Friday, May 30, 2008

Apparently...

Satan has enlisted the mosquitos in his quest to make mortals on earth as miserable as possible.
So last night I get all comfy and snuggle down in my bed when I hear a buzzing by my ear. Great! Mosquito Alert!!!! Okay, sidenote...I need to explain what Mosquito Alert means for me. Here's what I do when I get a M.A.: Wave the air around me (to make the mosquito scared so he will fly away for a moment so I can hide from him), pull the covers up of my chin and over my ear so that all that is showing is my face. This comes from the assumption as a child that if I have at least a sheet covering me, the mosquito cannot bite me. Then I can fall into a blissful and happy REM cycle. Sidenote over. So, M.A.!!! And then I fall asleep. The next thing I know I am awoken again by a buzzing by my ear. Aaaaahhhh!! M.A. again! Except this time it is 5am...and I am wide awake because I need to make sure the mosquito is gone. If you don't know already, I will tell you that I do not, I repeat do not, like to be awoken THAT early in the morning. I tried really really hard to go back to sleep but then I heard the mosquito AGAIN. Mind you this time the only thing that is outside the covers is my face so this means that the dreaded mosquito is UNDER THE COVERS WITH ME!!!! The situation has now escalated from alert to threat. It is a full on Mosquito Threat! I throw back the covers and grab my secret weapon (a bug spray that is the Avon equivalent of Off!) and not only spray my bed, but my hair too. I want this thing to leave me alone once and for all! I naively figured that if there was bug spray surrounding me, the mosquito would leave me alone, but alas I was wrong and the dreaded beast came back. Finally I grabbed an extra sheet and wrapped my head in it and fell back asleep for a mere 15 minutes before my alarm went off.
And here's the best part. Throughout the whole ordeal, my cat just stared at me like, "Ha! This is payback for moving my cat perch right next to your alarm clock that goes off every 9 minutes for an hour before you turn it off...stupid human!"

7 comments:

Matthew said...

In my almost infinite wisdom, I've not come up with any cool ways to keep mosquitos away. Sorry :(

Though, I do know how to treat the bites once the attack is over and you're the victim. I like the pink stuff because it's like you're announcing your defeat and you can get sympathy (or weird looks, whatever). I know Emily likes the clear nail polish, but that just makes you a silent victim.

We had a sister missionary here for a while who got into some chiggers. I got her the pink stuff. I'm sure it went well with her pale complexion too :)

Erica said...

I hate mosquitos. I got all bit up on one of my ankles last night and now it's puffy and itchy.

I also prescribe to the theory that if my ear is covered then the mosquito cannot get me. Then I get bit on the face and it looks like a zit and I regret not just smoooshing it. But then I'm lazy and cover my ears the next time.

Emily Anne said...

You still snooze for an hour? You crack me up! Do you still throw your alarm clock?

WhiteEyebrows said...

this blog has me in stitches! I have had similar nights.

...however...

if you use the power of your mind, you can actually will the mosquitoes out of existence. I have done it. thank you.

Alison said...

Mosquitos love me. At camp ("Her name was Sarhia, a woman of great acclaim. Great was her example and praise be her name." :D You remember that song?????) they would attack me and seemingly no one else. But the chiggers stayed away from me and ate all the other campers. I guess it was an even trade, but still . . . I'm sorry you got woken up at 5 A.M. The spirit isn't awake until 6 A.M., so no point in getting up before then, right?

Rhia Jean said...

Alison I DO remember that song! Unfortunately both chiggers and mosquitos like me way too much. And Emily, yes...I still abuse the alarm clock. Old habits die hard I guess.

Erica said...

Word- I do NOT know that song. You must have not gone to the true girls camp.

Also- my ankle looks like I am developing leprosy and kept me up itching til 4 am last night. I really really hate mosquitos now.