Rhia's Rubbish

Turkeys!

2010-11-18T18:57:00.002-06:00

This week I have been reading turkey/Thanksgiving stories to the kids when they come to the library. While reading to first grade, I gave them these paper turkey puppets so they could act out the story as we went along and then after they checked out a book, they could color them with markers (yeah, I know, I'm cool like that). So I tell them they can color their turkey however they want. I say, "If you want your turkey to be pink, color it pink. If you want your turkey to be yellow with blue polka dots, that's fine. You can make whatever kind of turkey your heart desires." Of course this just raises the coolness of the librarian. Nobody ever lets them do whatever they want. Well, one kid (we'll call him Bobby) raises his hand and asks me, "Can I put a hat on my turkey?" "Sure! Do whatever you want!" I shouldn't have said that...

About 5 minutes later, they are all sitting at the tables coloring away and Bobby turns around and tells me, "Look! I made a robber turkey!" "A robber turkey? Woooooooowwwww....", I say as I take a closer look. (I wish, I wish, I WISH I had taken a picture, but I didn't). His turkey is black (not like a African American, but the actual color black), except for his beak. The beak has small line of green and then clouds coming from the green line. It looked like his turkey was smoking weed. I know this is really bad, but I really wanted to laugh. I didn't though. I walked over to his teacher and said, "You need to go look at Bobby's turkey. I think it's smoking weed." She got this funny look on her face and then went over to Bobby and inspected his turkey. Then she took Bobby out in the hall for a few minutes and then came back in and asked if he could have another blank one so he could start over.

So during this Thanksgiving season, I am thankful that I am not a classroom teacher anymore. I just really love my job!

Goal #1 of the 2010-2011 School Year

2010-09-08T12:30:00.004-05:00

Okay, so this school year, one of my goals was to bring my lunch every day so I could avoid paying $2 for a lunch from the cafeteria which provides little to no nutrition and is less than appetizing.

I made it two weeks.

Yesterday I bought my first school lunch and could barely choke down the frito pie. The corn I took one bite of and then decided I was done.

Today was "chicken" sandwich with mac and cheese and sliced apples. I managed to get the "chicken" sandwich down with half a bottle of Sunkist, the mac and cheese was okay but I just wasn't in the mood for it and the apples tasted like floor cleaner.

I wish Jamie Oliver would come to our school and do a food revolution. I'm sure he would have no opposition.

Erika's Theory: Put A Lid On It

2010-09-06T12:27:00.005-05:00

Last week my good friend Porter and I were discussing dating, guys, and the universe in general when she shared her "Lids Theory" with me. It's something that she and her sister came up with (I am secretly jealous of the things she and her sister come up with) and so I asked her to type it up and I'd post it here for everyone in the internet world to read and consider. It rang true to me, but lets see how it sits with you...

Put A Lid On It by E.P.

Years ago, my sister and I noticed that the individuals we knew that walked to the beat of a different drummer seemed to find their “special someone” much sooner than, say…us…and other of our more normal friends. And, before you get up in arms, let me assure you that I realize that “normal” doesn’t really exist and that no one is normal. I recognize that everyone is a little crazy and life is about finding compatible psychosis. But for now, go with me on this.

We decided that it all comes back to the cliché: “There’s a pot for every lid.”

Imagine yourself a saucepan, and that you’re trying to find the lid in a jumbled box. Now, if you are a star-shaped pot, it’s much easier to find the star shaped lid in the box of round and rectangular lids. But, if you are a more well -rounded pot, it takes more time to find the right fit. Add to that the complexity of pot quality, metal composition, etc. and it’s no surprise that so many amazing people are still looking for their pots/lids! Maybe my pot’s stuck in a dishwasher somewhere…or in the middle of the stack in someone’s dark cupboard…

This is me being a...well...you know...you'll figure it out

2010-08-23T22:59:00.002-05:00

This past weekend my friend Aibi and I went to the movies to see Scott Pilgrim (which is a very ingenius, original, not based off a book kind of movie...I liked it). Being the good movie conesuers that we are, we get there about 30 minutes early and find a spot at the coveted top row. After being there for about 15 minutes, this guy comes up and asks us if we wouldn't mind scooting over one seat. I do not like it when people ask me to move over one seat for friends that are not there, especially when there are other two seat spots in the theater, but Aibi is nice and she just moves to the other side of me. No big deal. Whatever.

About 10 minutes go by and it is now 5 minutes till the movie starts and this guy's friend finally shows up. Then she proceeds to tell him in a voice loud enough that half the theater can hear her, "We're sitting over there (and points to the other side of the theater, top row). I feel bad, like I should sit with her because she bought my ticket. I really hope you didn't ask anyone to move because you were saving a seat for me." He mumbles something (I'm not really paying attention) and she walks off.

Then she proceeds to start at the opposite end of our top row and asks people to move over one seat so she, her boyfriend, and this other girl, can all sit together. As she gets closer to us, Aibi realizes what she's doing and turns to look at me and I tell her very matter of factly, "I don't care what she's doing, if she asks us to move, I'm gonna say no." And then the following conversation ensues...

Girl: Hi, would you guys mind moving down one...

Me: No. We're not moving.

Girl: Oh, but if you could just move down one seat then..

Me: No. We're not moving. We've already moved down one seat for you guys, we're not moving again.

Girl: But it's just one seat.

Me: I don't care. We're not moving. This is where we are sitting and we are going to stay here.

Girl: (looooooooooooooooong pause) Seriously?

Me: Yeah, seriously. We're not moving.

Girl: (stands in front of us for about 30 seconds fuming. I couldn't see her face cause it was kind of dark, but I'd bet you anything she was fuming.) Fine!

Then she takes 3 steps to the guy that had asked us to move in the first place and says, "I don't care what you do, but I'm not sitting next to her!" as she points her finger at me, and then storms off down to the 4th from the bottom row and sits down. About 15 seconds after she storms off, her boyfriend goes down and joins her.

Now I feel that I should explain my reasons for refusing to move, because I do have them and no, it isn't just because I really really liked the exact seat I was sitting in.

Reason #1: I didn't like the way she talked to her boyfriend who was nice enough to find her a good spot in the theater. I mean, who snaps at their boyfriend for asking someone to move so he can save you a spot?

Reason #2: I didn't like that she was asking the entire back row to move over one seat. The entire row!!!! It just irked me.

Reason #3: Obviously there were other seats in the theater where they could sit together because they found them pretty quick.

And that's all. I'm sure I could have been nice and gone ahead and moved down. It wouldn't have hurt anything but I just couldn't bring myself to give in and let this girl have her way.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Get Lost!

2010-07-26T11:33:00.003-05:00

Okay, so as most of you know, I am a huge, HUGE Lost fan. I am also super nerdy and tend to over-indulge myself in my obsessions. So is it any surprise that I have spent a fair amount of time this summer re-watching the entire series? Well, if it is then I am surprised that you are surprised. I know you all might not be as into Lost as I am or you may not even be into Lost at all, but I just thought I would share one of my most favoritist Lost moments that happened in Season 1. And this is also the reason why I love Jack so much.

My Heart's Desire...

2010-07-26T11:11:00.002-05:00

...is to be Evangeline Lily in this photo...oh what I wouldn't give... *sigh*

Speed Dating With Men I Would Never Date in a Million Years

2010-07-11T20:22:00.003-05:00

As you may know, I recently attended a speed dating activity at church. Normally this is not my thing and I would have scoffed at such a lame activity (I think I actually have before) but I guess I decided I needed to get out of the house and meet people because I'm not going to meet Mr. Right watching re-runs of Glee and Lost in my jammies...sadly. It would be super cool if I did, because then we could just sit around in our jammies and watch Glee and Lost all the time and neither one of us would mind but anyways, back to the real world.

So for this activity, I went along with my two favorite Eri(ck)a's in the whole world: Porter and Torgerson. Initially the plan for this activity was to have two speed dating circles going, one for ages 31-49 and one for 50-death. There was just one little problem: there were lots of 31-49 women and few 31-49 men and there were lots of 50-death men and few 50-death women...so they combined us all. Super. But I still had hopes that I might at least get to spend 4 minutes with someone that I had something in common with that was at least within a 10 year age range from my own. (Caution: Spoiler Alert-That never happened.)

Okay, so here's how this speed dating thing worked: The women sat in an inner circle which faced outward and the men sat in the outer circle which faced inward and they rotated every 4 minutes while the women stayed where they were. I was asked an array of questions and when I reciprocated the question back to them, I got some super interesting answers. I mean I'll probably be stalking these guys on fb wishing we could get married someday. In all fairness though some of my answers were kind of lame and awkward and I wouldn't doubt it if they are telling their friends funny stories about me. Anyways, here's how it went:

First category: Animals
I was asked an array of animal questions oddly because Porter and Torgerson were not asked any and they were sitting on either side of me. I guess I just look like an animal lover.

Question: If you were an animal, what would you be?
Me: Ummm...maybe a dog because they are most loved by people (lame, I know...who wants to be a dog? Sorry, it just spewed forth)
Them: A dolphin because I just love the ocean and also dolphins are very intelligent.

Question: What animal or animals best describe you?
Me: Uhhhh...a cat I guess because they're pretty low key and come to you when they want attention. (Again lame, now I am the crazy cat lady.)
Them: I'm a cross between a hawk and a zebra. A hawk because I'm always aware of what is going on around me and a zebra because some people see a zebra as white with black stripes and some people see it as black with white stripes and everyone has their own opinions of me but I don't really care, I am what I am.

Question: Do you have any pets? (This was asked several times, so there are several responses)
Scenario 1:
Me: Yes, I have two cats.
Them: Oh, I bet you have no mice then.
Me: Uhhh...no my cats don't catch mice...they're not the mice catching kind
Them: Oh....
Me: (Stupid! Stupid! Stupid answer!)

Scenario 2:
Me: Yes, I have two cats. Do you have any pets?
Them: No, I have 3 kids.

Scenario 3:
Me: Yes, I have two cats. Do you have any pets?
Them: Well, I did but it just recently died.
Me: Oh, what kind of animal was it?
Them: A potbelly pig.
Me: Seriously?
Them: Yeah.
Me: Do you mind if I ask you a question that may or may not offend you, but did you have it slaughtered? (Could I be more idiotic?)
Them: Oh no, it was a family pet.

Scenario 4:
Me: Yes, I have two cats.
Them: Would you be willing to trade them for a smelly guy?
Me: Uhhhhh.....er.....
Them: It's okay you can be honest.
Me: Uhhhh...maybe?

Second Category: Job
For some there was no job and for some they actually did something besides engineer or software designer.

Question: What do you do for a living?

Scenario 1:
Me: I'm a librarian at an elementary school.
Them: I'm a carpenter...like my older brother.

Scenario 2:
Me: I'm a librarian at an elementary school.
Them: I'm retired.

Scenario 3:
Me: I'm a librarian at an elementary school.
Them: I load and unload baggage from planes at the airport.
Me: Oh, cool. Do you ever have anybody's bags that just pop open and their stuff goes flying everywhere?
Them: Well, if someone doesn't claim their luggage and there's no tag on it, they take it out to the tarmac and blow it up.
Me: (Wha??) Oh...neat.

Third Category: Hobbies

Question: What kinds of books do you like to read?
Me: Historical fiction is my favorite but I read a variety of different genres.
Them: Sci-fi/Fantasy (I got this answer at least 3 different times)

Question: What do you like to do for fun?
Me: Read, travel, hang out with family and friends.
Them: Uhhhhh......

So, yeah, that was the main gist of the evening. I did meet a few men who were nice and interesting but they didn't seem too interested after 4 minutes either because of our age difference or some other reason. I probably said something stupid and weird to scare them off. Maybe if I keep going to these things, the age gap will lessen and when I'm about 45 or 50, I'll meet someone just as awkward and weird as me.

Is Anyone Alive Out There?

2010-07-06T01:48:00.002-05:00

Tonight as I'm sitting here watching (well re-watching) Lost and doing stuff on the internets, I hear this crash on the side of the house. So, what do I do? Grab my flashlight and go investigate...at 12:30am...with no shoes on...with only a flashlight to protect me. Brilliant. It turned out to be something that I precariously stuck on a shelf in the garage that fell, but when I was coming back inside, I walked through spider webs. *shiver* And then it got me thinkin' that I guess the past few months/year or so has kind of been like that. I think one thing, go in the wrong direction, and then realize it was all caused by my laziness. No, I will not go into details, but suffice it to say, I haven't really felt much like writing, or really doing much of anything lately (well, it IS summer you know...), but tonight I felt like blogging again so now I will start blogging again. Cause that's how I roll.

Snowman Zombies!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-13T12:07:00.008-06:00

So the other day, DFW got dumped on by the Snow Gods. Yay! It was so fun! Most TX children's experiences with snow are watching the flakes fall and then melt. Sometimes it sticks and then they can build and miniature snowman that is comprised of 50% snow and 50% dirt and leaves. But this week was different! In my backyard, I got 6 inches of snow and in places further north, they got more. So what does everyone do when it snows that much? Of course we go out and build snowmen! And if you looked outside yesterday it was a winter wonderland with snowmen galore. But today, after things had started thawing out, their true colors came shining through and it felt a bit ominous driving down the street with dismembered and disfigured snow people staring at you as if they had eaten all the people that lived in the house and if you got out of your car, you were next! So I took a few pics with my phone (I wasn't getting out of the car) so you'd believe me...

As if he's leaning back giving an evil laugh...

They look friendly but...

Lost his head...

Weeeee-yerd!

Those valentine hearts are a ruse...

The horror!!!!

I have more pics on my fb photo album titled Snowman Zombies. It makes me afraid to go outside...

A Very Special Moment

2010-01-25T21:39:00.002-06:00

Okay, so you know those stupid chain emails that are going around on facebook where you have to look at the long list of whatever and then type it in your status update with no explanation? You know, like the whole "type in your bra color and let's see how long it will take the men to figure it out so we can raise awareness for breast cancer" stuff. Well, there has been a few more going around and one that I discovered a bit too late.

The most recent one I have discovered is where people just put a fine amount in their status update, such as "My fine is $36" or something like that. Well, basically in the email it lists all of these sexual instances like if you've ever had sex in a certain place or with someone you shouldn't have, etc, and then after each one it has a fine amount. You are supposed to add up all of your "offenses" and post your fine as your status update.

Before I received this email, a friend of mine had posted that her fine was $420 and some change (that in itself was disturbing) and I smartly commented, "Please make your check payable to Rhia Johnson. Thank you for your business."
...

And welcome to my very special moment...

P.S. I did go back and post a semi-redeeming comment after I realized what I had done and it said, "Ok, do not make your check payable to me. I don't know who you make it payable to, but it ain't me."

The Advantages of Having A Cat That Likes You

2010-01-20T22:27:00.003-06:00

So some of you may or may not know that I have recently acquired another feline child for my household. Oh crap...did I just say feline child? (cue crazy cat lady music now). Ok...weird. Anyways, my BFF Janette's cat Darcy didn't handle the whole baby-gets-more-attention-than-me situation and started doing naughty things such as peeing on baby's stuff. So one of them had to go and it wasn't the baby.

The only reason I accepted Darcy was because I knew Millie wouldn't issue an all out attack/assault like she did with the last poor homeless cat I took in since Millie and Darcy had been litterbox-mates when Janette and I lived together a few years back. As most or all of you know though, Millie can be...well...a satanic evil brat. For instance, she scratched me on my neck after I vacuumed her nasty cat bed and then tried to pick her up and put her on it. How could I be so cruel...

Darcy is a nice kitty though...and it's rather pleasant having a nice kitty that likes you 100% of the time. So, here are the advantages of having a cat that likes you (in no particular order):

1. Darcy has no claws, and you know how cats like to do that kneading thing? Well, if I lay on my stomach, Darcy will do that on my back. It's like getting a massage. Conclusion: cats that like you will give you a massage.

2. Darcy has gray hair and she sheds a lot. She sleeps with me and when I noticed the spot she was laying was starting to turn gray after a couple of days, I cleaned it and then put a towel on that spot. She always lays on the towel now. Conclusion: cats that like you know where their place is and stay there! (and they won't ruin your bedding)

3. Darcy comes when I call her. Conclusion: cats that like you come when you call them.

4. My backyard has somehow become Mecca for stray or outside cats in the neighborhood. If Darcy sees them through the back door, there is a moment of silence while she evaluates the threat and then if they get too close, she hisses and bats at the door. Conclusion: cats that like you will try to protect you, even if they have no claws.

5. If I pick Darcy up, she lets me hold her and then gently meows when she wants down. There is no flailing and panicking and scratching just because I picked her up. Seriously Millie, what do you think I'm going to do? Drop you? Cats land on their feet dum-dum! And really, after 12 years why can't I just pick you up? Ugh! Conclusion: cats that like you don't act like they are meeting their death just because you picked them up.

And just so you know I am not a crazy cat lady, when Millie dies, I will not have her creamated and put her ashes in a box to be displayed in the living room. She will be buried in the ground to give back to the earth all the grass that she eats and then promptly throws up.

Alright 2010, Let's Do This!

2010-01-01T13:04:00.002-06:00

Sitting here at my computer, procastinating cleaning the disaster I call my house, I was reflecting on 2009 and all the things I did. And then I thought...wait, what did I do in 2009? I didn't go on any trips. I didn't accomplish any goals. I didn't even make any goals. I didn't complete (or start) any projects. I didn't better myself spiritually, physically, educationally, or in any other -ly. I think I actually quit more things that I started. I didn't...do anything!

