It's Like I Never Left

So this week was the first week of school for most of the United States, including my little elementary school nestled in the ghetto of good old Dallas. It's funny because each year I decide to be better and do a better job, but I have begun to realize that a lot of things still remain the same. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Mrs. N. came through the library yesterday and declared that it looked bare without her plants and said that she would bring them to make it look better. Personally, I think it looks just fine (and actually quite cute with my new blue curtains to offset the terrible yellow and red that they didn't choose to repaint this summer). Here is the evidence:

2. I only managed to make it on time three times this week. I was late again today as evidenced by the post-it note stuck to my computer. People just leave me notes because I'm never here early.

3. Last year I spent an entire morning taking all the keys off my keyboard and cleaning because there were crumbs in between the keys and it just grossed me out. Inadvertently, I switched the period and comma keys and have yet to switch them back. Sometimes I accidentally put the wrong punctuation in my sentences.

4. I also have yet to change the nameplate that is gorilla glued on the outside of the library. New teachers kept calling me Mrs. War and it would always throw me for a loop. If I could remember to get up a little earlier in the mornings, maybe I could remember to bring the red paint I bought to change that.

5. I am back to my old eating habits. Here we have the breakfast of champions: A chocolate chip muffin and a Coke.

6. And finally, my favorite screen saver...

It's like I never left...

I Have Become What I Swore I Would Never Be

Out of the loop.

I seriously have no idea what is going on in the world. Political, sports, entertainment, you name it, I don't have a clue.

Here are a few examples:

1. I watched about 20 minutes of the Olympics overall and that was because I was with my family eating and they happened to have the Olympics on.

2. I don't know anything about 85% of the movies at the movie theatre. The other 15% I can guess because they are sequels to movies I saw when I was in the loop or they are remakes of old TV shows.

3. Sam, your blog scared me. Quite literally. I clicked on it and saw Nancy Pel...whoever and thought, "Who is that?" and glanced at the beginning and realized it was someone political and immediately hit the back button.

4. I am constantly saying, "No" when friends ask me if I have heard a certain new song on the radio.

5. My friends bring up other people or upcoming events in conversation and I have no idea who or what they are talking about. (It was kind of inevitable that this would happen when I left the single's ward though.)

In my own defense, I do scan the Yahoo and/or MSN stories that pop up when you get to their home page and I am wondering why they are so concerned about what Beijing will do with all of their Olympic junk. Well, what do you think they'll do? They'll do the same thing every other city that has hosted the Olympics did. They'll make name it something Olympic-ish and then make it tourist friendly so people can go there and take pictures and tell everyone how it was so cool that they went to the place where they had the Olympics in 2008. I don't get what the big deal is. Maybe it's because I'm out of the loop. Maybe it's because there really isn't anything else going on in the world and thats all Yahoo and/or MSN has to report on.

Apparently...

...I was mistaken.

Case #1

So tonight whilst helping my brother with dinner, I was in charge of a huge pot of Rice-A-Roni. When cooking this delicious side dish, there are three basic directions to follow:

1. Pour the rice mix in the pan with some butter and let it get brown (ish).

2. Add water and the seasoning packet.

3. Let it boil and then simmer.

Now normally, people might make one or two boxes at a time, but when my brother's family, my mom, and I get together for dinner, there are nine of us so we made 4 boxes at the same time and instead of using a skillet, I used a big pot. I got to step two and instead of just asking for a big measuring cup, I decided I would use a small one and just take the pot to the sink. So I picked up the pot by the handles on the side...with no pot holder.

I was very proud of myself for not using any sentence enhancers that I would be embarassed about later.

Case #2

A few weeks ago I went to Ikea and found a bed that I really really liked. The only problem was that it wouldn't fit in Aibi's car. So I bought the parts that would fit in her car (the midbeam and the roll of slats). Yesterday I went back to Ikea and got the actual bed frame. I was so proud of myself as I was putting it together last night at 9:30pm...until I realized that I bought a queen sized bed and full/double sized slats. Yep. I'm sleeping on the couch again tonight.

Case #3

I thought that if I moved into a house I would be rid of weirdo neighbors. Wrong. I was outside a few weeks back and saw the neighbor boy go out onto the backporch in a pair of shorts with a towel slung over his shoulder while he rigged up sheets like a fort and then stood there behind his fort with the water hose running on his head. It took me a minute to realize he wasn't just cooling off...he was taking a shower.

A Little Help Please?

This blog is more of a need-for-the-opinions-of-my-brilliant-friends blog than a funny-story-in-the-life-of-Rhia blog. So, if you are looking for a new funny story, please read the next post titled An Awkward Sunday. If you want to help me, then read on. (I promise you I'm not asking you to buy something from Mary Kay or Stampin' Up) If you want to do both, then it's a free country and you can do whatever your heart desires.

