I really need to move part 2

This is the second article in the "I really need to move" series. There are many reasons why I need to move, but I only blog about the really juicy ones.

So tonight, after a movie with my gals, I had to run a few errands and thus didn't make it home until about 11:00 pm. No biggie. I've arrived home later than that before. This time though, I pull into the parking lot and I see a car idling and two people standing next to it like they are having a conversation with the person sitting inside the car. As I get closer, I see that one of the people is a police officer/security guard and as I slow down to pass him, he pulls out his baton from behind his back like he's getting ready for me to attack or something. I'm still in my car. What good is a baton going to do you if I decide to do you harm with my car? Anyways, I get a parking spot and the idling car pulls away and the security guard...let's name him Andy...walks over and as I'm crossing the parking lot, walks with me. I say hello and I'm friendly, I don't like awkward stranger situations, and Andy asks me which gate I'm going in. Then he proceeds to tell me, "Yeah, there's been some break-ins of cars. There's some strange people out. We had a guy that was stalking womens, but we took care of that last night." Great!!! I just kind of smiled and said, "Oh." Andy then walked me to the gate and said goodnight. I guess he feels that he is only responsible for what happens outside the gate in the parking lot, because surely no bad guys can get in these super secure gates!

So, here are a few things that I don't think Andy picked up on in security guard school:

1) Your job is not to frighten people, but to make them feel safe.

2) Just because a car drives by you slowly, doesn't mean they are asking for a fight, it just means that they don't want to run you over.

3) Bad guys can figure out gate codes too.

4) It's women, not womens. (That one should have come from elementary school.)

But in all seriousness, I am truly, truly, truly grateful that my apartment complex cares enough about it's tennants to have a security guard (I have seen them patroling the parking lot and complex before). I am truly, truly, truly grateful that they caught the womens stalker. And I am truly, truly, truly grateful that Andy is alert and aware of everything that is going on and that he walked me (at least) to the gate.

The end.

A Message To 13 year-olds From The Movie Industry

Go see the movie Prom Night! It's tailored specifically to you young impressionable pre-teens and is full of vanity, murder, sex, psychopaths, and all manner of people being cut to shreds. We movie industry people think these are very appropriate images and thoughts to be putting into your heads.

And just think, all of this can be yours for $9!

If you are under the age of 13 and still want to go see this movie, don't worry...we've got it covered! The older teenagers who work at the movie theatre selling tickets won't ask for any kind of proof that you are at least 13 years old. They are just there to get their $6/hr, and they don't care about what you see either!

This Is Just A Test

I wanna see how many hits my blog gets with this posting, so here goes:

Amy Winehouse
Ashlee Simpson
Britney Spears
Mariah Carey
Miley Cyrus

I repeat, this is only a test.

I Heart Google Analytics

Seriously folks. It fulfills my OCD needs like no other website ever created.

Firstly, I want to give a shout out to whoever viewed my blog from Beijing...WORD!

Second, someone was led to my blog by doing a google search for "swollen spot".

LOVE IT!!!!

Buncha Money Grubbin' Good Fer Nuthin' Publicists

Okay, so many of you (well, now all of you) know that Stephenie Meyer is coming to the Dallas area in May for a book signing and to promote her new book The Host. If you know me at all, you know that no amount of words will portray my excitement and therefore I shall not blog about it, but I shall blog about her money grubbin' "people" (you know, like my people will get in touch with your people kinda thing).

In order to get a book signed, you have to follow these 3 *ahem* easy steps.

1) Call the B&N that is hosting the book signing so that you can put your name on a list to reserve her new book.

2) Show up at (or before) 7am on a Tuesday and buy her new book and receive a ticket to the signing.

3) Come back the following Saturday with your ticket and stand in line again and get your book signed.

There are however, a few stipulations that you have to follow:

Only the first 1000 people will be able to get a ticket to the book signing.

She will only personalize her new book and she will only sign 2 other books.

No pictures.

No signing of anything except books.

Can you picture it?

Get away from Stephenie! Don't touch her with your filthy hands and your claims that you love her work! She can't sign that for you! What are thinking? She can't write your name in THAT book! It would take an extra .00000001 of a second and if everyone wanted the same priviledge it would hold up the entire book signing for an extra 2 minutes! You didn't buy her new book? Get out of the line! Get out!

Whatever.

So have I reserved my book? Yes.

Will I play hookey on May 6th? Yes.

Will I play hookey on May 10th? Yes.

Will I get my book signed? You dang well better believe it!

Apparently...

...I have an allergic reaction to over the counter pain relievers.

A few weeks ago, I had a headache so I took some Ibuprofen. A little while after I took it, I noticed I had this swollen spot on my face right under my glasses. Weird. Then my head started itching. Then after about an hour or so it went away.

Today, I took some Aleve because I had a headache from coughing so much (I don't recommend it, it feels like your eyes are going to pop out of your head). A little while later, I noticed the swollen spot on my face again in the same spot. Then my head started itching.

So it's not a bad reaction (like how I respond to hydrocodone) or anything, but it's just kind of annoying. I guess it's more annoying to have a headache or cramps from H-E-double hockey sticks than to have an itchy head. I'm not overly concerned. I'm only blogging about it because it's pretty much the most exciting thing that has happened to me today. Woo-hoo!

My Blog Has The Bird Flu

Well okay, not my blog but me. I have the bird flu. Every time I type the word flu, I have this irresistible urge to type an "e" on the end. And I had to look up how to spell irresistible. Crap! I really do have the bird flu! Dang it! I typed the "e" again! Forget it...flue flue flue flue flue. There, done.

Okay, but I don't have anything to write about. That's what the bird flue does to you! The bird flue is different from bird flu. See, if you have the bird flue, then that affects your typing, spelling, and creative ideas skills. If you have the bird flu, that is a dangerous disease that you catch from chickens. Good night nurse. I sound like a third grader with my sentence structure. Erica T has the bird flue too. T, your sentence structure and spelling were dead on, but the bird flue has affected your creative ideas skills. That is what is wrong...Samuel gave us his case of writer's block and it has morphed into the bird flue. Wait, is it affected or effected? I'm dying here people! DYING!!!

Fine, I'm not dying. But I do have phlegm in my chest that is causing these really pathetic whiny coughs. Now that, my friends is the bird flu. It is quite possible that I could die. It's inevitable actually. Not any time soon though. I have to fulfill my lifelong dream of living to be 100 yrs. old first and then I can die of the bird flu. Actually, I'd just like to die peacefully in my sleep. Is that too much to ask? 100 year old people should not have to die gruesome or painful deaths. I mean, they've lived for 100 years! Okay, enough of that.

I finally got my watch battery replaced today. Now I will always know what time it is...the world is at peace once again.