I just sat here and waited for life to happen. And you know what? It did...it happened all around me and I sat here on my butt and watched it happen...to other people.

And then I felt a little sorry for myself.

And then I got mad.

And then I thought "Nu-uh! Homey don't play that!"

And then I said, "Alright 2010, let's do this...bring it!"

And I have no idea what I'm going to do, but I'm going to do it.

Sound like a good plan? :) I think so.

kloveyoubye!

And the Saga Continues...

2009-12-03T22:15:00.002-06:00

Ok well, this isn't really a saga, but you know how I wrote a few months ago about that teacher that kept pestering me about getting a new document camera that we so affectionately call an "Elmo"? Yeah...so the following is a true story...

We got four new ones in and the computer tech (we'll call her Mrs. B) told me who all they go to. (I know you are thinking to yourself, "Why is the computer tech telling the librarian who to take the tech carts to?" That is another boring story in and of itself.) Anyways, so inevitably, this teacher, the persistent annoying one, Mrs. A is supposed to get one, as well as a few other teachers. I decided to deliver Mrs. A's new document camera/projector cart last cause I was really hoping she would be gone and I could just leave it in her room. She wasn't. She was there...talking with another teacher. I open up her door and say, "Hey, I have your new projector and stuff.", and start coming in.

Mrs. A jumps up and says, "What? Me? Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
Me: Yep
Mrs. A continues to jump...and run...and jump all over the room. "Oh my gosh! It's a Christmas miracle! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! Oh my kids are gonna be so excited! Oh I'm so excited! It's Christmas! Santa came ya'll!" Mind you, she is literally jumping and hopping all over the place this whole time and she just keeps repeating all this stuff over and over and over again.
Then she does a superman dive onto a row of student desks and proceeds to roll over shaking and kicking her legs.
By this time I have made it past her into the room and really just want to get the old cart out of there as well as myself but I can't stop watching her act like someone who just won the Showcase Showdown on The Price Is Right...neither can the other teacher. We're just staring at her and I feel the whole time like her excitement should be contagious or something and I try to smile, really I do but the whole thing just makes me uncomfortable and I just want to escape and leave.
So I'm standing on the other side of the room trying to clean her stuff off the old cart so I can get the you know what out of there and she comes over to help and I end up getting hugged. Well then I feel even more uncomfortable because you should feel happy when someone hugs you, but I just got more annoyed. I mean, this whole idea of her getting new stuff wasn't mine. So I told her, "Uh...this wasn't my doing you know. You really need to thank Mrs. B. It was all her. Thank HER."
"Oh I will! Oh, I'm just so happy! When my kids come in tomorrow morning, I'm gonna say, 'Look you guys! Santa is real! He came!' And if you guys hear screams and hollers comin' down the hall, you know it's comin' from them!"
Right...your students could care less. Because this machine does the EXACT SAME JOB as the old one did. They aren't going to scream and holler. The only reason a kid would scream and holler would be because THEY got something and if they got a document camera and projector, they definitely wouldn't scream. If they got a Wii or an X-Box, they might scream. But they don't care about new educational materials.
Ok...rant over. She got her new stuff just like she wanted. She better treat it like it was her first born child...I'm just sayin'.

Sometimes Things Don't Turn Out Like You'd Expect...

2009-11-27T23:01:00.003-06:00

So today I decided to get out the Christmas stuff and decorate...

Instead:

I found out that my Christmas tree is crooked and I can't get it to stand up straight, so I gave up halfway through decorating and my living room is a disaster...and it will probably stay that way for a while.

I went looking for an extension cord and found all these things I had been missing...

Like:

My diploma for my master's degree.
An extra pillowcase to replace the one that was stolen a year ago.
A Christmas card from one of my students a few years ago that kind of made me tear up.
And yes, amazingly enough I did find an extension cord.

I pulled out my camera today and looked through the pictures to see what I had on there and found this video:

She's not normally like this, but when she's mad at me, she lets me know...and usually I make fun of her or yell right back. I think by the time I had pulled out the camera the hissing had stopped and she had calmed down enough to only growl.

And everything else I did today was boring...not that all that stuff previous wasn't boring, but well, you know.

No Words...

2009-10-05T23:02:00.002-05:00

I just wanna know how American Apparel even stays in business selling crap like this. Do people really buy this? Why? Why would they do that? If this is fashionable, consider me...I don't know...whatever the opposite of fashionable is...unfashionable? Whatever.

Maybe...I Should Try This?

2009-09-28T22:55:00.003-05:00

Please don't show this to PETA. Please don't hate me. Squirrels are evil. If you don't believe me, read my post from about a year ago... click here. You guys remember that? I do. And the stinking squirrels have already started bombing Millie and myself with pecans. I'm not lying. They don't just let them drop. They are thrown at us! There is a definite sound difference with the amount of force the pecans hit the deck with. Then Millie looks up at me with this look on her face like, "Holy crap! That was CLOSE!" It's ridiculous. Anyways, good idea? What do you think? My dad sent me this video...I have to give him credit. He's always got good ideas. He tried out for Jeopardy once...it's true.

A Day In The Life

2009-09-23T23:43:00.002-05:00

So in my job as an elementary school librarian, I deal with two sets of people: students and teachers. Believe it or not, they both give me equal amounts of grief and laughs. Here is a sampling of what I dealt with today:

In our school, every classroom is fortunate enough to have a document camera and projector to use while teaching. It wasn't always so. It used to be that each grade level had one until last year when we got some newer ones, but of course, some teachers got left with the older ones. No one really complains about it. They're just grateful to have one. Well, except for one teacher. She was a sub at our school last year, and a new teacher this year and just so happened to end up with one of the old ones (which really isn't old, it's brand new...I took it straight out of the box). But since she was around last year, she knows about the new ones (which incidentally work exactly like the old ones...they do the EXACT same thing). So at the beginning of the year, I take everyone their Elmo (that's what the document cameras are called). Then a few days later, she comes to me and says,
"When am I gonna get an Elmo?"
"You have one. I put it in your classroom. It's on a cart..."
"Oh! That thing? I didn't even know what that was. I thought that since I'm new I get one of the new ones."
"Nope, sorry. The teacher that had that room last year had an old one, so you get an old one too."
"You mean I can't get an Elmo?"
"You have one. It does the exact same thing and works just as well. It just looks different."
And you can see how the rest of the conversation went: "I'm not gonna get a new one?" "No." etc...

Then a few months ago she claimed that she might need a new Elmo because the projector was overheating (it's brand spankin' new, I pulled the projector straight out of the box too). I went down to look at it and it worked just fine so I told her to call the HelpDesk and they could come fiddle with it.

Today she comes to tell me that some of the prongs are missing on a plug and all she really needs is a new Elmo (do you see the pattern here folks?). And then she goes on to tell me how she can't teach at all with that thing and how it is so confusing and frustrating and, "All I want is an Elmo!"
Once again..."You have an Elmo."
"Oh! Can you just come down and take a look at it for me? I can't even plug anything in...I just don't know what to do. There's cords everywhere..." blah blah blah.
So I'm thinking this cord problem is the cord that plugs into the Elmo and she tried to break it so she could get a new one. I tell her I have plenty of extra cords and I'll bring down a replacement.
I get down there and yep, there are cords everywhere! Everything is unplugged from the power strip, the power strip is unplugged from the cart, and the cord from the cart is unplugged from the wall.
I ask her what is wrong with the cord (as I'm looking at the one plugged into the Elmo) and she says, "Oh no, not that one. This one." And she shows me the cord from the cart...a three prong cord where the bottom prong has been broken off. Then she tells me how she wasn't sure if it would work if she plugged it into the wall and how she hasn't touched it for a week.

Seriously? How many times do I have to tell people! If something isn't working, check to make sure it's plugged in!!!!!! It's like twice a month I have to go down to someone's classroom and plug something in for them. Ugh!

So we plug everything back in (or really, I plug everything back in because all of those cords are really just too confusing for her) and guess what? It works just fine! But then she starts pushing all these buttons asking me "which one does this need to be on" and so on. I got it back to the right setting and told her to leave it there...we'll see if she does. I swear that woman is going to break everything on that cart, including the cart itself, just to get a document camera that looks like everyone else's.

How are people so technologically defunct that they can't figure out how to plug something into a power strip and then plug it in to the wall and therefore think it must be broken and they need a new one? I just don't get it....

I Almost Died Tonight

2009-09-16T22:11:00.003-05:00

Seriously. I almost had a heart attack. In fact, maybe I did have heart attack. I do tend to recover from illnesses quickly. Anyways, here's what happened:

On my way to bed, I decide to do a quick OCD facebook/email/blog check before going to sleep and when I walked into the office, there was this scratching noise. My first thought was that it was a mouse or a rat, that's how loud it was. Wrong! It was the world's biggest water roach crawling around on the giant pile of papers and junk I have yet to file away. So, naturally I screamed and ran for the bug spray (please note, I also grabbed the fly swatter...what I was going to do with the fly swatter, I have no idea because there is no way in H.E.double hockey sticks that I would EVER get that close to a giant oversized bug). Well, then it disappeared, but I could hear it...scratching and scratching...*shiver*

What happened after that I will skim over very quickly because it really was traumatizing:

It crawled across the floor, under the chair leg, up the bookcase, fell down, and ran under the desk where it FINALLY stopped and died.
Note: I sprayed it with probably a quarter of the bottle of bug spray...I mean, the carpet is still wet.
Another note: I could only scream and spray for a period of 30 seconds at a time and then I had to go out in the hall and hyperventilate and scream and cry.

Oh my gosh! Gasp! I just had an awful thought! Okay, you know when you half fall asleep and sometimes your mind dreams something but you are still half awake so you kind of think it's true? Like, sometimes I think that my friends are there and they are talking about me (not bad or anything) and I want to talk to them, but I can't make myself wake up and the more I try, the harder it is so I have to let myself completely relax and then jerk myself awake. And then of course I realize that no one is there and it was all in my head. Well, this morning, I was sleeping and I thought there was a bug crawling around in my hair. I mean, I could hear it buzzing and could feel it crawling on my head but I was so struck with fear that I couldn't move. Finally I jerked myself awake by flailing my arms at my head (I know, very amusing right?) but alas, there was no bug anywhere.

But what if it was this giant roach? I mean, they crawl pretty fast. And who knows how long it's been in the house? And...ok...I gotta stop. Why can't I ever have a normal experience with these things? Last time, one dropped from the ceiling while I was in the shower. Now it's crawling on my head in my sleep and making creepy scratching noises.

I hate roaches. I hate them with all the fiery passion of my heart! And I know they serve a purpose in the great plan of nature and decomposition and junk, but really, do they have to be so friggin' big? And their legs are so nasty and long! Ugh! Okay, I gotta stop. I'm done.

I Have Discovered...

2009-09-14T00:00:00.002-05:00

...that for some reason I don't enjoy blogging as much as I used to...I don't know why, maybe it's just a phase.

...that many of the pictures I have from middle school through high school I only kept because they had boys that I had crushes on in them. Yes, I was kind of a stalker as a teenager. No, it never went beyond random out of focus pictures that I snapped quickly or that I got someone else to snap for me.

...my cat uses my giant purse as a bed more than I ever used it as a purse...I'm just not cut out for big bags, sorry, I'm a small purse kind of gal.

...my house will probably smell like old lady forever.

...someone must have been praying for me cause I got a helper today for my Sunbeams class...seriously, I felt this huge burden lifted off my shoulders.

...I frickin' heart Matt Kearney! No, he's not my boyfriend or anything (although that would be nice), he's a singer and I downloaded his newest CD and it's guuuuuuuud! It's so good that I stayed up way later than I should last night just so I could listen to it...again.

...I like riding bikes WAY better than I ever liked running.

...that I need to let go of a lot of little things that I like to make into big things and I need to focus on some more important things. Vague, I know...

Reason #637 why I can't wait for Sept. 9th!

2009-08-31T23:28:00.000-05:00

A Letter To...Well, Maybe You

2009-08-24T21:40:00.002-05:00

Dear all you people who put your profile pic on facebook as that Obama Joker Face picture,

I understand that you are trying to make a statement that you don't like Obama and what he is doing, but I am begging you, please put up a picture of you! I know you don't look like Obama as the Joker. It creeps me out every time you post something (and inevitably, you all do...frequently) and I have to see that picture. It looks worse than the Heath Ledger (may he rest in peace) Joker. Scarier in fact. And that is just what you are going for isn't it? Isn't there a better way to get your point across than to oog me out like that? If anyone else decides to do this, I will click the "Hide" button so I don't have to see you anymore and then none of your anti-Obama propoganda will reach my eyes. Okay, let's compromise. How about replacing his head with the cartoon Joker face? Same point gets across, but not as creepy. Deal? Deal.

Your facebook friend forever (or until I delete you...or you delete me),
Rhia

Not One Of My Better Ideas

2009-08-16T13:34:00.002-05:00

Well, as you all know, I love my blog...I love it even more when people read it. And the more people that read it, the more I love it. So I thought it would be a good idea to import my blog onto facebook as a note. That way, it's like one stop shopping. Sounds like a good idea right? Wrong! At least, wrong for me anyways. Some of my fb friends just don't get it. They don't get my humor and/or sarcasm and/or whininess that comes out on my blog posts because I haven't talked to them in...well...years. And let's face it, some people just don't get it period. For instance, in the post previous to this one, I wrote about my experience at Home Depot yesterday to which one of my fb friends replied:

"The women's lib movement caused this and other occurances like this. Plus did you ask them for help?"

Well, this comment irked me, so I replied:

"Ummm...I wasn't a part of the women's lib movement thanks. Nor do I think that people not being courteous to other people was caused by women wanting to be treated as people and not accessories. My problem wasn't that they didn't offer to help, it was that they stood there and waited until I didn't need it anymore to offer. It could have been a woman and I would have felt the same way."

Maybe I should have been a little nicer, but...well...I really don't care about what this person thinks of me.

Okay, and speaking of which, where have all the fun people on fb gone? I am completely bored by all the status updates about really sweet husbands and family trips and babies and how tired so and so is or what they ate for lunch...etc... Not that I don't care about all that stuff, but can't we be a little more creative? Facebook used to be fun...now it's just mundane.

I think I'm a little grumpy...maybe I should go take a nap...or read my scriptures...or something.

P.S. I have removed my blog from importing into my notes on fb...sorry, no more one stop shopping people! :(

I Really Hate It When...

2009-08-16T01:11:00.004-05:00

...you are standing there at Home Depot in front of a shelf of hard to reach 60 lb. bags of cement and there are two grown men standing 5 ft. away from you who don't offer to help until they see you about to fall over under the weight of something that weighs half as much as you. "No, I don't need your help...anymore, I've got it...thanks."

You Know...

2009-08-06T17:05:00.003-05:00

...sometimes a girl doesn't want to be pushed away, she wants to be pursued.

...sometimes a girl doesn't want to make you feel bad, but wants to make you feel happy again.

...sometimes a girl doesn't want you to let go, she wants you to hold on real tight.

...sometimes a girl doesn't want you to back off, but wants you to step up.

I mean, I'm just sayin'.

So...

2009-08-06T10:25:00.002-05:00

...if you know anyone in Montana or South Dakota, could you please tell them to click on my blog? Cause those are the only two white spots left on my google analytics map for the U.S. (and of course it's driving me nuts!)

Also, if you know anyone in Serbia, Ukraine, Lithuania, or Latvia, asking them to click on my bloggie would be cool too. Then I could have all of Europe.

Wow...it's like I'm playing Risk or something huh?

This is what it's like for me...

2009-07-29T23:10:00.006-05:00

to watch a perfectly good book made into a movie.

Okay, let me explain. Everyone has seen The Never Ending Story. (If you haven't then I do not suggest you watch it as an adult for the first time because you'll just think it is stupid. You have to watch it with childish innocence to grasp the wonderfulness of it. Sorry, you just missed out...sucks to be you.) Okay, so everyone has seen this movie. You just watched a 6 minute rendition of all the events with none of the feeling or emotion behind them. If someone doesn't know the story already, and they see that, they are only more confused. If someone does know the story, they watch this and then laugh because it is cheesy and well, funny. This is how I felt after watching Twilight (just as an example). Catherine Hardwick, I felt like you took all the story out of Twilight and just showed me cheesy clips of the highlights. There I said it. And even though C.H. isn't directing New Moon, she set the precedent and it's going to be just as bad. But I will still go see it cause there are hot...hawt werewolves in it.

I'm Totally Doing This!

2009-07-24T13:55:00.003-05:00

When I get married, I'm doing something like this, but not this exactly cause it's not cool to copy (just ask your 3rd grade teacher).

Just know that whatever happens at my wedding is going to be F-U-N!!!!!!!!!! (cause I think traditional mushy wedding stuff is boring...sorry)

Do You Ever Get That Feeling?

2009-07-24T05:01:00.004-05:00

Okay, so most of you know that I had been talking to an old friend of mine that I had thought was going to be more than just a friend. In the end it turned out that he got really "busy" all of a sudden and didn't have the time to talk to me anymore and I was just left wondering... That is another story for another day though. Here's the thing. He lives in Missouri and was going to come visit in July and had purchased tickets for us to go see Coldplay. And yes, you can just guess...nothing...nada...zilch. Do I feel pathetic? Yes. Everyone has their own reasons why they think he didn't come, but again, that is another blog entirely. So the point is, it didn't happen.

Do you ever get that feeling like you were supposed to get to do something that you didn't get to? For instance, here, Coldplay. I was really excited about going. I was really looking forward to it. But it didn't happen. It's something close to regret but it's not regret entirely...what is it? Ugh! It's driving me nuts!

