Sunday, September 21, 2008

On Your Mark, Get Set...Ha-Ha-Ha!

A few weeks ago, Amy, my brother Krish, my future SIL Becky, and I traveled to Austin to participate in Nike's Human Race. It was a 10K (about 6 miles) race and had tens of thousands of people there. It was really a lot of fun. Even though I ran a marathon last January, it was nothing like this. There were big time sponsors giving out free stuff (Lance Armstrong Foundation, Ozarka, Power Bar, etc.), and all sorts of people coming out to run in the biggest race in history (or some such nonsense...they kept telling us we were making history but I couldn't figure that part out), and even the Incredible Lance Armstrong himself came out to run. We didn't see him...or run with him. We were too slow. Apparently you only got a glimpse of the Invincible Lance if you were in the same athletic ability grouping as he is. So, without further adeu, here is our fun exeperience in quotes and pictures and a few words of my own:

First, we got there early...like 6 hours early. We thought there would be SOMETHING to do once we got to Austin but there wasn't because everything was shut down since they blocked off the roads so the race people could get everything set up. So we walked around...a lot...and saw some fun stuff.
Exhibit A:

As we were walking around, they had music blaring, music that makes you pumped up, like Survivor's Eye of the Tiger or J.T.'s Bringin' Sexy Back...which was what this guy was dancing to. He is probably in his 50's and just having a good old time dancing on down the empty street.

Exhibit B:

I had decided that when I saw people that were picture/blog worthy, I would have Amy pose like I was taking a picture of her, but the real focus would be the picture/blog worthy person. It didn't work to well here, but the lady with the sunglasses had her shirt pulled up to her boobs and her gut was hanging over her spandex shorts. By the time I took the picture, she had pulled her shirt down. Oh well.

Exhibit C:

This was pure greatness. The intent was to take a picture of the ladies from Ozarka handing out free shirts but instead I got this random guy's backside while standing on a ladder. The Ozarka Girls (Blondie and Brunnie) were R-U-D-E rude. When we went up to get some water and a free t-shirt, our presence wasn't even acknowledged. I looked at Blondie and said, "Hi." and she said "Hi." and about 5 seconds of awkward silenced passed before I asked, "Umm...can I get a shirt?" Seriously! Who wants to ask for a free shirt? If you're giving out free shirts, give them. Don't stand there and wait for people to ask. Anyways, so after I asked for a shirt, she replies, "Do you recycle?" in a clipped/snobby attitude. "Uh...yes." "Okay, what size?" Wow... Amy is behind me in line and when she steps up, Brunnie just looks at her and then turns around and walks off. So, Ozarka, while I appreciate your efforts to save the earth, you need to give your Promotional Activities Department a lesson in manners. And it's also kind of hypocritical to stand there and demand that I recycle while behind me is a delivery truck where they are unloading cases of bottled water while the truck is emitting ozone depleting fumes. I'm just sayin'.

Exhibit D:

I swear this guy was following us around. Not that I'm complaining or anything (he had really nice legs) but we must have crossed paths about 10 times. We first spotted him around 2:00-ish and this picture was taken around 5:00-ish. That's kind of a lot for 3 hours of randomly walking around downtown. I was afraid I wouldn't get a picture of him but thankfully he stopped to pose with a cup of water for us. Sweet!

Here are a few more pics just because:

This is the start/finish line. The race was one big loop.

Amy, myself, and Becky
Krish and Becky

Sadly, we put the camera up before the race. There was all manner of colorful socks, mowhawks, tucked in shirts to elastic waist shorts, kilts (yes kilts), and purple stirrup pants. Just use your imagination.

Nike was ingenious because instead of handing out numbers for you to pin on your shirt, they just printed your number on a shirt and that's what you wore. You can see from the previous pics that the shirts were red, so imagine being in the middle of thousands (I don't remember how many people were there but it was somewhere in the ten thousands) of people all wearing the same shirt. I felt really insignificant when I saw the sea of endless red shirts in front of me while running. I felt really good when I saw the sea of endless shirts behind me while running. And yes Samuel, Stalin would be so proud.

It took us about an hour and 45 minutes to finish, and I came in 10,152nd place...Lance finished in 34 minutes and came in 6th place. *sigh* If only I'd been faster.

And now for a few quotes...most of these were things people were shouting to us as "encouragement" as we were running...it was more like entertainment.

"This isn't a death march people! Get excited!" (because we were all walking and not smiling...and dying from the heat)

"You're earnin' yourself some Mexican food tonight!"

"I love those sexy socks!" (said to a girl wearing knee socks)

"Lllmmm...so awesome!"-drunk guy.... "I think that guy's drunk."-Amy.... "Really? Really!"-me

"Are ya'll here to run the race?" (as we walk by with our race shirts on)

"Just one more giant u-turn! You're on the home stretch." (as we discover we have 2 miles left)

Amy picks up her running shorts and smells them. "Ugh!".... "Well," I say, "what did you expect?"

I can't wait for the Turkey Trot in November!!!

6 comments:

WhiteEyebrows said...

ha! took the words right out my mouth... if there was only a hammer and sythe on those shirts...

or the way things are going... it will soon be a socialist uncle sam.

Amy said...

Oh, Rhia...I am drying tears from my eyes from laughing... this was pure greatness. I think you sufficiently covered the entire day's events. I especially enjoy the Ozarka ladies picture with the guys huge butt in the picture. Amazing. Why are you saying Turkey Trot? Um, Susan G. Koman is in October...come on now!

Alison said...

Oh, that woman with the glasses may have put her shirt down at the last minute, but we still get to see the chicken cutlet thighs hanging out from those tiny shorts (how is that comfortable?). Remember the woman in her bra and shorts at Third Beach? Yeah.

You had a stalker! Awesome!

Kilts and purple stir-up pants??!! I missed greatness again. Arg! I need to become athletic so I can enjoy the nuttiness. Purple stir-up pants, Rhia, purple stir-up pants!!!! :D I think that might be better than the purple spandex shorts you saw at that marathon, but I have no picture of the stir-up pants to make a educated decision on the matter.

I need you to help me with a running program. I won't run the Turkey Trot . . . I will walk, but I'd like to see if I am physically able to run. I'll be expecting your consultation call any moment now.

The end.

Emily Anne said...

You always have the best stories and the best adventures. Matt and I have got to move to Dallas so we can share your adventures! Did you get stalker boy's number?

Rhia Jean said...

Sadly I only got his race number...which doesn't do me a whole lot of good.

Matthew Ware said...

Marathon's shouldn't be in the summer.

I think Nike's "Human Race" is a little exclusionary (is that a word?), shouldn't we invite the animal kingdom as well?

I'm sure the Ozarka people said something along the lines of "give a shirt to everyone who is environmentally friendly, but be nice about it". I mean, they sponsor these events as a way of advertising more than anything else. Some people are just rude because they can be.

At least the shirts weren't black. The three of you in the picture actually looked good in red. I think it would clash with my complexion.