Sunday, December 21, 2008

Highly Disturbed And A Little Confused

First of all, I would like to apologize for all of my recent posts being about weird subjects that there are no words for. Second, I would like to apologize for this post being the second of weird ones about cats. This one is incredibly funny though, so even if you don't like cats, please keep reading.

Okay, a little background: my family is a family of cat lovers. We always have been. Everyone has a cat except for two of my brothers (and they may have cats but I don't know). Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, everyone. So when we all get together you can guess where our conversations go 90% of the time...cats. And everyone knows everyone else's cats names and we tell stories about them like they are part of the family. Stories often begin like this, "You'll never believe what (insert cat and/or child's name here) did..." You're laughing already aren't you?

Here's an example: Tonight my brother and SIL were asking me what I wanted for Christmas and I couldn't give them an answer. So to try and get me to think of something, my brother asked, "If Millie could get you something for Christmas, what would she get you?" to which I answered, "Uh, probably poison." Because we all know that Millie pretends to love me but in reality I think she plots ways to get rid of me on a daily basis. Mostly her plots include tripping me, ignoring me, or my favorite: playing with my emotions (this is where she comes up and loves on me and then promptly growls and runs away).

So my most recent cat story I have been sharing is that Millie has taken to getting up on the couch behind me and rubbing her head on my head. Sometimes she will even lick my hair. If I reach up and pet her, she just pushes her head against mine. It's very odd.

Well, my cousin came over tonight and brought his girlfriend and as we were sharing cat stories, I brought up the head rubbing and she said it was because Millie was trying to dominate me.

WHAT?!! DOMINATE ME?!!!

No, no. (insert finger shake here) My cat knows who is in charge. My cat comes when I call her. My cat sleeps at the foot of the bed. My cat doesn't jump on the counter or the table. She's a brat, but she knows who is boss. I know the rest of you don't believe that, but it's true.

I was very disturbed by this whole "cat dominating human" thing so I decided to do some research of my own on Google. My initial search led me to believe that it wasn't a dominance issue, just her marking me with her scent to show love and affection (although why after 10 years of companionship she has decided she now needs to mark my head with her scent instead of my legs, I don't know). I then did a search for "my cat rubs my head with her head" and found some very interesting stories. Some very disturbing stories. Some very funny stories. And I have posted them here for you to read.

"All three of our cats do this to some extent. One will knead my hair while I'm laying down and then sleep in it once it's arranged to her liking. The other will chew on it and play with it. And the third likes to sort of perch of my shoulder and knead and nuzzle until he's entangled in it. Then he purrs and drools. The drool is actually a little gross, but I haven't really worked out a solution yet since I don't have the heart to make him stop. It's really the only time he's affectionate and I feel like it's sort of a bonding thing between us."

This person IS dominated by their cat. And not just one, but three! THREE! Never in a million years would I ever allow any animal to arrange, chew, play, or entangle themselves in my hair. Yuck. Just plain yuck.

"My oldest cat loves to play "hairdresser" when my hair has been freshly washed and up until the next day. I'm pretty sure she loves the smell of the various shampoo and conditioners (since I use several different brands).She will come up behind me on the couch, or on my pillow when I am propped up in bed and will stroke my hair gently with her trimmed claws as if combing it. Sometimes, I will hear her sniffing and breathing the scent deeply and then she will sometimes "bonk" my head with hers because she is so happy. So yeah, lots of cats have a "hair fetish", especially for freshly-washed hair..."

This person is also dominated by their cat. Seriously? I would be scared to go to sleep at night with a cat in my house that combs my hair with it's "trimmed claws".

"My cat loves hair. I wouldn't really care that much, but she loves to swallow it, too. I am constantly pulling soon-to-be-ingested chunks of hair (still connected to my head) out of her mouth. Since I shed constantly (and, oddly enough, as a semi-hairless cat, she doesn't shed at all), she always has a strand or two of my hair hanging out of her mouth. This wouldn't bother me so much, except it causes disgusting digestive troubles for her on the other end. Ew."

How do you sit there long enough with your cat chewing on your hair that they actually have time to begin ingesting it? If it's so gross, do not let them get that close to your head! Your cat is looking at you as something to eat. You should be worried...a lot.

"I used to have a cat that loved to get on the pillow while I was sleeping and knead my hair. On several occasions I woke to find him completely entangled - unwrapping a cat from your hair at 4 a.m. is not a fun process. After that he slept downstairs."

Finally, one smart person! You don't allow your cat to sleep with you anymore when it is entangling itself in your hair.

So now I am confused. Is Millie trying to dominate me or just show love and affection? Regardless, the head rubbing is ceasing effective immediately. I know you all think I have a bizzaro cat, which I do, but let's face it...all cats are bizzaro. Maybe that's why my family likes them so much. Maybe that's why we prefer cats over dogs (animals that do nothing but love you and try to please you)...we are more bizzaro than affectionate. I don't know.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Today at 3:15...

...I will be ready with purse in hand to walk right out of here. I cannot tell you how much I hate this week. Every year it is the worst...possibly even worse than the week before we get out for summer. Everyone is so incredibly ready to get out of school for the blessed 2 weeks and on top of that, everyone is so stressed out because not only do you have your own personal Christmas hell to go through, you have school Christmas hell to go through as well.

This specific week, however, has been crap-o-la. First we had the lovely day of Arctic Winter on Tuesday. The day which I couldn't get my garage door open (eventually I did though) and the same day that the power went out at school. Then it turned into Regular Texas Winter where it's just wet and cold and you hate being outside on Wednesday. The day that the heat didn't work in the library and there was a foul smell in the hallway, so I secluded myself in my freezer and tried to stay warm without puking from the stench. Then it turned into The Rainforest when the fog settled in. The day we had a PTA Pajama Read-In and Choir Concert here at school. It wasn't so bad...just extremely muggy throughout the whole school. This was also the day I discovered that a ginormous branch had fallen and was precariously leaning on a wire connected to my house. It almost knocked me over when I pulled it down.

However, today, the sun is shining and I get to see my gals for book club tonight. :) So let's hope it's the beginning of the end.

And remember folks...

"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud for all to hear."

Saturday, December 6, 2008

I Don't Know Why...

...anyone ever thought "Autumn Biscotti" would make a good candle scent. Yet another disgusting candle someone thought was good enough to put in the bathrooms at work....I threw it in the trash tonight.

...I ask the bilingual kids at school questions in spanish...because then they answer me in spanish and I have no idea what they are saying so then I have to have one of the other bilingual kids translate for me.

...I go to Home Depot and buy things...I always get weird looks when I am going out to my car with huge pieces of wood. Yes! I can make it fit and no, I don't need your help!

...I thought it was a good idea to go to Sonic and get those french toast sticks and then try to dip them in the syrup while I am driving...and shifting gears.

...I rush outside with a flashlight everytime I hear a noise in the yard. I mean, what good is that really going to do? Am I planning on beating some robber with my $5 flashlight or something? Will he be scared by my raging fit when we make eye contact? Ronnie the Rat wasn't scared, why would Robber Bob or Peter Possum or anything or anyone else that feels they have a right to my step foot on my property?

...JC Penny's keeps sending me ads and coupons. Did they not understand when I told them "I will never shop here again"?

...I even bother to rake up the leaves in my yard. I mean, I know I have lots and you can really tell a difference when I do rake, but nobody else in my neighborhood rakes their leaves. Some of them don't even mow their lawn except maybe once or twice a year.

...My cat is so dumb. After I yell at her for scratching the rug, she then proceeds to sit there and lick the spot she had been scratching.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Twilight: To Love or Not To Love

If you saw Twilight and liked it, great. I am very happy for you that it brought some amount of joy to your heart no matter how great or small that joy might have been.

I however, did not like the movie. I thought it was pretty much terrible. Here are a few reasons why (in no particular order):

1) There was no meadow scene. Edward was jumping around in trees and Bella was following him around by expertly manuevering over moss covered fallen trees. Bella is supposed to be a huge klutz...yes, that is very important to the story line.

2) Bella. She was a spaz 90% of the time. I couldn't even tell what she was thinking with all of the blinking and shaking and pained looks.

3) Edward. He looked like he was about to vomit 90% of the time. When he smiled, I actually believed he was Edward...but that didn't happen too often.