So I woke up tonight from this dream...I was going to the Coldplay concert with some friends and I had two tickets reserved but when I got there I found out they weren't reserved for me and had been sold to someone else. I was so disappointed (is that the feeling? just plain disappointment?) that I had to wait outside the stadium (or wherever) for my friends. Then after the concert, everyone comes out telling me how great it was and that I should have stuck around because they were letting people in for $1.50. They had tried to call me to tell me but I left my phone in the car and was too busy pouting that I didn't get to go. And I missed it...

(insert giant pouty/sad/mad face here...and I mean GIANT!)

So now I have this regretful/disappointed/I missed out on something truly great feeling that I can't get rid of. And I hate it. Hmmm....maybe this is HF trying to tell me something. Like if I don't stop missing someone who obviously doesn't miss me, I am going to miss out on something truly great...I'll let you know how that turns out...

But I really really really really wanted to go see Coldplay! Grrrrr.......

Top 10 Reasons Why I Need (NEED!) an iPhone (in no particular order...)

2009-07-23T17:00:00.002-05:00

1. Someone called my phone "old school" the other day...it's barely two years old.

2. The hinge for the "flip" part of the flip phone is broken, so...yeah.

3. Cracked screen around the edges from sitting on my phone.

4. Crack on the keypad from sitting on my phone.

5. The sticker on the middle button (you know, the one that has all the shortcuts so you don't have to go through menu all the time) came off, like, a year ago. I have no idea what happens if you push the left or right side...

6. It's got dirt stuck in little crevaces from sweat and make-up that I can't get to, and it grosses me out.

7. The camera function is useless as I can take pictures but I can't do anything with them.

8. It takes forever to send a text message because I don't have a full keypad and I'm not talented enough to be able to use the word guessing function (see? I don't even know what it's called!)

9. I have a hard time hearing people as their voices are either muffled or too low, so I end up messing with the volume ALL the time and then missing half of whatever story someone is telling me.

10. It makes this sad little squeak when I open my phone, like it's saying, "Please! Just stop!"

See? I NEED an iPhone! I have to wait till August 15 though...cause AT&T said they can offer me a "discounted iPhone upgrade at a higher price". Does anyone else understand this? I don't, but whatever...

What A Crazy Random Happenstance!

2009-07-16T21:05:00.002-05:00

Here my friends you will find the story of the most intersting and exciting thing that has happened to me all...summer...long. :)

This is the story of how Aibi saved my life.

So as the ENTIRE world knows, Tuesday night was the premier of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (actually Wednesday at 12:01, but whatever). Of course being the nerdy nerd that I am, I got tickets to go with a few of my friends a couple of weeks ago. Sadly Aibi didn't find out until it was too late and when she tried to get tickets to go with us, it was sold out. Boo! Hiss!
Well, Tuesday night came and I drive to the theater. I go to retrieve my ticket but the machine isn't accepting my card or my confirmation number so I go to the girl at the ticket counter. I hand her my paper and she says, "Oh, this is for a different theater." WHAT? "It's too late to try and buy a ticket huh?", I say. "Yeah...we are completely sold out. You can try to see if anyone has an extra ticket that they want to sell." I bet you can guess how incredibly easy that was going to be... Can you imagine how bummed I was to have waited the entire summer for this one event only to find out that I actually can't go? (Insert sad pouty face here that is trying really hard to look like it doesn't care...cause that's what my face looked like). So I shuffled off back to my car while everyone else was swarming into the theater and thought "Well, I guess I'll just go home...cause I'm not going to go see it by myself."
On my way home I thought maybe they would refund my $10.50 if I called the theater and gave them my confirmation number. So I did but they told me I would have to come to the theater. Ok. It's not like I had big plans...anymore. Maybe someone else would find joy in being able to see the midnight showing. When I pull into the theater though I notice that there aren't as many cars as I expected.

I feel I should pause here and explain the differences of the two theaters. The one I thought I had tickets for, the first theater, was on Legacy and 75 (for those not familiar with DFW demographics...it's a nice area). The second theater, the one where I had my ticket was on Spring Valley and 75...aka "the ghetto". When I realize where I am, I understand why there aren't so many cars...kids (most kids) from the ghetto aren't going to go to a midnight showing of Harry Potter. Yeah, they'll see it, but they aren't foaming at the mouth to see it the MINUTE it comes out.

Okay, so I go up to the girl at the ticket counter and ask, "Is the midnight show sold out?" and she gives me this look like "Yeah right" and says, "Uh...no." So I tell her to hold on a minute before she refunds me my money and I call...AIBI! Cause remember? She couldn't get tickets to go with us. I'm standing there thinking, "I am so smart! I am going to make Aibi so happy that she can go now!" Right. Because Aibi has no other friends besides ME...uh huh. (Please feel free to roll your eyes as I realize how self-centered I am...)
So I call her and leave her a message telling her where I am and how it is her good fortune that the show isn't sold out. Then she calls me back and tells me, "Um...I'm already at that theater." "What? Really?" (I think she's joking with me). "Yeah, and I'm looking right at you." And there is Aibi...with another friend of hers. The whole time I thought she was sitting at home...sad...but no, she just called someone else and got them to go with her. And now it was Aibi who made it possible for me to go.

Cheesy huh? But it's true you guys! It's like one of those stories where someone loses their CTR ring and then prays to find it and they do!

Ok...you can all go throw up now, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Aibi saved my life...the end.

So...

2009-07-06T13:00:00.000-05:00

...this is what writer's block feels like huh?

blah! :(

10 Minutes of My Life I Will Never Get Back...

2009-06-01T20:49:00.002-05:00

The other day I had to run a few errands and stopped by the bookstore where I used to work and ran into The Most Awkward Person I Know. For short, we'll call this person AG (Awkward Girl). Fortunately for you, you have a choice whether or not to lose 10 minutes (or less) of your life reading this blog post. For me, there was no escape. Let me set the stage for you by sharing the last conversation I had with AG before I quit the bookstore before sharing this special awkward moment.

AG had been away at school in Arizona and had come back for Christmas, so I hadn't seen her in at least 4 (blessed) months. Here is our convo...

Me: Hi AG, how are you?
AG: Good. How are you?
Me: I'm good.
AG: Are you dating any hot guys?
Me: Ummm...no.
AG: Are there any hot guys in your ward?
Me: I go to a family ward...so, no.
AG: Oh, I thought you went to a single's ward.
Me: I've been in a family ward for the past year.
AG: Well when was the last time you went on a date?
Me: Uhhh...a while.
AG: Like how long?
Me: (as I give her my best teacher voice/look that says "shut-up now if you know what's good for you") It's been a while.
The end.

Here is the convo we had on Saturday...please remember it has been 6 months since I have seen or talked to AG. I'm standing there looking at something and she is lurking nearby. I know I have to say something to her, and honestly I have blocked out our last convo so it doesn't occur to me that this is going to go south the minute she opens her mouth.

Me: Hi AG, how are you?
AG: Good. I was dating this guy and he asked me to marry him but I said no...obviously.
Me: Oh...okay.
AG: Well, I've been in Arizona for the past year. I don't know if you knew that or not. Yeah, I'm so over him.
Me: Well...good.
AG: I'm going to BYU Idaho in the fall, cause there was nothing for me in Arizona...I mean like NO guys.
Me: Huh...(thinking: How in the heck did she get into BYU? I couldn't even get into BYU with a 3.5 GPA 12 years ago!)
AG: He asked me to marry him like four times. Are you dating anybody?
Me: Well-
AG: -Oh my gosh, you should totally get a hair weave.
Me: I'm not getting a hair weave.
AG: Oh, if I had only known about hair weaves before, I would have cut my hair short a LONG time ago. All my friends tell me I look so hot and I tell them they should get a hair weave and then they say, "Oh my gosh, no!"
Me: Oh...uh-huh...well, I found what I came for...gotta go! Bye!

So, I'm sure most of you can figure out who this person is. I don't care if you do. I don't care if you judge me for writing this blog post. I just had to get it off my chest...and it feels good. :)

Really? Really.

2009-05-30T08:43:00.009-05:00

Normally I would leave any and all fashion topics up to Bombshell Maigen because she does a much better job at it than I ever could, but I just had to share my thoughts about The Sash. Who knows, she may have already blogged about it and it will look like I'm trying to be like her. Well, I am. Every girl can use a little bit more fashion knowledge in their life...especially if they think The Sash (cleverly designed by American Apparel) is something they should purchase and wear. Ok, here are my thoughts:

First: You can take The Sash and use it as a giant bowtie!

Second: You can take The Sash and use it as a flower waist belt!

Third: You can pretend like you are a snake charmer or a fortunate cancer patient with hair and wear it as a turban!

Fourth: You can use it to tie onto your purse so you have the appearance of being messy!

Fifth: You can put it on your hat so that everyone sees it, but you will have some tough competition at the Kentucky Derby I'm afraid.

Sixth: You can wear it as a skinny belt to accentuate your all too skinny and all too tight pants.

Seventh: You can look as ridiculous as this poor girl right here:

I think I will put The Sash in the same category as American Apparel's The Sack and also The Snuggie.

This Makes Me Happy...

2009-05-25T10:08:00.003-05:00

Did you know that the sequel to Night at the Museum beat the Terminator Salvation movie this weekend? This really makes me happy. Now don't get me wrong...I love the Terminator movies (don't judge), but I really like it when kids movies beat out the blow up movies. This means that more families are spending time together than apart.

And that is all I have to say. The end.

I'm Losing It....

2009-05-20T11:20:00.002-05:00

I used to joke around with my old roomie Emily when she would say she was going to Wal-Mart and would ask me if I needed her to get me anything. I would say, "Yes, please get me a brain...i've lost mine."

So, Em...if you happen to go to Wal-Mart, could you see if they have any in stock? Seriously. This is me:

I think, "Oh, I need to send so and so an e-mail." So I walk the ten steps to my desk and sit down and then think, "Why did I come over here?"

or

The other day there were some kids in the library working on a project. I was sitting at the circ desk and apparently staring off into space when a kid asked me,
"Miss Johnson...is this what you do all day?"
"What? Stare off into space?"
"Yeah"
"No, I do actually work sometimes."

or

Yesterday I went to the post office. I sold another of my textbooks and needed to mail it. I usually print off the paper with all the details and stick it in the book so the buyer has a receipt of some sort. Well, I get the postage all done up and I'm talking to myself the entire time (never a good sign, but thank goodness I was alone). I was concentrating so hard on focusing on what I was doing that I stuck the receipt with the address in the book and put it in the envelope and sealed it up. Then I realized that I didn't write the address down. It was sealed inside a blank envelope. I had to call my BFF and ask her to look it up for me.

or

A million other situations just like those....

Oh! Okay, here's a funny story that has nothing to do with anything in the world. So I went to Target last night and was sitting in the car trying to write down a list so I could be focused inside Target. As I'm sitting there, this car pulls up and parks next to me. The guy gets out and goes around to each of his four doors and pulls on the handle like 5 times each to make sure each and every door is firmly closed and locked. And then he did my favorite OCD thing. He pulled on the last door handle several times in a row, paused for a second and then pulled on it again. And it reminded me of this teacher I used to work with that did the same thing. She would lock her classroom door, pull on the handle, unlock it, open it, close it, lock it again, pull on the handle, walk away, come back and double check the handle again.

Well, at least I'm not that crazy right?

So...Maybe I Should Get A Dog...

2009-05-16T12:26:00.004-05:00

I'm just thinking about it. Really...just thinking. See, I went over to my parent's house earlier this week and they have taken in this really adorable dog that just kind of wandered up to their front door a few months ago. His name is Chester and here is what he looks like:

Of course he's a little fatter now. This was taken about a month or so ago and it breaks my heart but you can see his ribs in this pic. Anyways, so that's the first reason...I've fallen in love with my parents dog.

The second reason is that I was doing dishes this morning and I looked out the window and noticed that the back gate was open...hmmm... I don't ever leave the gate open...so I went out there to close it and as I was coming back towards the house, I noticed that one of the side gates was open. I was kind of weirded out by this. Cause Millie was meowing like crazy and would stop the other night. It could be that I just left the gates open after mowing the yard the other day but it could also mean that someone cut through my yard and decided it would be extra creepy to leave the gates open so that I would know they did it.

Are you totally creeped out now? Yeah...I guess if I had a million dollars I would move my house, yard and all, to a really nice neighborhood that you have to have a secret code to get into.

No...no I wouldn't do that. Then I would have to deal with an HOA...I'd much rather have people cutting through my yard than an HOA.

Okay so maybe I should just get a dog. What do you think Millie would think about that?

J.J. WTF?

2009-05-14T00:14:00.002-05:00

Seriously? That's how you're gonna leave Lost for this season? I am SO GLAD this show has only one more season! I friggin' heart it but it totally stresses me out. And I don't know if I can handle another Lost season finale. Earlier this evening I could barely stand up straight cause I was so sleepy...now I'm wide awake.

J.J. let's just talk okay? Let's just get things out in the open.

First: That's how you're going to bring back Rose and Bernard and even the dumb dog Vincent? What, did people start writing in griping how you just completely dropped them from the show and let us "assume" they were killed in the flaming arrow attack so you had to appease them with the whole, "This is how we want to retire." bit? That was SO not part of the story and obviously thrown in there at the last minute.

Second: Kate is a plague on every man she comes in contact with. And Juliet is the martyr. This is how it goes:
Kate: I love you. No I don't. I've always been on your side. Ummm...we're not ACTUALLY together. So you're saying you want to make it so we never met? Why?
Juliet: You'll always love Kate more than me so now I will go kill myself to save you.
Ugggghhhh!!!!!

Third: I knew it was preposterous that Locke would come back to life! I knew it! And I also picked up on the fact that Locke had turned from bumbling sad and pathetic man to Mr. I'm so confident I'm going to march right up to Jacob and kill him. I knew it! Good move J.J.

Fourth: I kinda wanna go back and watch Jack and Sawyer duke it out again...is that wrong? :)

Fifth: The cabin on fire. Did anyone else catch the fact that even though they just threw a few (like 3) bottles of fire in the old moldy musty cabin in the middle of a rainforest type jungle that it went up like a huge ball of fire? I mean, even if you doused the entire cabin with gasoline, it wouldn't burn like that. It was kinda ridiculous.

Sixth: Maybe Miles was right about doing nothing....

Seventh: Of all the ways for Sayid to go, you pick "He got shot by a Dharma guy that missed every other target he aimed for." C'mon! It's Sayid! He's a friggin' assassin for crying out loud! Shot...blah! Well...okay it wasn't just a random guy...it was Ben's dad. But still Ben's dad is a drunkard. So...he got shot by a drunkard...blah!

Eighth: Jack didn't cry. :( I like to see Jack cry...it makes me giggle.

Ninth: Too many dramatic pauses.

Tenth: I can't wait till 2010. Why do I have to wait till 2010? Can you just give me a little sneak peak? Please? I'll be your best friend! *sigh* Fine!

Just For You...Because You Are My Friends

2009-05-12T23:24:00.002-05:00

This is for all my friends...cause they've been there for me like no other this week...and last week...and well, all the time.

This is gross...

2009-05-07T12:18:00.002-05:00

I don't know why, but the thought of this really grosses me out....

Things I Really Really Really Can't Stand

2009-05-04T12:25:00.004-05:00

1. Forward chain letters/e-mails. "If you don't send this out to 5,000 of your closest friends immediately, you will be hit by a bus tomorrow!" I just want to say thank you to the person who sent it to me because they obviously are wishing that I get hit by a bus...love you too!

2. Being ignored. I don't ask for attention all the time. Usually I'm pretty quiet. But there are certain people that I just want to scream at, "Hello!! I'm right here!"

3. Going to Wal-Mart on the weekends. It never fails that the ginormous lady who can't stand on her own without the support of the cart is always standing in front of something I need. And when I say "Excuse me", she looks at me like I just asked her to move the entire store by blinking.

4. Staring. Didn't your mother ever tell you it was rude to stare? Mrs. N. has taken over my library with flower arrangements for this special A-Honor Roll breakfast we are having this week. That's fine. I have no problem with that since I am testing (the best never rest right?) this week. But when I walk into the library, why do you have to just stare at me like I don't have permission to be in there? Don't stare at me...I don't like it.

5. When teachers bring their class in the library and then get on to them because they are taking too much time. My favorite is when they say things like, "Hurry up! We've got more important things to do!". Thaaaaaaaaaaanks....so much.

6. The gripey one: You know, that one person you work with that just HAS to gripe about everything. You duck or hide or suddently get real busy when you see her coming. She says to me today, "Who paid for all these flower arrangements?! It better not be from the &%@# school budget cause I'm out of paper and they won't get me anymore!"

*sigh*..........I'm just cranky today cause I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Booo!!!!

Apparently...

2009-05-01T22:59:00.004-05:00

...I collect things with bridges on them. Did you know that? I didn't either. My brother told me a few weeks ago that if you have more than four of something, that means you collect it and apparently I have more than four pictures of bridges. Then I started thinking of other things I am a collector of and here's what I came up with:

candy wrappers
half empty water bottles
books I have started to read but haven't finished
phone chargers to phones I don't have anymore
pictures in frames I have been meaning to put up somewhere but haven't found the spot
pictures I have been meaning to put in frames but haven't found the right frames
spare pillows
college textbooks that "I might use someday"
church bags
wristbands
dead bugs in the light fixtures (still haven't cleaned those out...)

And that's all I can think of for now...

