Sunday, December 21, 2008

Highly Disturbed And A Little Confused

First of all, I would like to apologize for all of my recent posts being about weird subjects that there are no words for. Second, I would like to apologize for this post being the second of weird ones about cats. This one is incredibly funny though, so even if you don't like cats, please keep reading.

Okay, a little background: my family is a family of cat lovers. We always have been. Everyone has a cat except for two of my brothers (and they may have cats but I don't know). Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, everyone. So when we all get together you can guess where our conversations go 90% of the time...cats. And everyone knows everyone else's cats names and we tell stories about them like they are part of the family. Stories often begin like this, "You'll never believe what (insert cat and/or child's name here) did..." You're laughing already aren't you?

Here's an example: Tonight my brother and SIL were asking me what I wanted for Christmas and I couldn't give them an answer. So to try and get me to think of something, my brother asked, "If Millie could get you something for Christmas, what would she get you?" to which I answered, "Uh, probably poison." Because we all know that Millie pretends to love me but in reality I think she plots ways to get rid of me on a daily basis. Mostly her plots include tripping me, ignoring me, or my favorite: playing with my emotions (this is where she comes up and loves on me and then promptly growls and runs away).

So my most recent cat story I have been sharing is that Millie has taken to getting up on the couch behind me and rubbing her head on my head. Sometimes she will even lick my hair. If I reach up and pet her, she just pushes her head against mine. It's very odd.

Well, my cousin came over tonight and brought his girlfriend and as we were sharing cat stories, I brought up the head rubbing and she said it was because Millie was trying to dominate me.


No, no. (insert finger shake here) My cat knows who is in charge. My cat comes when I call her. My cat sleeps at the foot of the bed. My cat doesn't jump on the counter or the table. She's a brat, but she knows who is boss. I know the rest of you don't believe that, but it's true.

I was very disturbed by this whole "cat dominating human" thing so I decided to do some research of my own on Google. My initial search led me to believe that it wasn't a dominance issue, just her marking me with her scent to show love and affection (although why after 10 years of companionship she has decided she now needs to mark my head with her scent instead of my legs, I don't know). I then did a search for "my cat rubs my head with her head" and found some very interesting stories. Some very disturbing stories. Some very funny stories. And I have posted them here for you to read.

"All three of our cats do this to some extent. One will knead my hair while I'm laying down and then sleep in it once it's arranged to her liking. The other will chew on it and play with it. And the third likes to sort of perch of my shoulder and knead and nuzzle until he's entangled in it. Then he purrs and drools. The drool is actually a little gross, but I haven't really worked out a solution yet since I don't have the heart to make him stop. It's really the only time he's affectionate and I feel like it's sort of a bonding thing between us."

This person IS dominated by their cat. And not just one, but three! THREE! Never in a million years would I ever allow any animal to arrange, chew, play, or entangle themselves in my hair. Yuck. Just plain yuck.

"My oldest cat loves to play "hairdresser" when my hair has been freshly washed and up until the next day. I'm pretty sure she loves the smell of the various shampoo and conditioners (since I use several different brands).She will come up behind me on the couch, or on my pillow when I am propped up in bed and will stroke my hair gently with her trimmed claws as if combing it. Sometimes, I will hear her sniffing and breathing the scent deeply and then she will sometimes "bonk" my head with hers because she is so happy. So yeah, lots of cats have a "hair fetish", especially for freshly-washed hair..."

This person is also dominated by their cat. Seriously? I would be scared to go to sleep at night with a cat in my house that combs my hair with it's "trimmed claws".

"My cat loves hair. I wouldn't really care that much, but she loves to swallow it, too. I am constantly pulling soon-to-be-ingested chunks of hair (still connected to my head) out of her mouth. Since I shed constantly (and, oddly enough, as a semi-hairless cat, she doesn't shed at all), she always has a strand or two of my hair hanging out of her mouth. This wouldn't bother me so much, except it causes disgusting digestive troubles for her on the other end. Ew."

How do you sit there long enough with your cat chewing on your hair that they actually have time to begin ingesting it? If it's so gross, do not let them get that close to your head! Your cat is looking at you as something to eat. You should be worried...a lot.

"I used to have a cat that loved to get on the pillow while I was sleeping and knead my hair. On several occasions I woke to find him completely entangled - unwrapping a cat from your hair at 4 a.m. is not a fun process. After that he slept downstairs."

Finally, one smart person! You don't allow your cat to sleep with you anymore when it is entangling itself in your hair.

So now I am confused. Is Millie trying to dominate me or just show love and affection? Regardless, the head rubbing is ceasing effective immediately. I know you all think I have a bizzaro cat, which I do, but let's face it...all cats are bizzaro. Maybe that's why my family likes them so much. Maybe that's why we prefer cats over dogs (animals that do nothing but love you and try to please you)...we are more bizzaro than affectionate. I don't know.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Today at 3:15...

...I will be ready with purse in hand to walk right out of here. I cannot tell you how much I hate this week. Every year it is the worst...possibly even worse than the week before we get out for summer. Everyone is so incredibly ready to get out of school for the blessed 2 weeks and on top of that, everyone is so stressed out because not only do you have your own personal Christmas hell to go through, you have school Christmas hell to go through as well.

This specific week, however, has been crap-o-la. First we had the lovely day of Arctic Winter on Tuesday. The day which I couldn't get my garage door open (eventually I did though) and the same day that the power went out at school. Then it turned into Regular Texas Winter where it's just wet and cold and you hate being outside on Wednesday. The day that the heat didn't work in the library and there was a foul smell in the hallway, so I secluded myself in my freezer and tried to stay warm without puking from the stench. Then it turned into The Rainforest when the fog settled in. The day we had a PTA Pajama Read-In and Choir Concert here at school. It wasn't so bad...just extremely muggy throughout the whole school. This was also the day I discovered that a ginormous branch had fallen and was precariously leaning on a wire connected to my house. It almost knocked me over when I pulled it down.

However, today, the sun is shining and I get to see my gals for book club tonight. :) So let's hope it's the beginning of the end.

And remember folks...

"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud for all to hear."

Saturday, December 6, 2008

I Don't Know Why...

...anyone ever thought "Autumn Biscotti" would make a good candle scent. Yet another disgusting candle someone thought was good enough to put in the bathrooms at work....I threw it in the trash tonight.

...I ask the bilingual kids at school questions in spanish...because then they answer me in spanish and I have no idea what they are saying so then I have to have one of the other bilingual kids translate for me.

...I go to Home Depot and buy things...I always get weird looks when I am going out to my car with huge pieces of wood. Yes! I can make it fit and no, I don't need your help!

...I thought it was a good idea to go to Sonic and get those french toast sticks and then try to dip them in the syrup while I am driving...and shifting gears.

...I rush outside with a flashlight everytime I hear a noise in the yard. I mean, what good is that really going to do? Am I planning on beating some robber with my $5 flashlight or something? Will he be scared by my raging fit when we make eye contact? Ronnie the Rat wasn't scared, why would Robber Bob or Peter Possum or anything or anyone else that feels they have a right to my step foot on my property?

...JC Penny's keeps sending me ads and coupons. Did they not understand when I told them "I will never shop here again"?

...I even bother to rake up the leaves in my yard. I mean, I know I have lots and you can really tell a difference when I do rake, but nobody else in my neighborhood rakes their leaves. Some of them don't even mow their lawn except maybe once or twice a year.

...My cat is so dumb. After I yell at her for scratching the rug, she then proceeds to sit there and lick the spot she had been scratching.