Okay, so you know those stupid chain emails that are going around on facebook where you have to look at the long list of whatever and then type it in your status update with no explanation? You know, like the whole "type in your bra color and let's see how long it will take the men to figure it out so we can raise awareness for breast cancer" stuff. Well, there has been a few more going around and one that I discovered a bit too late.
The most recent one I have discovered is where people just put a fine amount in their status update, such as "My fine is $36" or something like that. Well, basically in the email it lists all of these sexual instances like if you've ever had sex in a certain place or with someone you shouldn't have, etc, and then after each one it has a fine amount. You are supposed to add up all of your "offenses" and post your fine as your status update.
Before I received this email, a friend of mine had posted that her fine was $420 and some change (that in itself was disturbing) and I smartly commented, "Please make your check payable to Rhia Johnson. Thank you for your business."
...
And welcome to my very special moment...
P.S. I did go back and post a semi-redeeming comment after I realized what I had done and it said, "Ok, do not make your check payable to me. I don't know who you make it payable to, but it ain't me."
Showing posts with label I Don't Know Why I Shared This With Everyone On The Internet But I Did. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I Don't Know Why I Shared This With Everyone On The Internet But I Did. Show all posts
Monday, January 25, 2010
Monday, September 14, 2009
I Have Discovered...
...that for some reason I don't enjoy blogging as much as I used to...I don't know why, maybe it's just a phase.
...that many of the pictures I have from middle school through high school I only kept because they had boys that I had crushes on in them. Yes, I was kind of a stalker as a teenager. No, it never went beyond random out of focus pictures that I snapped quickly or that I got someone else to snap for me.
...my cat uses my giant purse as a bed more than I ever used it as a purse...I'm just not cut out for big bags, sorry, I'm a small purse kind of gal.
...my house will probably smell like old lady forever.
...someone must have been praying for me cause I got a helper today for my Sunbeams class...seriously, I felt this huge burden lifted off my shoulders.
...I frickin' heart Matt Kearney! No, he's not my boyfriend or anything (although that would be nice), he's a singer and I downloaded his newest CD and it's guuuuuuuud! It's so good that I stayed up way later than I should last night just so I could listen to it...again.
...I like riding bikes WAY better than I ever liked running.
...that I need to let go of a lot of little things that I like to make into big things and I need to focus on some more important things. Vague, I know...
...that many of the pictures I have from middle school through high school I only kept because they had boys that I had crushes on in them. Yes, I was kind of a stalker as a teenager. No, it never went beyond random out of focus pictures that I snapped quickly or that I got someone else to snap for me.
...my cat uses my giant purse as a bed more than I ever used it as a purse...I'm just not cut out for big bags, sorry, I'm a small purse kind of gal.
...my house will probably smell like old lady forever.
...someone must have been praying for me cause I got a helper today for my Sunbeams class...seriously, I felt this huge burden lifted off my shoulders.
...I frickin' heart Matt Kearney! No, he's not my boyfriend or anything (although that would be nice), he's a singer and I downloaded his newest CD and it's guuuuuuuud! It's so good that I stayed up way later than I should last night just so I could listen to it...again.
...I like riding bikes WAY better than I ever liked running.
...that I need to let go of a lot of little things that I like to make into big things and I need to focus on some more important things. Vague, I know...
Monday, August 24, 2009
A Letter To...Well, Maybe You
Dear all you people who put your profile pic on facebook as that Obama Joker Face picture,
I understand that you are trying to make a statement that you don't like Obama and what he is doing, but I am begging you, please put up a picture of you! I know you don't look like Obama as the Joker. It creeps me out every time you post something (and inevitably, you all do...frequently) and I have to see that picture. It looks worse than the Heath Ledger (may he rest in peace) Joker. Scarier in fact. And that is just what you are going for isn't it? Isn't there a better way to get your point across than to oog me out like that? If anyone else decides to do this, I will click the "Hide" button so I don't have to see you anymore and then none of your anti-Obama propoganda will reach my eyes. Okay, let's compromise. How about replacing his head with the cartoon Joker face? Same point gets across, but not as creepy. Deal? Deal.
Your facebook friend forever (or until I delete you...or you delete me),
Rhia
I understand that you are trying to make a statement that you don't like Obama and what he is doing, but I am begging you, please put up a picture of you! I know you don't look like Obama as the Joker. It creeps me out every time you post something (and inevitably, you all do...frequently) and I have to see that picture. It looks worse than the Heath Ledger (may he rest in peace) Joker. Scarier in fact. And that is just what you are going for isn't it? Isn't there a better way to get your point across than to oog me out like that? If anyone else decides to do this, I will click the "Hide" button so I don't have to see you anymore and then none of your anti-Obama propoganda will reach my eyes. Okay, let's compromise. How about replacing his head with the cartoon Joker face? Same point gets across, but not as creepy. Deal? Deal.
Your facebook friend forever (or until I delete you...or you delete me),
Rhia
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Before and After
Sometimes in life you get a chance to get a good before and after picture of little things that happen...or big things that happen. Well, it just so happens that I got some good ones and I'd like to share them with you.
First, I got my trees trimmed in my yard. The ginormous tree in the front took them a little while to do because, well, it really needed it. My entire yard was filled with branches. It was insane. So I stood on my porch and watched because it was absolutely fascinating (and the highlight of my day up until that point) and I took a before and after picture of one part of my tree. I kind of wish I had taken a before and after pic of the entire tree, but it just didn't turn out that way.