Movie Clip Wednesday...A Little Early :)

2009-04-28T22:07:00.002-05:00

Yes my friends, that is Seth Green. Raise your hand if you knew he was the little brother in Can't Buy Me Love. Anyone? Anyone?

My favorite quote: "Cards with the tards!"

It's Here!

2009-04-27T15:35:00.002-05:00

I'm not calling it the swine flu...it sounds stupid. Like I'm trying to be hoity toity or something. I'm going to call it the pig flu. It flows doesn't it? Kind of like the disease itself. Just so you know, we're all going to get it. It's inevitable. Obama says there is no need to panic or be alarmed, but I say otherwise. One school in my district has already closed down for the week because two kids had the pig flu. That sends alarm bells going off all over the place!

What if I get sick? (which I will) I don't have a doctor. I never get sick. I don't even know where my insurance card is. Even if I had a doctor, what if he got sick? What if everyone got sick? Nobody would be there to take care of anybody. We'd all be too sick. Who would be there to pass out the Tamiflu? Obama? Yeah, right! He'll be playing golf while his "people" discuss the situation. Grrrrr...

My stomach hurts. I think I might die.

I knew it would come to this. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

I don't want the pig flu. I don't know where my SARS mask is anymore either. Oh, this is not good.

I don't even have a roommate to hold my hair back while I puke in the toilet. Then again, I don't have enough hair to hold back. I think I'm okay on that one. But still, I don't want to throw up. I hate throwing up.

Oh dear...this is not good at all...

How To Inflict Pain On Yourself Without Moving a Muscle

2009-04-26T12:52:00.003-05:00

The answer? Go to a Single Adult Conference. You don't even have to attend the whole thing. One day will do plenty. Half a day actually would be sufficient. Not that I want to inflict pain upon my readers, but just so you will understand, here are a few highlights:

1. We sat for basically 9 hours. Yes, 9 hours. That's not a typo. We listened to the welcome speaker for an hour. Ate lunch for an hour. Had workshops (a.k.a. listened to speakers) for four hours. Listened to the Texas Boys Choir (the entertainment portion of the evening) for an hour. And then listened to our keynote speaker for an hour. My whole body ached after that.

2. It was freezing...FREEZING! You know that time of year when it stops being nice and cool and starts to get warm? The time of year we are in now for instance. And then they program the A/C to come on because it's so warm outside. And then it turns freezing cold inside and you have to go outside to warm up. There is just no happy medium...it's either too hot because the A/C is not on or too cold because it is.

3. Erica, Jen, and I were the youngest people there by at least 20 years. Okay, okay. There were a few other people our age but not many. And by not many I mean like 3 or 4 others. I counted 2 people knitting, 1 person in the first aid room (when you know there will be old people coming, I guess you have to be prepared with a first aid room...all we did was sit though, so I have no idea what this woman did to constitute needing to lie down on a cot with a blanket covering her), 8,348,357 barrettes, 200 women, and 10 men.

4. Going back to a familiar place from my young adult/youth years is just an invitation for awkward moments. Life is messy and it never turns out how you thought it would back then. What are you supposed to say when an old friend that you haven't seen or talked to in years announces to you that she has recently divorced her second husband? "Uhhhh...errr....ummm...okay."

5. Questions. I have so many questions. Why do miraculous events and inspiring stories only happen in Utah? Why were all of our speakers from Utah? (Okay, not all but most) Why is there a married couple assigned to preside over the single adults? Why didn't I realize it wasn't going to get any better? Why did they come in and take away the soft cushy chairs and replace them with the hard metal chairs for the last hour of the conference?

6. The overall theme of the conference was something about being of good cheer. Every talk was geared toward someone who is going through a really difficult time in their life and designed to lift them up. It's not a bad topic...for one or two of the talks, not for all of them. I couldn't even pay attention anymore at the end. I kind of wanted to stand up and scream, "I'm fine! I'm happy! Can we talk about something else now?" But then I realized that the majority of the people there needed that even though I didn't.

Anyways, I won't bore you to death with the details but I do need to commend my comrades who endured to the end with me by presenting them with two very special awards:

Erica gets the award for being the youngest person in attendance, for staying awake the whole time, and for making me laugh at inappropriate things in church.

Jen gets the award for being the most positive, taking notes and sharing them with me *wink*, and for sharing her blanket with me so I didn't turn into a human popsicle.

And now for my favorite quote of the day yesterday:
"Did you ever think you would find yourself at a single's conference surrounded by old people wrapped up in a camping blanket?" - Erica

Way Cool Movie Clip Wednesdays...According To Me

2009-04-22T21:28:00.002-05:00

I am hereby declaring Wednesdays as Way Cool Movie Clip Wednesdays...According To Me. I decided this as I randomly thought of this clip today:

My favorite quote of all time: "Sometimes we don't do things we want to do so that others won't know we want to do them."

This is why I love my job...

2009-04-20T22:58:00.005-05:00

Today was a great day in the red and yellow world of Library Land. This might not be funny or even interesting to you all, but it sure was to me. Here's what happened...

1) I have 3 sixth grade boys that I sort of tutor in reading three days a week. Lately I have just been letting them pick a book and then they read it to me and we talk about it. They really like that a lot better than me picking the books. Anyways, one of the kids picked a book about animal babies and decided to read the page about possums. Yuck! Do you all remember Peter the Possum? Well he/she is back and I discovered today that they can have like 50 babies at one time. Of course they don't all live because there aren't enough *ahem* "feeding stations" for all the babies, but still. So I tell this boy about Peter Possum that lives under my deck and he just kind of stares at me. Whatever. While I'm reading with another of the boys, he is whispering and giggling with the other boy. Before they leave I asked him what they were over there whispering and giggling about and he tells me, "We were just trying to figure out how you could get rid of your possum. Can't you call animal control or something?" After I explained how animal control was just going to give me a cage and let me catch it myself (which is not a desirable option for me), the boys suggested that I could just get my own cage and catch it and keep it as a pet. Ureka! Why didn't I think of that?!

2. Sometimes when I pass kids in the hall, they like to ask me things like, "Did I turn in all of my books?" or "What do I have checked out?" Like I'm some kind of walking database since I'm the librarian. Today, a third grader stopped me in the hall to tell me he really liked The Lightning Thief that I had suggested for him and that he is almost done with it. "Really? Wow! That's great." "Yeah," he says, "I'm on chapter 2." Mmmhhhmmm. You'll have that finished in NO TIME! :)

3. One of the fourth graders that I have in book club tells me that she wrote a book for her teacher. I don't doubt it. She's a very gifted and ambitious child. As she was telling me about it, she also told me things that were going to happen in the second and third book in this series. I asked her how many books are going to be in the series and she says, "Ten". And I'm not lying, she's got each one mapped out as to what is going to happen in the story. That's like more than Harry Potter or The Work and The Glory. And this kid is in the fourth grade!

4. This one was my favorite today and made me laugh the most. Another one of my fourth graders was chatting with me and some of the other students while we were waiting for the rest of our book club to show up. Last week we didn't meet because I had a meeting to go to and of course they asked me if it was fun and I told them how incredibly boring it was and how I would have much rather been with them (which was all true). She then told me something which I immediately forgot and then asked her again. (That's happening a lot lately...I think I have some kind of information overload or something). So she just gives me the look like, "Ms. Johnson! I just told you that!" and I say, "I'm sorry, my memory isn't so good lately." To which she replies, "Maybe it was that meeting you went to."

One of these days...

2009-04-16T23:06:00.002-05:00

...Millie will die. Not that I'm looking forward to it or anything, but it's just going to happen someday and I know that. When that happens, I will be free to get another pet. I've thought about getting a dog, but I'm kinda nervous about that. I mean, I'm a cat person...we all know that. I think I have finally decided what I want. I want two cats like this:

Two Cats @ Yahoo! Video

Before and After

2009-04-12T22:21:00.011-05:00

Sometimes in life you get a chance to get a good before and after picture of little things that happen...or big things that happen. Well, it just so happens that I got some good ones and I'd like to share them with you.

First, I got my trees trimmed in my yard. The ginormous tree in the front took them a little while to do because, well, it really needed it. My entire yard was filled with branches. It was insane. So I stood on my porch and watched because it was absolutely fascinating (and the highlight of my day up until that point) and I took a before and after picture of one part of my tree. I kind of wish I had taken a before and after pic of the entire tree, but it just didn't turn out that way.

Before:

After:

My tree is soooooo much happier. And so am I knowing that none of those branches are going to destroy my house or yard or someone else's house. :)

Also this weekend, I went to Scarborough Fair with some friends. If you have never been to a Renassaince fair, I highly suggest going...at least once. It's full of people who like to dress up and like to cause a ruckus. And most of the time they are highly inappropriate which just adds to the merriment. As we were walking around, we spotted this guy dressed up as a gladiator/guard/something and suddenly he picks up this woman and almost throws her over his shoulder. My friend Daryl thought it would be fun if gladiator guy did that to me and he took a picture. I'm a good sport and thought it would be a fun photo op, so I said okay. We approached gladiator guy and I asked him if I could get my picture taken with him and he gruffly agreed and smashed me up against him in a friendly hug (a.k.a. death grip). I smiled and Daryl took the picture. At this point, I was really kind of frightened what this gladiator guy might do to me if he picked me up. I mean, he was s-t-r-o-n-g. I didn't want to break a rib or anything, but Daryl really wanted a funny picture so he asked if we could take just one more. So this time gladiator guy grabs my butt. Lovely!!!!! I said, "Hey! Watch it!" Gladiator guy just laughed and told me a decent woman would have slapped him. Ha ha ha. So anyways, here is a before and after picture:

Before he grabbed my butt:

After he grabbed my butt:

I hope you all enjoyed this evenings festivities!

Let's Just Get This Over And Done With

2009-04-09T22:31:00.002-05:00

Last month started a season that comes around every so often. It brings with it new beginnings and a chance to start a new fresh part of your life. No, not Spring! Blah blah blah! Why would I blog about Spring? I'm talking about Wedding Season. I have already attended a reception, a wedding/reception, and a bridal shower so far this season. The two weeks after Valentine's Day, 5 people that I knew got engaged. Not just acquaintences, but people that I talk to on a regular basis. Now I know everything I'm about to say is going to come out sounding cynical and bitter, but I'm really not. I really am happy for my friends and family members who get married and I do want to be there as a witness of their special day, but each time the thought runs through my head, "Let's just get this over and done with already." I'm not talking about the wedding itself or even all the traditional festivities that go along with it. I'm talking about the part where people walk up to you and say things like, "You're next!", or "Sooooooo...how are things going? Anything...NEW????", or "We'll be doing this for you pretty soon.", or my favorite "I can't wait for YOU to get married." I'm not lying, it seriously makes me want to swing a shovel at their head...even if it's my closest family member. Instead I just give clipped one word answers and annoyed looks. I'm not sure if it has the same effect. But don't worry, I won't hit anyone with a shovel...they usually aren't available at weddings. Anyways, it's not that they are trying to be mean or anything. I know that. They do it out of love blah blah blah because they want me to be happy blah blah blah. So, just a word of advice for everyone, from the smug marrieds to the singletons, don't pester people about their relationship status. I mean, after I have just spilled my guts to you about how I bought a house, finished my master's degree, and took a trip to Forks, Washington, don't you think I would have mentioned my really hot super nice boyfriend if I had one? C'mon! Aaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

Okay, that's all. Loveyoubye. :)

sigh

2009-04-08T12:34:00.003-05:00

I just haven't felt like blogging. Don't hate me okay? And don't leave my blog for good. One day I'll have something truly remarkable to blog about and then you'll be sad you missed it.

Wow, I really think highly of myself don't I? Geesh!

One of them days

2009-03-23T23:43:00.003-05:00

So lately I have been having a string of days that I like to call "I keep doing stuff but nothing gets done" days. I make my nice pretty and/or messy list (sometimes I like to make a really sloppy list so then when I accomplish things on it I feel like I get double points for organizing things...weird, I know), and then as I start to do things on the list, I realize that every time I take a step in the direction of accomplishment, I really end up giving myself something else to remember and do. Here's an example:

My sister and her family are coming into town this weekend. I ask her what groceries I need to have since she's bringing the two little ones with her. She gives me a few specifics (like milk and bananas) and just some general stuff. So I decide to be all super prepared and go to the store on Saturday and I get all sorts of stuff. But then I realize that if I buy milk and/or bananas on Saturday, they're going to be bad by the time they get here this weekend. So now instead of making just one trip to the store, I will have to make two trips. I didn't really accomplish anything.

Here's another example: I got new windows (yay!). The Home Depot guy stops by my house the other day with this form for me to fill out because the city of Garland gives you a one time credit on your utility bill if you get energy efficient windows (which I did). So I sit down to fill it out but realize I don't have all the information. I call HD guy to ask him what to put down and he tells me I have to call a different person to get that info. Again, I didn't accomplish anything because I still have to call somebody to finish the paperwork.

Aaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate everything!!!!!!!!!

It makes me completely unmotivated to do anything because I know I'm just going to have to re-do it again later. Blah!

Everything is wrong. The end.

P.S. Please don't tell me that things will get better soon or any of that nonsense. It'll make me want to throw up. Just scream really loud that everything is wrong with me okay? Thanks.

A Funny New Kitty Video...Enjoy!

2009-03-16T18:43:00.000-05:00

Happy Spring Break!

2009-03-16T00:22:00.004-05:00

I know all of you out there do not get to enjoy the magnificence and wonder that is Spring Break and I know you might be wondering to yourself what one does during this blessed time of the year. Well, I don't know about all of the other educators out there, but here is a list of all the things I plan to do this week:

clean out and organize my garage
sleep in
get caught up on my DVR
pet the cat
read a book that I chose
shop
dust my bookshelves
play an 84 song marathon on Rock Band
take my car to the shop
plant some flowers
buy or make another bookshelf for all the books I just bought
figure out why the garage door switch isn't working
cut off a dead branch from the tree in the front yard
go see a movie
get all the dead bugs out of the light fixtures
find some new chairs for my new table
take naps

There. Sounds thrilling doesn't it? I know, I lead an extremely exciting life. Please, don't be jealous. :)

A poem about me...well almost

2009-03-11T14:00:00.001-05:00

Books to the Ceiling

Books to the ceiling, books to the sky.
My piles of books are a mile high.
How I love them!
How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.

By Arnold Lobel

America's Future

2009-03-10T22:55:00.002-05:00

So the other day I wasted two hours of my life and watched Idiocracy with Luke Wilson and Maya Rudolph. Sadly, the logic behind the movie is pretty dead on. If you haven't ever seen it or heard of it, I'll give you a brief overview:

A lazy army guy and a prostitute are put in cryo-tanks as an experiment to see if they really work. Funding for the project is pulled and they end up staying in the pods for 500 years. When they come out, the world is full of idiots and intelligence is extinct (being that all the intelligent people have decided to wait to have kids and all of the idiots do nothing but reproduce). Luke Wilson then by default is the smartest man on earth and is hired by the President to fix all their problems, number one being that they can't get any plants to grow because they are watering them with gatorade instead of water because gatorade has electrolytes.

There. One minute of your life wasted is MUCH better than two hours right? Anyways, the only part of the movie I actually found amusing was the following clip. Don't worry, it'll only be 12 more seconds of your life...

I Googled Me

2009-03-07T23:26:00.002-06:00

My friend Emily posted a blog where you google yourself with various adjectives such as "Emily likes" or "Emily says" and then you write what comes up. My name isn't as common as Emily, so I was curious as to what would come up.

There are lots of Rhia's out there in the world. Here's a list in no particular order of the other Rhia's in cyberspace:

A Goth Girl who is a self proclaimed Psychotic Albino Rhia

A Labyrinth watching, Dune reading, David Bowie listening Gypsy Rhia

A Skanky Spears fan Rhia

A fictional land in an anime book called Rhia

An extremely religious Rhia

An Exclusive, Independent Female Escort and Courtesan Rhia (I won't post a link to that...)

A Dungeons and Dragons player Rhia

A vampire lioness crossed with a tiger Rhia (the pic is extremely similar to Simba and Scar in The Lion King...)

I'm not googling myself anymore...

Do I Really Look That Gullible?

2009-03-07T21:17:00.004-06:00

So tonight I had to make a quick trip to Target. I went in, got the few things I needed, spent less than $20, and left. I was very proud of myself. As I was walking out, someone calls out, "Hey! Come here!" Naturally my curiosity got the better of me and I looked for who was yelling out and who they were yelling at. It was a guy standing about ten feet away from me calling to...you guessed it...me.

Okay, before I continue, I know you are saying to yourself, "Oh, Rhia...please tell me you did not go over to this guy...when are you ever gonna learn?" But I instantly thought that maybe he needed some help or something. I mean, he was just standing there (in a lit area full of people walking in and out of the store) like he needed...something. And it's just not in my nature to be a total b**** to a stranger for no reason...well, most of the time.

So I walk over to...we'll call him Jason (my apologies to any Jason's out there who are reading, it's not that he reminded me of you, it's just that he looked like a Jason), and he seems very eager to talk to me. He's literally jumping up and down. He introduces himself and says he's from California and that he's part of a contest (I instantly think of reality TV stardom...don't laugh...you would too), and then asks me where I'm from. I still have this confused look on my face because I'm trying to figure out what Jason needs, and I say, "Uh...I'm from here." He looks geniunely surprised at this and then proceeds to go into his schpeel about how he's in this program that helps him build confidence and in a contest to earn points and how it saves kids from cancer and how he's trying to win a trip to Jamaica and how he had come outside to smoke a cigarette but then saw me and decided to wait as he tucks his ciggy behind his ear. And then he asks me, "Do you like benches?" and invites me to come sit on the bench with him to talk and then says, "You're not married are you?"

