Apparently...

Satan has enlisted the mosquitos in his quest to make mortals on earth as miserable as possible.
So last night I get all comfy and snuggle down in my bed when I hear a buzzing by my ear. Great! Mosquito Alert!!!! Okay, sidenote...I need to explain what Mosquito Alert means for me. Here's what I do when I get a M.A.: Wave the air around me (to make the mosquito scared so he will fly away for a moment so I can hide from him), pull the covers up of my chin and over my ear so that all that is showing is my face. This comes from the assumption as a child that if I have at least a sheet covering me, the mosquito cannot bite me. Then I can fall into a blissful and happy REM cycle. Sidenote over. So, M.A.!!! And then I fall asleep. The next thing I know I am awoken again by a buzzing by my ear. Aaaaahhhh!! M.A. again! Except this time it is 5am...and I am wide awake because I need to make sure the mosquito is gone. If you don't know already, I will tell you that I do not, I repeat do not, like to be awoken THAT early in the morning. I tried really really hard to go back to sleep but then I heard the mosquito AGAIN. Mind you this time the only thing that is outside the covers is my face so this means that the dreaded mosquito is UNDER THE COVERS WITH ME!!!! The situation has now escalated from alert to threat. It is a full on Mosquito Threat! I throw back the covers and grab my secret weapon (a bug spray that is the Avon equivalent of Off!) and not only spray my bed, but my hair too. I want this thing to leave me alone once and for all! I naively figured that if there was bug spray surrounding me, the mosquito would leave me alone, but alas I was wrong and the dreaded beast came back. Finally I grabbed an extra sheet and wrapped my head in it and fell back asleep for a mere 15 minutes before my alarm went off.
And here's the best part. Throughout the whole ordeal, my cat just stared at me like, "Ha! This is payback for moving my cat perch right next to your alarm clock that goes off every 9 minutes for an hour before you turn it off...stupid human!"

I Got Nuthin'

I'm just blogging to say that I really have nothing insightful or thought provoking to share with you. I am at the grunt part of my job...the end of the year when I get to clean and organize and put things away and try to remember everything I need to do because if I even had the time to make a list, it would get lost the minute I finished it. So, while my fellow bloggers are posting about crazy superheroes, the wonders of soda, the complexities of social circles, animal rights, the wonders of marriage and children, and analyzing Pride & Prejudice, I got nuthin'. All day long, people bring me stuff and either I put it away or put it in a pile so that it can be put away later. I do have some student helpers that are helping me un-bury myself. Mrs. N. has even come by twice and promised to help me but guess what? Yeah, she hasn't really come through with that yet. Maybe it's payback for calling her out in front of her daughter. Tomorrow my exciting project is to clean out two drawers of cords. I have no idea what any of them go to, but I'm going to do my best to figure it out because seriously...two drawers of cords? Come on!

Nuthin' Fancy

So this blog will be full of completely unconnected random thoughts...I'm just warning you.

I feel that I need to just make it known to the world a few things that really annoy me...things that have happened in the past week. First, if I'm reading a book, please do not interrupt me to tell me about something that I don't care about. Second, I don't like being ignored. It really annoys me and makes me not ever want to talk to that person again. Third, I can't stand it when people tell me to watch my speed. I'M the one driving. If I wanna go fast, I know the possible consequences that may or may not occur. I'm willing to take that risk...I wanna go fast. I don't need to be reminded of the speed limit every time it changes...and I don't need you to honk the horn for me. Ever.

A friend mentioned to me this week that he thought I should write a book. I said no. I'm not quite sure what would come out if I attempted to write a fiction piece. I asked him why he thought I would be able to write a book. He said it was because I read so much. Hmmm...okay. I told him I have no idea what to write about because I like to read about things that I've never experienced and I don't feel qualified to write about things I don't know about. He asked for examples so I said that for instance, I have never fallen in love with a vampire. Another for instance is that I have never been a pioneer. Two of my favorite books fall into those categories. He then suggested that I write a book about a pioneer that falls in love with a vampire. Again, I said no.