4) All the other vampires looked fake. And Jasper...oh Jasper was pure awfulness. He gets his own number...

5) Jasper. I think I've already posted my feelings about how incredibly gay he looks in the movie. And what was up with the bug eyes?

6) The Biology scene...need I say more?

7) Bella and Edward's conversations were...well...awkward. It felt a lot of the time like I was listening in on a private conversation and it kind of made me uncomfortable.

8) Billy and Edward's stare of death as they drove past each other.

9) 90% of the lines were out of context. For example: Bella pulls up to school. Mike runs up to her and says to her in a rush, "Hey Bella. I don't like you dating Edward. He looks at you like you're something to eat. Bye." and then runs off.

10) The overall directing, acting, and script...it was like someone let a 13 year old take over all three.

Now, here's the part that I don't understand. Friends that I have talked to that saw it and liked it agreed with the things I listed above. But then they still said they liked it in spite of that.

So I'm done. I'm done trying to convince the world of how terrible the movie was. It's like trying to fight a losing battle. No matter what points of argument I give, you will agree with me but then still pick the other side. It's too frustrating...I can't do it anymore. So if you liked it, good but I can't discuss it anymore. We'll have to find other things to talk about like the greatness of Little Debbie's Snacks or funny episodes of The Office or what you are going to get me for my birthday present or what Millie's different meows mean. Those are some good starting points for conversations right? Yeah, I think so.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Don't You Just Love It When You Discover Something New?

So this evening after a *cough* run *cough* with Amy, we went back to her apartment and started watching funny videos on You Tube and those dorky pictures of the cats with captions misspelled and in baby talk at icanhazcheezburger.com or whatever that site is with Matt. And then we watched the Harry Potter Puppet Pals videos. And then we watched the video where the engineers explain cats. And then Matt brought up this project he had worked on for days that was extremely boring he said. Some guy brought in all this footage and wanted it converted so he could post it on You Tube. So we found it...and it turns out that it wasn't boring after all. You just have to watch it with people that you can laugh with. So grab a friend or pretend that I'm sitting next to you. Hee-hee. Here is a sample.



Not only is there this video, but about 50 more...all with the same guy...and his bad tupe. He always is standing in front of the same shelves. And each time he sings a song...with the same melody...just different words. Okay, here is another one. It's called Candy Life or The Purple Candy Store.




You're hooked huh? Isn't it terrible greatness? So my wonderful and faithful readers, I just want to wish you all a Happy Candy Rebirthday.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Okay, I Really Think I Might Die This Time!



I just have four things to say:

1. J.J. Abrams

2. Good Night Nurse look at how friggin' hot Chris Pine is!

3. May 8, 2009

4. I'm sorry Sylar that J.J. made your eyebrows like that but don't worry, I still love you!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I Think I Have SARS...or something

Here are my symptoms:

I can't get up in the morning so now I have begun to set my regular alarm and my phone alarm. Now instead of hitting snooze every 9 minutes for an hour, I hit snooze every 4-5 minutes for an hour.

This morning after hitting snooze on my phone, I fell asleep with the phone open in my hand.

I stay up late...way too late knowing full well that it will be hard for me to get up in the morning.

I keep coming up with responsibilities that I feel the need to take on yet I don't have the time for them nor are they part of my job description.

My hair looks like crap-0-la.

Even when I do wear make-up, it doesn't matter because I feel so dead tired that I look like a zombie anyways.

I have no reason to complain yet I complain all the time.

I have recently become obsessed with Almond Joys and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

See? It's SARS. I think I'm going to die.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Apparently...

...there are some nerds out there that think that I am in love with them because I wear this shirt:

Please let me clarify: I am not IN LOVE with you because you are a nerd...I just love your nerdiness.

This is one of my favorite shirts. I like to wear it...a lot. I shouldn't because inevitably I end up having some awkward conversation with someone who says to me, "I'm a nerd." and then stares at me to see my reaction. I should have a response down by now, but I always end up smiling, giving an uncomfortable laugh, and then try to find something else to occupy my attention.

So, Saturday night I was working at the bookstore and consequently wearing my nerd shirt. We close at 8:00pm and right at 7:59pm, in walks two guys. In all fairness, they knew exactly what they were there to get and they didn't keep us there forever while they shopped, thank goodness.

We'll just call these guys Nerdy Nerd and Friend of Nerd. Nerdy Nerd pays for his merchandise first, and then Friend of Nerd puts his stack of books on the counter to pay for his. While I am ringing up Friend of Nerd, Nerdy Nerd says to me, "I'm a nerd." I smile, laugh uncomfortably, and occupy myself with trying to get them out as fast as possible so I can go home. This however did not deter Nerdy Nerd at all. He then takes out his cell phone and says, "I can prove it. Listen." and then proceeds to make me listen to some polyphonic beeping. So I just smile and nod my head in agreement that yes, you have now proved your nerdiness to me. Nerdy Nerd realizes that I have no idea what song he has just played for me, so he tells me. "It's from Super Mario Brothers."

Apparently, this isn't enough to convince me that he is really a nerd so then he says, "Wait, I have another one!" and then plays the Star Wars theme music.

"Wow! That is really nerdy." I say.

Please, please, please go away. Please.

"Here's another one." Seriously? I know you are a nerd. Just stop. Why is your friend standing there letting you make an idiot of yourself?

And then he begins to play the Darth Vader/Storm Trooper music from Star Wars. "That officially does it. You are a real nerd." I tell him.

So, Mr. Nerdy Nerd, I am not in love with you but I do love your nerdy ways and I do appreciate that you felt the need to prove it to me.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Oh How I Love Stupid People!

Before I begin this post, let me just preface it with "Don't freak out...I'm okay." and "Yes, life sucks, but I'm okay."

Yesterday I got home to find out my house had been broken into. Yay! They (we'll call them Robber Bob and Robber Rob...I'm just assuming there were two and that they were men...I know nothing about them), okay so they pried open my back door and tore up the door frame and part of the wall because the door had been dead bolted. They took my DVD player, all my DVDs (minus a few that were placed in other locations), my digital camera, and some cash. They went through my closet and my drawers looking for I don't know what. Jewelry? Money? Electronics? Really. Did they not know what neighborhood they were in? If I had enough jewelry or money to hide in my underwear drawer, why would I be living HERE? And really, do people keep expensive things in their underwear drawer in real life? I mean, I know they do that kind of stuff in the movies, but usually it's the rich rich people who do that in the movies, not people who live in the ghetto. Stupid. But, I love their stupidity. I love the fact that that's all they took. What do I care about a bunch of DVDs I never watch anymore? I love that they didn't smash or destroy anything. I love that they left everything they looked through open (including the air conditioning closet) so that the police knew what to dust for fingerprints. I love that they left a huge handprint on the backdoor. I love that they took what was on top and didn't dig deeper and find any of my credit cards. And Millie was in love with them because she had the entire day to go in and out as she pleased because they left the door open for her.

Anyways, I didn't write this so that you could feel sorry for me or have pity on me. Honestly, I thought this would be the easiest way to let people know that there will be no more movie nights at my house (like there ever was before) and not have to repeat my story 1,000 times.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go finish the laundry I started last night because I have to wash everything Robber Bob and Robber Rob touched with their grimy hands.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I Love/I Hate

I love counting change. Weird, I know, but I love it. It's soothing to me...kind of like alphabetizing things or listening to a clock tick.

However, I hate how dirty money is. Especially pennies. All the other change is shiny or whatever but pennies are always so incredibly nasty. Why is that? Why are pennies so gross? My fingers are black after counting them. *shiver*

I hate taking tests. Especially state certification tests in the state of TX. They suck. On Saturday, I had to take my librarian certification test and it was so unorganized and the administrators didn't know what was going on, it drove me nuts. Oh, and I just plain hate taking tests.