Before:
First, I got my trees trimmed in my yard. The ginormous tree in the front took them a little while to do because, well, it really needed it. My entire yard was filled with branches. It was insane. So I stood on my porch and watched because it was absolutely fascinating (and the highlight of my day up until that point) and I took a before and after picture of one part of my tree. I kind of wish I had taken a before and after pic of the entire tree, but it just didn't turn out that way.
Before:
After:
My tree is soooooo much happier. And so am I knowing that none of those branches are going to destroy my house or yard or someone else's house. :)
Also this weekend, I went to Scarborough Fair with some friends. If you have never been to a Renassaince fair, I highly suggest going...at least once. It's full of people who like to dress up and like to cause a ruckus. And most of the time they are highly inappropriate which just adds to the merriment. As we were walking around, we spotted this guy dressed up as a gladiator/guard/something and suddenly he picks up this woman and almost throws her over his shoulder. My friend Daryl thought it would be fun if gladiator guy did that to me and he took a picture. I'm a good sport and thought it would be a fun photo op, so I said okay. We approached gladiator guy and I asked him if I could get my picture taken with him and he gruffly agreed and smashed me up against him in a friendly hug (a.k.a. death grip). I smiled and Daryl took the picture. At this point, I was really kind of frightened what this gladiator guy might do to me if he picked me up. I mean, he was s-t-r-o-n-g. I didn't want to break a rib or anything, but Daryl really wanted a funny picture so he asked if we could take just one more. So this time gladiator guy grabs my butt. Lovely!!!!! I said, "Hey! Watch it!" Gladiator guy just laughed and told me a decent woman would have slapped him. Ha ha ha. So anyways, here is a before and after picture:
Before he grabbed my butt:
After he grabbed my butt:
I hope you all enjoyed this evenings festivities!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
America's Future
So the other day I wasted two hours of my life and watched Idiocracy with Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph. Sadly, the logic behind the movie is pretty dead on. If you haven't ever seen it or heard of it, I'll give you a brief overview:
A lazy army guy and a prostitute are put in cryo-tanks as an experiment to see if they really work. Funding for the project is pulled and they end up staying in the pods for 500 years. When they come out, the world is full of idiots and intelligence is extinct (being that all the intelligent people have decided to wait to have kids and all of the idiots do nothing but reproduce). Luke Wilson then by default is the smartest man on earth and is hired by the President to fix all their problems, number one being that they can't get any plants to grow because they are watering them with gatorade instead of water because gatorade has electrolytes.
There. One minute of your life wasted is MUCH better than two hours right? Anyways, the only part of the movie I actually found amusing was the following clip. Don't worry, it'll only be 12 more seconds of your life...
A lazy army guy and a prostitute are put in cryo-tanks as an experiment to see if they really work. Funding for the project is pulled and they end up staying in the pods for 500 years. When they come out, the world is full of idiots and intelligence is extinct (being that all the intelligent people have decided to wait to have kids and all of the idiots do nothing but reproduce). Luke Wilson then by default is the smartest man on earth and is hired by the President to fix all their problems, number one being that they can't get any plants to grow because they are watering them with gatorade instead of water because gatorade has electrolytes.
There. One minute of your life wasted is MUCH better than two hours right? Anyways, the only part of the movie I actually found amusing was the following clip. Don't worry, it'll only be 12 more seconds of your life...
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Jamal the Pizza Guy
I have to admit, today was a day of excellent customer service. Yes folks, let this day go down in history as the one day that Rhia was not completely hacked off and fed up after having to make a few calls and dealing with stupid customer service people. It started when I called Progressive about my insurance. The guy on the other end a) spoke English, b) was not just cordial, but friendly and chatty as well, and c) said it was his pleasure to help me out today (and he actually did help me...whoa right?) I...was...speechless.
It then continued as I was doing my taxes and didn't have some 10-blah blah form from my bank and had to call and ask them about it. Did you know that you can go online and download most of that stuff? Hallelujah technology! Anyways, the lady I talked to a) spoke English, b) didn't treat me like an imbecile, and c) was able to actually help me without transfering me to another person. It...was...lovely.
Then I was going to be all Martha Stewart-y and actually cook dinner. Well, until I realized the steamed vegetables meal in a bag thingy I bought had shrimp in it. *yuck* Then I said "To heck with Martha! I'm ordering pizza!"
Okay, let me stop and describe the scenery for you before I go on so you will understand what happened next:
First, I'm in my jammies cause I'm doing taxes and everyone knows that when you sit down and do your taxes, jammies are the dress code. I'm wearing a shirt that says "WHAT?" on it...it's not a shirt I wear out in public for obvious reasons (I don't want random people staring at my chest and thinking I have an attitude...simple).
Second, at a get together Friday night at my casa, Amy's cardboard cut-out of Legolas and Gimli ended up in my dining room.
So I order pizza and Jamal the Pizza Guy shows up. The first thing he says to me is "What. What!" with a little giggle as he points to my shirt (like it's the funniest shirt he's ever seen). Nice. Then after we do the whole pizza/receipt/pen juggle and exchange, he asks, "Hey are you a Lord of the Rings fan?"
Me: "Uh....ummm....I...oh! No, I had a party at my house this weekend and that ended up here."
Jamal: "Right! You don't gotta be 'shamed girl! It's okay. Everybody gotta like somethin' right?"
Me: "Uh...right. Okay, thanks! Bye!"