I had the book fair this week at school and Mrs. N. came by to pick out some books she wanted to buy. She made a pile for herself and then added two other books and told me to tell her two daughters (who also work at the school) to buy them for her. So later on Mrs. N. and one of her daughters were in the library discussing something or another. I walked up to both of them with the books in my hand and said to the daughter "Hey, your mom wants you to buy these books for her." Mrs. N. got a chargined look on her face and just kind of smiled. Hey, if don't ask me to do your dirty work for you. I've got enough of my own to do.

Okay, for all of my friends with kids...I have some bad news. It's just that...well...one day...they'll be teenagers.

Whoever thought of Monday holidays (like Memorial Day or MLK Day or Labor Day etc...) was a freakin' GENIUS!!!! I love 3 day weekends.

Apparently...

I am a little behind in my job. *sigh*

I have these books to shelve...

As well as these other three carts (one is hidden)...

And these piles that are on top of the shelves because I don't have any more carts...

It's a good thing I've got some students that need to work off some library fines. :)

Hello, My Name Is Rhia And I'm An Addict

It's true people. I have a real problem here. My addiction has taken over my life once again. Everything takes a backseat to it. Sleeping, eating, cleaning, socializing, my cat, everything. What, you may ask, is this insane addiction that I have that takes over my other responsibilities and priorities? Sadly, it's a good book. I just can't stop. I would be so happy if I could use Willy Wonka's giant chocolate bar making machine and blow the book up to gigantor size, cut out a little hole in the middle, and curl up inside of it. When I die, will someone please make sure that my coffin is in the shape of a book? Okay, never mind. That's taking it a little too far. See...it's the addiction speaking, not me.

It's just the only thing I want to do...read. It's the only thing I want to talk about..."Let me tell you about this book I'm reading...blah...blah...blah." It keeps me awake at night because I can (and have before) stayed up until the dawn reading. If it's a really good book, it won't put me to sleep. I have to put it down so that I can go to sleep.

My poor kitty. She just follows me around meowing and staring at me. She gets this glowering look on her face when she sees me yet again with...The Book. Then I try my hardest to tell her that I only have 143 pages to go and if she would just leave me alone I will feed her when I'm done...3 hours later. No, no. I'm just kidding. I would never do that to my precious angel. She has a self feeder and a self waterer for a reason. I know how forgetful I can be at times and she shouldn't have to suffer.

Okay, but my apartment is a disaster. That is the truth. I'm a little embarrassed to even describe it to you, but lets just say that you can tell the places that I have been sitting and reading (my chair) because they are surrounded by...uh...stuff, and you can tell the places that I haven't been sitting (my couch) because they have stuff all over them.

And then, the worst part of my addiction is when I come down off my high...finishing the book. I get depressed in varying degrees depending on how much I got into it. Right now, I'm just slightly despondent. Sometimes though, it's so bad that I don't want to watch TV, read anything else, or even listen to someone tell a story because I know it will draw my attention away from the book I just read and I am still in mourning for a story that has ended.

Oh, this is so pathetic. Is anyone else out there like this? Has anyone else ever spent days in bed just so they could read? Has anyone else ever skipped showers, meals, even bathroom breaks so they could just finish one more chapter? Has anyone ever slept with a book so that you could read until you fell asleep and then start reading again the minute you wake up?

National Nerd Day isn't until May 25th, but I think I'm celebrating a little early this year.

And just so you all know, I am THE MOST unreliable person when I have a good book in my hands. But I am finished now so things should start looking up tomorrow.

Just so you know, because I'm sure you are wondering what book I just finished reading, it was The Host by Stephenie Meyer. Now, it wasn't the best book I've ever read, but it was pretty dang good...I'm just sayin'.

This Is Why I'm Still Single

Well, it's not THE reason, but it is one of them. Anyways, here goes...

In my church, the singletons are separated into Young Single Adults (YSAs ages 18-30) and Single Adults (ages 31-death...who I like to refer to Older Single Adults). YSA wards and activities and dating, etc...can all be a really fun experience...and it was for me. But then I turned 31. No, noone told me to leave. No, I didn't get kicked out. I could've hung around for as long as I wanted and nobody would have thought twice about it. The plain and simple fact was that the only thing that was happening for me in a YSA ward was that I was getting older and everyone else around me was getting younger. It just wasn't the place for me anymore.