Jason stops to take a breath and I'm able to get one word out:

"WHAT?"

I thought he needed help! I thought I was going to be a part of a new reality TV show! I thought at the very least he was doing some sort of scavenger hunt with a church group!

As he is jump/skipping and waving me over to the bench I tell him I can't stay to talk to him on the bench and that I've got to go. Immediately he's back in front of me and says, "It's okay, we can stand and talk." and then pulls out these laminated cards from his man purse/zipper bag thingy and asks me to look at the point totals and if I was going to purchase a magazine what magazine would I buy...

I interrupted him at this point and tell him, "I'm not going to buy anything." and hand his card back. But he won't take it. Instead he sticks another in my hand along with the first one and says, "Oh, I'm not asking you to buy anything, but if you buy one of these magazines then you can help the kids..."

Interruption: "I just told you I'm not buying anything and I really have to go." I'm trying to hand him his cards back but he won't take them! And then he says, "Just two minutes! Two seconds!" I stare at him and count...one one thousand, two one thousand.

And then Happy ADHD Jason changes instantly into Jaded Distant Mad Jason and he says, "Fine, never mind." and snatches his cards back as he turns away from me.

I wanted to laugh out loud but instead I just walked away and said, "Okay thanks!" and he mumbled after me, "I don't know why you're thanking me! You wouldn't even listen."

And now I will get on my soap box:

I said thank you because I didn't choose to annoy people with my multiple personality disorder in order to build confidence. I built my confidence by being polite to people and earning their respect in return.

It shocks me everytime that A) there are companies that train their employees to acost people in shopping center parking lots, be extremely annoying and weird, and lie in order to sell magazine subscriptions, and B) that people do it.

Are you really from California? No. You said that because the weather is nice. If it was rainy, you'd say you were from Washington. If it was windy, you'd say you were from Chicago.

Is there really a trip to Jamaica for you? No. You said that because you want me to feel like I'm doing something for you personally.

Am I really helping to save kids with cancer? No. Organizations that donate all (or even some) of their money to starving kids in Africa or whatever don't get all pissy when you won't give them money. They are CHARITABLE which means they are giving and kind and not in it for the money.

Are you trying to get me to buy something? Yes. Even though you told me you weren't, you flat out asked me. Even after I told you I'm not going to buy anything, you asked me to buy something.

Will this really build your confidence? No. I can't think of anyone that would buy a magazine subscription from someone as they are leaving a store. I mean, they're leaving...they're done buying things.

And the whole win a trip/save the kids routine? Ugh! Do people really fall for that anymore?

So really, do I look the type? Do I look like I would fall for someone's stupid song and dance and give them money? Cause I've heard all this junk before (obviously). What is it about me that makes people think I'll fall for it? Be honest because seriously, this guy needed his ciggy and he wouldn't have postponed it if he didn't think it would be beneficial.

It's like Jack is my boyfriend or something...

2009-03-05T00:07:00.003-06:00

Don't we look great together? It's like it was meant to be...*sigh*

Oh, and Kate, you better watch your back girl! Mmmm-hmmmm.

Pets...

2009-03-02T23:03:00.003-06:00

Pets are important. In my opinion, everyone needs one. They are companions and comforters. There are more pets in this world than humans (at least I think so...) And so, I will share my thoughts about pets with you all...don't hate me.

Pets and kids:
Kids should have pets. They teach them about responsibility, love, empathy, selflessness, kindness, and did I mention responsibility? They also teach kids about death and loss, which is morbid but an important lesson in life. I'm not saying your house has to be a zoo. Just give your kids the opportunity to experience having a pet. Yeah, pets are messy, but so are kids...get over it.

Pets and cloning:
People who clone their pets are selfish. The cloning process itself isn't cruel, it's the fact that you would spend thousands of dollars so you can have your dead dog back when that money could have been used to give other puppies that are alive and suffering right now a good safe home.

Pets and adults:
Okay adults...pets are not substitutes for children. Dressing them up is not okay. Birthday parties...not okay. I call my kitty my baby but she doesn't get treated like a human. Although, taking care of a dog can teach you a lot about taking care of a kid. Hmmmmm....might have to rethink this theory. Just don't dress up your dog and throw birthday parties for them. It's disturbing.

Dogs vs. Cats:
When you get a dog, most of the time they come do a home visit and sometimes have a probationary period to see how well you bond with the dog. Why don't they do that with cats? Or fish? I'm just sayin' that a lot of fishy lives might have been saved if Petco had done a home visit on me. But really, cats get neglected and abused just as much as dogs. Doesn't anyone care about the kitties of the world and the homes they are sent to?

Kittens and Puppies vs. Cats and Dogs
Someday when Millie dies, I'll get another pet but I have decided that I don't want a kitten or a puppy...no matter how cute they are. I want a grown up animal. Maybe I'll kick myself later for this, but everybody wants the kittens and puppies and it makes me feel sorry for the grown up animals that never get adopted. :( Plus, I've had a grown cat for 11 years now and a kitten might drive me nuts.

Me and Dogs:
Not everyone should get a dog. I know I am not and would not be a good dog owner. I never have been. It's something I learned a long time ago that makes me feel sad in my heart. I would like the companionship and love of a dog but I could never return it. It makes me feel like a horrible person so I just tell everyone I don't like dogs.

Regardless of the animal, I am a sucker. It breaks my heart to see animals sad or in pain. Animal movies always make me cry. I never could make it through Benji. I was a bawling baby after the first 10 minutes. And The Fox and the Hound? I had to stop it halfway through so I could pull myself together. My Dog Skip...you would have thought I was having a mental breakdown at the end. It's ridiculous.

Uh-oh...am I really the crazy librarian cat lady? This is like, the 20th post about animals. Maybe I should get out more....

How Children Entertain Themselves At My House

2009-02-25T21:46:00.003-06:00

Back in December, a couple of friends of mine (Emily and Matt...both avid readers of the blog) came to visit and brought me a present. They gave me...wait for it...a librarian action figure.* Who knew such things existed?!

Well, from the minute I opened it up, it has been displayed in my living room and is not only a funny conversation starter but apparently also a very engaging toy for children. Emily and Matt's son Will played with it constantly while they were here.

Now if you can remember back to your youth when you actually played with action figures, you will remember that getting them to stand on their own was a bit of a balancing act. It makes sense because obviously action figures are meant for action...not standing. And thus, my librarian spends most of her time lying on her side because if I do get her to stand on her own, she just falls down anyway. Not to mention all the books and the cart that she came with are constantly in a pile as well.

Well, Sunday my family had dinner at my house and after they left, this is what I found:

Somebody (probably one of my nephews) had put the cart and all the books back together and positioned the librarian in a perfect pose. It just made me giggle.

*I, in no way, shape, or form resemble the librarian action figure...just so that's clear. I'm much much cuter!

Did I Mention...?

2009-02-23T13:20:00.002-06:00

...that I hate Britney Spears? I mean seriously hate her. Okay, maybe not her personally since I don't know her personally but maybe just everything she stands for. Hmmm...that sounds like the same thing doesn't it?

Regardless, here are my reasons for my intense feelings toward Skanky Spears:

1) Every single song of hers I have ever heard is about sex. The older she gets, the more explicit they get.

2) Watching her videos is like watching porn. Not that I would know what watching porn is like but I know the definition of porn and that is what I see when I watch a Skanky Spears video.

3) She can't sing. It's just moaning. If she does know how to sing, nobody knows because she groans and moans through every one of her "songs".

4) Everyone is so complacent about her lack of moral values. Her most recent song doesn't say the F-bomb as it's title, it spells it...so that makes it okay right? And you know as long as you don't actually call it masturbation, it's okay too. We'll just describe it.

5) How'd you grow your hair back so fast Skanky? Not even a year ago you had a completely shaved bald head.

6) Girlfriend is messed up! She's got some serious crazy/psycho issues that were going on and all anybody did was feed the fire by plastering her issues all over the TV, internet, and radio. Now all of a sudden she's fine and back to doing the same old things she did before she got knocked up. Seriously Skanko, grow up and deal with your issues. Don't hide behind your sluttiness. Take a lesson from Madonna at least. I don't care if you suddenly adopt a British accent and think you are better than everyone else. When Madonna quit the pointy boob phase, she quit.

And that's all I can think of for now. Anyone else wanna take a jab?

I Like My Bubble

2009-02-18T09:50:00.002-06:00

So this morning I was driving to work and I heard a story on the radio about this woman who had a chimpanzee for a pet. Yesterday the chimp attacked the owner's friend and started eating her. Disturbed? Yeah, so was I.

If you've heard about this story and have heard the 911 call, you are probably just as disturbed as I am right now. It's scary.

This lady treated this chimp like a child of her own (it eats people food at the dinner table, goes for rides in the car, looks at pics on the internet, and channel surfs with the remote). Then one day he was acting weird so she gives him Xanax and then right in front of her he attacks her friend and she has to go at the chimp with a butcher knife and shovel to get him off her. The chimp escaped and found a police car, and got in and the police officer ended up shooting the chimp.

But could you imagine? Your pet attacks your friend and then begins to eat her right in front of you?

...This is why I like the bubble that I live in...cause I don't want to imagine that.

And I know, chimps are wild animals and aren't really the kind of animal you should keep for a pet. That's not what this post is about. It's about the fact that I like my nice clean and tidy life and even though I know someday I might have to go through some horrible tragedy, for now I would like to enjoy my bubble where my kitty is nice to me and is happy to see me. She actually sat on my lap last night and stayed there for about an hour. I've had that cat for 11 years and not once has she ever sat in my lap voluntarily. It's a big step.

Anyways, I just thought I would take a moment to express my gratefulness for the absence of horror in my life. :)

Kittens

2009-02-12T18:52:00.001-06:00

Here is a really really funny video passed on from my friend Dr. Findley.

Jamal the Pizza Guy

2009-02-10T20:34:00.004-06:00

I have to admit, today was a day of excellent customer service. Yes folks, let this day go down in history as the one day that Rhia was not completely hacked off and fed up after having to make a few calls and dealing with stupid customer service people. It started when I called Progressive about my insurance. The guy on the other end a) spoke English, b) was not just cordial, but friendly and chatty as well, and c) said it was his pleasure to help me out today (and he actually did help me...whoa right?) I...was...speechless.

It then continued as I was doing my taxes and didn't have some 10-blah blah form from my bank and had to call and ask them about it. Did you know that you can go online and download most of that stuff? Hallelujah technology! Anyways, the lady I talked to a) spoke English, b) didn't treat me like an imbecile, and c) was able to actually help me without transfering me to another person. It...was...lovely.

Then I was going to be all Martha Stewart-y and actually cook dinner. Well, until I realized the steamed vegetables meal in a bag thingy I bought had shrimp in it. *yuck* Then I said "To heck with Martha! I'm ordering pizza!"

Okay, let me stop and describe the scenery for you before I go on so you will understand what happened next:

First, I'm in my jammies cause I'm doing taxes and everyone knows that when you sit down and do your taxes, jammies are the dress code. I'm wearing a shirt that says "WHAT?" on it...it's not a shirt I wear out in public for obvious reasons (I don't want random people staring at my chest and thinking I have an attitude...simple).

Second, at a get together Friday night at my casa, Amy's cardboard cut-out of Legolas and Gimli ended up in my dining room.

So I order pizza and Jamal the Pizza Guy shows up. The first thing he says to me is "What. What!" with a little giggle as he points to my shirt (like it's the funniest shirt he's ever seen). Nice. Then after we do the whole pizza/receipt/pen juggle and exchange, he asks, "Hey are you a Lord of the Rings fan?"

Me: "Uh....ummm....I...oh! No, I had a party at my house this weekend and that ended up here."

Jamal: "Right! You don't gotta be 'shamed girl! It's okay. Everybody gotta like somethin' right?"

Me: "Uh...right. Okay, thanks! Bye!"

Yep...true story...all of it.

Honey, You Are Dilluded

2009-02-06T12:20:00.002-06:00

I'm talking about the crazy lady who decided that being a 33 year-old single mom with 6 kids wasn't quite cutting it when it came to her dream of being a mother. She denies she's being selfish. Really?

She said, "I know I'll be able to afford them when I'm done with my schooling." Oh, right. And what is she going to school for? To be a counselor. THAT makes a lot of money. And don't you worry, you'll have PLENTY of time to spend with your 14 kids, 8 of which have a high chance of having some sort of special need. If you wanted to finish your schooling, why couldn't you wait to have them until you were done?

The Today show reported that she holds each infant for 45 minutes each day. Let's see, 8 x 45= 360, and if you sleep 8 hours a day (which is about 4 times as much sleep as new mothers with one child get), that leaves a little over 10 hours left in the day...roughly. *insert sarcastic voice here* Yes, 45 minutes a day is more than enough time to hold your babies...once a day.

She said, "All I wanted was children. I wanted to be a mom. That's all I ever wanted in my life. I love my children." Hey, I'm not doubting that she loves her children. I just find it odd that in her response to accusations of selfishness, she declares what SHE wants...three times.

She said, "That was always a dream of mine, to have a large family, and I just longed for certain connections and attachments with another person that I really lacked, I believe, growing up." Who cares about how neglected those babies are going to feel growing up as long as YOU have the connections you feel you need.

And then, don't even get me started on this quote I came across today:

"I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby." - Barack Obama

Heaven forbid your daughters will have to receive punishment if they make a mistake. And punished with a baby? Wouldn't you feel just great if you knew that you were your mother's punishment?

Grrrrr.......

Happy 1 Year Anniversary!

2009-02-03T20:17:00.009-06:00

Can you believe that after one year and 120 posts, you are still reading my blog? Me too! So since it has been a year and since I really don't have anything to blog about (really...I'm pretty boring as of late and have no interesting stories or thoughts to share), I thought it might be fun to visit some of my favorites and let you vote on which ones you liked the most. Who knows, maybe my favorites are your favorites too...

Why I Love Old People

It's The Crazy Cat Lady

Ummm...That Picture Is Crooked

What A Girl Wants

A Mother's Day Conversation With Ben

A Little Sumpin' For Ya

I know that is a lot to choose from, but I had to pick out of 119 of them people! It was hard!

And I hereby solemnly swear to look for the funny things in life so that I'll have something to blog about real real soon. The end...for now.

An Unfinished Post

2009-01-26T23:37:00.002-06:00

About a year and a half ago when I first got on facebook, I thought "Hey, wouldn't it be neat if some of my friends from high school were on here? It sure would be neat to see what they are up to." So I did a search...and found nothing. "Oh well." I thought. "They probably all have lives full of husbands and wives and children and Saturday soccer games. They aren't going to waste their time on something like facebook. Not to mention, this is Red Oak we're talking about." And then I went on my merry way in ignorant bliss...

Then this summer I had a friend request from someone I went to high school with and was so excited when I found several others in our school/church/friend group as well. So I friend requested all of them and have been keeping tabs on them (a.k.a. stalking) ever since. Once again I thought it would be neat to see if anyone else from Red Oak High '94 was on facebook...and once again found nothing.

Then tonight I was doing my weekly random stalking and came across someone that I knew from high school but more than likely doesn't remember me. I didn't friend request her...why should I? We never were friends, just acquaintances. But going through her friend list I found so many other people from high school...people that I know of but never really knew and I'm sure who won't remember me. There was practically my entire high school class on facebook and I didn't even know. I looked at tons of people and only friend requested about 4 that I thought might actually remember me. And as I was looking at these people and thinking, "Wow. I never knew that about her/him!" I realized that not much has changed since high school. I'm on the outside looking in completely fascinated with their lives and doing more observing than interacting.

And then I realized that a lot of things HAVE changed in the past 15 years. I grew up for one thing...and so did they. Just looking at thier pictures I realized that they looked like grown-ups...not like the teenagers I remember them as. For another thing, I learned how to talk to people and interact with them. That may sound stupid, but I was extremely shy and very unsure of myself as a teenager. I don't think I ever held a conversation with anyone that lasted more than 5 minutes. Now sometimes you can't get me to shut-up (hence the blog).

Anyways, I don't really know the point I'm trying to make and I don't know that any of this means anything to any of you but since I've typed all of this I guess I'll go ahead and post it. Maybe later I'll think of an actual point to make and I'll amend this post. For now though, it's late and I'm going to bed.

This Is Why I Don't Love My Job

2009-01-22T14:42:00.005-06:00

Testing....need I say more?

Yes. I do.

I hate it. It sucks. It's boring. And it makes me sleepy. I listened to almost 40 different kids today read the same three stories over...and over...and over...and over again. No amount of M&Ms could keep me alert. My mind was listening and my hand was marking their mistakes, but my eyes would not stay open. It was horrible and just plain cruel. I know those kids probably think I'm possessed or something with my eyes rolling back and my mumbling words.

*sigh* Not that anybody cares or anyone can do anything about it but I just had to gripe....

Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!

2009-01-15T23:18:00.003-06:00

Welcome everyone to my favorite show...yep, you guessed it...Lost! In case you don't know, it's my absolute most favorite show of all time. I know some of you don't like it. I know some of you don't care. I know some of you used to watch it but have now given up on it. But I love it and therefore must blog about it. So in preparation for Season 5 which starts next Wednesday (hooray!), I thought I would share with you my two favorite clips from the Season 4 Finale. Oddly they both include creepy evil Ben whom I originally did not like. I have since acquired a strange sort of affection for his evilness. I mean, he's a really good bad guy.