Okay, so I went to Ikea (let's please have moment of silence) with my friend Aibi yesterday and was trying to decide on what to do for an entertainment center. Me shopping is like hit and miss. Sometimes I can walk into a store and look at my options and pick what I want in a matter of minutes (that's how I picked my patio furniture). Sometimes I fret for days or years (I still can't find a dining room table after almost two years). For this entertainment center, I am fretting. I'm so unsure, I can't even plug in my TV yet, but all my favorite shows will be starting in the next month or so and the time to act is now. So here are some options I came up with...please tell me your thoughts...please don't spare my feelings. I need you to be brutally honest. This is an important decision in my life..entertainment is everything.

Are you ready?

Okay, here we go...

This is my current entertainment area...pathetic, I know.

This is one wall of the living room... I'm going to get a pretty picture to go above the fireplace, money has to be saved first though.

This is the opposite wall with the couch. Please ignore the current coffee and end table. Those can be replaced.

This is in between those two walls (you can see the chair to the left and the couch to the right)...it needs something...bad!

Here is what I found at Ikea:

Choice 1: Besta

It has sliding doors that can go all the way across the span of the shelves. I like that. I like the dark wood. I also like the fact that I can make it as big or as small as I want depending on what shelves or drawers I get.

Choice 2: Billy

Umm...I just heart this. And yes, I can mix and match. There are tons of other sizes of shelves and cabinets in this style.

Choice 3: Liatorp

I heart this a lot too. I can mix and match this as well but I'm not sure about the white in the living room. I might do it in the bedroom. (That's what she said...I know you were thinking it Alison and/or Erica!)

Choice 4: Markor

This looked a little fancier (but it's still Ikea quality if you know what I mean) and it had a sofa table too that I could put in the blank space between the chair and couch.

So, what do you think?

An Awkward Sunday

Yes folks, that was what today was...an awkward Sunday. It all started when I had my interview in order to get a new temple recommend. We'll call this man Bro. P. (who is a very nice man and I am in now way trying make him look bad nor do I think badly of him...I laughed a lot at the things he said and I hope you do too). Anyways, so Bro. P. sat down with me and was asking me the typical get-to-know-you questions and our conversation went something like this:

Bro. P.: What ward are you in?

Me: Garland 4th

Bro. P.: Are you single?

Me: Yes.

Bro. P.: Why don't you go to the singles ward?

Me: I did until I turned 31.

Bro. P.: Oh, I didn't think you were a day over 25.

Me: :)

Bro. P.: You don't do anything with the older singles I presume?

Me: No...

Bro. P.: Well, I'm not going to tell you that you should because most of those people are in their 50s and it would be nothing but older men hitting on you and that wouldn't be good.

Me: Thank you.

Bro. P.: I know there is a group between 30 and 40 that get together and do things, do you ever do anything with them?

Me: No.

Bro. P.: There's a single guy that I know from another ward who is around your age...

Me: Are you talking about D.B.? (I am only going to refer to this guy as D, but I'm sure if you think hard enough, you might be able to figure out who it is...if not, ask me in person and I'll tell you)

Bro. P. (as his face lights up): You know him?

Me: Yes, D and I have been friends for a really long time. I've known him since he got home from his mission.

Bro. P.: Marry him.

AWKWARD!!!!!

Me: Uh....I don't want to marry D. We're just friends. I am not interested in him that way and besides, he's not the right guy for me.

Bro. P.: Well, okay. But don't wait around for Mr. Perfect. Find someone who is right for you but they won't be perfect.

Me in my head: Like I haven't heard that before! I'm 31 for crying out loud. You think this is the first time anyone has ever given me that advice?

Me in real life: Yes, I know :)

Okay, enough of awkward Sunday part 1. Let's now move on to part 2...

I get to church and am sitting on my favorite pew...the back pew. A man and his wife sit down next to me and introduce themselves. They are very nice and then the brother asks me if I am here alone or if there are other people with me. I tell him no, I'm alone and then he says "Awwwww!!! (like I just told him that my puppy died) That's terrible! We'll find someone for you!"

AWKWARD!!!

Then there were just a myriad of hymns today at church that were all at least two octaves higher than anyone could sing so we (well, them cause I didn't sing) sounded extremely pathetic whilst singing...

It was just one of those days.