Yep...true story...all of it.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
It's All About Me
So today I have been feeling very self-centered since the moment I woke up...and went back to sleep...and woke up again, and I just thought I would take a moment so that you all could feel sorry for me because I don't have all the things in life that I want. So let's just start by ignoring the whole "Count your blessings"/"Be grateful for what you have" mentality. That doesn't apply today. Today it is all about me and what I want.
I want...
...a new wardrobe. I discovered this morning that I haven't bought a new pair of pants (like work pants) in over a year. I hate all of my clothes and shoes. They are all ugly and I want new ones.
...for everyone to leave me alone at work. Is that really too much to ask? I just want to sit in my office and play on my computer all day long. And maybe just sit here and read and not worry about other things I need to do.
...to not even have to come to work. I want to just sit at home and lay on the couch and watch TV...specifically psych. I have recently become an addict and I can't get enough.
...to fake being sick and go home and take a nap without feeling guilty. I have only taken one sick day so far this school year and I have 4 more to use before the end of the year. I just feel too guilty. I shouldn't but I do.
...to be a fun sweet old grandma someday. There's this lady that is sitting and mentoring a couple of students and I just keep watching her and thinking, "I'm too tired to be that spunky right now...what am I going to be like as an old lady? Yikes!"
...to have Corner Bakery everyday for lunch. I just love it so much and I want it all the time. I'm really hungry for lunch but I do not, DO NOT, want cafeteria food. I'll feel guilty if I leave and go get something too.
And lastly, I want a goose that lays golden eggs for Easter!
I want...
...a new wardrobe. I discovered this morning that I haven't bought a new pair of pants (like work pants) in over a year. I hate all of my clothes and shoes. They are all ugly and I want new ones.
...for everyone to leave me alone at work. Is that really too much to ask? I just want to sit in my office and play on my computer all day long. And maybe just sit here and read and not worry about other things I need to do.
...to not even have to come to work. I want to just sit at home and lay on the couch and watch TV...specifically psych. I have recently become an addict and I can't get enough.
...to fake being sick and go home and take a nap without feeling guilty. I have only taken one sick day so far this school year and I have 4 more to use before the end of the year. I just feel too guilty. I shouldn't but I do.
...to be a fun sweet old grandma someday. There's this lady that is sitting and mentoring a couple of students and I just keep watching her and thinking, "I'm too tired to be that spunky right now...what am I going to be like as an old lady? Yikes!"
...to have Corner Bakery everyday for lunch. I just love it so much and I want it all the time. I'm really hungry for lunch but I do not, DO NOT, want cafeteria food. I'll feel guilty if I leave and go get something too.
And lastly, I want a goose that lays golden eggs for Easter!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I Think I Have SARS...or something
Here are my symptoms:
I can't get up in the morning so now I have begun to set my regular alarm and my phone alarm. Now instead of hitting snooze every 9 minutes for an hour, I hit snooze every 4-5 minutes for an hour.
This morning after hitting snooze on my phone, I fell asleep with the phone open in my hand.
I stay up late...way too late knowing full well that it will be hard for me to get up in the morning.
I keep coming up with responsibilities that I feel the need to take on yet I don't have the time for them nor are they part of my job description.
My hair looks like crap-0-la.
Even when I do wear make-up, it doesn't matter because I feel so dead tired that I look like a zombie anyways.
I have no reason to complain yet I complain all the time.
I have recently become obsessed with Almond Joys and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
See? It's SARS. I think I'm going to die.
I can't get up in the morning so now I have begun to set my regular alarm and my phone alarm. Now instead of hitting snooze every 9 minutes for an hour, I hit snooze every 4-5 minutes for an hour.
This morning after hitting snooze on my phone, I fell asleep with the phone open in my hand.
I stay up late...way too late knowing full well that it will be hard for me to get up in the morning.
I keep coming up with responsibilities that I feel the need to take on yet I don't have the time for them nor are they part of my job description.
My hair looks like crap-0-la.
Even when I do wear make-up, it doesn't matter because I feel so dead tired that I look like a zombie anyways.
I have no reason to complain yet I complain all the time.
I have recently become obsessed with Almond Joys and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
See? It's SARS. I think I'm going to die.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Oh How I Love Stupid People!
Before I begin this post, let me just preface it with "Don't freak out...I'm okay." and "Yes, life sucks, but I'm okay."
Yesterday I got home to find out my house had been broken into. Yay! They (we'll call them Robber Bob and Robber Rob...I'm just assuming there were two and that they were men...I know nothing about them), okay so they pried open my back door and tore up the door frame and part of the wall because the door had been dead bolted. They took my DVD player, all my DVDs (minus a few that were placed in other locations), my digital camera, and some cash. They went through my closet and my drawers looking for I don't know what. Jewelry? Money? Electronics? Really. Did they not know what neighborhood they were in? If I had enough jewelry or money to hide in my underwear drawer, why would I be living HERE? And really, do people keep expensive things in their underwear drawer in real life? I mean, I know they do that kind of stuff in the movies, but usually it's the rich rich people who do that in the movies, not people who live in the ghetto. Stupid. But, I love their stupidity. I love the fact that that's all they took. What do I care about a bunch of DVDs I never watch anymore? I love that they didn't smash or destroy anything. I love that they left everything they looked through open (including the air conditioning closet) so that the police knew what to dust for fingerprints. I love that they left a huge handprint on the backdoor. I love that they took what was on top and didn't dig deeper and find any of my credit cards. And Millie was in love with them because she had the entire day to go in and out as she pleased because they left the door open for her.