However, I always love to watch know-it-alls say something obviously stupid. It makes me smile. Which is what happened at my test Saturday. We'll call Miss Know-It-All KIA for short. Here is my story:
I get to the test site (Bryan Adams HS in Dallas...not a place I want to be after dark), and we are seated in the auditorium so that the administrators can make announcements on where everyone is supposed to be. While we are sitting there a LIC (Lady in charge) comes in and tells us that if we have a cell phone to go put it in our car because no cell phones are admitted. If we don't have a car (like if we got dropped off), then when we get in to our room to hand over our phone to the test administrator. If we are caught with a phone during the test, then our test is taken up and we must leave without finishing. So we get to our room and KIA asks the administrator if he wants to take our phones and he says "No, just keep it in your purse." Then a mini discussion ensues as KIA tells Mr. A (Administrator) the rules and he basically tells her it doesn't matter. KIA is frustrated because, well, she knows it all and is super nerdy taking some super nerdy math test and is one of those people who MUST follow the rules. Then after Mr. A is giving out the tests, KIA asks if he wants to see her calculator. He gives her a puzzled look and then she states loudly, "You're supposed to look at my calculator and make sure the memory has been wiped." Then she addresses the entire room and says, "It was in the rules. I read the rules and that's what it said." Really? You read the rules? Because if I remember correctly, on the first page in bold letters it states that cell phones are not permitted at the test site.

So just remember that with everything that you hate, there is always something in there you can find to love, and with everything you love, you may find something you don't like but you can still love it despite that.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Please Please Tell Me Now

Dear Brother Anonymous,

You posted a comment on my blog a few weeks ago and I just read it today as I was reviewing my most recent posts and seeing if anyone new had commented. If you haven't noticed already from reading my other posts, I'm a little OCD...or CDO if you like things alphabetized like I do. I'm also the kind of person who likes to read the last page first. Yes, the first page I read in Harry Potter 7 was the last page...don't judge me. So it's been driving me nuts all day that someone I don't know has commented on my blog and now it has become an obsession to find out who you are. It's like hearing a song and you can't remember what movie it's from. Or walking all over the grocery store and you can't find the dad-gum marshamallows (which is a true story that actually happened to me today). So let's play a little game...hee-hee.


Here is a list of questions of things I need to know about my blog commenters. Please answer honestly...or you can lie to make it more interesting if you want. Then it will be more fun to try and figure out which is the truth and which is the lie. But that might be kind of hard since I don't know you, so honest answers are probably the best way to go. You may begin.


1. Are you for or against powdered mini donuts?


2. Do you think fish should be classified as pets?


3. Do you sometimes use a calculator to solve simple math problems because you are too lazy to do them on your own?


4. What is the first letter of your first name?


5. What is the second letter of your first name?


6. What is the third letter of your first name?


7. What is the fourth letter of your first name?


8. What is the fifth letter of your first name?


9. Do you have more than five letters in your first name?


10. How do you organize the books on your bookshelf?


11. Do you even have a bookshelf?


12. Do you even own books?


13. Have you set all of your clocks back one hour or will you just leave them as they are and wait until daylight savings to come around again?


14. When you wake up 10 minutes before your alarm is supposed to go off, do you make yourself to go back to sleep or do you just get up because it's a sunshiny day and birds are singing and all that nonsense?


15. Do you wash your car on a regular basis or just wait for it to rain?


16. Have you ever had West Nile and/or SARS?


17. Do you yourself have a blog I can leave anonymous comments on?


18. Do you think I'm funny? (like funny ha-ha...not funny weird)


19. Do you ever put things on your to-do list that you have already done just so you can cross them off?


20. Do you love it or hate it when people stand up in testimony meeting and testify of how much they are going to miss everyone when they leave?


Your turn. :)

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Well That Was Painless...

Like a good little citizen, I voted today and I am pleased to announce that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

For the last election, I was sick. I voted, but it wasn't pretty. At least not to me. I don't remember much because I was concentrating too hard on making sure I didn't pass out and fall over. I do remember that I had to stand in line forever because there were about 10-15 people in front of me. I stuck it out, voted, and then went home and Janette made me soup like the good BFF she is.

This last spring when we voted, again the lines were forever long. I'll admit that I voted with my stomach. The Democrat line was about 20 people long and the Republican line was 2 people long. I bet you can guess which line I stood in...I was hungry! I wanted to get out of there! Don't you judge me Earl!

So today I was expecting more of the same...long lines. I know, I should have done the early voting but other events and needs and wants just got in the way last week and before I knew it, my time was up and I was stuck with voting on voting day. When I left school this afternoon to go vote, a co-worker just shook his head with a sad look on his face and said, "You're going to be standing in line for hours." "I know.", grumbled. But I was prepared. I had on my good standing shoes with squishy soles, a big fat book, left over Halloween candy in my purse, and nothing on the agenda for this evening. I was even prepared to park a mile down the street and was ready to hike it to my voting location.

But alas, I arrived and found a parking spot IN the parking lot. Whoa! I walked in and there were 2 people in front of me in line. Whoa! I did have to fill out a statement of residence form because for some reason they doubt that I am still living in the same apartment I lived in 4 years ago. Hmmm...I'll let you guess what I said to that...or really what I wrote...I didn't say anything. And then they gave me my little card and I voted. And then I left. A grand total of 7 minutes spent voting today. WHOA!!

And then I decided that since I was such a good little citizen that I deserved Jamba Juice. Go America!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

What To Do...What To Do

I figured that since we get an extra hour tonight I would do something truly fascinating and yet extremely unproductive. Here is what I did:

1. Ate half a bag of chocolate covered cinamon bears.

2. Listened to angry bitter music on iTunes and sang as loud as I could.

3. Played MahJong Tiles.

What did you do?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Apparently...

...I don't know when enough is enough.

So about a month ago, Torgerson got me (and a few of my friends) to read a new series of vampire books...stop laughing. The series is called Blue Bloods. It's a fun easy read but nowhere near as innocent as Twilight...nothing too terribly bad either though. Anyways, we read the first two in the series in September and the third was due to come out this month...today actually. I only know this because...well...I'm CDO (OCD). I liked the books and all but I had decided it wasn't mandatory that I have the third book the minute it was put on the shelf or anything...I had decided to let one of my friends buy it, read it, and then I would borrow it. Sometimes I decide things and then change my mind...drastically.

As I was driving home today I thought, "You know, it would be the perfect evening if I had that book and could just snuggle down in bed and read all evening long." I decided to check Target because there were a few other things I needed to get there as well. Of course, they didn't have it. Drat! I had given up and was on my way home when I remembered that having that book would make my evening perfect so I asked Jack (my trusty GPS) where the nearest bookstore was. He said Waldenbooks in Plano by the mall (whatever mall that is off 75 and Plano Pkwy.) and that it was only 6 miles away. Perfect! 6 miles isn't that far. I got there and saw no Waldenbooks, so I figure it's in the mall. I also figure that since I came this far, I might as well go inside the mall and see if I can find it. Once I get inside I realize that not only is there no Waldenbooks inside the mall, the only bookstore is a Borders Express (it probably used to be Waldenbooks...it looked just like it)...and that it's on the complete opposite end of the mall one floor up.

Now, any sane person would say enough is enough and just forget it and go home. But not me. I won't give up now that I have come this far even though it is obvious to me that I am going on a wild goose chase.

I trek it across the mall only to find a messy unorganized bookstore (grrrr...). After wandering aimlessly for a few minutes, the bookstore lady comes up and asks me if I need help. I always resent it when I get asked if I need help in a bookstore or library. I work in both of those places for crying out loud! I should know my way around. Anyways, I ask the lady about the book and she says, "We don't have that yet."

"It was supposed to come out today." I say...I'm CDO...I know my release dates on books!

"Yeah, I heard that rumor too but they didn't send us any today." she replies.

Okay! That's it! Enough is enough. Until I walk by Bath and Body Works and the smell pulls me in. If I can't spend $15 on a book then I definitely need to spend $60 in Bath and Body Works to justify my trip to the mall right?

If that's not enough, I realize that I need a GPS not only for driving directions but apparently for walking directions too. It's no secret that I often lose my car and have to revert to looking like an idiot in a huge parking lot as I walk around with a confused look while pressing the panic button on my clicker. I must have wandered around the mall parking lot like this for about 10-15 minutes before realizing that I came out the wrong doors and my car was actually parked on the other side of the mall.

So now I'm going to go lay on the couch under 5,729 blankets and watch TV. Good-bye.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I Hereby Solemnly Swear...

...to talk no more of rats and roaches. I know it's really grossing people out...well, it's grossing me out...so I'm done.

However, in case you didn't know, I went to the NKOTB concert last Sunday and let me just say that it was THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!


