A Very Special Moment

Okay, so you know those stupid chain emails that are going around on facebook where you have to look at the long list of whatever and then type it in your status update with no explanation? You know, like the whole "type in your bra color and let's see how long it will take the men to figure it out so we can raise awareness for breast cancer" stuff. Well, there has been a few more going around and one that I discovered a bit too late.

The most recent one I have discovered is where people just put a fine amount in their status update, such as "My fine is $36" or something like that. Well, basically in the email it lists all of these sexual instances like if you've ever had sex in a certain place or with someone you shouldn't have, etc, and then after each one it has a fine amount. You are supposed to add up all of your "offenses" and post your fine as your status update.

Before I received this email, a friend of mine had posted that her fine was $420 and some change (that in itself was disturbing) and I smartly commented, "Please make your check payable to Rhia Johnson. Thank you for your business."
...

And welcome to my very special moment...

P.S. I did go back and post a semi-redeeming comment after I realized what I had done and it said, "Ok, do not make your check payable to me. I don't know who you make it payable to, but it ain't me."

The Advantages of Having A Cat That Likes You

So some of you may or may not know that I have recently acquired another feline child for my household. Oh crap...did I just say feline child? (cue crazy cat lady music now). Ok...weird. Anyways, my BFF Janette's cat Darcy didn't handle the whole baby-gets-more-attention-than-me situation and started doing naughty things such as peeing on baby's stuff. So one of them had to go and it wasn't the baby.

The only reason I accepted Darcy was because I knew Millie wouldn't issue an all out attack/assault like she did with the last poor homeless cat I took in since Millie and Darcy had been litterbox-mates when Janette and I lived together a few years back. As most or all of you know though, Millie can be...well...a satanic evil brat. For instance, she scratched me on my neck after I vacuumed her nasty cat bed and then tried to pick her up and put her on it. How could I be so cruel...

Darcy is a nice kitty though...and it's rather pleasant having a nice kitty that likes you 100% of the time. So, here are the advantages of having a cat that likes you (in no particular order):

1. Darcy has no claws, and you know how cats like to do that kneading thing? Well, if I lay on my stomach, Darcy will do that on my back. It's like getting a massage. Conclusion: cats that like you will give you a massage.

2. Darcy has gray hair and she sheds a lot. She sleeps with me and when I noticed the spot she was laying was starting to turn gray after a couple of days, I cleaned it and then put a towel on that spot. She always lays on the towel now. Conclusion: cats that like you know where their place is and stay there! (and they won't ruin your bedding)

3. Darcy comes when I call her. Conclusion: cats that like you come when you call them.

4. My backyard has somehow become Mecca for stray or outside cats in the neighborhood. If Darcy sees them through the back door, there is a moment of silence while she evaluates the threat and then if they get too close, she hisses and bats at the door. Conclusion: cats that like you will try to protect you, even if they have no claws.

5. If I pick Darcy up, she lets me hold her and then gently meows when she wants down. There is no flailing and panicking and scratching just because I picked her up. Seriously Millie, what do you think I'm going to do? Drop you? Cats land on their feet dum-dum! And really, after 12 years why can't I just pick you up? Ugh! Conclusion: cats that like you don't act like they are meeting their death just because you picked them up.

And just so you know I am not a crazy cat lady, when Millie dies, I will not have her creamated and put her ashes in a box to be displayed in the living room. She will be buried in the ground to give back to the earth all the grass that she eats and then promptly throws up.

Alright 2010, Let's Do This!

Sitting here at my computer, procastinating cleaning the disaster I call my house, I was reflecting on 2009 and all the things I did. And then I thought...wait, what did I do in 2009? I didn't go on any trips. I didn't accomplish any goals. I didn't even make any goals. I didn't complete (or start) any projects. I didn't better myself spiritually, physically, educationally, or in any other -ly. I think I actually quit more things that I started. I didn't...do anything!

I just sat here and waited for life to happen. And you know what? It did...it happened all around me and I sat here on my butt and watched it happen...to other people.

And then I felt a little sorry for myself.

And then I got mad.

And then I thought "Nu-uh! Homey don't play that!"

And then I said, "Alright 2010, let's do this...bring it!"

And I have no idea what I'm going to do, but I'm going to do it.

Sound like a good plan? :) I think so.

kloveyoubye!

And the Saga Continues...

