Speed Dating With Men I Would Never Date in a Million Years

As you may know, I recently attended a speed dating activity at church. Normally this is not my thing and I would have scoffed at such a lame activity (I think I actually have before) but I guess I decided I needed to get out of the house and meet people because I'm not going to meet Mr. Right watching re-runs of Glee and Lost in my jammies...sadly. It would be super cool if I did, because then we could just sit around in our jammies and watch Glee and Lost all the time and neither one of us would mind but anyways, back to the real world.

So for this activity, I went along with my two favorite Eri(ck)a's in the whole world: Porter and Torgerson. Initially the plan for this activity was to have two speed dating circles going, one for ages 31-49 and one for 50-death. There was just one little problem: there were lots of 31-49 women and few 31-49 men and there were lots of 50-death men and few 50-death women...so they combined us all. Super. But I still had hopes that I might at least get to spend 4 minutes with someone that I had something in common with that was at least within a 10 year age range from my own. (Caution: Spoiler Alert-That never happened.)

Okay, so here's how this speed dating thing worked: The women sat in an inner circle which faced outward and the men sat in the outer circle which faced inward and they rotated every 4 minutes while the women stayed where they were. I was asked an array of questions and when I reciprocated the question back to them, I got some super interesting answers. I mean I'll probably be stalking these guys on fb wishing we could get married someday. In all fairness though some of my answers were kind of lame and awkward and I wouldn't doubt it if they are telling their friends funny stories about me. Anyways, here's how it went:

First category: Animals
I was asked an array of animal questions oddly because Porter and Torgerson were not asked any and they were sitting on either side of me. I guess I just look like an animal lover.

Question: If you were an animal, what would you be?
Me: Ummm...maybe a dog because they are most loved by people (lame, I know...who wants to be a dog? Sorry, it just spewed forth)
Them: A dolphin because I just love the ocean and also dolphins are very intelligent.

Question: What animal or animals best describe you?
Me: Uhhhh...a cat I guess because they're pretty low key and come to you when they want attention. (Again lame, now I am the crazy cat lady.)
Them: I'm a cross between a hawk and a zebra. A hawk because I'm always aware of what is going on around me and a zebra because some people see a zebra as white with black stripes and some people see it as black with white stripes and everyone has their own opinions of me but I don't really care, I am what I am.

Question: Do you have any pets? (This was asked several times, so there are several responses)
Scenario 1:
Me: Yes, I have two cats.
Them: Oh, I bet you have no mice then.
Me: Uhhh...no my cats don't catch mice...they're not the mice catching kind
Them: Oh....
Me: (Stupid! Stupid! Stupid answer!)

Scenario 2:
Me: Yes, I have two cats. Do you have any pets?
Them: No, I have 3 kids.

Scenario 3:
Me: Yes, I have two cats. Do you have any pets?
Them: Well, I did but it just recently died.
Me: Oh, what kind of animal was it?
Them: A potbelly pig.
Me: Seriously?
Them: Yeah.
Me: Do you mind if I ask you a question that may or may not offend you, but did you have it slaughtered? (Could I be more idiotic?)
Them: Oh no, it was a family pet.

Scenario 4:
Me: Yes, I have two cats.
Them: Would you be willing to trade them for a smelly guy?
Me: Uhhhhh.....er.....
Them: It's okay you can be honest.
Me: Uhhhh...maybe?

Second Category: Job
For some there was no job and for some they actually did something besides engineer or software designer.

Question: What do you do for a living?

Scenario 1:
Me: I'm a librarian at an elementary school.
Them: I'm a carpenter...like my older brother.

Scenario 2:
Me: I'm a librarian at an elementary school.
Them: I'm retired.

Scenario 3:
Me: I'm a librarian at an elementary school.
Them: I load and unload baggage from planes at the airport.
Me: Oh, cool. Do you ever have anybody's bags that just pop open and their stuff goes flying everywhere?
Them: Well, if someone doesn't claim their luggage and there's no tag on it, they take it out to the tarmac and blow it up.
Me: (Wha??) Oh...neat.