Just imagine being 12 years old and all of your dreams come true. That's what it felt like to be there at the concert. I don't know what you dreamed about when you were 12, but my obsession was NKOTB and a boy named Bryan Hantes (I can't believe I remembered his name...) that I had a stalker-ish crush on. Hmmm...come to think of it I was really really obsessed with him. I'm not going to go into the details because I really don't think anyone cares how weird I was at 12 years old, but lets just say I scare me.

Anyways, back to NKOTB...I took some videos but they are all too big of a file to post here. Maybe if someone would be kind enough to enlighten me on how to get a video bigger than 100 MB to post, I would post them for you. They aren't great quality by any means but they do make me smile. :) So instead of videos, you'll have to make do with my written memories...

I screamed so much that my chest hurt like it does right before you get sick.

It finally hit me that I was seeing NKOTB again when they started Please Don't Go Girl and then I turned into a 12 year old and started screaming and jumping up and down. It was beautiful.

I felt a little weird doing the hand wave for Hangin' Tough because if you looked out over the audience it was like in the movies when crowds of people did the whole "Heil Hitler" salute.

I couldn't stop screaming. What was it that made me scream? I have no idea. Especially when Donnie went out on stage and just stood there...we went nuts...completely nuts...and all he did was stand there.

I was sadly disappointed when Donnie sang Covergirl. He always would choose a little girl from the audience, pull her up on stage and then sing that song to her. This time he had these *ahem* "dancers" with him on stage and it just made my stomach turn a little. I still screamed and sang along though.

When I got there I kind of wanted to kick myself for not forking out the extra who knows how much money to sit as close to the stage as I could. If I had it to do over again, I probably would have paid an obscene amount of money to be closer...as close as I could get. That's dumb huh? Yeah, it is but I would have done it.

And last, I know that I thought they were "oh so fine" when I was 12 and 13 and even a little of 14 years old, but I am here to say that those boys turned into some very very very good looking men. Holy. Freaking. Cow.

Okay, and here is one obsession about my 7th grade crush Bryan Hantes that I will share with you so you know I am serious when I say that I was weird. I knew what kind of car his parents drove because I would watch to see when he got dropped off in the morning for school. I would then spend every minute I was in the car or on the bus looking at every car that passed by to see if it was his. I also knew his schedule (which I figured out by sheer observation), and all of the different shirts he wore and I would keep track of them and make predictions to myself each day on what I thought he would be wearing. Oh! And here's one more thing you don't care to know...I had his old science book...you know how you used to have to write your name in the front cover of the book (I don't know if they still do that or not), well...I thought it was surely a sign that we were meant for each other when I saw his name written by his own hand in the book that was issued to me.

And just so you know, I never spoke one word to him...ever.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

1, 2, 3, 4, I Declare A Rodent War!

Yes folks, that is what it has come to here on Maple Drive...war! You have already heard the story about Peter the Possum and how he was scared off with the stealth tactics of our resident human. He has never been seen again, but today I am here to tell you that the War Against Rodents is still raging. We are gaining ground on Manny the Squirrel and today we have won the battle with Ronnie the Rat. I will begin tonight's briefing with the evidence against Manny the Squirrel and then move on to the more serious crimes of Ronnie the Rat.

Okay, here we have Manny the Squirrel. Notice how his mouth is half open and his stance suggests that he is ready to pounce. He's not after the humans...he's after the White Fluffy...the cat that is twice his size and completely oblivious to his existence even though he is chattering constantly at her.

Manny has made his presence widely known in the The Backyard by doing the following:

Eating every pecan in the tree and spitting the shells on the deck in little bits for three days straight. Our resident human swept them up faithfully each day as is evidenced by the pile off to the side but Manny was insistent that he get ALL of the pecans and did not give up until he had successfully stowed them at undisclosed locations for the upcoming winter.


Taking some of the afore mentioned pecans and "hiding" them in the potted plants on the deck.

Bravely coming down from the tree in broad daylight.

Turning and seeing White Fluffy.


And realizing White Fluffy is behind a glass door and no longer poses a threat to him.


I am sorry to say that Ronnie the Rat is not as cute as Manny. He's much more brave and bold when it comes to meeting White Fluffy but has successfully evaded our resident human...until today. I have graciously posted no photographic evidence of Ronnie, but we do have a first hand account from a very reliable source:

"Well, I didn't know Ronnie was hanging around the house...I didn't even know he existed until one day I went to feed the cat and when I picked up the bag of food, cat food started falling out the bottom. Something had chewed a hole in the bottom of the bag...I knew right away it was a mouse (I found out later it was something MUCH worse!). I didn't want to believe it was true. I tried to think of a million other things it could be, but it didn't work. About a week later I was in bed and the cat was in bed with me when I heard something digging around in her food dish. The very next night I heard the ripping of paper coming from the kitchen. The brand new bag of cat food! I left it sitting on the floor! I tried to sneak up on what I thought was a mouse but it was too fast and it got away before I could get a glimpse of it. I knew I had to face my problem head on and call Terminator the Exterminator to get rid of it once and for all. Terminator came out today and set a trap in Ronnie's favorite closet (the hot water heater closet). When I got home 6 hours later, I took a peek inside the closet and there was Ronnie with his...head...stuck...I can't talk about it anymore...I'm probably going to have nightmares for a week!"

And there you have it folks...the war rages on but we will be victorious!

*Please do not be concerned for our resident human. We will be sending Terminator the Exterminator out tomorrow on a Priority 1 mission to dispose of Ronnie's dead carcass.*

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

There Is Nothing Wrong With You

Before you say, "Yeah right." Just hear me out...

As a single person, over the years I have heard my friends say things such as:

"What's wrong with me? Why don't guys/girls like me?"
"I don't know what is wrong with those guys/girls in your ward."
"There's a reason why so-and-so isn't married..."

And then my absolute favorite:

"I don't understand why you're not married."...which we'll get to later.

Now let me just tell you this:

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!

Trust me, I've tried to figure it out and I've tried to fix everything...EVERYTHING, and nothing works. You know why? Because nothing is broken. I have thought that if I was:

more athletic
more politically minded
a good rollerblader (yeah, I really thought that once)
good at sports
better at managing money
healthier
prettier
skinnier
quieter
louder
funnier
smarter
dumber
less worried
more worried
less paranoid
more paranoid
more grown-up
more childlike
more churchy
even less churchy
etc...etc...etc...

...that he would find me more interesting, and the truth is, even though I tried to be all of those things at one time or another, it never worked. I even tried repenting once. Yes, I repented for still being single...guess what? That didn't work either...cause I didn't do anything wrong.

On the reverse side, it drives me nuts when people mutter, "What is wrong with guys these days?" Uh, just because they are not all beating down my door with marraige proposals doesn't mean that there is something wrong with all of them. I would think it highly weird if all the guys I knew were constantly trying to date me. Plus, I would loose a whole lotta friends. You can't blame an entire gender just because the one or two that you like doesn't like you back. Remember that we get to choose, and you are not always the right choice for someone else nor are they always the right choice for you.

Okay, next point: "I don't understand why you're not married." Really? Cause guess what? Neither do I. I'm not actually doing anything that would keep me from being in a relationship with someone...I'm not doing anything wrong either. The only thing I can figure out is that it's not my time yet. It's just not my turn. Heavenly Father has an order and a reason for everything and he hasn't forgotten about all of us, he's just gettin' things ready.

Sometimes I feel like that whiny kid that wants a reason for everything you ask him/her to do. You know, the one that you just get so fed up with and then turn around and yell at them, "Because I told you to!" Yeah, that's me...the whiny kid. But HF never yells at me...ever.

Now, before you go off thinking, "Whatever, you have no idea what I'm going through." or "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before." or "You don't have any room to be talkin'." Yes, I do. I have football fields of room in the boat that I was in with loads of other people who all got out one by one and went off to snag boyfriends, get married, and have babies. I'm not married. I ain't got no babies. There's nobody in my life to reassure me that I'm beautiful, smart, funny, blah, blah, blah. And I'm freakin' bailing water out of that boat with a teacup every day. So there.

So, who will you listen to?

Satan: "Hmmm...sorry. You just aren't good enough to make the Married's Team. :( Maybe next year, honey."

or

Heavenly Father: "I'm working on it...this is going to be so good! You are going to love it...I promise!"