Clip A:
This is where Ben kills Keamy, the guy that was sent to capture him. The really good bad part is at the very end after Locke tells Ben he's just killed everyone on the frieghter by killing Keamy and Ben says, "So." Love it!

Clip B:
This is the very end of Season 4. My favorite part here is about 1:30 into the clip as Jack is standing over the coffin and you hear Ben say, "Hello Jack." and Jack almost jumps out of his skin.

Anyways, I won't bore all of you non-fans with my ramblings about a show none of you (except Alison) watch. Maybe someday I will, but not today. Let's just say I love Lost more than...hmmm...naps.

It's All About Me

2009-01-13T11:53:00.005-06:00

So today I have been feeling very self-centered since the moment I woke up...and went back to sleep...and woke up again, and I just thought I would take a moment so that you all could feel sorry for me because I don't have all the things in life that I want. So let's just start by ignoring the whole "Count your blessings"/"Be grateful for what you have" mentality. That doesn't apply today. Today it is all about me and what I want.

I want...

...a new wardrobe. I discovered this morning that I haven't bought a new pair of pants (like work pants) in over a year. I hate all of my clothes and shoes. They are all ugly and I want new ones.

...for everyone to leave me alone at work. Is that really too much to ask? I just want to sit in my office and play on my computer all day long. And maybe just sit here and read and not worry about other things I need to do.

...to not even have to come to work. I want to just sit at home and lay on the couch and watch TV...specifically psych. I have recently become an addict and I can't get enough.

...to fake being sick and go home and take a nap without feeling guilty. I have only taken one sick day so far this school year and I have 4 more to use before the end of the year. I just feel too guilty. I shouldn't but I do.

...to be a fun sweet old grandma someday. There's this lady that is sitting and mentoring a couple of students and I just keep watching her and thinking, "I'm too tired to be that spunky right now...what am I going to be like as an old lady? Yikes!"

...to have Corner Bakery everyday for lunch. I just love it so much and I want it all the time. I'm really hungry for lunch but I do not, DO NOT, want cafeteria food. I'll feel guilty if I leave and go get something too.

And lastly, I want a goose that lays golden eggs for Easter!

Somehow...

2009-01-07T15:36:00.003-06:00

...I got back in Mrs. N's good graces. She hasn't talked to me pretty much since September. I don't know why she stopped talking to me in the first place. She's the kind of person who will get offended and then not tell you and pout and not talk to you anymore. Very passive agressive. But then she brought me something today and I asked her how her Christmas was and I got an earful of gossip about her family. Super.

...I've become part of the in-crowd with my principal. Not sure how I feel about this. I don't really like the idea of an in crowd in the first place and therefore want nothing to do with it. Actually I'm a little nervous. See, my principal plays favorites. He's a great principal, he just has his favorites. And those favorites get to do everything. They go to Washington D.C. to speak at conferences, they get special awards that he makes up himself, they are put on special teams that present things to the district, he jokes around with them, etc. So today one of his favorites tells me that he wants me to come to a special meeting about the revered TAKS test coming up in March. I've never been invited to do anything with TAKS except sub for another teacher (one of his favorites) while she did TAKS stuff. It's very exclusive.

...I think I missed the special TAKS meeting. I thought Ms. Favorite said it was tomorrow after school but then today I saw all the other favorites walking down the hall talking and laughing. I think I just got kicked right out of the Favorites Club without even knowing it. It must be because I'm not keeping any of my New Year's Resolutions.

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-05T11:23:00.003-06:00

So I've been thinking these past few days about what my New Year's Resolutions are going to be. I usually don't make them because I figure if I decide to do something and I'm really serious about doing it, I'm not going to procrastinate by waiting for the new year, I'm going to do it right away. I mean, who really keeps their New Year's Resolutions anyway? Personally I think it was all thought up by personal trainers and gyms to get people to think they are fat and need to work out and join a gym knowing full well that they will stop coming by mid-February but they still have to pay through April. But I digress...so without further adeu, here are my 2009 goals!

1. Whenever I see someone I haven't seen in a while, I will not ask them how they are doing. Instead, I will pelt them with awkward and uncomfortable questions such as: "Have you been on any hot dates lately?" "How long has it been since your last date?" and then when they tell me that it has been a while, I'll ask them why and keep asking until they give me an answer that makes them feel stupid and makes me feel good.

2. I will schedule meetings at school and require everyone to be there. Then the day of the meeting I will cancel it and reschedule it for the next day and tell everyone if they have something else going on that day, they need to cancel it because it is mandatory that they be there. And then if I'm still not ready, I'll cancel the meeting that I rescheduled 1 hour before it begins.

3. I will watch Twilight over and over and over again until I love it.

4. I will go to random blogs and leave cryptic anonymous comments to various posts that will leave the author obsessing over who it was.

5. I will be nice to my alarm clock and wake up smiling and happy to be awake and to get ready for my day. In fact, I plan to train myself to not even need an alarm clock. The birds chirping and the sunshine is my alarm clock from now on.

6. For this year, my mantra will be "Things will be fine in '09!" and I promise to repeat it 2,009 times every morning.

Highly Disturbed And A Little Confused

2008-12-21T21:34:00.004-06:00

First of all, I would like to apologize for all of my recent posts being about weird subjects that there are no words for. Second, I would like to apologize for this post being the second of weird ones about cats. This one is incredibly funny though, so even if you don't like cats, please keep reading.

Okay, a little background: my family is a family of cat lovers. We always have been. Everyone has a cat except for two of my brothers (and they may have cats but I don't know). Aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, everyone. So when we all get together you can guess where our conversations go 90% of the time...cats. And everyone knows everyone else's cats names and we tell stories about them like they are part of the family. Stories often begin like this, "You'll never believe what (insert cat and/or child's name here) did..." You're laughing already aren't you?

Here's an example: Tonight my brother and SIL were asking me what I wanted for Christmas and I couldn't give them an answer. So to try and get me to think of something, my brother asked, "If Millie could get you something for Christmas, what would she get you?" to which I answered, "Uh, probably poison." Because we all know that Millie pretends to love me but in reality I think she plots ways to get rid of me on a daily basis. Mostly her plots include tripping me, ignoring me, or my favorite: playing with my emotions (this is where she comes up and loves on me and then promptly growls and runs away).

So my most recent cat story I have been sharing is that Millie has taken to getting up on the couch behind me and rubbing her head on my head. Sometimes she will even lick my hair. If I reach up and pet her, she just pushes her head against mine. It's very odd.

Well, my cousin came over tonight and brought his girlfriend and as we were sharing cat stories, I brought up the head rubbing and she said it was because Millie was trying to dominate me.

WHAT?!! DOMINATE ME?!!!

No, no. (insert finger shake here) My cat knows who is in charge. My cat comes when I call her. My cat sleeps at the foot of the bed. My cat doesn't jump on the counter or the table. She's a brat, but she knows who is boss. I know the rest of you don't believe that, but it's true.

I was very disturbed by this whole "cat dominating human" thing so I decided to do some research of my own on Google. My initial search led me to believe that it wasn't a dominance issue, just her marking me with her scent to show love and affection (although why after 10 years of companionship she has decided she now needs to mark my head with her scent instead of my legs, I don't know). I then did a search for "my cat rubs my head with her head" and found some very interesting stories. Some very disturbing stories. Some very funny stories. And I have posted them here for you to read.

"All three of our cats do this to some extent. One will knead my hair while I'm laying down and then sleep in it once it's arranged to her liking. The other will chew on it and play with it. And the third likes to sort of perch of my shoulder and knead and nuzzle until he's entangled in it. Then he purrs and drools. The drool is actually a little gross, but I haven't really worked out a solution yet since I don't have the heart to make him stop. It's really the only time he's affectionate and I feel like it's sort of a bonding thing between us."

This person IS dominated by their cat. And not just one, but three! THREE! Never in a million years would I ever allow any animal to arrange, chew, play, or entangle themselves in my hair. Yuck. Just plain yuck.

"My oldest cat loves to play "hairdresser" when my hair has been freshly washed and up until the next day. I'm pretty sure she loves the smell of the various shampoo and conditioners (since I use several different brands).She will come up behind me on the couch, or on my pillow when I am propped up in bed and will stroke my hair gently with her trimmed claws as if combing it. Sometimes, I will hear her sniffing and breathing the scent deeply and then she will sometimes "bonk" my head with hers because she is so happy. So yeah, lots of cats have a "hair fetish", especially for freshly-washed hair..."

This person is also dominated by their cat. Seriously? I would be scared to go to sleep at night with a cat in my house that combs my hair with it's "trimmed claws".

"My cat loves hair. I wouldn't really care that much, but she loves to swallow it, too. I am constantly pulling soon-to-be-ingested chunks of hair (still connected to my head) out of her mouth. Since I shed constantly (and, oddly enough, as a semi-hairless cat, she doesn't shed at all), she always has a strand or two of my hair hanging out of her mouth. This wouldn't bother me so much, except it causes disgusting digestive troubles for her on the other end. Ew."

How do you sit there long enough with your cat chewing on your hair that they actually have time to begin ingesting it? If it's so gross, do not let them get that close to your head! Your cat is looking at you as something to eat. You should be worried...a lot.

"I used to have a cat that loved to get on the pillow while I was sleeping and knead my hair. On several occasions I woke to find him completely entangled - unwrapping a cat from your hair at 4 a.m. is not a fun process. After that he slept downstairs."

Finally, one smart person! You don't allow your cat to sleep with you anymore when it is entangling itself in your hair.

So now I am confused. Is Millie trying to dominate me or just show love and affection? Regardless, the head rubbing is ceasing effective immediately. I know you all think I have a bizzaro cat, which I do, but let's face it...all cats are bizzaro. Maybe that's why my family likes them so much. Maybe that's why we prefer cats over dogs (animals that do nothing but love you and try to please you)...we are more bizzaro than affectionate. I don't know.

Today at 3:15...

2008-12-19T12:33:00.003-06:00

...I will be ready with purse in hand to walk right out of here. I cannot tell you how much I hate this week. Every year it is the worst...possibly even worse than the week before we get out for summer. Everyone is so incredibly ready to get out of school for the blessed 2 weeks and on top of that, everyone is so stressed out because not only do you have your own personal Christmas hell to go through, you have school Christmas hell to go through as well.

This specific week, however, has been crap-o-la. First we had the lovely day of Arctic Winter on Tuesday. The day which I couldn't get my garage door open (eventually I did though) and the same day that the power went out at school. Then it turned into Regular Texas Winter where it's just wet and cold and you hate being outside on Wednesday. The day that the heat didn't work in the library and there was a foul smell in the hallway, so I secluded myself in my freezer and tried to stay warm without puking from the stench. Then it turned into The Rainforest when the fog settled in. The day we had a PTA Pajama Read-In and Choir Concert here at school. It wasn't so bad...just extremely muggy throughout the whole school. This was also the day I discovered that a ginormous branch had fallen and was precariously leaning on a wire connected to my house. It almost knocked me over when I pulled it down.

However, today, the sun is shining and I get to see my gals for book club tonight. :) So let's hope it's the beginning of the end.

And remember folks...

"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud for all to hear."

No Words...Absolutely No Words For This

2008-12-08T22:10:00.001-06:00

I Don't Know Why...

2008-12-06T22:52:00.005-06:00

...anyone ever thought "Autumn Biscotti" would make a good candle scent. Yet another disgusting candle someone thought was good enough to put in the bathrooms at work....I threw it in the trash tonight.

...I ask the bilingual kids at school questions in spanish...because then they answer me in spanish and I have no idea what they are saying so then I have to have one of the other bilingual kids translate for me.

...I go to Home Depot and buy things...I always get weird looks when I am going out to my car with huge pieces of wood. Yes! I can make it fit and no, I don't need your help!

...I thought it was a good idea to go to Sonic and get those french toast sticks and then try to dip them in the syrup while I am driving...and shifting gears.

...I rush outside with a flashlight everytime I hear a noise in the yard. I mean, what good is that really going to do? Am I planning on beating some robber with my $5 flashlight or something? Will he be scared by my raging fit when we make eye contact? Ronnie the Rat wasn't scared, why would Robber Bob or Peter Possum or anything or anyone else that feels they have a right to my step foot on my property?

...JC Penny's keeps sending me ads and coupons. Did they not understand when I told them "I will never shop here again"?

...I even bother to rake up the leaves in my yard. I mean, I know I have lots and you can really tell a difference when I do rake, but nobody else in my neighborhood rakes their leaves. Some of them don't even mow their lawn except maybe once or twice a year.

...My cat is so dumb. After I yell at her for scratching the rug, she then proceeds to sit there and lick the spot she had been scratching.

Twilight: To Love or Not To Love

2008-11-29T23:19:00.003-06:00

If you saw Twilight and liked it, great. I am very happy for you that it brought some amount of joy to your heart no matter how great or small that joy might have been.

I however, did not like the movie. I thought it was pretty much terrible. Here are a few reasons why (in no particular order):

1) There was no meadow scene. Edward was jumping around in trees and Bella was following him around by expertly manuevering over moss covered fallen trees. Bella is supposed to be a huge klutz...yes, that is very important to the story line.

2) Bella. She was a spaz 90% of the time. I couldn't even tell what she was thinking with all of the blinking and shaking and pained looks.

3) Edward. He looked like he was about to vomit 90% of the time. When he smiled, I actually believed he was Edward...but that didn't happen too often.

4) All the other vampires looked fake. And Jasper...oh Jasper was pure awfulness. He gets his own number...

5) Jasper. I think I've already posted my feelings about how incredibly gay he looks in the movie. And what was up with the bug eyes?

6) The Biology scene...need I say more?

7) Bella and Edward's conversations were...well...awkward. It felt a lot of the time like I was listening in on a private conversation and it kind of made me uncomfortable.

8) Billy and Edward's stare of death as they drove past each other.

9) 90% of the lines were out of context. For example: Bella pulls up to school. Mike runs up to her and says to her in a rush, "Hey Bella. I don't like you dating Edward. He looks at you like you're something to eat. Bye." and then runs off.

10) The overall directing, acting, and script...it was like someone let a 13 year old take over all three.

Now, here's the part that I don't understand. Friends that I have talked to that saw it and liked it agreed with the things I listed above. But then they still said they liked it in spite of that.

So I'm done. I'm done trying to convince the world of how terrible the movie was. It's like trying to fight a losing battle. No matter what points of argument I give, you will agree with me but then still pick the other side. It's too frustrating...I can't do it anymore. So if you liked it, good but I can't discuss it anymore. We'll have to find other things to talk about like the greatness of Little Debbie's Snacks or funny episodes of The Office or what you are going to get me for my birthday present or what Millie's different meows mean. Those are some good starting points for conversations right? Yeah, I think so.

Don't You Just Love It When You Discover Something New?

2008-11-24T23:27:00.003-06:00

So this evening after a *cough* run *cough* with Amy, we went back to her apartment and started watching funny videos on You Tube and those dorky pictures of the cats with captions misspelled and in baby talk at icanhazcheezburger.com or whatever that site is with Matt. And then we watched the Harry Potter Puppet Pals videos. And then we watched the video where the engineers explain cats. And then Matt brought up this project he had worked on for days that was extremely boring he said. Some guy brought in all this footage and wanted it converted so he could post it on You Tube. So we found it...and it turns out that it wasn't boring after all. You just have to watch it with people that you can laugh with. So grab a friend or pretend that I'm sitting next to you. Hee-hee. Here is a sample.

Not only is there this video, but about 50 more...all with the same guy...and his bad tupe. He always is standing in front of the same shelves. And each time he sings a song...with the same melody...just different words. Okay, here is another one. It's called Candy Life or The Purple Candy Store.

You're hooked huh? Isn't it terrible greatness? So my wonderful and faithful readers, I just want to wish you all a Happy Candy Rebirthday.

Okay, I Really Think I Might Die This Time!

2008-11-19T20:39:00.004-06:00

I just have four things to say:

1. J.J. Abrams

2. Good Night Nurse look at how friggin' hot Chris Pine is!

3. May 8, 2009

4. I'm sorry Sylar that J.J. made your eyebrows like that but don't worry, I still love you!

I Think I Have SARS...or something

2008-11-18T11:00:00.003-06:00

Here are my symptoms:

I can't get up in the morning so now I have begun to set my regular alarm and my phone alarm. Now instead of hitting snooze every 9 minutes for an hour, I hit snooze every 4-5 minutes for an hour.

This morning after hitting snooze on my phone, I fell asleep with the phone open in my hand.

I stay up late...way too late knowing full well that it will be hard for me to get up in the morning.

I keep coming up with responsibilities that I feel the need to take on yet I don't have the time for them nor are they part of my job description.

My hair looks like crap-0-la.

Even when I do wear make-up, it doesn't matter because I feel so dead tired that I look like a zombie anyways.

I have no reason to complain yet I complain all the time.

I have recently become obsessed with Almond Joys and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

See? It's SARS. I think I'm going to die.

Apparently...

2008-11-16T20:11:00.003-06:00

...there are some nerds out there that think that I am in love with them because I wear this shirt:

Please let me clarify: I am not IN LOVE with you because you are a nerd...I just love your nerdiness.

This is one of my favorite shirts. I like to wear it...a lot. I shouldn't because inevitably I end up having some awkward conversation with someone who says to me, "I'm a nerd." and then stares at me to see my reaction. I should have a response down by now, but I always end up smiling, giving an uncomfortable laugh, and then try to find something else to occupy my attention.

So, Saturday night I was working at the bookstore and consequently wearing my nerd shirt. We close at 8:00pm and right at 7:59pm, in walks two guys. In all fairness, they knew exactly what they were there to get and they didn't keep us there forever while they shopped, thank goodness.