Ok well, this isn't really a saga, but you know how I wrote a few months ago about that teacher that kept pestering me about getting a new document camera that we so affectionately call an "Elmo"? Yeah...so the following is a true story...

We got four new ones in and the computer tech (we'll call her Mrs. B) told me who all they go to. (I know you are thinking to yourself, "Why is the computer tech telling the librarian who to take the tech carts to?" That is another boring story in and of itself.) Anyways, so inevitably, this teacher, the persistent annoying one, Mrs. A is supposed to get one, as well as a few other teachers. I decided to deliver Mrs. A's new document camera/projector cart last cause I was really hoping she would be gone and I could just leave it in her room. She wasn't. She was there...talking with another teacher. I open up her door and say, "Hey, I have your new projector and stuff.", and start coming in.

Mrs. A jumps up and says, "What? Me? Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
Me: Yep
Mrs. A continues to jump...and run...and jump all over the room. "Oh my gosh! It's a Christmas miracle! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! Oh my kids are gonna be so excited! Oh I'm so excited! It's Christmas! Santa came ya'll!" Mind you, she is literally jumping and hopping all over the place this whole time and she just keeps repeating all this stuff over and over and over again.
Then she does a superman dive onto a row of student desks and proceeds to roll over shaking and kicking her legs.
By this time I have made it past her into the room and really just want to get the old cart out of there as well as myself but I can't stop watching her act like someone who just won the Showcase Showdown on The Price Is Right...neither can the other teacher. We're just staring at her and I feel the whole time like her excitement should be contagious or something and I try to smile, really I do but the whole thing just makes me uncomfortable and I just want to escape and leave.
So I'm standing on the other side of the room trying to clean her stuff off the old cart so I can get the you know what out of there and she comes over to help and I end up getting hugged. Well then I feel even more uncomfortable because you should feel happy when someone hugs you, but I just got more annoyed. I mean, this whole idea of her getting new stuff wasn't mine. So I told her, "Uh...this wasn't my doing you know. You really need to thank Mrs. B. It was all her. Thank HER."
"Oh I will! Oh, I'm just so happy! When my kids come in tomorrow morning, I'm gonna say, 'Look you guys! Santa is real! He came!' And if you guys hear screams and hollers comin' down the hall, you know it's comin' from them!"
Right...your students could care less. Because this machine does the EXACT SAME JOB as the old one did. They aren't going to scream and holler. The only reason a kid would scream and holler would be because THEY got something and if they got a document camera and projector, they definitely wouldn't scream. If they got a Wii or an X-Box, they might scream. But they don't care about new educational materials.
Ok...rant over. She got her new stuff just like she wanted. She better treat it like it was her first born child...I'm just sayin'.

Sometimes Things Don't Turn Out Like You'd Expect...

So today I decided to get out the Christmas stuff and decorate...

Instead:

I found out that my Christmas tree is crooked and I can't get it to stand up straight, so I gave up halfway through decorating and my living room is a disaster...and it will probably stay that way for a while.

I went looking for an extension cord and found all these things I had been missing...

Like:

My diploma for my master's degree.
An extra pillowcase to replace the one that was stolen a year ago.
A Christmas card from one of my students a few years ago that kind of made me tear up.
And yes, amazingly enough I did find an extension cord.

I pulled out my camera today and looked through the pictures to see what I had on there and found this video:

She's not normally like this, but when she's mad at me, she lets me know...and usually I make fun of her or yell right back. I think by the time I had pulled out the camera the hissing had stopped and she had calmed down enough to only growl.

And everything else I did today was boring...not that all that stuff previous wasn't boring, but well, you know.

No Words...

I just wanna know how American Apparel even stays in business selling crap like this. Do people really buy this? Why? Why would they do that? If this is fashionable, consider me...I don't know...whatever the opposite of fashionable is...unfashionable? Whatever.

Maybe...I Should Try This?

Please don't show this to PETA. Please don't hate me. Squirrels are evil. If you don't believe me, read my post from about a year ago... click here. You guys remember that? I do. And the stinking squirrels have already started bombing Millie and myself with pecans. I'm not lying. They don't just let them drop. They are thrown at us! There is a definite sound difference with the amount of force the pecans hit the deck with. Then Millie looks up at me with this look on her face like, "Holy crap! That was CLOSE!" It's ridiculous. Anyways, good idea? What do you think? My dad sent me this video...I have to give him credit. He's always got good ideas. He tried out for Jeopardy once...it's true.