one from Officer Muse.

Alison said...

Ok, don't you think it's weird that he mentioned oceanography, and you named him after the character Ben on LOST? I find that very ironic and a little creepy.

My verification word was rsbcbhu which is the reddish color a person's face turns after they've had too much wine.

Erica said... know you wanted to forget about your own mom and go up stairs to drink some vino and accept that yellow rose of friendship while Ben regaled you with salty stories of the sea.
You could have had the perfect romantic afternoon. You are way too picky about men Rhia. Ha.

R Matthew Ware said...

Do you need help moving? Seriously.

My word verification is xqyasjz, which is what Quasi Modo looked like at the end of the novel (not the Disney movie).

Rhia Jean said...

E.P. - there have been two other bloggies about Ben. One was titled Creeeeeepy! and the other was the first in the I really need to move series. You would find them highly entertaining.

W.E. - I don't need a taser, I need a bodygaurd.

Al - my subconcious is getting away with me. I seriously need to post my Lost theories.

E.T. - please don't give away my secrets! I'm going for the damsel in distress card here and it doesn't help. :)

M.W. - strangely Ben does have a kind of Quasi Modo look about him...big huge eyes and hunched back. I bet you guys know each other and you have planted him here so that I'll have something really fun to blog about.

Tamara - you haven't commented yet b/c 1) you haven't read the blog or 2) you have read the blog and you are upset with me that I still haven't taken you up on the offer to take over the butterfly room despite your previous attempts to save me from Ben. ;)

Emily Anne said...

Umm... Can you file a restraining order? Oh, and Matt would be happy to help you move.

Amber said...

well, you know, if you hadn't have been looking so glum and holding that darn flower than you wouldn't have been stopped. Lesson: ALWAYS look happy and NEVER accept mother's day flowers at church!

jnqamyi: a glum person who carries flowers.

Tamara said...

OK you caught me. I'm upset that you choose Ben and yellow rose and vino over the butterfly room. That...and I'm a little behind on my blog stalking, currently. Just how old IS this Ben dude? Can we get a photo of this man so I can run it by the FBI?

I would also like to say that I have spent many a mother's day morning wondering if there weren't some ward somewhere in the world that I could attend where I wouldn't get the "here's your token of appreciation for maybe someday being a mom" because it always felt so apologetic to me, like people trying to console me for getting cut from the soccer team. "Don't worry, Tams! There's always next year." I wouldn't have thought a thing about that if the people around me weren't trying to make sure to comfort me...even though I wasn't sad in the first place! Can't a girl just think of her mom and be happy about the day? Mormons...we're such spazzes sometimes. Not spazzes like Ben, mind you, but spazzes just the same.