Now, I do not regret my decision to join a family ward and live out my years as the token single sister until I find Mr. Just Right (not Mr. Perfect, but someone who is just right for me). I am completely content in this stage of my life. However, there just so happens to be a handful of older single adults in my ward. And they try so so so hard (bless their hearts) to include me and fellowship me into older singleness. Conveniently enough for me, I always have a really good excuse on hand. The responses I get when I give my plausible, handy, sincere excuses are varied. Most of the time it's a look of complete and utter shock. They cannot fathom why on earth I don't want to come hang out with people that are old enough to be my parents and at the same time are contemplating asking me out on a date.

Most of the activities the older singles have are pretty normal. Potlucks, dinners, conferences, etc. I got an e-mail today though about an activity that I just stared at and thought, "H-E-double hockey sticks no! I wouldn't attend that event in a hundred years! They have GOT to be kidding...this is goin' in the blog." And here is the actual message of the e-mail I got:

"Yes, 'Prom' ... our theme for June is to reinact our high school Prom with music of the 60s and 70s, cocktail attire so wear your high-heeled sneakers! 'Ladies Nite' meaning the men must dance with any woman who asks. Men are expected to dance with all the ladies without being asked, nevertheless. Talk it up!"

I'm Just Sayin'

In the Twilight movie, I am not pleased with who was cast for Jasper. I heart Jasper...I really, really do but this guy they have playing him just...looks...gay. See for yourself.

He's on the far right. Green shirt, black jacket. Gay.

Looks like a girl.

Notice how they put him all blurry in the back? (He's the one in the white coat.)










Boys are not supposed to rat their hair!










Alice and Jasper don't even match. Ugh!

So what do you all think? Am I alone in my opinions that Jasper was mis-cast? I just always pictured him as quiet but fierce and dashingly handsome. I mean he was a Civil War soldier for crying out loud! He lived with the toughest and meanest vampires and trained them to be soldiers. I guess I'm just going to have to close my eyes and picture Jasper the way I want him to be when he comes on the big screen. *sigh*

LOST in love and I don't know much...

Okay, so I'm not really lost in love, but what I'm really trying to convey is that I love...Love...LOVE the TV show Lost. It takes up the entire right ventricle of my heart. I look forward to Thursday nights like a starving African child looks forward to a bowl of rice...okay, that was a little un-PC, but you get my point right? Good.
Since it is one of my great loves, I have my theories and predictions just as I do about the other great loves of my life. And since the season finale is tomorrow night, I thought I should make my theories known to the world.

If you haven't been watching Lost, or are not a fan, I'm sorry-the rest of this will be meaningless to you.

First of all: the Oceanic 6. Why those six? Here's what I think:

Sayid - easy, he is driving the little boat.
Jack - he's injured after his appendix being removed and will somehow further injure himself by trying to save Kate (remember he referred to that a few episodes back when we saw that Jack and Kate hook up in the future). So, Juliet will insist that Jack gets on the boat first since he is in (or will be in) critical condition.
Aaron - easy, he's a baby. Claire isn't with them (I'll get to that later) and that is why she isn't one of the 6. I'm sure someone will say something like, "Here, take Aaron. We'll send Claire on the next boat."
Sun - once again, easy. She's pregnant and Juliet and Jin will insist that she is on the first boat off the island in order to save her and her unborn child.
Kate - I can't figure out.
Hurley - I can't figure out.

Second: I think that Whitmore's freighter will get blown up or something. There is no way that Whitmore would take back survivors of a crash that he staged. Of course Whitmore isn't on the boat, but we know that he is sending his people to Hurley (at least) to try and find out the location of the island. The freighter people know already, so A) they must be dead and B) Whitmore wouldn't save them, set them free, and then hunt them down. He would just keep them until they gave up the location.

Third: Jacob still eludes me. I think he has some kind of way that he can make you see what he wants you to see...such as Walt in the jungle...or Claire smirking in the rocking chair...or a scary eye in the window so you'll go away.

Fourth: I think the source of Ben and Whitmore's fued is that Whitmore found the island, started the Dharma Initiative, and was using it to find out the island's secrets so he could make money off of it. Young Ben went traipsing through the jungle one day and decided to take the side of The Others. So it's The Others against the Dharmas...it always has been and just as Jacob told Locke to move the island, he also told Ben to do the same thing and that is why Whitmore can't find it anymore.