Anyways, I didn't write this so that you could feel sorry for me or have pity on me. Honestly, I thought this would be the easiest way to let people know that there will be no more movie nights at my house (like there ever was before) and not have to repeat my story 1,000 times.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go finish the laundry I started last night because I have to wash everything Robber Bob and Robber Rob touched with their grimy hands.
Yesterday I got home to find out my house had been broken into. Yay! They (we'll call them Robber Bob and Robber Rob...I'm just assuming there were two and that they were men...I know nothing about them), okay so they pried open my back door and tore up the door frame and part of the wall because the door had been dead bolted. They took my DVD player, all my DVDs (minus a few that were placed in other locations), my digital camera, and some cash. They went through my closet and my drawers looking for I don't know what. Jewelry? Money? Electronics? Really. Did they not know what neighborhood they were in? If I had enough jewelry or money to hide in my underwear drawer, why would I be living HERE? And really, do people keep expensive things in their underwear drawer in real life? I mean, I know they do that kind of stuff in the movies, but usually it's the rich rich people who do that in the movies, not people who live in the ghetto. Stupid. But, I love their stupidity. I love the fact that that's all they took. What do I care about a bunch of DVDs I never watch anymore? I love that they didn't smash or destroy anything. I love that they left everything they looked through open (including the air conditioning closet) so that the police knew what to dust for fingerprints. I love that they left a huge handprint on the backdoor. I love that they took what was on top and didn't dig deeper and find any of my credit cards. And Millie was in love with them because she had the entire day to go in and out as she pleased because they left the door open for her.
Anyways, I didn't write this so that you could feel sorry for me or have pity on me. Honestly, I thought this would be the easiest way to let people know that there will be no more movie nights at my house (like there ever was before) and not have to repeat my story 1,000 times.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go finish the laundry I started last night because I have to wash everything Robber Bob and Robber Rob touched with their grimy hands.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
What To Do...What To Do
I figured that since we get an extra hour tonight I would do something truly fascinating and yet extremely unproductive. Here is what I did:
1. Ate half a bag of chocolate covered cinamon bears.
2. Listened to angry bitter music on iTunes and sang as loud as I could.
3. Played MahJong Tiles.
What did you do?
1. Ate half a bag of chocolate covered cinamon bears.
2. Listened to angry bitter music on iTunes and sang as loud as I could.
3. Played MahJong Tiles.
What did you do?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
I Hereby Solemnly Swear...
...to talk no more of rats and roaches. I know it's really grossing people out...well, it's grossing me out...so I'm done.
However, in case you didn't know, I went to the NKOTB concert last Sunday and let me just say that it was THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!
Just imagine being 12 years old and all of your dreams come true. That's what it felt like to be there at the concert. I don't know what you dreamed about when you were 12, but my obsession was NKOTB and a boy named Bryan Hantes (I can't believe I remembered his name...) that I had a stalker-ish crush on. Hmmm...come to think of it I was really really obsessed with him. I'm not going to go into the details because I really don't think anyone cares how weird I was at 12 years old, but lets just say I scare me.
Anyways, back to NKOTB...I took some videos but they are all too big of a file to post here. Maybe if someone would be kind enough to enlighten me on how to get a video bigger than 100 MB to post, I would post them for you. They aren't great quality by any means but they do make me smile. :) So instead of videos, you'll have to make do with my written memories...
I screamed so much that my chest hurt like it does right before you get sick.
It finally hit me that I was seeing NKOTB again when they started Please Don't Go Girl and then I turned into a 12 year old and started screaming and jumping up and down. It was beautiful.
I felt a little weird doing the hand wave for Hangin' Tough because if you looked out over the audience it was like in the movies when crowds of people did the whole "Heil Hitler" salute.
I couldn't stop screaming. What was it that made me scream? I have no idea. Especially when Donnie went out on stage and just stood there...we went nuts...completely nuts...and all he did was stand there.
I was sadly disappointed when Donnie sang Covergirl. He always would choose a little girl from the audience, pull her up on stage and then sing that song to her. This time he had these *ahem* "dancers" with him on stage and it just made my stomach turn a little. I still screamed and sang along though.
When I got there I kind of wanted to kick myself for not forking out the extra who knows how much money to sit as close to the stage as I could. If I had it to do over again, I probably would have paid an obscene amount of money to be closer...as close as I could get. That's dumb huh? Yeah, it is but I would have done it.
And last, I know that I thought they were "oh so fine" when I was 12 and 13 and even a little of 14 years old, but I am here to say that those boys turned into some very very very good looking men. Holy. Freaking. Cow.
Okay, and here is one obsession about my 7th grade crush Bryan Hantes that I will share with you so you know I am serious when I say that I was weird. I knew what kind of car his parents drove because I would watch to see when he got dropped off in the morning for school. I would then spend every minute I was in the car or on the bus looking at every car that passed by to see if it was his. I also knew his schedule (which I figured out by sheer observation), and all of the different shirts he wore and I would keep track of them and make predictions to myself each day on what I thought he would be wearing. Oh! And here's one more thing you don't care to know...I had his old science book...you know how you used to have to write your name in the front cover of the book (I don't know if they still do that or not), well...I thought it was surely a sign that we were meant for each other when I saw his name written by his own hand in the book that was issued to me.
And just so you know, I never spoke one word to him...ever.