We'll just call these guys Nerdy Nerd and Friend of Nerd. Nerdy Nerd pays for his merchandise first, and then Friend of Nerd puts his stack of books on the counter to pay for his. While I am ringing up Friend of Nerd, Nerdy Nerd says to me, "I'm a nerd." I smile, laugh uncomfortably, and occupy myself with trying to get them out as fast as possible so I can go home. This however did not deter Nerdy Nerd at all. He then takes out his cell phone and says, "I can prove it. Listen." and then proceeds to make me listen to some polyphonic beeping. So I just smile and nod my head in agreement that yes, you have now proved your nerdiness to me. Nerdy Nerd realizes that I have no idea what song he has just played for me, so he tells me. "It's from Super Mario Brothers."

Apparently, this isn't enough to convince me that he is really a nerd so then he says, "Wait, I have another one!" and then plays the Star Wars theme music.

"Wow! That is really nerdy." I say.

Please, please, please go away. Please.

"Here's another one." Seriously? I know you are a nerd. Just stop. Why is your friend standing there letting you make an idiot of yourself?

And then he begins to play the Darth Vader/Storm Trooper music from Star Wars. "That officially does it. You are a real nerd." I tell him.

So, Mr. Nerdy Nerd, I am not in love with you but I do love your nerdy ways and I do appreciate that you felt the need to prove it to me.

Oh How I Love Stupid People!

2008-11-13T19:44:00.002-06:00

Before I begin this post, let me just preface it with "Don't freak out...I'm okay." and "Yes, life sucks, but I'm okay."

Yesterday I got home to find out my house had been broken into. Yay! They (we'll call them Robber Bob and Robber Rob...I'm just assuming there were two and that they were men...I know nothing about them), okay so they pried open my back door and tore up the door frame and part of the wall because the door had been dead bolted. They took my DVD player, all my DVDs (minus a few that were placed in other locations), my digital camera, and some cash. They went through my closet and my drawers looking for I don't know what. Jewelry? Money? Electronics? Really. Did they not know what neighborhood they were in? If I had enough jewelry or money to hide in my underwear drawer, why would I be living HERE? And really, do people keep expensive things in their underwear drawer in real life? I mean, I know they do that kind of stuff in the movies, but usually it's the rich rich people who do that in the movies, not people who live in the ghetto. Stupid. But, I love their stupidity. I love the fact that that's all they took. What do I care about a bunch of DVDs I never watch anymore? I love that they didn't smash or destroy anything. I love that they left everything they looked through open (including the air conditioning closet) so that the police knew what to dust for fingerprints. I love that they left a huge handprint on the backdoor. I love that they took what was on top and didn't dig deeper and find any of my credit cards. And Millie was in love with them because she had the entire day to go in and out as she pleased because they left the door open for her.

Anyways, I didn't write this so that you could feel sorry for me or have pity on me. Honestly, I thought this would be the easiest way to let people know that there will be no more movie nights at my house (like there ever was before) and not have to repeat my story 1,000 times.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go finish the laundry I started last night because I have to wash everything Robber Bob and Robber Rob touched with their grimy hands.

I Love/I Hate

2008-11-12T15:39:00.004-06:00

I love counting change. Weird, I know, but I love it. It's soothing to me...kind of like alphabetizing things or listening to a clock tick.

However, I hate how dirty money is. Especially pennies. All the other change is shiny or whatever but pennies are always so incredibly nasty. Why is that? Why are pennies so gross? My fingers are black after counting them. *shiver*

I hate taking tests. Especially state certification tests in the state of TX. They suck. On Saturday, I had to take my librarian certification test and it was so unorganized and the administrators didn't know what was going on, it drove me nuts. Oh, and I just plain hate taking tests.

However, I always love to watch know-it-alls say something obviously stupid. It makes me smile. Which is what happened at my test Saturday. We'll call Miss Know-It-All KIA for short. Here is my story:
I get to the test site (Bryan Adams HS in Dallas...not a place I want to be after dark), and we are seated in the auditorium so that the administrators can make announcements on where everyone is supposed to be. While we are sitting there a LIC (Lady in charge) comes in and tells us that if we have a cell phone to go put it in our car because no cell phones are admitted. If we don't have a car (like if we got dropped off), then when we get in to our room to hand over our phone to the test administrator. If we are caught with a phone during the test, then our test is taken up and we must leave without finishing. So we get to our room and KIA asks the administrator if he wants to take our phones and he says "No, just keep it in your purse." Then a mini discussion ensues as KIA tells Mr. A (Administrator) the rules and he basically tells her it doesn't matter. KIA is frustrated because, well, she knows it all and is super nerdy taking some super nerdy math test and is one of those people who MUST follow the rules. Then after Mr. A is giving out the tests, KIA asks if he wants to see her calculator. He gives her a puzzled look and then she states loudly, "You're supposed to look at my calculator and make sure the memory has been wiped." Then she addresses the entire room and says, "It was in the rules. I read the rules and that's what it said." Really? You read the rules? Because if I remember correctly, on the first page in bold letters it states that cell phones are not permitted at the test site.

So just remember that with everything that you hate, there is always something in there you can find to love, and with everything you love, you may find something you don't like but you can still love it despite that.

Please Please Tell Me Now

2008-11-05T22:19:00.005-06:00

Dear Brother Anonymous,

You posted a comment on my blog a few weeks ago and I just read it today as I was reviewing my most recent posts and seeing if anyone new had commented. If you haven't noticed already from reading my other posts, I'm a little OCD...or CDO if you like things alphabetized like I do. I'm also the kind of person who likes to read the last page first. Yes, the first page I read in Harry Potter 7 was the last page...don't judge me. So it's been driving me nuts all day that someone I don't know has commented on my blog and now it has become an obsession to find out who you are. It's like hearing a song and you can't remember what movie it's from. Or walking all over the grocery store and you can't find the dad-gum marshamallows (which is a true story that actually happened to me today). So let's play a little game...hee-hee.

Here is a list of questions of things I need to know about my blog commenters. Please answer honestly...or you can lie to make it more interesting if you want. Then it will be more fun to try and figure out which is the truth and which is the lie. But that might be kind of hard since I don't know you, so honest answers are probably the best way to go. You may begin.

1. Are you for or against powdered mini donuts?

2. Do you think fish should be classified as pets?

3. Do you sometimes use a calculator to solve simple math problems because you are too lazy to do them on your own?

4. What is the first letter of your first name?

5. What is the second letter of your first name?

6. What is the third letter of your first name?

7. What is the fourth letter of your first name?

8. What is the fifth letter of your first name?

9. Do you have more than five letters in your first name?

10. How do you organize the books on your bookshelf?

11. Do you even have a bookshelf?

12. Do you even own books?

13. Have you set all of your clocks back one hour or will you just leave them as they are and wait until daylight savings to come around again?

14. When you wake up 10 minutes before your alarm is supposed to go off, do you make yourself to go back to sleep or do you just get up because it's a sunshiny day and birds are singing and all that nonsense?

15. Do you wash your car on a regular basis or just wait for it to rain?

16. Have you ever had West Nile and/or SARS?

17. Do you yourself have a blog I can leave anonymous comments on?

18. Do you think I'm funny? (like funny ha-ha...not funny weird)

19. Do you ever put things on your to-do list that you have already done just so you can cross them off?

20. Do you love it or hate it when people stand up in testimony meeting and testify of how much they are going to miss everyone when they leave?

Your turn. :)

Well That Was Painless...

2008-11-04T17:21:00.004-06:00

Like a good little citizen, I voted today and I am pleased to announce that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

For the last election, I was sick. I voted, but it wasn't pretty. At least not to me. I don't remember much because I was concentrating too hard on making sure I didn't pass out and fall over. I do remember that I had to stand in line forever because there were about 10-15 people in front of me. I stuck it out, voted, and then went home and Janette made me soup like the good BFF she is.

This last spring when we voted, again the lines were forever long. I'll admit that I voted with my stomach. The Democrat line was about 20 people long and the Republican line was 2 people long. I bet you can guess which line I stood in...I was hungry! I wanted to get out of there! Don't you judge me Earl!

So today I was expecting more of the same...long lines. I know, I should have done the early voting but other events and needs and wants just got in the way last week and before I knew it, my time was up and I was stuck with voting on voting day. When I left school this afternoon to go vote, a co-worker just shook his head with a sad look on his face and said, "You're going to be standing in line for hours." "I know.", grumbled. But I was prepared. I had on my good standing shoes with squishy soles, a big fat book, left over Halloween candy in my purse, and nothing on the agenda for this evening. I was even prepared to park a mile down the street and was ready to hike it to my voting location.

But alas, I arrived and found a parking spot IN the parking lot. Whoa! I walked in and there were 2 people in front of me in line. Whoa! I did have to fill out a statement of residence form because for some reason they doubt that I am still living in the same apartment I lived in 4 years ago. Hmmm...I'll let you guess what I said to that...or really what I wrote...I didn't say anything. And then they gave me my little card and I voted. And then I left. A grand total of 7 minutes spent voting today. WHOA!!

And then I decided that since I was such a good little citizen that I deserved Jamba Juice. Go America!

What To Do...What To Do

2008-11-01T23:52:00.004-05:00

I figured that since we get an extra hour tonight I would do something truly fascinating and yet extremely unproductive. Here is what I did:

1. Ate half a bag of chocolate covered cinamon bears.

2. Listened to angry bitter music on iTunes and sang as loud as I could.

3. Played MahJong Tiles.

What did you do?

Thank You Barnes And Noble!

2008-10-29T18:10:00.002-05:00

Apparently...

2008-10-28T21:44:00.003-05:00

...I don't know when enough is enough.

So about a month ago, Torgerson got me (and a few of my friends) to read a new series of vampire books...stop laughing. The series is called Blue Bloods. It's a fun easy read but nowhere near as innocent as Twilight...nothing too terribly bad either though. Anyways, we read the first two in the series in September and the third was due to come out this month...today actually. I only know this because...well...I'm CDO (OCD). I liked the books and all but I had decided it wasn't mandatory that I have the third book the minute it was put on the shelf or anything...I had decided to let one of my friends buy it, read it, and then I would borrow it. Sometimes I decide things and then change my mind...drastically.

As I was driving home today I thought, "You know, it would be the perfect evening if I had that book and could just snuggle down in bed and read all evening long." I decided to check Target because there were a few other things I needed to get there as well. Of course, they didn't have it. Drat! I had given up and was on my way home when I remembered that having that book would make my evening perfect so I asked Jack (my trusty GPS) where the nearest bookstore was. He said Waldenbooks in Plano by the mall (whatever mall that is off 75 and Plano Pkwy.) and that it was only 6 miles away. Perfect! 6 miles isn't that far. I got there and saw no Waldenbooks, so I figure it's in the mall. I also figure that since I came this far, I might as well go inside the mall and see if I can find it. Once I get inside I realize that not only is there no Waldenbooks inside the mall, the only bookstore is a Borders Express (it probably used to be Waldenbooks...it looked just like it)...and that it's on the complete opposite end of the mall one floor up.

Now, any sane person would say enough is enough and just forget it and go home. But not me. I won't give up now that I have come this far even though it is obvious to me that I am going on a wild goose chase.

I trek it across the mall only to find a messy unorganized bookstore (grrrr...). After wandering aimlessly for a few minutes, the bookstore lady comes up and asks me if I need help. I always resent it when I get asked if I need help in a bookstore or library. I work in both of those places for crying out loud! I should know my way around. Anyways, I ask the lady about the book and she says, "We don't have that yet."

"It was supposed to come out today." I say...I'm CDO...I know my release dates on books!

"Yeah, I heard that rumor too but they didn't send us any today." she replies.

Okay! That's it! Enough is enough. Until I walk by Bath and Body Works and the smell pulls me in. If I can't spend $15 on a book then I definitely need to spend $60 in Bath and Body Works to justify my trip to the mall right?

If that's not enough, I realize that I need a GPS not only for driving directions but apparently for walking directions too. It's no secret that I often lose my car and have to revert to looking like an idiot in a huge parking lot as I walk around with a confused look while pressing the panic button on my clicker. I must have wandered around the mall parking lot like this for about 10-15 minutes before realizing that I came out the wrong doors and my car was actually parked on the other side of the mall.

So now I'm going to go lay on the couch under 5,729 blankets and watch TV. Good-bye.

I Hereby Solemnly Swear...

2008-10-26T22:47:00.005-05:00

...to talk no more of rats and roaches. I know it's really grossing people out...well, it's grossing me out...so I'm done.

However, in case you didn't know, I went to the NKOTB concert last Sunday and let me just say that it was THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!

Just imagine being 12 years old and all of your dreams come true. That's what it felt like to be there at the concert. I don't know what you dreamed about when you were 12, but my obsession was NKOTB and a boy named Bryan Hantes (I can't believe I remembered his name...) that I had a stalker-ish crush on. Hmmm...come to think of it I was really really obsessed with him. I'm not going to go into the details because I really don't think anyone cares how weird I was at 12 years old, but lets just say I scare me.

Anyways, back to NKOTB...I took some videos but they are all too big of a file to post here. Maybe if someone would be kind enough to enlighten me on how to get a video bigger than 100 MB to post, I would post them for you. They aren't great quality by any means but they do make me smile. :) So instead of videos, you'll have to make do with my written memories...

I screamed so much that my chest hurt like it does right before you get sick.

It finally hit me that I was seeing NKOTB again when they started Please Don't Go Girl and then I turned into a 12 year old and started screaming and jumping up and down. It was beautiful.

I felt a little weird doing the hand wave for Hangin' Tough because if you looked out over the audience it was like in the movies when crowds of people did the whole "Heil Hitler" salute.

I couldn't stop screaming. What was it that made me scream? I have no idea. Especially when Donnie went out on stage and just stood there...we went nuts...completely nuts...and all he did was stand there.

I was sadly disappointed when Donnie sang Covergirl. He always would choose a little girl from the audience, pull her up on stage and then sing that song to her. This time he had these *ahem* "dancers" with him on stage and it just made my stomach turn a little. I still screamed and sang along though.

When I got there I kind of wanted to kick myself for not forking out the extra who knows how much money to sit as close to the stage as I could. If I had it to do over again, I probably would have paid an obscene amount of money to be closer...as close as I could get. That's dumb huh? Yeah, it is but I would have done it.

And last, I know that I thought they were "oh so fine" when I was 12 and 13 and even a little of 14 years old, but I am here to say that those boys turned into some very very very good looking men. Holy. Freaking. Cow.

Okay, and here is one obsession about my 7th grade crush Bryan Hantes that I will share with you so you know I am serious when I say that I was weird. I knew what kind of car his parents drove because I would watch to see when he got dropped off in the morning for school. I would then spend every minute I was in the car or on the bus looking at every car that passed by to see if it was his. I also knew his schedule (which I figured out by sheer observation), and all of the different shirts he wore and I would keep track of them and make predictions to myself each day on what I thought he would be wearing. Oh! And here's one more thing you don't care to know...I had his old science book...you know how you used to have to write your name in the front cover of the book (I don't know if they still do that or not), well...I thought it was surely a sign that we were meant for each other when I saw his name written by his own hand in the book that was issued to me.

And just so you know, I never spoke one word to him...ever.

1, 2, 3, 4, I Declare A Rodent War!

2008-10-15T22:31:00.009-05:00

Yes folks, that is what it has come to here on Maple Drive...war! You have already heard the story about Peter the Possum and how he was scared off with the stealth tactics of our resident human. He has never been seen again, but today I am here to tell you that the War Against Rodents is still raging. We are gaining ground on Manny the Squirrel and today we have won the battle with Ronnie the Rat. I will begin tonight's briefing with the evidence against Manny the Squirrel and then move on to the more serious crimes of Ronnie the Rat.

Okay, here we have Manny the Squirrel. Notice how his mouth is half open and his stance suggests that he is ready to pounce. He's not after the humans...he's after the White Fluffy...the cat that is twice his size and completely oblivious to his existence even though he is chattering constantly at her.

Manny has made his presence widely known in the The Backyard by doing the following:

Eating every pecan in the tree and spitting the shells on the deck in little bits for three days straight. Our resident human swept them up faithfully each day as is evidenced by the pile off to the side but Manny was insistent that he get ALL of the pecans and did not give up until he had successfully stowed them at undisclosed locations for the upcoming winter.

Taking some of the afore mentioned pecans and "hiding" them in the potted plants on the deck.

Bravely coming down from the tree in broad daylight.

Turning and seeing White Fluffy.

And realizing White Fluffy is behind a glass door and no longer poses a threat to him.

I am sorry to say that Ronnie the Rat is not as cute as Manny. He's much more brave and bold when it comes to meeting White Fluffy but has successfully evaded our resident human...until today. I have graciously posted no photographic evidence of Ronnie, but we do have a first hand account from a very reliable source:

"Well, I didn't know Ronnie was hanging around the house...I didn't even know he existed until one day I went to feed the cat and when I picked up the bag of food, cat food started falling out the bottom. Something had chewed a hole in the bottom of the bag...I knew right away it was a mouse (I found out later it was something MUCH worse!). I didn't want to believe it was true. I tried to think of a million other things it could be, but it didn't work. About a week later I was in bed and the cat was in bed with me when I heard something digging around in her food dish. The very next night I heard the ripping of paper coming from the kitchen. The brand new bag of cat food! I left it sitting on the floor! I tried to sneak up on what I thought was a mouse but it was too fast and it got away before I could get a glimpse of it. I knew I had to face my problem head on and call Terminator the Exterminator to get rid of it once and for all. Terminator came out today and set a trap in Ronnie's favorite closet (the hot water heater closet). When I got home 6 hours later, I took a peek inside the closet and there was Ronnie with his...head...stuck...I can't talk about it anymore...I'm probably going to have nightmares for a week!"