Third Category: Hobbies

Question: What kinds of books do you like to read?
Me: Historical fiction is my favorite but I read a variety of different genres.
Them: Sci-fi/Fantasy (I got this answer at least 3 different times)

Question: What do you like to do for fun?
Me: Read, travel, hang out with family and friends.
Them: Uhhhhh......

So, yeah, that was the main gist of the evening. I did meet a few men who were nice and interesting but they didn't seem too interested after 4 minutes either because of our age difference or some other reason. I probably said something stupid and weird to scare them off. Maybe if I keep going to these things, the age gap will lessen and when I'm about 45 or 50, I'll meet someone just as awkward and weird as me.

One of them days

So lately I have been having a string of days that I like to call "I keep doing stuff but nothing gets done" days. I make my nice pretty and/or messy list (sometimes I like to make a really sloppy list so then when I accomplish things on it I feel like I get double points for organizing things...weird, I know), and then as I start to do things on the list, I realize that every time I take a step in the direction of accomplishment, I really end up giving myself something else to remember and do. Here's an example:

My sister and her family are coming into town this weekend. I ask her what groceries I need to have since she's bringing the two little ones with her. She gives me a few specifics (like milk and bananas) and just some general stuff. So I decide to be all super prepared and go to the store on Saturday and I get all sorts of stuff. But then I realize that if I buy milk and/or bananas on Saturday, they're going to be bad by the time they get here this weekend. So now instead of making just one trip to the store, I will have to make two trips. I didn't really accomplish anything.

Here's another example: I got new windows (yay!). The Home Depot guy stops by my house the other day with this form for me to fill out because the city of Garland gives you a one time credit on your utility bill if you get energy efficient windows (which I did). So I sit down to fill it out but realize I don't have all the information. I call HD guy to ask him what to put down and he tells me I have to call a different person to get that info. Again, I didn't accomplish anything because I still have to call somebody to finish the paperwork.

Aaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate everything!!!!!!!!!

It makes me completely unmotivated to do anything because I know I'm just going to have to re-do it again later. Blah!

Everything is wrong. The end.

P.S. Please don't tell me that things will get better soon or any of that nonsense. It'll make me want to throw up. Just scream really loud that everything is wrong with me okay? Thanks.

Somehow...

...I got back in Mrs. N's good graces. She hasn't talked to me pretty much since September. I don't know why she stopped talking to me in the first place. She's the kind of person who will get offended and then not tell you and pout and not talk to you anymore. Very passive agressive. But then she brought me something today and I asked her how her Christmas was and I got an earful of gossip about her family. Super.

...I've become part of the in-crowd with my principal. Not sure how I feel about this. I don't really like the idea of an in crowd in the first place and therefore want nothing to do with it. Actually I'm a little nervous. See, my principal plays favorites. He's a great principal, he just has his favorites. And those favorites get to do everything. They go to Washington D.C. to speak at conferences, they get special awards that he makes up himself, they are put on special teams that present things to the district, he jokes around with them, etc. So today one of his favorites tells me that he wants me to come to a special meeting about the revered TAKS test coming up in March. I've never been invited to do anything with TAKS except sub for another teacher (one of his favorites) while she did TAKS stuff. It's very exclusive.

...I think I missed the special TAKS meeting. I thought Ms. Favorite said it was tomorrow after school but then today I saw all the other favorites walking down the hall talking and laughing. I think I just got kicked right out of the Favorites Club without even knowing it. It must be because I'm not keeping any of my New Year's Resolutions.

Twilight: To Love or Not To Love

If you saw Twilight and liked it, great. I am very happy for you that it brought some amount of joy to your heart no matter how great or small that joy might have been.

I however, did not like the movie. I thought it was pretty much terrible. Here are a few reasons why (in no particular order):

1) There was no meadow scene. Edward was jumping around in trees and Bella was following him around by expertly manuevering over moss covered fallen trees. Bella is supposed to be a huge klutz...yes, that is very important to the story line.

2) Bella. She was a spaz 90% of the time. I couldn't even tell what she was thinking with all of the blinking and shaking and pained looks.

3) Edward. He looked like he was about to vomit 90% of the time. When he smiled, I actually believed he was Edward...but that didn't happen too often.

4) All the other vampires looked fake. And Jasper...oh Jasper was pure awfulness. He gets his own number...