However, in case you didn't know, I went to the NKOTB concert last Sunday and let me just say that it was THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!
Just imagine being 12 years old and all of your dreams come true. That's what it felt like to be there at the concert. I don't know what you dreamed about when you were 12, but my obsession was NKOTB and a boy named Bryan Hantes (I can't believe I remembered his name...) that I had a stalker-ish crush on. Hmmm...come to think of it I was really really obsessed with him. I'm not going to go into the details because I really don't think anyone cares how weird I was at 12 years old, but lets just say I scare me.
Anyways, back to NKOTB...I took some videos but they are all too big of a file to post here. Maybe if someone would be kind enough to enlighten me on how to get a video bigger than 100 MB to post, I would post them for you. They aren't great quality by any means but they do make me smile. :) So instead of videos, you'll have to make do with my written memories...
I screamed so much that my chest hurt like it does right before you get sick.
It finally hit me that I was seeing NKOTB again when they started Please Don't Go Girl and then I turned into a 12 year old and started screaming and jumping up and down. It was beautiful.
I felt a little weird doing the hand wave for Hangin' Tough because if you looked out over the audience it was like in the movies when crowds of people did the whole "Heil Hitler" salute.
I couldn't stop screaming. What was it that made me scream? I have no idea. Especially when Donnie went out on stage and just stood there...we went nuts...completely nuts...and all he did was stand there.
I was sadly disappointed when Donnie sang Covergirl. He always would choose a little girl from the audience, pull her up on stage and then sing that song to her. This time he had these *ahem* "dancers" with him on stage and it just made my stomach turn a little. I still screamed and sang along though.
When I got there I kind of wanted to kick myself for not forking out the extra who knows how much money to sit as close to the stage as I could. If I had it to do over again, I probably would have paid an obscene amount of money to be closer...as close as I could get. That's dumb huh? Yeah, it is but I would have done it.
And last, I know that I thought they were "oh so fine" when I was 12 and 13 and even a little of 14 years old, but I am here to say that those boys turned into some very very very good looking men. Holy. Freaking. Cow.
Okay, and here is one obsession about my 7th grade crush Bryan Hantes that I will share with you so you know I am serious when I say that I was weird. I knew what kind of car his parents drove because I would watch to see when he got dropped off in the morning for school. I would then spend every minute I was in the car or on the bus looking at every car that passed by to see if it was his. I also knew his schedule (which I figured out by sheer observation), and all of the different shirts he wore and I would keep track of them and make predictions to myself each day on what I thought he would be wearing. Oh! And here's one more thing you don't care to know...I had his old science book...you know how you used to have to write your name in the front cover of the book (I don't know if they still do that or not), well...I thought it was surely a sign that we were meant for each other when I saw his name written by his own hand in the book that was issued to me.
And just so you know, I never spoke one word to him...ever.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
1, 2, 3, 4, I Declare A Rodent War!
Yes folks, that is what it has come to here on Maple Drive...war! You have already heard the story about Peter the Possum and how he was scared off with the stealth tactics of our resident human. He has never been seen again, but today I am here to tell you that the War Against Rodents is still raging. We are gaining ground on Manny the Squirrel and today we have won the battle with Ronnie the Rat. I will begin tonight's briefing with the evidence against Manny the Squirrel and then move on to the more serious crimes of Ronnie the Rat.
Bravely coming down from the tree in broad daylight. 
Okay, here we have Manny the Squirrel. Notice how his mouth is half open and his stance suggests that he is ready to pounce. He's not after the humans...he's after the White Fluffy...the cat that is twice his size and completely oblivious to his existence even though he is chattering constantly at her.
Manny has made his presence widely known in the The Backyard by doing the following:
Eating every pecan in the tree and spitting the shells on the deck in little bits for three days straight. Our resident human swept them up faithfully each day as is evidenced by the pile off to the side but Manny was insistent that he get ALL of the pecans and did not give up until he had successfully stowed them at undisclosed locations for the upcoming winter.
Taking some of the afore mentioned pecans and "hiding" them in the potted plants on the deck.
Bravely coming down from the tree in broad daylight.Turning and seeing White Fluffy.
And realizing White Fluffy is behind a glass door and no longer poses a threat to him.
I am sorry to say that Ronnie the Rat is not as cute as Manny. He's much more brave and bold when it comes to meeting White Fluffy but has successfully evaded our resident human...until today. I have graciously posted no photographic evidence of Ronnie, but we do have a first hand account from a very reliable source:
"Well, I didn't know Ronnie was hanging around the house...I didn't even know he existed until one day I went to feed the cat and when I picked up the bag of food, cat food started falling out the bottom. Something had chewed a hole in the bottom of the bag...I knew right away it was a mouse (I found out later it was something MUCH worse!). I didn't want to believe it was true. I tried to think of a million other things it could be, but it didn't work. About a week later I was in bed and the cat was in bed with me when I heard something digging around in her food dish. The very next night I heard the ripping of paper coming from the kitchen. The brand new bag of cat food! I left it sitting on the floor! I tried to sneak up on what I thought was a mouse but it was too fast and it got away before I could get a glimpse of it. I knew I had to face my problem head on and call Terminator the Exterminator to get rid of it once and for all. Terminator came out today and set a trap in Ronnie's favorite closet (the hot water heater closet). When I got home 6 hours later, I took a peek inside the closet and there was Ronnie with his...head...stuck...I can't talk about it anymore...I'm probably going to have nightmares for a week!"
And there you have it folks...the war rages on but we will be victorious!