My Little Booger

Okay, I don't even know how to start this blog except with this picture:

If it isn't bad enough that we have cloned sheep, cows, and horses, we are now cloning dogs. As if there aren't enough dogs in this world already. Anyone who has ever watched The Price Is Right knows that you need to have your pet spayed or neutered to help control the pet population, so why are we cloning animals that we have an overabundance of, that we build homeless shelters for, and that run around starving? Take a look at that picture again. It's because of crazy people like Bernann McKinney who loved her dog so much that she sold her house and traveled to Seoul, South Korea to clone it not once, not twice, but 5 times. Not to mention that her dog's name was Booger. I had a cat named Booger, and I'm not ashamed of it, but lady, you are nuts! My brother named that cat as a joke. She wants to build a place to train dogs or something like that and call it "Booger's Place" in honor of her dead dog.

Then, she tells us that it is a miracle from God that she has these puppies. God gave them to her.

And here is what she said, "I dream of the day when everyone can afford to clone their pet because losing a pet is a terrible, terrible loss."

I am just at a loss for words about what I think about this. Can you help me out? What is it I need to say? I am still in shock from this story. You can watch the 5 minute video from the MSN homepage or following this link.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26087293/?GT1=43001

I just don't have the words...

I Hereby Solemnly Swear...

To never post my wedding picture as my facebook profile picture.

To never have so many applications of my facebook page that nobody can find my wall to write me a message.

Apparently...

...I am a sinner...for the following reasons:

1. I went to the temple tonight only to realize that my recommend expired last month...and all I could do was laugh at the situation...especially when the brother at the recommend desk told me "You're off the hook!" when all I could do was turn around and go home. It's really hard to remember something two years in advance!

2. I got a speeding ticket yesterday ending my clean streak of almost 2 years of ticket free driving. I was going 52 in a 35 and after the cop handed me my ticket, he told me "Slow down and make it to your destination safely." Oh, right. Because going 17 miles over the speed limit is just dangerous. I mean how could I be so careless and put everyone's life in danger by going 17 miles over the speed limit!

3. I was supposed to get my haircut yesterday but instead I got a ticket and then pulled off the road to cry...so I didn't make it to my hair appointment. I didn't call to cancel. I didn't call to apologize for not showing up. I didn't call to reschedule. I want to but I'm too embarassed because I can never make it to my hair appointments on time or really even on the right day. I really like my hairdresser but I'm afraid my forgiveness tokens are all used up by now...maybe I'll call tomorrow.

4. There was a baby blessing at church on Sunday and all I could think about was Breaking Dawn. I was 100 pages away from being done at that point and the microphone wasn't working very well so I couldn't hear the guy giving the blessing...and my mind wandered...a lot.

5. I haven't been running in about 3 weeks. I know everyone else out there is rolling their eyes but I signed up for the Nike Race in Austin over Labor Day weekend (on a Sunday...yet another sin to add to the list) and I really haven't done squat. I can't run 6 miles cold turkey!

6. I scratched my mosquito bites.

7. I had a popsicle for dinner...now I'm going to have cookie for dessert at 11pm.

A Little Sumpin For Ya

Okay, that's Something...Sumpin...Something. Yeah. So it's really late but I feel bad because I promised a blog on Tuesday but I didn't deliver and Alison is going through withdrawals, so this one's for you All-ison. :)

Yesterday I had to call the Verizon people. I had the number hastily written down on some receipt shoved in my purse. I wasn't paying too much attention when I wrote it down and even less attention when I dialed. It rings a few times and then a voice recording comes on:

"Welcome! If you know your code, enter it now. If you don't have a code then stay on the line."

I don't have a code with Verizon...

"Okay, just remember you must be 18 years or older to use our service."

Well of course...no kid needs to be hooking internet service up...that's crazy.

"Let's get started. If your a man, press 1. If your a woman, press 2."

Why do they care if I'm a man or a woman? It must be some kind of voice recognition thing so they can better understand you when you have to stand there and look like an idiot while you say things like "That one. 2. Other." etc. beep (I pressed 2 since I'm a woman.)

"All right! Are you ready to get wild and crazy..."

What???!!!!! Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!! click.

Moral of the story: Never write a 1-800 or a 1-888 number down in sloppy handwriting.

Tuesday

On Tuesday I will have internet again and be connected to the wide world again.

On Tuesday the plumber will come fix the drain to my washer and I can have clean clothes.

On Tuesday I will post a new blog with all of my fun thoughts and things I have experienced in the past week or so.

On Tuesday I will read and laugh and comment on all of your blogs I haven't read yet.

On Tuesday I will finish unpacking.

But today I am borrowing my brother's internet.

Today I am going to finish my book (yeah, Breaking Dawn).

Today I am going to eat pizza.

And tomorrow I am going to mow my lawn...please pray for me.