Seriously. I almost had a heart attack. In fact, maybe I did have heart attack. I do tend to recover from illnesses quickly. Anyways, here's what happened:
On my way to bed, I decide to do a quick OCD facebook/email/blog check before going to sleep and when I walked into the office, there was this scratching noise. My first thought was that it was a mouse or a rat, that's how loud it was. Wrong! It was the world's biggest water roach crawling around on the giant pile of papers and junk I have yet to file away. So, naturally I screamed and ran for the bug spray (please note, I also grabbed the fly swatter...what I was going to do with the fly swatter, I have no idea because there is no way in H.E.double hockey sticks that I would EVER get that close to a giant oversized bug). Well, then it disappeared, but I could hear it...scratching and scratching...*shiver*
What happened after that I will skim over very quickly because it really was traumatizing:
It crawled across the floor, under the chair leg, up the bookcase, fell down, and ran under the desk where it FINALLY stopped and died.
Note: I sprayed it with probably a quarter of the bottle of bug spray...I mean, the carpet is still wet.
Another note: I could only scream and spray for a period of 30 seconds at a time and then I had to go out in the hall and hyperventilate and scream and cry.
Oh my gosh! Gasp! I just had an awful thought! Okay, you know when you half fall asleep and sometimes your mind dreams something but you are still half awake so you kind of think it's true? Like, sometimes I think that my friends are there and they are talking about me (not bad or anything) and I want to talk to them, but I can't make myself wake up and the more I try, the harder it is so I have to let myself completely relax and then jerk myself awake. And then of course I realize that no one is there and it was all in my head. Well, this morning, I was sleeping and I thought there was a bug crawling around in my hair. I mean, I could hear it buzzing and could feel it crawling on my head but I was so struck with fear that I couldn't move. Finally I jerked myself awake by flailing my arms at my head (I know, very amusing right?) but alas, there was no bug anywhere.
But what if it was this giant roach? I mean, they crawl pretty fast. And who knows how long it's been in the house? And...ok...I gotta stop. Why can't I ever have a normal experience with these things? Last time, one dropped from the ceiling while I was in the shower. Now it's crawling on my head in my sleep and making creepy scratching noises.
I hate roaches. I hate them with all the fiery passion of my heart! And I know they serve a purpose in the great plan of nature and decomposition and junk, but really, do they have to be so friggin' big? And their legs are so nasty and long! Ugh! Okay, I gotta stop. I'm done.