There Is Nothing Wrong With You

Before you say, "Yeah right." Just hear me out...

As a single person, over the years I have heard my friends say things such as:

"What's wrong with me? Why don't guys/girls like me?"
"I don't know what is wrong with those guys/girls in your ward."
"There's a reason why so-and-so isn't married..."

And then my absolute favorite:

"I don't understand why you're not married."...which we'll get to later.

Now let me just tell you this:

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!

Trust me, I've tried to figure it out and I've tried to fix everything...EVERYTHING, and nothing works. You know why? Because nothing is broken. I have thought that if I was:

more athletic
more politically minded
a good rollerblader (yeah, I really thought that once)
good at sports
better at managing money
healthier
prettier
skinnier
quieter
louder
funnier
smarter
dumber
less worried
more worried
less paranoid
more paranoid
more grown-up
more childlike
more churchy
even less churchy
etc...etc...etc...

...that he would find me more interesting, and the truth is, even though I tried to be all of those things at one time or another, it never worked. I even tried repenting once. Yes, I repented for still being single...guess what? That didn't work either...cause I didn't do anything wrong.

On the reverse side, it drives me nuts when people mutter, "What is wrong with guys these days?" Uh, just because they are not all beating down my door with marraige proposals doesn't mean that there is something wrong with all of them. I would think it highly weird if all the guys I knew were constantly trying to date me. Plus, I would loose a whole lotta friends. You can't blame an entire gender just because the one or two that you like doesn't like you back. Remember that we get to choose, and you are not always the right choice for someone else nor are they always the right choice for you.

Okay, next point: "I don't understand why you're not married." Really? Cause guess what? Neither do I. I'm not actually doing anything that would keep me from being in a relationship with someone...I'm not doing anything wrong either. The only thing I can figure out is that it's not my time yet. It's just not my turn. Heavenly Father has an order and a reason for everything and he hasn't forgotten about all of us, he's just gettin' things ready.

Sometimes I feel like that whiny kid that wants a reason for everything you ask him/her to do. You know, the one that you just get so fed up with and then turn around and yell at them, "Because I told you to!" Yeah, that's me...the whiny kid. But HF never yells at me...ever.

Now, before you go off thinking, "Whatever, you have no idea what I'm going through." or "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before." or "You don't have any room to be talkin'." Yes, I do. I have football fields of room in the boat that I was in with loads of other people who all got out one by one and went off to snag boyfriends, get married, and have babies. I'm not married. I ain't got no babies. There's nobody in my life to reassure me that I'm beautiful, smart, funny, blah, blah, blah. And I'm freakin' bailing water out of that boat with a teacup every day. So there.

So, who will you listen to?

Satan: "Hmmm...sorry. You just aren't good enough to make the Married's Team. :( Maybe next year, honey."

or

Heavenly Father: "I'm working on it...this is going to be so good! You are going to love it...I promise!"

Thoughts On A Sunday Evening

"A real man makes his own luck."
-Billy Zane, Titanic

I heart this quote for two reasons.

1) Dwight quoted it on The Office and it always cracks me up when two of my favorites reference each other.

2) It's true...in some ways. It basically means, if you want something-do something.

See, lately I have been kind of a brat. I've been pouting and bemoaning my marital/relationship status quite a bit...not outwardly for the most part but those closest to me have surely seen signs of it or have even been lucky to hear the tale first hand. Sadly though the brunt of my frustration has been taken out on the members of my new ward. It's hard for me to switch wards and get to know new people all over again. It's just not something I am used to...and with getting to know new people comes all of the questions, "Is your husband with you?" "Do you have anyone sitting with you?" "Do you have any children?" "Are you...single?" After about a month of this (because that's about how long it takes to meet and greet enough people so that word gets out and you don't have to answer those questions any longer...at least I hope so), it gets really annoying and I want to give snappy answers like, "Well what does it look like?"...even though I don't.

Last Sunday I found myself highly annoyed when a nice lady was trying to introduce herself to me (without the awkward questions about my non-existent husband) and was sending out all sorts of signals that said, "Leave me the #@%$# alone!" I had my legs and arms crossed, I never made eye contact, I gave clipped one word answers, and I didn't smile. Then after church I made a bee-line for the door and sped out of the parking lot. On my way home I was grumbling to myself about how I didn't like my ward because I didn't have any friends and I didn't know anyone and all I ever did anymore was watch the clock. Then my sane brain stepped in and said, "Why do you think that is?" and gave me a flash of what I must look like to others at church with my blank annoyed stares and speed walking to the door.

Oh...well...uh...yeah.

So this Sunday I decided to do something about it. I sat in the same spot as last time and when the nice lady sat down next to me again (because we all know we have our "spots" on certain pews) and called me Khia (kee-uh) because they misspelled my name in the ward newsletter, I smiled and laughed a little bit and started off the conversation the same way I do to everyone who reads my name before they hear my name, "It's Rye-Uh..." And then it turned out to be a very nice Sunday (and I only caught myself watching the clock once.)