5) Jasper. I think I've already posted my feelings about how incredibly gay he looks in the movie. And what was up with the bug eyes?

6) The Biology scene...need I say more?

7) Bella and Edward's conversations were...well...awkward. It felt a lot of the time like I was listening in on a private conversation and it kind of made me uncomfortable.

8) Billy and Edward's stare of death as they drove past each other.

9) 90% of the lines were out of context. For example: Bella pulls up to school. Mike runs up to her and says to her in a rush, "Hey Bella. I don't like you dating Edward. He looks at you like you're something to eat. Bye." and then runs off.

10) The overall directing, acting, and script...it was like someone let a 13 year old take over all three.

Now, here's the part that I don't understand. Friends that I have talked to that saw it and liked it agreed with the things I listed above. But then they still said they liked it in spite of that.

So I'm done. I'm done trying to convince the world of how terrible the movie was. It's like trying to fight a losing battle. No matter what points of argument I give, you will agree with me but then still pick the other side. It's too frustrating...I can't do it anymore. So if you liked it, good but I can't discuss it anymore. We'll have to find other things to talk about like the greatness of Little Debbie's Snacks or funny episodes of The Office or what you are going to get me for my birthday present or what Millie's different meows mean. Those are some good starting points for conversations right? Yeah, I think so.

I Have Become What I Swore I Would Never Be

Out of the loop.

I seriously have no idea what is going on in the world. Political, sports, entertainment, you name it, I don't have a clue.

Here are a few examples:

1. I watched about 20 minutes of the Olympics overall and that was because I was with my family eating and they happened to have the Olympics on.

2. I don't know anything about 85% of the movies at the movie theatre. The other 15% I can guess because they are sequels to movies I saw when I was in the loop or they are remakes of old TV shows.

3. Sam, your blog scared me. Quite literally. I clicked on it and saw Nancy Pel...whoever and thought, "Who is that?" and glanced at the beginning and realized it was someone political and immediately hit the back button.

4. I am constantly saying, "No" when friends ask me if I have heard a certain new song on the radio.

5. My friends bring up other people or upcoming events in conversation and I have no idea who or what they are talking about. (It was kind of inevitable that this would happen when I left the single's ward though.)

In my own defense, I do scan the Yahoo and/or MSN stories that pop up when you get to their home page and I am wondering why they are so concerned about what Beijing will do with all of their Olympic junk. Well, what do you think they'll do? They'll do the same thing every other city that has hosted the Olympics did. They'll make name it something Olympic-ish and then make it tourist friendly so people can go there and take pictures and tell everyone how it was so cool that they went to the place where they had the Olympics in 2008. I don't get what the big deal is. Maybe it's because I'm out of the loop. Maybe it's because there really isn't anything else going on in the world and thats all Yahoo and/or MSN has to report on.

An Awkward Sunday

Yes folks, that was what today was...an awkward Sunday. It all started when I had my interview in order to get a new temple recommend. We'll call this man Bro. P. (who is a very nice man and I am in now way trying make him look bad nor do I think badly of him...I laughed a lot at the things he said and I hope you do too). Anyways, so Bro. P. sat down with me and was asking me the typical get-to-know-you questions and our conversation went something like this:

Bro. P.: What ward are you in?

Me: Garland 4th

Bro. P.: Are you single?

Me: Yes.

Bro. P.: Why don't you go to the singles ward?

Me: I did until I turned 31.

Bro. P.: Oh, I didn't think you were a day over 25.

Me: :)

Bro. P.: You don't do anything with the older singles I presume?

Me: No...

Bro. P.: Well, I'm not going to tell you that you should because most of those people are in their 50s and it would be nothing but older men hitting on you and that wouldn't be good.

Me: Thank you.

Bro. P.: I know there is a group between 30 and 40 that get together and do things, do you ever do anything with them?

Me: No.

Bro. P.: There's a single guy that I know from another ward who is around your age...

Me: Are you talking about D.B.? (I am only going to refer to this guy as D, but I'm sure if you think hard enough, you might be able to figure out who it is...if not, ask me in person and I'll tell you)

Bro. P. (as his face lights up): You know him?