*Please do not be concerned for our resident human. We will be sending Terminator the Exterminator out tomorrow on a Priority 1 mission to dispose of Ronnie's dead carcass.*
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I Have A Case of the Wednesdays
I don't know what that means exactly but I think it is similar to having a case of the Mondays except that it happens on Wednesday. And chances are that if it happens on a Wednesday, it also happened on Tuesday and on Monday. In case you are wondering why I feel this way, I can't answer that for you...I just do. Oh, that and the fact that my cat woke me up this morning at 8:17am. Yes, I am supposed to be at school at 7:45am and school starts at 8:00am.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
An Awkward Sunday
Yes folks, that was what today was...an awkward Sunday. It all started when I had my interview in order to get a new temple recommend. We'll call this man Bro. P. (who is a very nice man and I am in now way trying make him look bad nor do I think badly of him...I laughed a lot at the things he said and I hope you do too). Anyways, so Bro. P. sat down with me and was asking me the typical get-to-know-you questions and our conversation went something like this:
Bro. P.: What ward are you in?
Me: Garland 4th
Bro. P.: Are you single?
Me: Yes.
Bro. P.: Why don't you go to the singles ward?
Me: I did until I turned 31.
Bro. P.: Oh, I didn't think you were a day over 25.
Me: :)
Bro. P.: You don't do anything with the older singles I presume?
Me: No...
Bro. P.: Well, I'm not going to tell you that you should because most of those people are in their 50s and it would be nothing but older men hitting on you and that wouldn't be good.
Me: Thank you.
Bro. P.: I know there is a group between 30 and 40 that get together and do things, do you ever do anything with them?
Me: No.
Bro. P.: There's a single guy that I know from another ward who is around your age...
Me: Are you talking about D.B.? (I am only going to refer to this guy as D, but I'm sure if you think hard enough, you might be able to figure out who it is...if not, ask me in person and I'll tell you)
Bro. P. (as his face lights up): You know him?
Me: Yes, D and I have been friends for a really long time. I've known him since he got home from his mission.
Bro. P.: Marry him.
AWKWARD!!!!!
Me: Uh....I don't want to marry D. We're just friends. I am not interested in him that way and besides, he's not the right guy for me.
Bro. P.: Well, okay. But don't wait around for Mr. Perfect. Find someone who is right for you but they won't be perfect.
Me in my head: Like I haven't heard that before! I'm 31 for crying out loud. You think this is the first time anyone has ever given me that advice?
Me in real life: Yes, I know :)
Okay, enough of awkward Sunday part 1. Let's now move on to part 2...
I get to church and am sitting on my favorite pew...the back pew. A man and his wife sit down next to me and introduce themselves. They are very nice and then the brother asks me if I am here alone or if there are other people with me. I tell him no, I'm alone and then he says "Awwwww!!! (like I just told him that my puppy died) That's terrible! We'll find someone for you!"
AWKWARD!!!
Then there were just a myriad of hymns today at church that were all at least two octaves higher than anyone could sing so we (well, them cause I didn't sing) sounded extremely pathetic whilst singing...
It was just one of those days.
Bro. P.: What ward are you in?
Me: Garland 4th
Bro. P.: Are you single?
Me: Yes.
Bro. P.: Why don't you go to the singles ward?
Me: I did until I turned 31.
Bro. P.: Oh, I didn't think you were a day over 25.
Me: :)
Bro. P.: You don't do anything with the older singles I presume?
Me: No...
Bro. P.: Well, I'm not going to tell you that you should because most of those people are in their 50s and it would be nothing but older men hitting on you and that wouldn't be good.
Me: Thank you.
Bro. P.: I know there is a group between 30 and 40 that get together and do things, do you ever do anything with them?
Me: No.
Bro. P.: There's a single guy that I know from another ward who is around your age...
Me: Are you talking about D.B.? (I am only going to refer to this guy as D, but I'm sure if you think hard enough, you might be able to figure out who it is...if not, ask me in person and I'll tell you)
Bro. P. (as his face lights up): You know him?
Me: Yes, D and I have been friends for a really long time. I've known him since he got home from his mission.
Bro. P.: Marry him.
AWKWARD!!!!!
Me: Uh....I don't want to marry D. We're just friends. I am not interested in him that way and besides, he's not the right guy for me.
Bro. P.: Well, okay. But don't wait around for Mr. Perfect. Find someone who is right for you but they won't be perfect.
Me in my head: Like I haven't heard that before! I'm 31 for crying out loud. You think this is the first time anyone has ever given me that advice?
Me in real life: Yes, I know :)
Okay, enough of awkward Sunday part 1. Let's now move on to part 2...
I get to church and am sitting on my favorite pew...the back pew. A man and his wife sit down next to me and introduce themselves. They are very nice and then the brother asks me if I am here alone or if there are other people with me. I tell him no, I'm alone and then he says "Awwwww!!! (like I just told him that my puppy died) That's terrible! We'll find someone for you!"
AWKWARD!!!
Then there were just a myriad of hymns today at church that were all at least two octaves higher than anyone could sing so we (well, them cause I didn't sing) sounded extremely pathetic whilst singing...
It was just one of those days.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
A Little Sumpin For Ya
Okay, that's Something...Sumpin...Something. Yeah. So it's really late but I feel bad because I promised a blog on Tuesday but I didn't deliver and Alison is going through withdrawals, so this one's for you All-ison. :)
Yesterday I had to call the Verizon people. I had the number hastily written down on some receipt shoved in my purse. I wasn't paying too much attention when I wrote it down and even less attention when I dialed. It rings a few times and then a voice recording comes on:
"Welcome! If you know your code, enter it now. If you don't have a code then stay on the line."