Monday, October 13, 2008

Be Original People!!!!

I learned today that yet another children's book (one of my favs) is being made into a movie. It irks me when this is done because then kids (and adults too) decide not to read the book because they'll just wait for the movie. Or they have seen the movie so they think reading the book is a not necessary.

GRRRRRRRRRR........

Now, I realize that kids (and grown-ups too) get excited about a book they have read being made into a movie and it is very cool to see your favorite characters come to life on the big screen but seriously...can't the movie people be a little bit more original? Give us something new to think about. We already know the story of Harry Potter...and Horton Hears A Who...and The City of Ember...and Bridge To Terebithia...and Spiderwick Chronicles...and A Series of Unfortunate Events...and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...and The Chronicles of Narnia...and the list goes on and on. I'd say about 90% of children's movies these days are movies made from books. If authors can think of new stories to write, screenwriters can surely think of some too. I'm just sayin'.

See, when you take a really good book and you make it into a movie, kids no longer pick up the book and actually read to find out what will happen next. They know already and you have taken that magic away from them. They may pick it up and read it anyways because they love the story but 9 times out of 10, they just thumb through it and read over their favorite parts.

It just makes me sad. And now one of my favorites is going to be made into a movie and it's one that I have just discovered and am getting the kids excited about. *sigh*

Here it is:

Due to come out in October 2009...yay.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

It Is What It Is...

So for the past week I haven't written anything not because I haven't had anything to write about, (because there has been plenty...Manny the Squirrel, Macaroni and Cheese from 2001, a backpack eating kindergartener, Shia Le BUFF, etc.) but I just haven't felt like writing it. I read two very short verse novels this weekend, and that's all I can think in...verse. That happens to me a lot. When I read something that has lots of voice, I tend to write like that. So here goes a page out of the Book of Rhia in verse:

Sometimes
I wish I could sleep
all
day
long.

Then maybe
I could manage
to convince myself
that getting up
in the morning
is a good thing.

Pathetic...

I know.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I Have A Case of the Wednesdays

I don't know what that means exactly but I think it is similar to having a case of the Mondays except that it happens on Wednesday. And chances are that if it happens on a Wednesday, it also happened on Tuesday and on Monday. In case you are wondering why I feel this way, I can't answer that for you...I just do. Oh, that and the fact that my cat woke me up this morning at 8:17am. Yes, I am supposed to be at school at 7:45am and school starts at 8:00am.



The Dumbest Saying Ever

You can't have your cake and eat it too.
If you have the cake, it is yours and you should be able to do with it what you want, such as eat it. If you don't want to eat the cake, why do you have it? Give it to me and I'll eat it...assuming it's a cake that I like.


If you don't have the cake, how can you eat it? It's not there. You'll have to eat something else. If someone else has the cake, they may or may not choose to share it with you. If they do, then that part of the cake is yours and you can eat it. That's why they gave it to you. If not, then once again you'll have to eat something else...or jealously stand by and watch them eat the cake. I suppose that is an option too.


I guess the moral is that if you have cake, you better eat it before someone else comes along and finishes it off for you.



Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A Blog Revised

Okay, so my friend has a blog (Dr. Findley...see the link to the right) and whenever he posts, I don't understand any of it because it's all computer mumbo jumbo stuff and so I never know what to comment about. When I read it, it's like someone typed a bunch of random words and expects me to know what they mean. So here, I would like to break down his latest post and insert a few things so that it will make sense to the rest of the non-programmer world. All programmers beware, this may be blasphemy to you.

Here is the original post:

Leopards + Search Paths = paths.d

I’ve been messing around with MySQL, git, macports and a couple other things that place files where they weren’t part of my search path (aka the PATH variable). I’ve been adding stuff to /etc/profile or to my own .bash_profile to get around this problem, but it never quite felt right. With Leopard (Mac OS X 10.5), all you have to do is add a file in the /etc/paths.d directory with each path you want on a separate line. Ah, now that feels better.
Here’s an example:$ pwd/etc/paths.d$ cat git/usr/local/git/bin
This is all due to the path_helper program in your /etc/profile.

Here is it is revised a la Rhia:

Leopards + Pants = Disaster

I've been messing around with fashion and a couple other things that place leopard prints where they weren't supposed to be (aka Pants). I've been adding bling to make them more bearable to get around this problem, but it never quite felt right. With Leopard, all you have to do is pass it up with each pair of pants you want. Ah, now that feels better.
Here's an example: $100 pair of leopard print pants = 2 pairs of $50 jeans
This is all due to the pants helper program.

See? It totally makes more sense!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

On Your Mark, Get Set...Ha-Ha-Ha!

A few weeks ago, Amy, my brother Krish, my future SIL Becky, and I traveled to Austin to participate in Nike's Human Race. It was a 10K (about 6 miles) race and had tens of thousands of people there. It was really a lot of fun. Even though I ran a marathon last January, it was nothing like this. There were big time sponsors giving out free stuff (Lance Armstrong Foundation, Ozarka, Power Bar, etc.), and all sorts of people coming out to run in the biggest race in history (or some such nonsense...they kept telling us we were making history but I couldn't figure that part out), and even the Incredible Lance Armstrong himself came out to run. We didn't see him...or run with him. We were too slow. Apparently you only got a glimpse of the Invincible Lance if you were in the same athletic ability grouping as he is. So, without further adeu, here is our fun exeperience in quotes and pictures and a few words of my own:

First, we got there early...like 6 hours early. We thought there would be SOMETHING to do once we got to Austin but there wasn't because everything was shut down since they blocked off the roads so the race people could get everything set up. So we walked around...a lot...and saw some fun stuff.
Exhibit A:

As we were walking around, they had music blaring, music that makes you pumped up, like Survivor's Eye of the Tiger or J.T.'s Bringin' Sexy Back...which was what this guy was dancing to. He is probably in his 50's and just having a good old time dancing on down the empty street.

Exhibit B:

I had decided that when I saw people that were picture/blog worthy, I would have Amy pose like I was taking a picture of her, but the real focus would be the picture/blog worthy person. It didn't work to well here, but the lady with the sunglasses had her shirt pulled up to her boobs and her gut was hanging over her spandex shorts. By the time I took the picture, she had pulled her shirt down. Oh well.

Exhibit C:

This was pure greatness. The intent was to take a picture of the ladies from Ozarka handing out free shirts but instead I got this random guy's backside while standing on a ladder. The Ozarka Girls (Blondie and Brunnie) were R-U-D-E rude. When we went up to get some water and a free t-shirt, our presence wasn't even acknowledged. I looked at Blondie and said, "Hi." and she said "Hi." and about 5 seconds of awkward silenced passed before I asked, "Umm...can I get a shirt?" Seriously! Who wants to ask for a free shirt? If you're giving out free shirts, give them. Don't stand there and wait for people to ask. Anyways, so after I asked for a shirt, she replies, "Do you recycle?" in a clipped/snobby attitude. "Uh...yes." "Okay, what size?" Wow... Amy is behind me in line and when she steps up, Brunnie just looks at her and then turns around and walks off. So, Ozarka, while I appreciate your efforts to save the earth, you need to give your Promotional Activities Department a lesson in manners. And it's also kind of hypocritical to stand there and demand that I recycle while behind me is a delivery truck where they are unloading cases of bottled water while the truck is emitting ozone depleting fumes. I'm just sayin'.

Exhibit D:

I swear this guy was following us around. Not that I'm complaining or anything (he had really nice legs) but we must have crossed paths about 10 times. We first spotted him around 2:00-ish and this picture was taken around 5:00-ish. That's kind of a lot for 3 hours of randomly walking around downtown. I was afraid I wouldn't get a picture of him but thankfully he stopped to pose with a cup of water for us. Sweet!

Here are a few more pics just because:

This is the start/finish line. The race was one big loop.

Amy, myself, and Becky
Krish and Becky

Sadly, we put the camera up before the race. There was all manner of colorful socks, mowhawks, tucked in shirts to elastic waist shorts, kilts (yes kilts), and purple stirrup pants. Just use your imagination.