Fifth: I think Ben has some way to teleport or something on and off the island. Think about it, he woke up in the middle of Tunisia in the desert in the same area they dug up the polar bear. Hmmm... Yeah right he took Desmond's boat!

Sixth: I really, really hope they don't leave us hangin' about what happens to the people who stay on the island!

Seventh: I LOVE the way Lost does season finales! Oh, they are so good every dang time!

A Mother's Day Conversation with Ben

At church today, red roses were handed out to all of the women in the congregation. It is one of the most uncomfortable things for a single woman sitting by herself to have to sit through. I have been in single's wards for so long that I forgot about this family ward tradition. I got my rose, smiled, said thank you, etc... After church, I'm getting out of my car and walking to the gate of my apartment and the following conversation happens:

Note: all words in parenthesis were said only in my head

Note #2: I am paraphrasing most of it b/c I don't have the ability to recall all words ever spoken to me.

*ahem*

Ben: Hey!

I look up to see Ben standing at his balcony with a glass of wine in his hand (Oh...great! This is going to be so good for my blog!)

Me: Hello.

Ben: You have a flower! Is that a rose?

Me: Yep.

Ben: I bet you got that at church today didn't you? Because it is Mother's Day.

Me: Yes, and I got a hug to go with it. (He seems a little tipsy...hmmm.)

Ben: How many children do you have?

Me: None.

Ben: So you're not a mother but you still got a flower.

Me: I'm a potential mother.

Ben: Yes, and you have a mother and she became a mother when she had you.
(Nod, nod)
You know, I've got a yellow rose up here.
(What?)
And I have this friend who is a lady and a neighbor and we talk a lot. And she tells me that she doesn't celebrate Mother's Day and she doesn't even believe in it.
(This story is going to get weird...and fast.)
So I bought her a yellow rose because red means love and it's not about that with us. She's from Texas so I thought a yellow rose would be nice and I wrote this really nice card to her about Mother's Day being about appreciating others...
(I really hope he gave HER the rose and is not trying to pawn it off on someone else...he probably didn't, otherwise he wouldn't be drinking wine and talking to strangers...oh, that is so sad.)
...I have a daughter that I don't talk to anymore but she is a mother and my mother is dead, my grandmother is dead so I thought you know, I am going to have a glass of wine and enjoy this beautiful day...
(Oh, no...no, no, no...please do not invite me up there to your creepy apartment)
...so I invited my friend to come over this morning since she said she didn't have anything going on today and suddenly when I called her this morning, she has plans
(Smart woman!)
Blah, blah, blah, blah...more stuff about appreciating others...
(if he asks me if I want to come up there and have that rose, I have no excuse except "Stranger Danger!" What am I going to say?)
So I wrapped the rose in plastic and have it up here so it won't wilt...
(time for exit strategy #42)
...and I am just going to hold on to it for now and just enjoy this day and honor all of the mothers and potential mothers
(as he toasts to me with his wine glass).

Me: Well, thank you. I...

Ben: You are the teacher right? You live just downstairs?
(Shoot! Exit strategy #43...quick!)

Me: Yes, it was nice talk...

Ben: How is it going? Do you enjoy it?
(This poor man just wants someone to talk to. It's Mother's Day and not only does he have no family to celebrate it with, but no friends either.)

Me: It's great. I love it! Only three weeks left.

Ben: Yeah, I've got years.

Me: Huh?

Ben: I just quit my job driving and I decided to go into oceanography.
(Then you need to move far, far away! :)

Me: Well, good for you! I hope it all works out for you.

Ben: You know, I was watching you walk across the parking lot and you looked so glum, but you had that flower...
(Okay buddy, time to go)
...so I thought I would say something to you.

Me: Thank you! It was nice talking to you.
(start walking away now so he can't start another conversation)
I'll see you later!

Ben: Bye!

But now I have to leave so I can go over to my mom's house for Mother's Day...I really hope he's gone inside.

So...

I have been out of the blogging world for a bit because I went out of town to visit family and decided to spend more time with them than with the computer. Do you blame me? If you do, I don't care. If you don't then I do care about you and if you keep reading you will find some funny blogs to make your heart happy once again.