I don't have a code with Verizon...
"Okay, just remember you must be 18 years or older to use our service."
Well of course...no kid needs to be hooking internet service up...that's crazy.
"Let's get started. If your a man, press 1. If your a woman, press 2."
Why do they care if I'm a man or a woman? It must be some kind of voice recognition thing so they can better understand you when you have to stand there and look like an idiot while you say things like "That one. 2. Other." etc. beep (I pressed 2 since I'm a woman.)
"All right! Are you ready to get wild and crazy..."
What???!!!!! Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!! click.
Moral of the story: Never write a 1-800 or a 1-888 number down in sloppy handwriting.
Yesterday I had to call the Verizon people. I had the number hastily written down on some receipt shoved in my purse. I wasn't paying too much attention when I wrote it down and even less attention when I dialed. It rings a few times and then a voice recording comes on:
"Welcome! If you know your code, enter it now. If you don't have a code then stay on the line."
I don't have a code with Verizon...
"Okay, just remember you must be 18 years or older to use our service."
Well of course...no kid needs to be hooking internet service up...that's crazy.
"Let's get started. If your a man, press 1. If your a woman, press 2."
Why do they care if I'm a man or a woman? It must be some kind of voice recognition thing so they can better understand you when you have to stand there and look like an idiot while you say things like "That one. 2. Other." etc. beep (I pressed 2 since I'm a woman.)
"All right! Are you ready to get wild and crazy..."
What???!!!!! Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!! click.
Moral of the story: Never write a 1-800 or a 1-888 number down in sloppy handwriting.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Have You Ever?
I know it's been a little while since I posted something new, or even interesting, or even funny, but life for me in the summer can get...well old, uninteresting, and boring. I LOVE IT! However, that might mean that my blogs are fewer and farer in betweener. However again, it's also going to be fun seeing what adventures pop up during the summer...hee-hee-hee.
Okay, so for this blog, I thought we could all play a game. It's called Have You Ever. Everyone knows this game...someone tells an of an experience that has happened to them and the people who are present and participating make it known if they have or have not had the same experience in some form or fashion. Personally I really don't like this game...it usually causes embarrassment for me or awkwardness for other unfortunate souls. Fortunately, I am hiding behind a computer screen and therefore will be a little more bold in my have-you-evers. And fortunately for you, you have a choice of whether or not to participate or observe with no one giving you looks like you are a party pooper or an over-sharer. So here goes...and by the way, all of these things really happened to me this past week...yay!
Have you ever looked at a picture and thought shallow, petty, mean thoughts about the person in the photograph only to realize a second later that it is a picture of you 10 years ago?
I went with my mom on Wednesday to pick up about 15 rolls of film that she found when cleaning and as I was looking through pictures taken at Christmas 10 years ago, I thought "Who is that sitting in the corner? She looks like a man. That is an awful sweater. Very unfortunate for her...oh...that's me." Why didn't anyone tell me I looked so awful? How grateful I am to my girlie-girl friends who have instilled in me at least a small amount of fashion sense in the last 10 years!
Have you ever sat next to someone in church and their breath was so foul that you had to look away to breathe while singing a hymn?
Yeah, it was really that bad today in Relief Society. Four verses never seemed so long...
Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night and had to pee so bad you thought you might wet yourself but then were so tired that you fell back asleep?
No, I didn't wet the bed. I'm a pro at holding it...any teacher (or former teacher) is.
Have you ever mourned the absence of a vegetable?
I'd really like to have a word with the person or persons that ruined all my tomatoes...seriously! I'm dying here because you decided to relieve yourself in the fields and not even rinse your hands off! No, I'm not sick, I just really really really really really miss tomatoes.
Have you ever made something and instead of eating it fresh, put it in the fridge because you knew it would be better the next day?
Buitoni ravioli and marinara sauce...Target...soooooo good!!!!
Have you ever had to try to explain to someone that you don't want to go to an activity because you don't want to be a part of their social group?
I have had 3 e-mails, 1 phone call, 2 personal invitations, and 1 paper invitation to this stinkin' prom event...
Have you ever had to wash your hair 3 times to get it clean?
I went to a water park yesterday and while I am very proud that I managed to have fun AND avoid a sunburn, my hair was so incredibly disgusting when I got home last night. Even now, it still doesn't feel clean. *shiver*
And that concludes our festivities for tonight... :)
Okay, so for this blog, I thought we could all play a game. It's called Have You Ever. Everyone knows this game...someone tells an of an experience that has happened to them and the people who are present and participating make it known if they have or have not had the same experience in some form or fashion. Personally I really don't like this game...it usually causes embarrassment for me or awkwardness for other unfortunate souls. Fortunately, I am hiding behind a computer screen and therefore will be a little more bold in my have-you-evers. And fortunately for you, you have a choice of whether or not to participate or observe with no one giving you looks like you are a party pooper or an over-sharer. So here goes...and by the way, all of these things really happened to me this past week...yay!
Have you ever looked at a picture and thought shallow, petty, mean thoughts about the person in the photograph only to realize a second later that it is a picture of you 10 years ago?