Nike was ingenious because instead of handing out numbers for you to pin on your shirt, they just printed your number on a shirt and that's what you wore. You can see from the previous pics that the shirts were red, so imagine being in the middle of thousands (I don't remember how many people were there but it was somewhere in the ten thousands) of people all wearing the same shirt. I felt really insignificant when I saw the sea of endless red shirts in front of me while running. I felt really good when I saw the sea of endless shirts behind me while running. And yes Samuel, Stalin would be so proud.

It took us about an hour and 45 minutes to finish, and I came in 10,152nd place...Lance finished in 34 minutes and came in 6th place. *sigh* If only I'd been faster.

And now for a few quotes...most of these were things people were shouting to us as "encouragement" as we were running...it was more like entertainment.

"This isn't a death march people! Get excited!" (because we were all walking and not smiling...and dying from the heat)

"You're earnin' yourself some Mexican food tonight!"

"I love those sexy socks!" (said to a girl wearing knee socks)

"Lllmmm...so awesome!"-drunk guy.... "I think that guy's drunk."-Amy.... "Really? Really!"-me

"Are ya'll here to run the race?" (as we walk by with our race shirts on)

"Just one more giant u-turn! You're on the home stretch." (as we discover we have 2 miles left)

Amy picks up her running shorts and smells them. "Ugh!".... "Well," I say, "what did you expect?"

I can't wait for the Turkey Trot in November!!!

Friday, September 19, 2008

My Guys

Do you know how happy this picture makes me?
*sigh*

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Thoughts On A Sunday Evening

"A real man makes his own luck."
-Billy Zane, Titanic

I heart this quote for two reasons.

1) Dwight quoted it on The Office and it always cracks me up when two of my favorites reference each other.

2) It's true...in some ways. It basically means, if you want something-do something.

See, lately I have been kind of a brat. I've been pouting and bemoaning my marital/relationship status quite a bit...not outwardly for the most part but those closest to me have surely seen signs of it or have even been lucky to hear the tale first hand. Sadly though the brunt of my frustration has been taken out on the members of my new ward. It's hard for me to switch wards and get to know new people all over again. It's just not something I am used to...and with getting to know new people comes all of the questions, "Is your husband with you?" "Do you have anyone sitting with you?" "Do you have any children?" "Are you...single?" After about a month of this (because that's about how long it takes to meet and greet enough people so that word gets out and you don't have to answer those questions any longer...at least I hope so), it gets really annoying and I want to give snappy answers like, "Well what does it look like?"...even though I don't.

Last Sunday I found myself highly annoyed when a nice lady was trying to introduce herself to me (without the awkward questions about my non-existent husband) and was sending out all sorts of signals that said, "Leave me the #@%$# alone!" I had my legs and arms crossed, I never made eye contact, I gave clipped one word answers, and I didn't smile. Then after church I made a bee-line for the door and sped out of the parking lot. On my way home I was grumbling to myself about how I didn't like my ward because I didn't have any friends and I didn't know anyone and all I ever did anymore was watch the clock. Then my sane brain stepped in and said, "Why do you think that is?" and gave me a flash of what I must look like to others at church with my blank annoyed stares and speed walking to the door.

Oh...well...uh...yeah.

So this Sunday I decided to do something about it. I sat in the same spot as last time and when the nice lady sat down next to me again (because we all know we have our "spots" on certain pews) and called me Khia (kee-uh) because they misspelled my name in the ward newsletter, I smiled and laughed a little bit and started off the conversation the same way I do to everyone who reads my name before they hear my name, "It's Rye-Uh..." And then it turned out to be a very nice Sunday (and I only caught myself watching the clock once.)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Oops You Did It Again!

Yes people. The creator of two of my most favoritist TV shows has done it again. J.J. Abrams has created another obsession for my life.

First there was Alias which I'll admit, I only started watching because Michael Vartan is bee-u-ti-ful, but it also had a good storyline to go with it. A very good storyline until it went south during season 4 (the season I like to pretend doesn't even exist).

Second there was Lost. I was driving home one evening and saw the billboard ad for it and made a mental note of the date it was premiering so I could put it on my calendar when I got home. All I had to do was see that billboard and I was hooked.
And now there is a new show, Fringe...which has a storyline that is kind of hard to explain. Basically an FBI agent teams up with a genius and his crazy mad scientist father to investigate weird occurences that are all linked to fringe science. See? Kind of hard to explain. If you watch the pilot, eat first then watch. I'm just sayin'.


And now I will attempt to break down J.J. and his wonderful creation/co-creation habits for you.

J.J. has a habit of trying to create adult dramas (or dramas of the heart) that inevitably bomb (Six Degrees, What About Brian...Felicity did well so I have to give him credit for that one), when his real talent is in suspense dramas (see above).

J.J. has a habit of carrying actors over from previous shows. For instance, the guy who played Weiss on Alias was Sean from Felicity (he had a small part on Lost, I'm just waiting for him to pop up in Fringe...he and J.J. must be BFFs). The guy who plays Locke on Lost was Kendall from Alias. This time its the guy who plays the head of the secret agency on Fringe was the guy who works for Widmore on Lost. The black guy with immaculate diction.

Sadly, J.J. has a habit of starting a new show and ignoring the previous one until it gets extremely stupid and we have to pretend like seasons never existed. Case in point: Lost began when season 4 of Alias began. What does this mean for my precious Lost? It's about to get stupid. :( I really hope I'm wrong on this one.

He's getting in the habit of re-introducing teen stars as grown ups. I mean, who ever thought we'd see Matthew Fox again after Party of Five went off the air? This time Joshua Jackson has been resurrected from Dawsons Creek. Thanks J.J.!

The stars of his TV shows eventually go on to bigger and better and we get to see them in different roles (which I always like) after J.J. starts working on a new project and the previous one goes down the crapper. Jennifer Garner, Matthew Fox, I bet it will be the girl from Fringe...maybe Joshie...it's a toss up.

And finally, my favorite. He always keeps you guessing. This is why it becomes an obsession for me because it drives me nuts not to know.

So here's to my new obsession Fringe. Please feel free to join me. Really. Please do. I'll need someone to theorize with....please?....anyone?

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Oh How I Love My Yard!

Thanks to my BFF Janette who had her baby shower today, I had a good reason to take the day off and not go in to work at the bookstore like I normally do on Saturdays. Thanks again to my BFF for not dragging it out to an all day occasion and thus I was home by 2:00 and had the rest of the day to myself. So what did I do? My new favorite thing...yard work. For those of you with yards, you may think I am joking but I'm not. I really love being in my yard. So I spent 5 hours today pulling weeds and baby pecan trees and trimming hedges and raking leaves and mowing and all that good stuff. Needless to say, my arms are killing me...killing me. I did buy some good gloves so I am blister free :)

Anyways, I rewarded myself this evening by watching two movies and about an hour ago when I decided it was time to turn in for the night, I looked out my back door and thought I saw something move out there. So I went over and turned on the porch light and what do I see? A possum. Just sitting there blinded by the light. A POSSUM!!! What was I to do? How was I to proceed? I had to get him off my porch so I pounded on the door in the hopes that I would startle him. Nope. He just sat there completely unfazed. I couldn't go out there. Those things are mean. So I opened the door a crack, stuck my nose out and yelled "Go away!" real quick and then slammed the door shut. He turned a fraction in my direction. Seriously! These things aren't afraid of anything! So I did it again and what does the stupid thing do? It crawls down the space where the tree comes out of the deck. So now I have a possum that lives under my deck. What on earth am I supposed to do now? The way I see it I have three options and I don't like any of them:

Option 1: Poison it. If I do this, it will eat the poison, go under the deck, die, and then stink, therefore making this not an option.

Option 2: Set a trap. If I do this, it will get caught in the trap and die...hopefully. If it doesn't die, it will crawl back under the deck and die of injuries. If it does die in the trap, then I have to dispose of it therefore making this not an option.

Option 3: Just let it be. If I do this, there will always be a possum under my deck and then it will have little possum babies that will always live under my deck too therefore making this not an option.

Why can't it live in someone else's yard? The people that live behind me have this huge shed and lots of junk in their yard that the possum can hide under. I'm sure there are lots of backyards with lots of dark hiding places. Why did it choose my yard? *shudder* What am I going to do?

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Facebook...let's just be honest with each other

Okay Facebook. We need to have a little chat. What is up with the advertisements you are allowing on your sidebar? I am deeply concerned. Apparently there are a lot of issues and offers out there that I haven't been aware of. Here is a sampling:



"Need Help Wasting Time?"
Ooooh! Ooooh! I can answer that one! No. I do not need help wasting time...that is why I am on facebook.




