Wednesday, February 25, 2009

How Children Entertain Themselves At My House

Back in December, a couple of friends of mine (Emily and Matt...both avid readers of the blog) came to visit and brought me a present. They gave me...wait for it...a librarian action figure.* Who knew such things existed?!

Well, from the minute I opened it up, it has been displayed in my living room and is not only a funny conversation starter but apparently also a very engaging toy for children. Emily and Matt's son Will played with it constantly while they were here.

Now if you can remember back to your youth when you actually played with action figures, you will remember that getting them to stand on their own was a bit of a balancing act. It makes sense because obviously action figures are meant for action...not standing. And thus, my librarian spends most of her time lying on her side because if I do get her to stand on her own, she just falls down anyway. Not to mention all the books and the cart that she came with are constantly in a pile as well.

Well, Sunday my family had dinner at my house and after they left, this is what I found:

Somebody (probably one of my nephews) had put the cart and all the books back together and positioned the librarian in a perfect pose. It just made me giggle.
*I, in no way, shape, or form resemble the librarian action figure...just so that's clear. I'm much much cuter!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Did I Mention...?

...that I hate Britney Spears? I mean seriously hate her. Okay, maybe not her personally since I don't know her personally but maybe just everything she stands for. Hmmm...that sounds like the same thing doesn't it?

Regardless, here are my reasons for my intense feelings toward Skanky Spears:

1) Every single song of hers I have ever heard is about sex. The older she gets, the more explicit they get.

2) Watching her videos is like watching porn. Not that I would know what watching porn is like but I know the definition of porn and that is what I see when I watch a Skanky Spears video.

3) She can't sing. It's just moaning. If she does know how to sing, nobody knows because she groans and moans through every one of her "songs".

4) Everyone is so complacent about her lack of moral values. Her most recent song doesn't say the F-bomb as it's title, it spells that makes it okay right? And you know as long as you don't actually call it masturbation, it's okay too. We'll just describe it.

5) How'd you grow your hair back so fast Skanky? Not even a year ago you had a completely shaved bald head.

6) Girlfriend is messed up! She's got some serious crazy/psycho issues that were going on and all anybody did was feed the fire by plastering her issues all over the TV, internet, and radio. Now all of a sudden she's fine and back to doing the same old things she did before she got knocked up. Seriously Skanko, grow up and deal with your issues. Don't hide behind your sluttiness. Take a lesson from Madonna at least. I don't care if you suddenly adopt a British accent and think you are better than everyone else. When Madonna quit the pointy boob phase, she quit.

And that's all I can think of for now. Anyone else wanna take a jab?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I Like My Bubble

So this morning I was driving to work and I heard a story on the radio about this woman who had a chimpanzee for a pet. Yesterday the chimp attacked the owner's friend and started eating her. Disturbed? Yeah, so was I.

If you've heard about this story and have heard the 911 call, you are probably just as disturbed as I am right now. It's scary.

This lady treated this chimp like a child of her own (it eats people food at the dinner table, goes for rides in the car, looks at pics on the internet, and channel surfs with the remote). Then one day he was acting weird so she gives him Xanax and then right in front of her he attacks her friend and she has to go at the chimp with a butcher knife and shovel to get him off her. The chimp escaped and found a police car, and got in and the police officer ended up shooting the chimp.

But could you imagine? Your pet attacks your friend and then begins to eat her right in front of you?

...This is why I like the bubble that I live in...cause I don't want to imagine that.

And I know, chimps are wild animals and aren't really the kind of animal you should keep for a pet. That's not what this post is about. It's about the fact that I like my nice clean and tidy life and even though I know someday I might have to go through some horrible tragedy, for now I would like to enjoy my bubble where my kitty is nice to me and is happy to see me. She actually sat on my lap last night and stayed there for about an hour. I've had that cat for 11 years and not once has she ever sat in my lap voluntarily. It's a big step.

Anyways, I just thought I would take a moment to express my gratefulness for the absence of horror in my life. :)

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Here is a really really funny video passed on from my friend Dr. Findley.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Jamal the Pizza Guy

I have to admit, today was a day of excellent customer service. Yes folks, let this day go down in history as the one day that Rhia was not completely hacked off and fed up after having to make a few calls and dealing with stupid customer service people. It started when I called Progressive about my insurance. The guy on the other end a) spoke English, b) was not just cordial, but friendly and chatty as well, and c) said it was his pleasure to help me out today (and he actually did help me...whoa right?) I...was...speechless.

