Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I Almost Died Tonight

Seriously. I almost had a heart attack. In fact, maybe I did have heart attack. I do tend to recover from illnesses quickly. Anyways, here's what happened:

On my way to bed, I decide to do a quick OCD facebook/email/blog check before going to sleep and when I walked into the office, there was this scratching noise. My first thought was that it was a mouse or a rat, that's how loud it was. Wrong! It was the world's biggest water roach crawling around on the giant pile of papers and junk I have yet to file away. So, naturally I screamed and ran for the bug spray (please note, I also grabbed the fly swatter...what I was going to do with the fly swatter, I have no idea because there is no way in H.E.double hockey sticks that I would EVER get that close to a giant oversized bug). Well, then it disappeared, but I could hear it...scratching and scratching...*shiver*

What happened after that I will skim over very quickly because it really was traumatizing:

It crawled across the floor, under the chair leg, up the bookcase, fell down, and ran under the desk where it FINALLY stopped and died.
Note: I sprayed it with probably a quarter of the bottle of bug spray...I mean, the carpet is still wet.
Another note: I could only scream and spray for a period of 30 seconds at a time and then I had to go out in the hall and hyperventilate and scream and cry.

Oh my gosh! Gasp! I just had an awful thought! Okay, you know when you half fall asleep and sometimes your mind dreams something but you are still half awake so you kind of think it's true? Like, sometimes I think that my friends are there and they are talking about me (not bad or anything) and I want to talk to them, but I can't make myself wake up and the more I try, the harder it is so I have to let myself completely relax and then jerk myself awake. And then of course I realize that no one is there and it was all in my head. Well, this morning, I was sleeping and I thought there was a bug crawling around in my hair. I mean, I could hear it buzzing and could feel it crawling on my head but I was so struck with fear that I couldn't move. Finally I jerked myself awake by flailing my arms at my head (I know, very amusing right?) but alas, there was no bug anywhere.

But what if it was this giant roach? I mean, they crawl pretty fast. And who knows how long it's been in the house? And...ok...I gotta stop. Why can't I ever have a normal experience with these things? Last time, one dropped from the ceiling while I was in the shower. Now it's crawling on my head in my sleep and making creepy scratching noises.

I hate roaches. I hate them with all the fiery passion of my heart! And I know they serve a purpose in the great plan of nature and decomposition and junk, but really, do they have to be so friggin' big? And their legs are so nasty and long! Ugh! Okay, I gotta stop. I'm done.


Matthew Ware said...

I feel for you, I really do. Did I tell you about the spider we killed this week? I swear all the bug spray I hit it with only slowed it down. In the end it got the bottom of my shoe. Ick. And it was probably the same size as your roach.

I feel for you. *shiver*

Marisa said...

Nasty! I HATE cockroaches. I've had one fall on my head at work, so I feel for you on that one. And I do the same thing with wasp spray. I use half a can to drench one tiny nest. Ew! Ew! Ew!

WhiteEyebrows said...

I feel like you grew 6 inches after this experience.

Kristen said...

Helpful Household Hints - by Kristen
To immobilize and then kill ANY household insect, whether flying, crawling, hopping, etc.. without poisoning your carpet, or nearest furry creature invest in a large bottle of cheapo Hairspray. I personally recommend Focus 21 Fashion Splash, it's the heaviest stickiest, but still with a fresh scent.

This method stops them in their tracks because the hairspray just glues them all together. I also spray enough to cover any possible little mouths or eyes so they cant breathe or see. Then you can be assured that they won't move while you dispose of them or shooo them out the door with a broom. Great for wasps and things in the air that move quickly. I'm always creeped out by spraying bug killer on my walls and carpet. Especially if I miss and end up spraying it everywhere. Those are my words of wisdom. And Hairspray can be removed with some simple shampoo or carpet cleaner spray.
The End.

Allie said...

i like stuff called ortho max, since I have a kid I have brian spray it outside around our condo every month and he focuses on the windows and door. Granted we still get little ones, and ants sometimes but BUT i have not seen a roach in sometime, you know that is the size of my foot... so thats good right...

Melissa said...

I hate roaches too!!!! I had never even seen on till we moved here to Vegas. We get our house sprayed every month, and still get them in the house. There is no stopping these horrid creatures. I don't know that they actually do serve a purpose!! The other night I was sitting on the couch watching a movie with Patrick, and all of a sudden one was on my leg!!! I jumped up so fast and screamed!! (Which BTW jumping up that fast was pretty painful being that I'm like a million months prego!!!) Patrick finally found it and killed it, but I creeped me out the rest of the night! BLAH!!!!!

Em's end said...

Did your Dad ever tell you about the time he had to fight a water roach for a piece of chicken?