"Get A Guy"
*ahem* Thank you. Thank you for this advertisement. I was really wondering how I would accomplish the monumental task of how to get a guy and then you went and offered me a guide. I like to see that you have my best interest at heart.





"Fixes Snoring"
...it just looks like an el-cheapo mouth gaurd to me. Although I'm not sure...is it a nose plug? No, looks like a mouth guard. Either way, I don't see how either one would fix snoring.



"Help Share Christ's Love"

I'm not sure where exactly this picture was taken or what exactly it is, but I do know this...it has nothing to do with Christ. It appears to be someone's vacation/stupid tourist photo. It looks like two babies that are bowing...????

"Roosters Country Bar"

...Do they look like roosters to you? I mean, I get the double meaning behind Hooters, but Roosters? I guess it's the whole double-o/big boobs thing...


"No Poisoning Prairie Dogs"

Apparently this is a huge problem with facebook users. I know it is tempting but I encourage you to refrain. Just don't do it people. We have to save the prairie dogs. What would we do without them? I shudder to think...

Friday, August 29, 2008

It's Like I Never Left

So this week was the first week of school for most of the United States, including my little elementary school nestled in the ghetto of good old Dallas. It's funny because each year I decide to be better and do a better job, but I have begun to realize that a lot of things still remain the same. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Mrs. N. came through the library yesterday and declared that it looked bare without her plants and said that she would bring them to make it look better. Personally, I think it looks just fine (and actually quite cute with my new blue curtains to offset the terrible yellow and red that they didn't choose to repaint this summer). Here is the evidence:
2. I only managed to make it on time three times this week. I was late again today as evidenced by the post-it note stuck to my computer. People just leave me notes because I'm never here early.

3. Last year I spent an entire morning taking all the keys off my keyboard and cleaning because there were crumbs in between the keys and it just grossed me out. Inadvertently, I switched the period and comma keys and have yet to switch them back. Sometimes I accidentally put the wrong punctuation in my sentences.


4. I also have yet to change the nameplate that is gorilla glued on the outside of the library. New teachers kept calling me Mrs. War and it would always throw me for a loop. If I could remember to get up a little earlier in the mornings, maybe I could remember to bring the red paint I bought to change that.


5. I am back to my old eating habits. Here we have the breakfast of champions: A chocolate chip muffin and a Coke.


6. And finally, my favorite screen saver...


It's like I never left...

Monday, August 25, 2008

I Have Become What I Swore I Would Never Be

Out of the loop.

I seriously have no idea what is going on in the world. Political, sports, entertainment, you name it, I don't have a clue.

Here are a few examples:

1. I watched about 20 minutes of the Olympics overall and that was because I was with my family eating and they happened to have the Olympics on.

2. I don't know anything about 85% of the movies at the movie theatre. The other 15% I can guess because they are sequels to movies I saw when I was in the loop or they are remakes of old TV shows.

3. Sam, your blog scared me. Quite literally. I clicked on it and saw Nancy Pel...whoever and thought, "Who is that?" and glanced at the beginning and realized it was someone political and immediately hit the back button.

4. I am constantly saying, "No" when friends ask me if I have heard a certain new song on the radio.

5. My friends bring up other people or upcoming events in conversation and I have no idea who or what they are talking about. (It was kind of inevitable that this would happen when I left the single's ward though.)

In my own defense, I do scan the Yahoo and/or MSN stories that pop up when you get to their home page and I am wondering why they are so concerned about what Beijing will do with all of their Olympic junk. Well, what do you think they'll do? They'll do the same thing every other city that has hosted the Olympics did. They'll make name it something Olympic-ish and then make it tourist friendly so people can go there and take pictures and tell everyone how it was so cool that they went to the place where they had the Olympics in 2008. I don't get what the big deal is. Maybe it's because I'm out of the loop. Maybe it's because there really isn't anything else going on in the world and thats all Yahoo and/or MSN has to report on.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Apparently...

...I was mistaken.

Case #1

So tonight whilst helping my brother with dinner, I was in charge of a huge pot of Rice-A-Roni. When cooking this delicious side dish, there are three basic directions to follow:

1. Pour the rice mix in the pan with some butter and let it get brown (ish).

2. Add water and the seasoning packet.

3. Let it boil and then simmer.

Now normally, people might make one or two boxes at a time, but when my brother's family, my mom, and I get together for dinner, there are nine of us so we made 4 boxes at the same time and instead of using a skillet, I used a big pot. I got to step two and instead of just asking for a big measuring cup, I decided I would use a small one and just take the pot to the sink. So I picked up the pot by the handles on the side...with no pot holder.

I was very proud of myself for not using any sentence enhancers that I would be embarassed about later.

Case #2

A few weeks ago I went to Ikea and found a bed that I really really liked. The only problem was that it wouldn't fit in Aibi's car. So I bought the parts that would fit in her car (the midbeam and the roll of slats). Yesterday I went back to Ikea and got the actual bed frame. I was so proud of myself as I was putting it together last night at 9:30pm...until I realized that I bought a queen sized bed and full/double sized slats. Yep. I'm sleeping on the couch again tonight.

Case #3

I thought that if I moved into a house I would be rid of weirdo neighbors. Wrong. I was outside a few weeks back and saw the neighbor boy go out onto the backporch in a pair of shorts with a towel slung over his shoulder while he rigged up sheets like a fort and then stood there behind his fort with the water hose running on his head. It took me a minute to realize he wasn't just cooling off...he was taking a shower.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

A Little Help Please?

This blog is more of a need-for-the-opinions-of-my-brilliant-friends blog than a funny-story-in-the-life-of-Rhia blog. So, if you are looking for a new funny story, please read the next post titled An Awkward Sunday. If you want to help me, then read on. (I promise you I'm not asking you to buy something from Mary Kay or Stampin' Up) If you want to do both, then it's a free country and you can do whatever your heart desires.

Okay, so I went to Ikea (let's please have moment of silence) with my friend Aibi yesterday and was trying to decide on what to do for an entertainment center. Me shopping is like hit and miss. Sometimes I can walk into a store and look at my options and pick what I want in a matter of minutes (that's how I picked my patio furniture). Sometimes I fret for days or years (I still can't find a dining room table after almost two years). For this entertainment center, I am fretting. I'm so unsure, I can't even plug in my TV yet, but all my favorite shows will be starting in the next month or so and the time to act is now. So here are some options I came up with...please tell me your thoughts...please don't spare my feelings. I need you to be brutally honest. This is an important decision in my life..entertainment is everything.

Are you ready?

Okay, here we go...

This is my current entertainment area...pathetic, I know.

This is one wall of the living room... I'm going to get a pretty picture to go above the fireplace, money has to be saved first though.


This is the opposite wall with the couch. Please ignore the current coffee and end table. Those can be replaced.

This is in between those two walls (you can see the chair to the left and the couch to the right)...it needs something...bad!

Here is what I found at Ikea:
Choice 1: Besta
It has sliding doors that can go all the way across the span of the shelves. I like that. I like the dark wood. I also like the fact that I can make it as big or as small as I want depending on what shelves or drawers I get.

Choice 2: Billy
Umm...I just heart this. And yes, I can mix and match. There are tons of other sizes of shelves and cabinets in this style.

Choice 3: Liatorp
I heart this a lot too. I can mix and match this as well but I'm not sure about the white in the living room. I might do it in the bedroom. (That's what she said...I know you were thinking it Alison and/or Erica!)

Choice 4: Markor
This looked a little fancier (but it's still Ikea quality if you know what I mean) and it had a sofa table too that I could put in the blank space between the chair and couch.


So, what do you think?

An Awkward Sunday

Yes folks, that was what today was...an awkward Sunday. It all started when I had my interview in order to get a new temple recommend. We'll call this man Bro. P. (who is a very nice man and I am in now way trying make him look bad nor do I think badly of him...I laughed a lot at the things he said and I hope you do too). Anyways, so Bro. P. sat down with me and was asking me the typical get-to-know-you questions and our conversation went something like this:

Bro. P.: What ward are you in?

Me: Garland 4th

Bro. P.: Are you single?