An Awkward Sunday

Yes folks, that was what today was...an awkward Sunday. It all started when I had my interview in order to get a new temple recommend. We'll call this man Bro. P. (who is a very nice man and I am in now way trying make him look bad nor do I think badly of him...I laughed a lot at the things he said and I hope you do too). Anyways, so Bro. P. sat down with me and was asking me the typical get-to-know-you questions and our conversation went something like this:

Bro. P.: What ward are you in?

Me: Garland 4th

Bro. P.: Are you single?

Me: Yes.

Bro. P.: Why don't you go to the singles ward?

Me: I did until I turned 31.

Bro. P.: Oh, I didn't think you were a day over 25.

Me: :)

Bro. P.: You don't do anything with the older singles I presume?

Me: No...

Bro. P.: Well, I'm not going to tell you that you should because most of those people are in their 50s and it would be nothing but older men hitting on you and that wouldn't be good.

Me: Thank you.

Bro. P.: I know there is a group between 30 and 40 that get together and do things, do you ever do anything with them?

Me: No.

Bro. P.: There's a single guy that I know from another ward who is around your age...

Me: Are you talking about D.B.? (I am only going to refer to this guy as D, but I'm sure if you think hard enough, you might be able to figure out who it is...if not, ask me in person and I'll tell you)

Bro. P. (as his face lights up): You know him?

Me: Yes, D and I have been friends for a really long time. I've known him since he got home from his mission.

Bro. P.: Marry him.

AWKWARD!!!!!

Me: Uh....I don't want to marry D. We're just friends. I am not interested in him that way and besides, he's not the right guy for me.

Bro. P.: Well, okay. But don't wait around for Mr. Perfect. Find someone who is right for you but they won't be perfect.

Me in my head: Like I haven't heard that before! I'm 31 for crying out loud. You think this is the first time anyone has ever given me that advice?

Me in real life: Yes, I know :)

Okay, enough of awkward Sunday part 1. Let's now move on to part 2...

I get to church and am sitting on my favorite pew...the back pew. A man and his wife sit down next to me and introduce themselves. They are very nice and then the brother asks me if I am here alone or if there are other people with me. I tell him no, I'm alone and then he says "Awwwww!!! (like I just told him that my puppy died) That's terrible! We'll find someone for you!"

AWKWARD!!!

Then there were just a myriad of hymns today at church that were all at least two octaves higher than anyone could sing so we (well, them cause I didn't sing) sounded extremely pathetic whilst singing...

It was just one of those days.

Marching Orders

When I was younger, the word "conference" to me meant that there was no church...it was a free day! Then as I started getting active in youth programs and such, I realized that it only meant that for my family. Apparently everyone else went to church on conference Sundays as well as regular Sundays. The first time I ever attended General Conference I was 16 years old. Back in those days (yes, the "olden times" of the early 90's) we had to dress in Sunday dress and go to the Stake Center to watch it. I was so proud that my sister and I actually went to the Sunday morning session and was telling one of my leaders as much when they smiled and asked me if we were going to stay for the afternoon session too. What? You mean there's more than just Sunday morning? Yes, there's even two sessions on Saturday too. Oooooohhhh! Light bulb! That's why people refer to it as conference weekend. The next conference, I went to all four sessions. (I felt a great need back then to be the perfect Mormon so I could get into BYU...both of which never happened but that's another story...let's just say I was really naive.)

I owe a great deal to my youth leaders who took me under thier wing and had the patience to teach me (a girl who had been going to church basically her whole life) about the gospel, of which I knew very little about. My favorite youth leaders were the Jarrard's who gave me countless rides to church, activities, and yes, my very first General Conference. The Jarrard's loved General Conference and used to say that the counsel we received were our marching orders for the next six months. They probably still say that. "Okay, we've got our marching orders for the next six months. Let's get to work!"

Now, there have been times when I have attended all four sessions, and there have been times when I have listened to one talk the whole of conference weekend, but the older I get and the more I grow in the gospel, the more I look forward to General Conference. I really get excited about it. (And it doesn't hurt that I can watch it in my own home in my pajamas either...I'm just sayin'.) I love to hear the familiar melodic voices of our prophets and apostles. I love to see their familiar faces. I love it when they look right into the camera and speak directly to me. And most of all, I love the counsel and encouragement they give us. My two favorites from this conference were Pres. Uchtdorf and Pres. Monson.

So, my challenge to you (and to myself) is whether or not you listened to all four sessions or you didn't hear any of it at all, take 15-20 minutes of your time this week, get on the church's website, pick a talk, and listen to it.

Hut...2...3...4! Hut...2...3...4!