Sunday, April 26, 2009

How To Inflict Pain On Yourself Without Moving a Muscle

The answer? Go to a Single Adult Conference. You don't even have to attend the whole thing. One day will do plenty. Half a day actually would be sufficient. Not that I want to inflict pain upon my readers, but just so you will understand, here are a few highlights:

1. We sat for basically 9 hours. Yes, 9 hours. That's not a typo. We listened to the welcome speaker for an hour. Ate lunch for an hour. Had workshops (a.k.a. listened to speakers) for four hours. Listened to the Texas Boys Choir (the entertainment portion of the evening) for an hour. And then listened to our keynote speaker for an hour. My whole body ached after that.

2. It was freezing...FREEZING! You know that time of year when it stops being nice and cool and starts to get warm? The time of year we are in now for instance. And then they program the A/C to come on because it's so warm outside. And then it turns freezing cold inside and you have to go outside to warm up. There is just no happy's either too hot because the A/C is not on or too cold because it is.

3. Erica, Jen, and I were the youngest people there by at least 20 years. Okay, okay. There were a few other people our age but not many. And by not many I mean like 3 or 4 others. I counted 2 people knitting, 1 person in the first aid room (when you know there will be old people coming, I guess you have to be prepared with a first aid room...all we did was sit though, so I have no idea what this woman did to constitute needing to lie down on a cot with a blanket covering her), 8,348,357 barrettes, 200 women, and 10 men.

4. Going back to a familiar place from my young adult/youth years is just an invitation for awkward moments. Life is messy and it never turns out how you thought it would back then. What are you supposed to say when an old friend that you haven't seen or talked to in years announces to you that she has recently divorced her second husband? "Uhhhh...errr....ummm...okay."

5. Questions. I have so many questions. Why do miraculous events and inspiring stories only happen in Utah? Why were all of our speakers from Utah? (Okay, not all but most) Why is there a married couple assigned to preside over the single adults? Why didn't I realize it wasn't going to get any better? Why did they come in and take away the soft cushy chairs and replace them with the hard metal chairs for the last hour of the conference?

6. The overall theme of the conference was something about being of good cheer. Every talk was geared toward someone who is going through a really difficult time in their life and designed to lift them up. It's not a bad topic...for one or two of the talks, not for all of them. I couldn't even pay attention anymore at the end. I kind of wanted to stand up and scream, "I'm fine! I'm happy! Can we talk about something else now?" But then I realized that the majority of the people there needed that even though I didn't.

Anyways, I won't bore you to death with the details but I do need to commend my comrades who endured to the end with me by presenting them with two very special awards:

Erica gets the award for being the youngest person in attendance, for staying awake the whole time, and for making me laugh at inappropriate things in church.

Jen gets the award for being the most positive, taking notes and sharing them with me *wink*, and for sharing her blanket with me so I didn't turn into a human popsicle.

And now for my favorite quote of the day yesterday:
"Did you ever think you would find yourself at a single's conference surrounded by old people wrapped up in a camping blanket?" - Erica


Alison said...

I enjoyed the questions portion of this blog. Yes, really, WHY do the single ADULTS NEED a married couple to preside over them? Really? REALLY? If you're 40 and not married, obviously a 35 year-old married couple should be presiding over you since you have not entered into the everlasting covenant of marriage. How stupid of me to think that they wouldn't automatically know more because they've had sex! Ok, bye.

Rhia Jean said...

This is why we are friends. :)

Matthew Ware said...

That's why I try to never give singular people plural advice. I mean, what do I know about it? What do I know? I know that my freaking roof is leaking again. I hate this house.

Did I mention I sometimes experience ADD?

Erica said...

You definitely get the award for ancountering the most awkward people from your past/childhood. I am soooo glad all the singles I probably know all ditched due to the distance/hating singles functions.

You also get the award for most dressed for summer/unprepared for the cold awaiting you. Poor Riri.

K2 said...

Amen to Alison and Rhia for saying it like it is. I hate those things and it seems that every single one has the theme of being happy, even though you are single. Grrr. Totally agree about the "married" couples watching over the singes. What do they think we're going to do? Good night. And this is a good reason why I avoid those things like the plague.

WhiteEyebrows said...

Agreed on the couple-preside issue. I think there are enough "examples" of marriage all around (good and bad) that you don't need to designate a presiding couple to be the example.

I loved the details, and good on you for suffering through. This is good feedback for the stake, too. Maybe I should point them to this blog post. :)

Jenny said...

This is my two cents:

Two cents!!


Rhia Jean...
you get the award for being one of my very favorite people to go do painful, possible time wasting things with!!!

Don't forget....take notes!!!!