Me: Yes, D and I have been friends for a really long time. I've known him since he got home from his mission.

Bro. P.: Marry him.

AWKWARD!!!!!

Me: Uh....I don't want to marry D. We're just friends. I am not interested in him that way and besides, he's not the right guy for me.

Bro. P.: Well, okay. But don't wait around for Mr. Perfect. Find someone who is right for you but they won't be perfect.

Me in my head: Like I haven't heard that before! I'm 31 for crying out loud. You think this is the first time anyone has ever given me that advice?

Me in real life: Yes, I know :)

Okay, enough of awkward Sunday part 1. Let's now move on to part 2...

I get to church and am sitting on my favorite pew...the back pew. A man and his wife sit down next to me and introduce themselves. They are very nice and then the brother asks me if I am here alone or if there are other people with me. I tell him no, I'm alone and then he says "Awwwww!!! (like I just told him that my puppy died) That's terrible! We'll find someone for you!"

AWKWARD!!!

Then there were just a myriad of hymns today at church that were all at least two octaves higher than anyone could sing so we (well, them cause I didn't sing) sounded extremely pathetic whilst singing...

It was just one of those days.

Apparently...

...I am a sinner...for the following reasons:

1. I went to the temple tonight only to realize that my recommend expired last month...and all I could do was laugh at the situation...especially when the brother at the recommend desk told me "You're off the hook!" when all I could do was turn around and go home. It's really hard to remember something two years in advance!

2. I got a speeding ticket yesterday ending my clean streak of almost 2 years of ticket free driving. I was going 52 in a 35 and after the cop handed me my ticket, he told me "Slow down and make it to your destination safely." Oh, right. Because going 17 miles over the speed limit is just dangerous. I mean how could I be so careless and put everyone's life in danger by going 17 miles over the speed limit!

3. I was supposed to get my haircut yesterday but instead I got a ticket and then pulled off the road to cry...so I didn't make it to my hair appointment. I didn't call to cancel. I didn't call to apologize for not showing up. I didn't call to reschedule. I want to but I'm too embarassed because I can never make it to my hair appointments on time or really even on the right day. I really like my hairdresser but I'm afraid my forgiveness tokens are all used up by now...maybe I'll call tomorrow.

4. There was a baby blessing at church on Sunday and all I could think about was Breaking Dawn. I was 100 pages away from being done at that point and the microphone wasn't working very well so I couldn't hear the guy giving the blessing...and my mind wandered...a lot.

5. I haven't been running in about 3 weeks. I know everyone else out there is rolling their eyes but I signed up for the Nike Race in Austin over Labor Day weekend (on a Sunday...yet another sin to add to the list) and I really haven't done squat. I can't run 6 miles cold turkey!

6. I scratched my mosquito bites.

7. I had a popsicle for dinner...now I'm going to have cookie for dessert at 11pm.

Apparently...

I am a little behind in my job. *sigh*

I have these books to shelve...

As well as these other three carts (one is hidden)...

And these piles that are on top of the shelves because I don't have any more carts...

It's a good thing I've got some students that need to work off some library fines. :)

A Mother's Day Conversation with Ben

At church today, red roses were handed out to all of the women in the congregation. It is one of the most uncomfortable things for a single woman sitting by herself to have to sit through. I have been in single's wards for so long that I forgot about this family ward tradition. I got my rose, smiled, said thank you, etc... After church, I'm getting out of my car and walking to the gate of my apartment and the following conversation happens:

Note: all words in parenthesis were said only in my head

Note #2: I am paraphrasing most of it b/c I don't have the ability to recall all words ever spoken to me.

*ahem*

Ben: Hey!

I look up to see Ben standing at his balcony with a glass of wine in his hand (Oh...great! This is going to be so good for my blog!)

Me: Hello.

Ben: You have a flower! Is that a rose?

Me: Yep.

Ben: I bet you got that at church today didn't you? Because it is Mother's Day.

Me: Yes, and I got a hug to go with it. (He seems a little tipsy...hmmm.)

Ben: How many children do you have?

Me: None.

Ben: So you're not a mother but you still got a flower.

Me: I'm a potential mother.