And there you have it folks...the war rages on but we will be victorious!

*Please do not be concerned for our resident human. We will be sending Terminator the Exterminator out tomorrow on a Priority 1 mission to dispose of Ronnie's dead carcass.*

There Is Nothing Wrong With You

2008-10-14T18:19:00.004-05:00

Before you say, "Yeah right." Just hear me out...

As a single person, over the years I have heard my friends say things such as:

"What's wrong with me? Why don't guys/girls like me?"
"I don't know what is wrong with those guys/girls in your ward."
"There's a reason why so-and-so isn't married..."

And then my absolute favorite:

"I don't understand why you're not married."...which we'll get to later.

Now let me just tell you this:

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!

Trust me, I've tried to figure it out and I've tried to fix everything...EVERYTHING, and nothing works. You know why? Because nothing is broken. I have thought that if I was:

more athletic
more politically minded
a good rollerblader (yeah, I really thought that once)
good at sports
better at managing money
healthier
prettier
skinnier
quieter
louder
funnier
smarter
dumber
less worried
more worried
less paranoid
more paranoid
more grown-up
more childlike
more churchy
even less churchy
etc...etc...etc...

...that he would find me more interesting, and the truth is, even though I tried to be all of those things at one time or another, it never worked. I even tried repenting once. Yes, I repented for still being single...guess what? That didn't work either...cause I didn't do anything wrong.

On the reverse side, it drives me nuts when people mutter, "What is wrong with guys these days?" Uh, just because they are not all beating down my door with marraige proposals doesn't mean that there is something wrong with all of them. I would think it highly weird if all the guys I knew were constantly trying to date me. Plus, I would loose a whole lotta friends. You can't blame an entire gender just because the one or two that you like doesn't like you back. Remember that we get to choose, and you are not always the right choice for someone else nor are they always the right choice for you.

Okay, next point: "I don't understand why you're not married." Really? Cause guess what? Neither do I. I'm not actually doing anything that would keep me from being in a relationship with someone...I'm not doing anything wrong either. The only thing I can figure out is that it's not my time yet. It's just not my turn. Heavenly Father has an order and a reason for everything and he hasn't forgotten about all of us, he's just gettin' things ready.

Sometimes I feel like that whiny kid that wants a reason for everything you ask him/her to do. You know, the one that you just get so fed up with and then turn around and yell at them, "Because I told you to!" Yeah, that's me...the whiny kid. But HF never yells at me...ever.

Now, before you go off thinking, "Whatever, you have no idea what I'm going through." or "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before." or "You don't have any room to be talkin'." Yes, I do. I have football fields of room in the boat that I was in with loads of other people who all got out one by one and went off to snag boyfriends, get married, and have babies. I'm not married. I ain't got no babies. There's nobody in my life to reassure me that I'm beautiful, smart, funny, blah, blah, blah. And I'm freakin' bailing water out of that boat with a teacup every day. So there.

So, who will you listen to?

Satan: "Hmmm...sorry. You just aren't good enough to make the Married's Team. :( Maybe next year, honey."

or

Heavenly Father: "I'm working on it...this is going to be so good! You are going to love it...I promise!"

Be Original People!!!!

2008-10-13T14:32:00.003-05:00

I learned today that yet another children's book (one of my favs) is being made into a movie. It irks me when this is done because then kids (and adults too) decide not to read the book because they'll just wait for the movie. Or they have seen the movie so they think reading the book is a not necessary.

GRRRRRRRRRR........

Now, I realize that kids (and grown-ups too) get excited about a book they have read being made into a movie and it is very cool to see your favorite characters come to life on the big screen but seriously...can't the movie people be a little bit more original? Give us something new to think about. We already know the story of Harry Potter...and Horton Hears A Who...and The City of Ember...and Bridge To Terebithia...and Spiderwick Chronicles...and A Series of Unfortunate Events...and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...and The Chronicles of Narnia...and the list goes on and on. I'd say about 90% of children's movies these days are movies made from books. If authors can think of new stories to write, screenwriters can surely think of some too. I'm just sayin'.

See, when you take a really good book and you make it into a movie, kids no longer pick up the book and actually read to find out what will happen next. They know already and you have taken that magic away from them. They may pick it up and read it anyways because they love the story but 9 times out of 10, they just thumb through it and read over their favorite parts.

It just makes me sad. And now one of my favorites is going to be made into a movie and it's one that I have just discovered and am getting the kids excited about. *sigh*

Here it is:

Due to come out in October 2009...yay.

It Is What It Is...

2008-10-08T19:42:00.003-05:00

So for the past week I haven't written anything not because I haven't had anything to write about, (because there has been plenty...Manny the Squirrel, Macaroni and Cheese from 2001, a backpack eating kindergartener, Shia Le BUFF, etc.) but I just haven't felt like writing it. I read two very short verse novels this weekend, and that's all I can think in...verse. That happens to me a lot. When I read something that has lots of voice, I tend to write like that. So here goes a page out of the Book of Rhia in verse:

Sometimes
I wish I could sleep
all
day
long.

Then maybe
I could manage
to convince myself
that getting up
in the morning
is a good thing.

Pathetic...

I know.

I Have A Case of the Wednesdays

2008-10-01T13:32:00.003-05:00

I don't know what that means exactly but I think it is similar to having a case of the Mondays except that it happens on Wednesday. And chances are that if it happens on a Wednesday, it also happened on Tuesday and on Monday. In case you are wondering why I feel this way, I can't answer that for you...I just do. Oh, that and the fact that my cat woke me up this morning at 8:17am. Yes, I am supposed to be at school at 7:45am and school starts at 8:00am.

The Dumbest Saying Ever

2008-10-01T00:05:00.004-05:00

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

If you have the cake, it is yours and you should be able to do with it what you want, such as eat it. If you don't want to eat the cake, why do you have it? Give it to me and I'll eat it...assuming it's a cake that I like.

If you don't have the cake, how can you eat it? It's not there. You'll have to eat something else. If someone else has the cake, they may or may not choose to share it with you. If they do, then that part of the cake is yours and you can eat it. That's why they gave it to you. If not, then once again you'll have to eat something else...or jealously stand by and watch them eat the cake. I suppose that is an option too.

I guess the moral is that if you have cake, you better eat it before someone else comes along and finishes it off for you.

A Blog Revised

2008-09-24T00:10:00.005-05:00

Okay, so my friend has a blog (Dr. Findley...see the link to the right) and whenever he posts, I don't understand any of it because it's all computer mumbo jumbo stuff and so I never know what to comment about. When I read it, it's like someone typed a bunch of random words and expects me to know what they mean. So here, I would like to break down his latest post and insert a few things so that it will make sense to the rest of the non-programmer world. All programmers beware, this may be blasphemy to you.

Here is the original post:

Leopards + Search Paths = paths.d

I’ve been messing around with MySQL, git, macports and a couple other things that place files where they weren’t part of my search path (aka the PATH variable). I’ve been adding stuff to /etc/profile or to my own .bash_profile to get around this problem, but it never quite felt right. With Leopard (Mac OS X 10.5), all you have to do is add a file in the /etc/paths.d directory with each path you want on a separate line. Ah, now that feels better.
Here’s an example:$ pwd/etc/paths.d$ cat git/usr/local/git/bin
This is all due to the path_helper program in your /etc/profile.

Here is it is revised a la Rhia:

Leopards + Pants = Disaster

I've been messing around with fashion and a couple other things that place leopard prints where they weren't supposed to be (aka Pants). I've been adding bling to make them more bearable to get around this problem, but it never quite felt right. With Leopard, all you have to do is pass it up with each pair of pants you want. Ah, now that feels better.
Here's an example: $100 pair of leopard print pants = 2 pairs of $50 jeans
This is all due to the pants helper program.

See? It totally makes more sense!

On Your Mark, Get Set...Ha-Ha-Ha!

2008-09-21T22:45:00.018-05:00

A few weeks ago, Amy, my brother Krish, my future SIL Becky, and I traveled to Austin to participate in Nike's Human Race. It was a 10K (about 6 miles) race and had tens of thousands of people there. It was really a lot of fun. Even though I ran a marathon last January, it was nothing like this. There were big time sponsors giving out free stuff (Lance Armstrong Foundation, Ozarka, Power Bar, etc.), and all sorts of people coming out to run in the biggest race in history (or some such nonsense...they kept telling us we were making history but I couldn't figure that part out), and even the Incredible Lance Armstrong himself came out to run. We didn't see him...or run with him. We were too slow. Apparently you only got a glimpse of the Invincible Lance if you were in the same athletic ability grouping as he is. So, without further adeu, here is our fun exeperience in quotes and pictures and a few words of my own:

First, we got there early...like 6 hours early. We thought there would be SOMETHING to do once we got to Austin but there wasn't because everything was shut down since they blocked off the roads so the race people could get everything set up. So we walked around...a lot...and saw some fun stuff.

Exhibit A:

As we were walking around, they had music blaring, music that makes you pumped up, like Survivor's Eye of the Tiger or J.T.'s Bringin' Sexy Back...which was what this guy was dancing to. He is probably in his 50's and just having a good old time dancing on down the empty street.

Exhibit B:

I had decided that when I saw people that were picture/blog worthy, I would have Amy pose like I was taking a picture of her, but the real focus would be the picture/blog worthy person. It didn't work to well here, but the lady with the sunglasses had her shirt pulled up to her boobs and her gut was hanging over her spandex shorts. By the time I took the picture, she had pulled her shirt down. Oh well.

Exhibit C:

This was pure greatness. The intent was to take a picture of the ladies from Ozarka handing out free shirts but instead I got this random guy's backside while standing on a ladder. The Ozarka Girls (Blondie and Brunnie) were R-U-D-E rude. When we went up to get some water and a free t-shirt, our presence wasn't even acknowledged. I looked at Blondie and said, "Hi." and she said "Hi." and about 5 seconds of awkward silenced passed before I asked, "Umm...can I get a shirt?" Seriously! Who wants to ask for a free shirt? If you're giving out free shirts, give them. Don't stand there and wait for people to ask. Anyways, so after I asked for a shirt, she replies, "Do you recycle?" in a clipped/snobby attitude. "Uh...yes." "Okay, what size?" Wow... Amy is behind me in line and when she steps up, Brunnie just looks at her and then turns around and walks off. So, Ozarka, while I appreciate your efforts to save the earth, you need to give your Promotional Activities Department a lesson in manners. And it's also kind of hypocritical to stand there and demand that I recycle while behind me is a delivery truck where they are unloading cases of bottled water while the truck is emitting ozone depleting fumes. I'm just sayin'.

Exhibit D:

I swear this guy was following us around. Not that I'm complaining or anything (he had really nice legs) but we must have crossed paths about 10 times. We first spotted him around 2:00-ish and this picture was taken around 5:00-ish. That's kind of a lot for 3 hours of randomly walking around downtown. I was afraid I wouldn't get a picture of him but thankfully he stopped to pose with a cup of water for us. Sweet!

Here are a few more pics just because:

This is the start/finish line. The race was one big loop.

Amy, myself, and Becky

Krish and Becky

Sadly, we put the camera up before the race. There was all manner of colorful socks, mowhawks, tucked in shirts to elastic waist shorts, kilts (yes kilts), and purple stirrup pants. Just use your imagination.

Nike was ingenious because instead of handing out numbers for you to pin on your shirt, they just printed your number on a shirt and that's what you wore. You can see from the previous pics that the shirts were red, so imagine being in the middle of thousands (I don't remember how many people were there but it was somewhere in the ten thousands) of people all wearing the same shirt. I felt really insignificant when I saw the sea of endless red shirts in front of me while running. I felt really good when I saw the sea of endless shirts behind me while running. And yes Samuel, Stalin would be so proud.

It took us about an hour and 45 minutes to finish, and I came in 10,152nd place...Lance finished in 34 minutes and came in 6th place. *sigh* If only I'd been faster.

And now for a few quotes...most of these were things people were shouting to us as "encouragement" as we were running...it was more like entertainment.

"This isn't a death march people! Get excited!" (because we were all walking and not smiling...and dying from the heat)

"You're earnin' yourself some Mexican food tonight!"

"I love those sexy socks!" (said to a girl wearing knee socks)

"Lllmmm...so awesome!"-drunk guy.... "I think that guy's drunk."-Amy.... "Really? Really!"-me

"Are ya'll here to run the race?" (as we walk by with our race shirts on)

"Just one more giant u-turn! You're on the home stretch." (as we discover we have 2 miles left)

Amy picks up her running shorts and smells them. "Ugh!".... "Well," I say, "what did you expect?"

I can't wait for the Turkey Trot in November!!!

My Guys

2008-09-19T14:05:00.002-05:00

Do you know how happy this picture makes me?

*sigh*

Thoughts On A Sunday Evening

2008-09-14T23:35:00.002-05:00

"A real man makes his own luck."
-Billy Zane, Titanic

I heart this quote for two reasons.

1) Dwight quoted it on The Office and it always cracks me up when two of my favorites reference each other.

2) It's true...in some ways. It basically means, if you want something-do something.

See, lately I have been kind of a brat. I've been pouting and bemoaning my marital/relationship status quite a bit...not outwardly for the most part but those closest to me have surely seen signs of it or have even been lucky to hear the tale first hand. Sadly though the brunt of my frustration has been taken out on the members of my new ward. It's hard for me to switch wards and get to know new people all over again. It's just not something I am used to...and with getting to know new people comes all of the questions, "Is your husband with you?" "Do you have anyone sitting with you?" "Do you have any children?" "Are you...single?" After about a month of this (because that's about how long it takes to meet and greet enough people so that word gets out and you don't have to answer those questions any longer...at least I hope so), it gets really annoying and I want to give snappy answers like, "Well what does it look like?"...even though I don't.

Last Sunday I found myself highly annoyed when a nice lady was trying to introduce herself to me (without the awkward questions about my non-existent husband) and was sending out all sorts of signals that said, "Leave me the #@%$# alone!" I had my legs and arms crossed, I never made eye contact, I gave clipped one word answers, and I didn't smile. Then after church I made a bee-line for the door and sped out of the parking lot. On my way home I was grumbling to myself about how I didn't like my ward because I didn't have any friends and I didn't know anyone and all I ever did anymore was watch the clock. Then my sane brain stepped in and said, "Why do you think that is?" and gave me a flash of what I must look like to others at church with my blank annoyed stares and speed walking to the door.

Oh...well...uh...yeah.

So this Sunday I decided to do something about it. I sat in the same spot as last time and when the nice lady sat down next to me again (because we all know we have our "spots" on certain pews) and called me Khia (kee-uh) because they misspelled my name in the ward newsletter, I smiled and laughed a little bit and started off the conversation the same way I do to everyone who reads my name before they hear my name, "It's Rye-Uh..." And then it turned out to be a very nice Sunday (and I only caught myself watching the clock once.)

Oops You Did It Again!

2008-09-11T20:21:00.005-05:00

Yes people. The creator of two of my most favoritist TV shows has done it again. J.J. Abrams has created another obsession for my life.

First there was Alias which I'll admit, I only started watching because Michael Vartan is bee-u-ti-ful, but it also had a good storyline to go with it. A very good storyline until it went south during season 4 (the season I like to pretend doesn't even exist).

Second there was Lost. I was driving home one evening and saw the billboard ad for it and made a mental note of the date it was premiering so I could put it on my calendar when I got home. All I had to do was see that billboard and I was hooked.
And now there is a new show, Fringe...which has a storyline that is kind of hard to explain. Basically an FBI agent teams up with a genius and his crazy mad scientist father to investigate weird occurences that are all linked to fringe science. See? Kind of hard to explain. If you watch the pilot, eat first then watch. I'm just sayin'.

And now I will attempt to break down J.J. and his wonderful creation/co-creation habits for you.

J.J. has a habit of trying to create adult dramas (or dramas of the heart) that inevitably bomb (Six Degrees, What About Brian...Felicity did well so I have to give him credit for that one), when his real talent is in suspense dramas (see above).

J.J. has a habit of carrying actors over from previous shows. For instance, the guy who played Weiss on Alias was Sean from Felicity (he had a small part on Lost, I'm just waiting for him to pop up in Fringe...he and J.J. must be BFFs). The guy who plays Locke on Lost was Kendall from Alias. This time its the guy who plays the head of the secret agency on Fringe was the guy who works for Widmore on Lost. The black guy with immaculate diction.

Sadly, J.J. has a habit of starting a new show and ignoring the previous one until it gets extremely stupid and we have to pretend like seasons never existed. Case in point: Lost began when season 4 of Alias began. What does this mean for my precious Lost? It's about to get stupid. :( I really hope I'm wrong on this one.

He's getting in the habit of re-introducing teen stars as grown ups. I mean, who ever thought we'd see Matthew Fox again after Party of Five went off the air? This time Joshua Jackson has been resurrected from Dawsons Creek. Thanks J.J.!

The stars of his TV shows eventually go on to bigger and better and we get to see them in different roles (which I always like) after J.J. starts working on a new project and the previous one goes down the crapper. Jennifer Garner, Matthew Fox, I bet it will be the girl from Fringe...maybe Joshie...it's a toss up.

And finally, my favorite. He always keeps you guessing. This is why it becomes an obsession for me because it drives me nuts not to know.

So here's to my new obsession Fringe. Please feel free to join me. Really. Please do. I'll need someone to theorize with....please?....anyone?