It then continued as I was doing my taxes and didn't have some 10-blah blah form from my bank and had to call and ask them about it. Did you know that you can go online and download most of that stuff? Hallelujah technology! Anyways, the lady I talked to a) spoke English, b) didn't treat me like an imbecile, and c) was able to actually help me without transfering me to another person. It...was...lovely.

Then I was going to be all Martha Stewart-y and actually cook dinner. Well, until I realized the steamed vegetables meal in a bag thingy I bought had shrimp in it. *yuck* Then I said "To heck with Martha! I'm ordering pizza!"

Okay, let me stop and describe the scenery for you before I go on so you will understand what happened next:

First, I'm in my jammies cause I'm doing taxes and everyone knows that when you sit down and do your taxes, jammies are the dress code. I'm wearing a shirt that says "WHAT?" on's not a shirt I wear out in public for obvious reasons (I don't want random people staring at my chest and thinking I have an attitude...simple).

Second, at a get together Friday night at my casa, Amy's cardboard cut-out of Legolas and Gimli ended up in my dining room.

So I order pizza and Jamal the Pizza Guy shows up. The first thing he says to me is "What. What!" with a little giggle as he points to my shirt (like it's the funniest shirt he's ever seen). Nice. Then after we do the whole pizza/receipt/pen juggle and exchange, he asks, "Hey are you a Lord of the Rings fan?"

Me: "Uh....ummm....I...oh! No, I had a party at my house this weekend and that ended up here."

Jamal: "Right! You don't gotta be 'shamed girl! It's okay. Everybody gotta like somethin' right?"

Me: "Uh...right. Okay, thanks! Bye!"

Yep...true story...all of it.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Honey, You Are Dilluded

I'm talking about the crazy lady who decided that being a 33 year-old single mom with 6 kids wasn't quite cutting it when it came to her dream of being a mother. She denies she's being selfish. Really?

She said, "I know I'll be able to afford them when I'm done with my schooling." Oh, right. And what is she going to school for? To be a counselor. THAT makes a lot of money. And don't you worry, you'll have PLENTY of time to spend with your 14 kids, 8 of which have a high chance of having some sort of special need. If you wanted to finish your schooling, why couldn't you wait to have them until you were done?

The Today show reported that she holds each infant for 45 minutes each day. Let's see, 8 x 45= 360, and if you sleep 8 hours a day (which is about 4 times as much sleep as new mothers with one child get), that leaves a little over 10 hours left in the day...roughly. *insert sarcastic voice here* Yes, 45 minutes a day is more than enough time to hold your babies...once a day.

She said, "All I wanted was children. I wanted to be a mom. That's all I ever wanted in my life. I love my children." Hey, I'm not doubting that she loves her children. I just find it odd that in her response to accusations of selfishness, she declares what SHE wants...three times.

She said, "That was always a dream of mine, to have a large family, and I just longed for certain connections and attachments with another person that I really lacked, I believe, growing up." Who cares about how neglected those babies are going to feel growing up as long as YOU have the connections you feel you need.

And then, don't even get me started on this quote I came across today:

"I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby." - Barack Obama

Heaven forbid your daughters will have to receive punishment if they make a mistake. And punished with a baby? Wouldn't you feel just great if you knew that you were your mother's punishment?


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Happy 1 Year Anniversary!

Can you believe that after one year and 120 posts, you are still reading my blog? Me too! So since it has been a year and since I really don't have anything to blog about (really...I'm pretty boring as of late and have no interesting stories or thoughts to share), I thought it might be fun to visit some of my favorites and let you vote on which ones you liked the most. Who knows, maybe my favorites are your favorites too...

Why I Love Old People

It's The Crazy Cat Lady

Ummm...That Picture Is Crooked

What A Girl Wants

A Mother's Day Conversation With Ben

A Little Sumpin' For Ya

I know that is a lot to choose from, but I had to pick out of 119 of them people! It was hard!

And I hereby solemnly swear to look for the funny things in life so that I'll have something to blog about real real soon. The end...for now.