Ben: Yes, and you have a mother and she became a mother when she had you.
(Nod, nod)
You know, I've got a yellow rose up here.
(What?)
And I have this friend who is a lady and a neighbor and we talk a lot. And she tells me that she doesn't celebrate Mother's Day and she doesn't even believe in it.
(This story is going to get weird...and fast.)
So I bought her a yellow rose because red means love and it's not about that with us. She's from Texas so I thought a yellow rose would be nice and I wrote this really nice card to her about Mother's Day being about appreciating others...
(I really hope he gave HER the rose and is not trying to pawn it off on someone else...he probably didn't, otherwise he wouldn't be drinking wine and talking to strangers...oh, that is so sad.)
...I have a daughter that I don't talk to anymore but she is a mother and my mother is dead, my grandmother is dead so I thought you know, I am going to have a glass of wine and enjoy this beautiful day...
(Oh, no...no, no, no...please do not invite me up there to your creepy apartment)
...so I invited my friend to come over this morning since she said she didn't have anything going on today and suddenly when I called her this morning, she has plans
(Smart woman!)
Blah, blah, blah, blah...more stuff about appreciating others...
(if he asks me if I want to come up there and have that rose, I have no excuse except "Stranger Danger!" What am I going to say?)
So I wrapped the rose in plastic and have it up here so it won't wilt...
(time for exit strategy #42)
...and I am just going to hold on to it for now and just enjoy this day and honor all of the mothers and potential mothers
(as he toasts to me with his wine glass).

Me: Well, thank you. I...

Ben: You are the teacher right? You live just downstairs?
(Shoot! Exit strategy #43...quick!)

Me: Yes, it was nice talk...

Ben: How is it going? Do you enjoy it?
(This poor man just wants someone to talk to. It's Mother's Day and not only does he have no family to celebrate it with, but no friends either.)

Me: It's great. I love it! Only three weeks left.

Ben: Yeah, I've got years.

Me: Huh?

Ben: I just quit my job driving and I decided to go into oceanography.
(Then you need to move far, far away! :)

Me: Well, good for you! I hope it all works out for you.

Ben: You know, I was watching you walk across the parking lot and you looked so glum, but you had that flower...
(Okay buddy, time to go)
...so I thought I would say something to you.

Me: Thank you! It was nice talking to you.
(start walking away now so he can't start another conversation)
I'll see you later!

Ben: Bye!

But now I have to leave so I can go over to my mom's house for Mother's Day...I really hope he's gone inside.

I really need to move part 2

This is the second article in the "I really need to move" series. There are many reasons why I need to move, but I only blog about the really juicy ones.

So tonight, after a movie with my gals, I had to run a few errands and thus didn't make it home until about 11:00 pm. No biggie. I've arrived home later than that before. This time though, I pull into the parking lot and I see a car idling and two people standing next to it like they are having a conversation with the person sitting inside the car. As I get closer, I see that one of the people is a police officer/security guard and as I slow down to pass him, he pulls out his baton from behind his back like he's getting ready for me to attack or something. I'm still in my car. What good is a baton going to do you if I decide to do you harm with my car? Anyways, I get a parking spot and the idling car pulls away and the security guard...let's name him Andy...walks over and as I'm crossing the parking lot, walks with me. I say hello and I'm friendly, I don't like awkward stranger situations, and Andy asks me which gate I'm going in. Then he proceeds to tell me, "Yeah, there's been some break-ins of cars. There's some strange people out. We had a guy that was stalking womens, but we took care of that last night." Great!!! I just kind of smiled and said, "Oh." Andy then walked me to the gate and said goodnight. I guess he feels that he is only responsible for what happens outside the gate in the parking lot, because surely no bad guys can get in these super secure gates!

So, here are a few things that I don't think Andy picked up on in security guard school:

1) Your job is not to frighten people, but to make them feel safe.

2) Just because a car drives by you slowly, doesn't mean they are asking for a fight, it just means that they don't want to run you over.

3) Bad guys can figure out gate codes too.

4) It's women, not womens. (That one should have come from elementary school.)