Just so you know I am speaking the truth, here are some pictures of my neice and nephew:

A Message To All The OMG-ers

There is no need to repeat OMG five thousand times when you are excited about something. Once will suffice. If we have to put up with reading OMG! then we should only have endure it once.

Seriously, we get it!

Theories

If you have read Alison or Erica's blog recently, you know that I spent a whopping 9 hours on the sidewalk the other night outside the Barnes and Noble. Why? To get a ticket to go to a Q&A session and book signing with...ta da!!! Steeeeeeeee-phenie Meyerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! (Okay, when I read that I think all those e's are long e's but they are not...read them with the short e sound.) I will admit to all those who are wondering that this was not my first experience with camping out for tickets to some event or another. It was my 3rd time. And no, it wasn't anything cool. Well, it kinda was...I'll let my readers be the judge. I camped out in college with my old roomie Emily for tickets to the midnight showing of Star Wars Episode 1. I camped out in my early college years for tickets to go to the solemn assembly general conference session when Pres. Hinkley was sustained.

Anyways, as we were camped out, the fanatics in front of us in line wanted to know our theories for their podcast. I made one up on the spot to satisfy Ms. Fanatic so she would leave us alone (it was either make up a theory or get pelted with more stupid questions like, "What was the fourth word in the second paragraph of page 325 in New Moon?" to which we would all reply, "I don't know." and then be given a look like, "You are NOT a true fan!"...okay, it wasn't that bad.) Now that I am awake and coherent though, I do believe it was a good theory after all.

After listening to the entire stupid podcast (wherein my brilliant theory was NOT featured...grrr!), I decided I should blog about my own theories because these girls do not know what a good juicy theory is. They just look at the surface and theorize what they want to happen and not what makes a good story. Do you think anyone theorized that Dumbledore would die? Of course not, but it kept us all on the edge of our seat and thirsting for more after it happened didn't it?

(If you haven't read the books, you might want to stop reading here because none of this will make any sense to you whatsoever...however, it might be kind of amusing so I'll let you choose.)

Here goes:

Someone important will die. It's just got to happen folks...only bad guys have died up until this point. I think it will be either Alice or Carlisle.

Jacob has imprinted on Bella even though he has told her already that he hasn't. Werewolves lie too you know.

If Bella becomes a vampire, her superpower will not be that she can resist other vampire powers...that's too easy. It's got to be something better than that.

If Bella becomes a vampire, when she and Edward finally have sex they will break every peice of furniture in the room...and they may quite possibly take down the enitre building as well.

The End.

Anyone else have any theories they would like to share?

(Please do not, I repeat do not, say that your theory is that Edward and Bella will get married and that Bella will become a vampire...that is the lamest theory on the face of the earth. You can come up with something better than that right?)

I Have My Reasons

I have my reasons for not ever wanting to live in Utah. It's not that I think Utah is a bad place or anything and I'm not trying to knock the Utahns but if I had a choice (and I do thank you very much), I would not live there. Here's why:

The street you live on, the street behind you, and the street in front of you are your entire ward. I need a little space. I need a lot of space. I don't like people all up in my bid-ness all the time.

Women take their baby strollers EVERYWHERE. The skating rink, for instance is no place for a baby stroller.

No handrails at the skating rink...I ran into the wall a lot.

Play-sure. May-sure. Tray-sure.

I still get horrified when I hear about serial killers and sick psychos in Utah. It's naive and completely untrue I know, but I still have it in the back of my head somewhere that Utahns are perfect, church going, kind, Christlike Mormons...all of them.

The dryness. I was thirsty the ENTIRE weekend.

One of the members of the bishopric bore his testimony Sunday that ketchup and grape jelly makes the best barbecue sauce. It took everything I had to not stand up right then and call that man to repentance for preaching false doctrine from the pulpit. I did, however, sit there and stare at him while shaking my head back and forth.

On the other hand, here are a few reasons why I could live in Utah:

Mountains.

No crab grass.

My sister and her adorable babies.

The minute I stepped off the plane at DFW, my pores immediately clogged up and my face did it's favorite trick: Insta-grease.

So that's all...the end.