Me: Yes.

Bro. P.: Why don't you go to the singles ward?

Me: I did until I turned 31.

Bro. P.: Oh, I didn't think you were a day over 25.

Me: :)

Bro. P.: You don't do anything with the older singles I presume?

Me: No...

Bro. P.: Well, I'm not going to tell you that you should because most of those people are in their 50s and it would be nothing but older men hitting on you and that wouldn't be good.

Me: Thank you.

Bro. P.: I know there is a group between 30 and 40 that get together and do things, do you ever do anything with them?

Me: No.

Bro. P.: There's a single guy that I know from another ward who is around your age...

Me: Are you talking about D.B.? (I am only going to refer to this guy as D, but I'm sure if you think hard enough, you might be able to figure out who it is...if not, ask me in person and I'll tell you)

Bro. P. (as his face lights up): You know him?

Me: Yes, D and I have been friends for a really long time. I've known him since he got home from his mission.

Bro. P.: Marry him.

AWKWARD!!!!!

Me: Uh....I don't want to marry D. We're just friends. I am not interested in him that way and besides, he's not the right guy for me.

Bro. P.: Well, okay. But don't wait around for Mr. Perfect. Find someone who is right for you but they won't be perfect.

Me in my head: Like I haven't heard that before! I'm 31 for crying out loud. You think this is the first time anyone has ever given me that advice?

Me in real life: Yes, I know :)

Okay, enough of awkward Sunday part 1. Let's now move on to part 2...

I get to church and am sitting on my favorite pew...the back pew. A man and his wife sit down next to me and introduce themselves. They are very nice and then the brother asks me if I am here alone or if there are other people with me. I tell him no, I'm alone and then he says "Awwwww!!! (like I just told him that my puppy died) That's terrible! We'll find someone for you!"

AWKWARD!!!

Then there were just a myriad of hymns today at church that were all at least two octaves higher than anyone could sing so we (well, them cause I didn't sing) sounded extremely pathetic whilst singing...

It was just one of those days.

Friday, August 8, 2008

My Little Booger

Okay, I don't even know how to start this blog except with this picture:


If it isn't bad enough that we have cloned sheep, cows, and horses, we are now cloning dogs. As if there aren't enough dogs in this world already. Anyone who has ever watched The Price Is Right knows that you need to have your pet spayed or neutered to help control the pet population, so why are we cloning animals that we have an overabundance of, that we build homeless shelters for, and that run around starving? Take a look at that picture again. It's because of crazy people like Bernann McKinney who loved her dog so much that she sold her house and traveled to Seoul, South Korea to clone it not once, not twice, but 5 times. Not to mention that her dog's name was Booger. I had a cat named Booger, and I'm not ashamed of it, but lady, you are nuts! My brother named that cat as a joke. She wants to build a place to train dogs or something like that and call it "Booger's Place" in honor of her dead dog.

Then, she tells us that it is a miracle from God that she has these puppies. God gave them to her.

And here is what she said, "I dream of the day when everyone can afford to clone their pet because losing a pet is a terrible, terrible loss."

I am just at a loss for words about what I think about this. Can you help me out? What is it I need to say? I am still in shock from this story. You can watch the 5 minute video from the MSN homepage or following this link.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26087293/?GT1=43001

I just don't have the words...

Thursday, August 7, 2008

I Hereby Solemnly Swear...

To never post my wedding picture as my facebook profile picture.

To never have so many applications of my facebook page that nobody can find my wall to write me a message.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Apparently...

...I am a sinner...for the following reasons:

1. I went to the temple tonight only to realize that my recommend expired last month...and all I could do was laugh at the situation...especially when the brother at the recommend desk told me "You're off the hook!" when all I could do was turn around and go home. It's really hard to remember something two years in advance!

2. I got a speeding ticket yesterday ending my clean streak of almost 2 years of ticket free driving. I was going 52 in a 35 and after the cop handed me my ticket, he told me "Slow down and make it to your destination safely." Oh, right. Because going 17 miles over the speed limit is just dangerous. I mean how could I be so careless and put everyone's life in danger by going 17 miles over the speed limit!

3. I was supposed to get my haircut yesterday but instead I got a ticket and then pulled off the road to cry...so I didn't make it to my hair appointment. I didn't call to cancel. I didn't call to apologize for not showing up. I didn't call to reschedule. I want to but I'm too embarassed because I can never make it to my hair appointments on time or really even on the right day. I really like my hairdresser but I'm afraid my forgiveness tokens are all used up by now...maybe I'll call tomorrow.

4. There was a baby blessing at church on Sunday and all I could think about was Breaking Dawn. I was 100 pages away from being done at that point and the microphone wasn't working very well so I couldn't hear the guy giving the blessing...and my mind wandered...a lot.

5. I haven't been running in about 3 weeks. I know everyone else out there is rolling their eyes but I signed up for the Nike Race in Austin over Labor Day weekend (on a Sunday...yet another sin to add to the list) and I really haven't done squat. I can't run 6 miles cold turkey!

6. I scratched my mosquito bites.

7. I had a popsicle for dinner...now I'm going to have cookie for dessert at 11pm.

A Little Sumpin For Ya

Okay, that's Something...Sumpin...Something. Yeah. So it's really late but I feel bad because I promised a blog on Tuesday but I didn't deliver and Alison is going through withdrawals, so this one's for you All-ison. :)

Yesterday I had to call the Verizon people. I had the number hastily written down on some receipt shoved in my purse. I wasn't paying too much attention when I wrote it down and even less attention when I dialed. It rings a few times and then a voice recording comes on:

"Welcome! If you know your code, enter it now. If you don't have a code then stay on the line."

I don't have a code with Verizon...

"Okay, just remember you must be 18 years or older to use our service."

Well of course...no kid needs to be hooking internet service up...that's crazy.

"Let's get started. If your a man, press 1. If your a woman, press 2."

Why do they care if I'm a man or a woman? It must be some kind of voice recognition thing so they can better understand you when you have to stand there and look like an idiot while you say things like "That one. 2. Other." etc. beep (I pressed 2 since I'm a woman.)

"All right! Are you ready to get wild and crazy..."

What???!!!!! Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!! click.

Moral of the story: Never write a 1-800 or a 1-888 number down in sloppy handwriting.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Tuesday

On Tuesday I will have internet again and be connected to the wide world again.

On Tuesday the plumber will come fix the drain to my washer and I can have clean clothes.

On Tuesday I will post a new blog with all of my fun thoughts and things I have experienced in the past week or so.

On Tuesday I will read and laugh and comment on all of your blogs I haven't read yet.

On Tuesday I will finish unpacking.

But today I am borrowing my brother's internet.

Today I am going to finish my book (yeah, Breaking Dawn).

Today I am going to eat pizza.

And tomorrow I am going to mow my lawn...please pray for me.

Friday, July 25, 2008

A Letter To Corporate America

Dear Corporate America,

I hate you.

Sincerely,
Rhia

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

My Driving Vs. Your Driving

Since gas prices have risen to the obscene amount of $4 per gallon, some drivers out there feel the need to conserve what they put in their tank by taking a few precautions. They might go slower than normal (20 miles under the speed limit), they might turn off the air conditioner (which in TX in July is like signing your death certificate), or they might choose to not accelerate as fast after stopping. That is fine with me. That is wonderful. Good for you! I am impressed and awed that you have the patience and the discipline to do such things. I, however, do not for these reasons listed below:

1. I have spent too many years of my life sitting in traffic to actually go slower than I am allowed by the law on an open highway.
2. My car is black. With black interior. With these little round vents for air conditioning. And it is frickin' hot!
3. I would prefer to not sit through a green light.
4. I would prefer to not sit through two green lights.
5. It is worth the extra $5 a week I might pay in gas for not using these gas saving tips to get to sleep in an extra 5-10 minutes in the morning.

So, here is my advice to the conservative driver: Choose the Right! For instance, the gas pedal is...on the right. Your air conditioning knobs are...on the right (if its your car and you don't want to use the air conditioner, fine...but don't look at me like I'm a sinner if I turn mine on). And the right lane...is for people who want to drive slow. So for all of you righteous (ha, ha, get it?) people out there who want to conserve and save, please stay to your side of the road and let us careless, gas guzzling, money wasting sinners have the left side. Thankyouverymuch.