But in all seriousness, I am truly, truly, truly grateful that my apartment complex cares enough about it's tennants to have a security guard (I have seen them patroling the parking lot and complex before). I am truly, truly, truly grateful that they caught the womens stalker. And I am truly, truly, truly grateful that Andy is alert and aware of everything that is going on and that he walked me (at least) to the gate.

The end.

Apparently...

...I have an allergic reaction to over the counter pain relievers.

A few weeks ago, I had a headache so I took some Ibuprofen. A little while after I took it, I noticed I had this swollen spot on my face right under my glasses. Weird. Then my head started itching. Then after about an hour or so it went away.

Today, I took some Aleve because I had a headache from coughing so much (I don't recommend it, it feels like your eyes are going to pop out of your head). A little while later, I noticed the swollen spot on my face again in the same spot. Then my head started itching.

So it's not a bad reaction (like how I respond to hydrocodone) or anything, but it's just kind of annoying. I guess it's more annoying to have a headache or cramps from H-E-double hockey sticks than to have an itchy head. I'm not overly concerned. I'm only blogging about it because it's pretty much the most exciting thing that has happened to me today. Woo-hoo!

Apparently...

...I have forgotten how to drive.

This weekend:

I think I scared a friend riding in the car with me...twice...maybe more.

I almost ran over some kids rollerblading across the street.

Someone called me a dumb "person" (okay, person wasn't really the word he used but I'm not typing that word...use your imagination) as they were driving by because I almost didn't stop at a stop sign and would have hit them if I hadn't.

I drove right by my mother's house today and didn't realize it until I was about halfway down her street.

It's just that when I get in the car (especially with other people), I start thinking of other things. I have become the kind of driver that gets on my nerves. So this week, my goal is to focus and try to be a better driver.

And my apologies to anyone that I might have frightened with my lack of concentration recently...or in the past...or in the future...hopefully not in the future, but I'm not perfect so it's possible. :)

Do I Have Anything In My Teeth?

Look closely and answer honestly please.


Okay, really this picture was taken when Janette and I were in Italy (look at the date on the picture...it's been 3 years *sigh*) and she was teasing me that I would always smile with my mouth closed so I showed her some teeth. There is a better picture of me in front of the Vatican. Don't worry.
Seriously though, if I ask you if there is something in my teeth, would you please answer me honestly? I ate this huge piece of chocolate cake tonight (yummy!) and after I was done, I asked a trusted friend if I had any food in my teeth. She glanced at me and quickly said, "Nope, you're good." Really? Did you really look? Cause when I got home tonight and flossed, guess what I found in my FRONT teeth? Chocolate cake! And nobody said anything all night long. I smiled all night long at people and nobody said anything!
If you ask me if there is anything in your teeth, I will actually look at your teeth and I will answer you honestly. In fact, this evening, I spotted a small piece of broccoli in my friend's teeth after she asked me, and I pointed it out. I only saw it because I REALLY looked. A glance won't do it.
So please, if I trust you enough to ask you if there is anything in my teeth, please look and answer honestly. It would really mean a lot to me. Thank you and good night.

Where did I put that?

I am referring to my mind...I think I lost it. Seriously. Has anyone seen it lately? Maybe it's buried on my desk that has turned into a mountain of junk. Maybe it's on one of the three carts full of books. Maybe it's buried under the piles of stuff on the floor or even the piles of junk on the circulation desk. Yes, I have two desks, two computers, two phones...which just makes it all the worse. Okay, but really guys, if you have seen my brain anywhere, will you please let me know? I sit down and think, "I have so much to do!" and then I make a list and then I start working on things that are not on the list and therefore the list never gets done. Like right now, blogging is not on the list. Sometimes I even loose the list. I just want Friday to come. Friday I have no school. I can look for my brain all day. This post makes absolutely no sense to me when I go back and read it. You wanna know why? I've lost my mind. I can't even put a coherent story together. Maybe I should put up flyers around the school like Luna Lovegood does in Harry Potter. She blames it on some crazy made up creature. Snarfblats or something. I don't remember. I'm going to stop now. If you have made it through this blog and haven't developed a serious case of ADD, congratulations.

Just Guess

Guess what I found today?

