Monday, January 5, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

So I've been thinking these past few days about what my New Year's Resolutions are going to be. I usually don't make them because I figure if I decide to do something and I'm really serious about doing it, I'm not going to procrastinate by waiting for the new year, I'm going to do it right away. I mean, who really keeps their New Year's Resolutions anyway? Personally I think it was all thought up by personal trainers and gyms to get people to think they are fat and need to work out and join a gym knowing full well that they will stop coming by mid-February but they still have to pay through April. But I without further adeu, here are my 2009 goals!

1. Whenever I see someone I haven't seen in a while, I will not ask them how they are doing. Instead, I will pelt them with awkward and uncomfortable questions such as: "Have you been on any hot dates lately?" "How long has it been since your last date?" and then when they tell me that it has been a while, I'll ask them why and keep asking until they give me an answer that makes them feel stupid and makes me feel good.

2. I will schedule meetings at school and require everyone to be there. Then the day of the meeting I will cancel it and reschedule it for the next day and tell everyone if they have something else going on that day, they need to cancel it because it is mandatory that they be there. And then if I'm still not ready, I'll cancel the meeting that I rescheduled 1 hour before it begins.

3. I will watch Twilight over and over and over again until I love it.

4. I will go to random blogs and leave cryptic anonymous comments to various posts that will leave the author obsessing over who it was.

5. I will be nice to my alarm clock and wake up smiling and happy to be awake and to get ready for my day. In fact, I plan to train myself to not even need an alarm clock. The birds chirping and the sunshine is my alarm clock from now on.

6. For this year, my mantra will be "Things will be fine in '09!" and I promise to repeat it 2,009 times every morning.


Matthew Ware said...

I like it. I like it a lot. And you know what's even better? My word verification is caticat. I feel you should have a resolution dealing with cats.

Where I work we have meetings at our downtown location and they want us to go. I don't go. If my supervisor needs to speak to us, she can come to where I work. Otherwise, she can send the minutes of the meeting in an email which is much quicker to read and just as easy to ignore.

Emily Anne said...

Sounds great. Good luck!
My word verification is senico, as in senile. That is all.

Got Bombshell? said...

Haha! Please don't do #4 to me!

Alison said...

I love how people in education tell you you need to remember to "be flexible," when really all that means is, "drop everything you spent any time on or think is important to bend to my will."

Awkward questions are the BEST! Go for it.

Erica said...

I called out my teacher in orchestra about the whole "mandatory meeting" thing. Exactly as you described it. But fellow cellists and violists had to take time off their after school jobs for a mandatory trip meeting. Seriously. She pulled that crap on kids with no money and after school jobs. So I told her we were all going to be at the meeting and technically she was the one who couldn't go on the trip because SHE was missing the meeting. You can imagine how well that went over. Did I mention I quit orchestra that year? And the principal's office may have been mentioned multiple times. But everyone except the teacher really liked me. My lawyerly skills do help sometimes. And she had to be reasonable or look like a complete complete beast after that. Mission accomplished. She was the only teacher I ever had where I wasn't teacher's pet. I was teacher's thorn in side.

Em's end said...

Great resolutions! My resolution is to re-name the "Admiral's Law". It states that nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it. I think it should be re-named the "CEO's Law" or ... in honor of you ... the "Principle's Law."

Allie said...

Uhm I love your resolutions, although hot dates no longer apply when children are present:D I keep telling people I didn't make any because I always fail at them miserably and they look at me like I am crazy, am I seriously the only one who is sane enough to realize i probably won't get far in them? Anywho!