I went with my mom on Wednesday to pick up about 15 rolls of film that she found when cleaning and as I was looking through pictures taken at Christmas 10 years ago, I thought "Who is that sitting in the corner? She looks like a man. That is an awful sweater. Very unfortunate for her...oh...that's me." Why didn't anyone tell me I looked so awful? How grateful I am to my girlie-girl friends who have instilled in me at least a small amount of fashion sense in the last 10 years!
Have you ever sat next to someone in church and their breath was so foul that you had to look away to breathe while singing a hymn?
Yeah, it was really that bad today in Relief Society. Four verses never seemed so long...
Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night and had to pee so bad you thought you might wet yourself but then were so tired that you fell back asleep?
No, I didn't wet the bed. I'm a pro at holding it...any teacher (or former teacher) is.
Have you ever mourned the absence of a vegetable?
I'd really like to have a word with the person or persons that ruined all my tomatoes...seriously! I'm dying here because you decided to relieve yourself in the fields and not even rinse your hands off! No, I'm not sick, I just really really really really really miss tomatoes.
Have you ever made something and instead of eating it fresh, put it in the fridge because you knew it would be better the next day?
Buitoni ravioli and marinara sauce...Target...soooooo good!!!!
Have you ever had to try to explain to someone that you don't want to go to an activity because you don't want to be a part of their social group?
I have had 3 e-mails, 1 phone call, 2 personal invitations, and 1 paper invitation to this stinkin' prom event...
Have you ever had to wash your hair 3 times to get it clean?
I went to a water park yesterday and while I am very proud that I managed to have fun AND avoid a sunburn, my hair was so incredibly disgusting when I got home last night. Even now, it still doesn't feel clean. *shiver*
And that concludes our festivities for tonight... :)
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
I Think I Have A Naked Neighbor
Concerning isn't it? And kinda oogie. So my neighbor, let's call him Chris (just because I don't know any Chris' and he sort of looks like a Chris), never closes his blinds. And he never puts on a shirt...the rest I don't know about because he is either standing in his kitchen (so the bottom half of his body is covered by the counter) or standing on his back porch smoking (so the bottom half of his body is covered by his porch fence/wall). Now, let me just tell you so all of my secret admirers won't get jealous that I am looking at another man...the top half isn't all that great...it isn't even good. But he is ALWAYS there! Okay, maybe not always, but at least 90% of the time. And I KNOW he ain't got no girlfriend. The kitchen layout in these apartments has two cabinets that hang over the bar with a shelf in between and a little light over the shelf. He's got a purple bath towel that hangs in front of the light so he can keep the kitchen light on and it won't glare on his big screen TV that takes up the entire living room wall. And he's always at least half naked. Does that spell bachelor or what?
Okay, I'm being a little judgemental. I'll stop because I bet I got judged this week...or maybe it was last week. I'm not sure. See, my apartment is a mess...shocker, I know. But I found this slip that the pest control people leave when they visit your apartment...you know, they always leave it somewhere obvious so you know they were there that day...I found it on the stove. I bet the pest control people looked around and thought, "I don't even know where to put this little slip where she'll find it. Well, I bet she'll use the stove sometime soon...maybe." I have laundry everywhere, mail all over the place, stacks of papers and books, shoes by pretty much every sitting place...they saw it all...whenever it was that they came. That little slip could have been there for a week and I didn't even see it. Concerning isn't it?
Okay, I'm being a little judgemental. I'll stop because I bet I got judged this week...or maybe it was last week. I'm not sure. See, my apartment is a mess...shocker, I know. But I found this slip that the pest control people leave when they visit your apartment...you know, they always leave it somewhere obvious so you know they were there that day...I found it on the stove. I bet the pest control people looked around and thought, "I don't even know where to put this little slip where she'll find it. Well, I bet she'll use the stove sometime soon...maybe." I have laundry everywhere, mail all over the place, stacks of papers and books, shoes by pretty much every sitting place...they saw it all...whenever it was that they came. That little slip could have been there for a week and I didn't even see it. Concerning isn't it?
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
I Have Discovered...
...that I like dancing. Now, before you get all excited and want to take me to some dance studio or club so I can show off my *cough* skills, let me clarify what I mean. I don't like to GO dancing, but I like to watch OTHER PEOPLE dance. I realized this tonight as I was standing outside at the Music Hall at Fair Park and they had some cloggers/tap dancers performing. I just really like the way people can show their excitement, love, sadness, joy, etc. through movement. I should have known I had this great love when I discovered the movie Strictly Ballroom (thankyouverymuch Emily...you introduced me to the wonderful and talented Baz Luhrman) and it quickly became one of my favs as well as Billy Elliot, Swing Kids, and Dirty Dancing. I should have known of my great love when I watched Footloose for the 8,738,950,995 time and thought I could recreate the dance scene where Ren dances in the mill all by himself (no, I didn't do it justice, and no I won't ever, ever, ever attempt it again). I should have known when I watched Hairspray for the first time and fought really hard to not get up and "Run and Tell That". Why has it taken me so long to realize this?
And just so you all know, yes, I have danced slow dances by myself in my robe in my apartment on Valentine's Day before. Is that sharing too much? I don't care! I love dancing...even though I don't do it well, watching other people makes me happy, so dance on all you Kevin Bacon lovers! Dance on!
And just so you all know, yes, I have danced slow dances by myself in my robe in my apartment on Valentine's Day before. Is that sharing too much? I don't care! I love dancing...even though I don't do it well, watching other people makes me happy, so dance on all you Kevin Bacon lovers! Dance on!
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