I am just not in love with today

First of all...my alarm clock went off. Then my alarm on my phone went off. Then my alarm went off again because I hit snooze. Then my alarm on my phone went off again because I hit snooze. Who ever thought that a snooze button and/or function was a good idea was an idiot. Then again, I'm an idiot for using it in the first place. Just get up already!

When I get to school, I walk into the library as a teacher is walking out and she says to me, "Looks like you have a flood in there." And then the stench hits me. Whoa Nellie! Our materials center is in this little room at the back of the library and for some reason, when it was designed, someone thought we needed a sink back there. Why do you need a sink right next to the copy machine in a room full of BOOKS? So I bet you can guess what happened last night/early this morning. A pipe busted and the entire room was flooded. Not the whole library, just that little room. And did I mention that it stinks?

Third, a teacher that has video taped some of her students doing something or another wants to watch it this morning, but she can't get it hooked up to the TV. I can't either. So I suggest that we download it on her laptop and they can watch it through that. Ureka! Why didn't I think of that before? "So Mrs. So-and-So, where is the USB cord?" "What's a USB cord? These two cords are the only ones that were in the case when I got the camera." "Who had it before you?" "I don't know, someone just left it on my desk." Great. If I don't have those cords, this camera is pretty much useless. So I sent out two e-mails to everyone using a huge font size and red letters demanding the cords back. It was like a screaming e-mail.

And it's only 11:45am.

Can someone just invent a universal cord for me please? One of my tech friends maybe...Sam? Travis? Krish? Adam? Anyone? I just need one cord that plugs into EVERYTHING. Can you please just invent that for me? And if you could get that done before 3:00pm today, that would be GREAT!

You Are Getting Veeeeery Sleepy!

There have been times in my life when I have been seriously sleep deprived and then when I do fall asleep, there isn't a thing on this earth that could wake me. I've slept through birthday parties, I've had conversations with roommates in my sleep that I can't recall later, and I've even fallen asleep at the keyboard and started typing a dream I was having. However, I usually know when these situations are coming because days with no sleep precede them. I thought I was doing pretty good with my 6-7 hours a night until I woke up this morning and realized that I woke up on my own, with no alarm (mark this on your calendar people!), and the sun was shining through my bedroom window. I lay there for a second and thought to myself, "Huh, the sun is up but my alarm didn't go off yet." (it usually goes off when it is still dark out) Then I looked at my alarm clock and it said 9:19. I just stared at it and thought over and over, "9:19...9:19...9:19" Now, for all of you regular working people out there, this isn't really oversleeping. For me, by 9:19, I have already seen two classes and am in the middle of reading with a small group of first graders. Okay, so here I was, "9:19...that can't be right...why didn't anyone call me to see where I was? Hasn't anyone missed me yet? Maybe I should call the school and just say that I'm sick...then I could take the whole day off. Wait! 9:19! That means that I overslept for two and a half hours! How on earth am I going to explain this?"

Okay, sidenote: When I was in high school, I used to wake up in the middle of the night and see that it was 3:15am or some outrageous hour like that and for some strange reason, I was terrified that it wasn't true. So then I would proceed to get up and walk around the house and check at least 3 other clocks to make sure that my alarm clock showed the correct time and to reassure myself that I had not inadvertently reset the time in my sleep. It took me a little while to get over the "My Alarm Clock Is Lying To Me" phase, but I did and now my alarm clock and I are well adjusted to each other.

So as I am laying in bed trying to grasp on to the fact that I should be a fourth of the way through my day by now, I grab my phone and flip it open to look at the time. It says 7:19. "Now that's more like it!" Is this enough for me? No. In my groggy state, it is completely rational to me that I would be more likely to reset the time on my phone in my sleep than to reset the time on my alarm clock in my sleep. I don't even know how to reset the time on my phone when I am fully awake! So, I have to get up and check the time on 2 more clocks just to make sure that my phone isn't lying to me, because why would my dear sweet alarm clock lie to me? It's done nothing but tell me the truth over the past 10 years! Well, that and wake me up every morning for which it gets a sound beating (which is a whole other story in and of itself). Hmmm...maybe it's retaliating.

Anyways, so I got ready and sped off to work and made it there by 8:01. Phew! But now, I need to go have a little talk with my alarm clock...